Fear And Loathing Of Love And Marriage In Superhero Comics

Who said that comic fans don't want to see people getting married?

What prompted this question is today's news that J.H. Williams III and W. Haden Blackman are leaving Batwoman as of Issue #26, citing editorial interference in their plans to have Kathy Kane and Maggie Sawyer get married.  Williams was quick to note that DC Comics' objection was to marriage in general - not a marriage between two lesbians.  The evidence does bear him out, given that nearly every major married couple in DC Comics pantheon of superheroes has either been broken up since the New 52 revamp or not appeared at all. 

Clark Kent and Lois Lane?  Not an item.  Barry Allen and Iris West?  Flirting but he has a new girlfriend.  Wally West and Linda Park?  Don't even exist!  Ditto Ralph and Sue Dibny.  Heck, the only married couple I think is still around is Aquaman and Mera and they've interacted so little in his book you'd hardly know they were married!

Of course DC Comics is far from alone in being guilty of this sort of thing.  Do the words One More Day ring a bell?  Does everyone remember how that whole mess started because Joe Quesada thought the reason Spider-Man's sales were dropping were because the fans couldn't relate to a happily married Peter Parker?  Do anyone but me and the guys writing Spider-Fan.org remember that they tried killing Mary Jane off because of that theory and all it did was upset the fans?

"But Starman," I hear you metaphorical masses say.  "Superheroes get married and divorced all the time!  It's a common element in drama in many genres!" 

That is true, dear masses.  Yet there is a world of difference between simple drama preventing marriage from occurring and a refusal to consider a plot element completely. 

It seems that the very idea of marriage itself is under attack in our comics due to some mistaken belief that young readers do not want to read about married couples.  This seems odd given the belief some publishers have that their key demographic is 45-year old males, but that's a whole other argument.  So we still have the question - where did this idea come from?

Any ideas?  I'd love to hear about them.

Apparently, I've Been Elected To Fix Marvel Comics.

Well, not quite. But the way some people are talking, you'd THINK that's what happened.

SOURCE:Greatest Nerd Theories: And the Winners Are...


... But frankly, there was one theory shared that was so brilliant, so fantastically argued, and so sensible that we should all adopt it as reality.

"Starman" Matt Morrison said:

My theory is about Spider-Man: One More Day and how we can retcon it away for good while also explaining away another horrible Marvel Comics storyline.

FACT: In One More Day, Peter Parker makes a bargain with the demon Mephisto to save his Aunt May's life at the cost of his marriage. Reality is rewritten so that Peter and Mary Jane never married and are currently broken up.

FACT: For some unexplained reason, in the rewritten reality, most of Peter's friends have vanished. Flash Thompson has returned to being the bully who makes Peter's life miserable. And for some strange reason, Harry Osborn is alive and well.

FACT: Events in general seem to be geared toward making Peter's life as comically, unbelievably horrible as possible. He can't get a job. His roommates hate him and/or Spider-Man. Aunt May marries J. Jonah Jameson's father. Jolly Jonah becomes Mayor of NYC and immediately sets about making capturing Spider-Man priority one for everyone. And Norman Osborn - despite being publicly known as The Green Goblin - has become head of the national agency in charge of monitoring/commanding all the legally-operating superheroes in the United States.

A lot of fans don't think ANY of this makes any sense. And it doesn't. Peter Parker - written properly - would never make a bargain with The Devil because it was easier than dealing with tragedy. It doesn't make any sense for Harry to be back from the dead because of Peter's bargain. And known-murderer and lunatic Norman Osborn being appointed to a national agency, much less being beloved by the public REALLY doesn't make any sense...

... unless this is all part of Norman's wish.

Would Norman make a literal deal with the devil to get power and a chance to cause as much chaos as possible by jacking around with the superheroes? Yes.

Would Norman make a literal deal with the devil to bring his own dead son back to life? Probably. Crazy as he was, he was always depicted as being a loving, if distant, father.

Would Norman make a literal deal with the devil to make Peter Parker as miserable as possible? Hell yes!

That's the idea: Mephisto went to Norman and offered him a chance to have all the wealth, power and prestige he always wanted. He even sweetened the deal by offering to bring Harry back from the dead AND by fixing it so that Peter Parker would be made as miserable as possible by the new world that was created.

Making Peter believe he'd be responsible for his own problems was just the icing on the evil cake.



Marvel, if you're reading this, cut Starman Matt Morrison a check and insert this into regular universe Spider-Man as soon as humanly possible. It corrects your biggest fuck-up of the last decade in a way that make perfect sense and works with all your existing storylines and would get all the fans (back) on your side. Do it. Don't be stuck up because some comics fan figured out how make it work and you couldn't. Do it. Seriously. Do it.


My friends, I don't care much about getting a check for some huge amount. I don't care about the relative fame that being known as The Man Who Saved Spider-Man might bring me. I wouldn't even insist on being the one to write this story. But I've been getting messages from a lot of people out there in the last few hours and not a one of them has said that they don't think that my idea is a good one.

So let's try this: if you like my idea, share it. Post it on your own blog or website or on a message board or discussion group if you frequent one. Let's just get the idea out there and let it roam free.

If Marvel Comics pilfers it, fine. I'll have gotten what I wanted.

Because even though I'm an alleged adult, I still look up to Spider-Man. Because he taught me that doing the right thing is more important than money and fame. And right now... trying to get this idea out where it can't be ignored... it feels like the right thing.

It's Official: Our New President is One Of Us

Of course, we all knew that McCain was anti-D&D. But until now, I hadn't heard anything about Obama's position on the disenfranchisement of Geek-Americans. Well, wonder no more!

SOURCE: Barack Obama, fanboy

Yes. Barack collects Conan comics and Spider-Man. This brings to mind several questions.

1. Does he read the current Dark Horse series or is he an old-school fan?

2. Where does he stand on the issue of super-power registration?

3. When will he speak out against Joe Quesada's defilement of the Spider-Marriage?

Fast Thoughts - The Week of 9/24/08

AMBUSH BUG: YEAR ONE #3 - This is probably the most coherent issue of Ambush Bug ever. Mind you, that doesn't mean it's any less crazy or nonsensical. After all, how can you possibly apply the word sane to a story that features...

* Ambush Bug having a drunken Vegas wedding with Inferior Five member Dumb Bunny.
* Ambush Bug - in a scene that just might be a swipe at the MARVELous competition of DC Comics - attempting to make a deal with Neron to take his marriage out of continuity.




* Ambush Bug impersonating the Kryptonian God Rao while shouting into the Bottled City of Kandor.
* Darkseid singing Tom Jones in Karaoke! And an appearance of Darkseid's long-absent wife Tigra!




* Superman's pet Super-Turtle going mad and attempting to destroy the universe.
* The revelation that Arrowette was dating the Super-Turtle in an effort to get more screen time. (Say it ain't so, ! Say it ain't so!)




* Ambush Bug getting more face-time... with the severed head of Pantha!
* Ambush Bug teams up with Jerro The Merboy (He's one of Supergirl's ex-boyfriends. Seriously.)
* the introduction of the greatest new character in years: Major Spoiler of 27th Brigade Grenadiers

I demand a monthly Ambush Bug title. Because in these troubled times, we need more comics that are willing to mock the comics that need mocking.


FABLES #76 - Mike Allred artwork and Gepetto dealing with a normal day in Fabletown. Much much greatness.


JACK OF FABLES #26- For a book with Priscilla on the cover, she's barely in this issue. And considering that she's supposed to be the shy, not-popular sister... well, I guess that's meant to be ironic. But it's hard to say in a story where manifestations of literal concepts are rounding up and/or destroying manifestations of legends and the whole thing is narrated by The Fourth Wall what is ironic or not. Still... good book.

Random Thought on Brand New Day and Marvel Comics On-Demand.

If pretty much the entire 30+ year history of Spider-Man doesn't count thanks to One More Day and everything has, in fact, regressed to the point where Harry Osborn is still alive, Flash and Peter are no longer close friends and Mary Jane has moved on and is no longer even dating Peter, much less being married to him...

... then there's really no point at all in anyone taking advantage of Marvel's Comics On-Demand program, is there?

I mean, I thought the whole point of the thing - apart from creating a legal precedent of digital owners ship so they can shut down the Internet pirates who have been trading .ZIPs and .RARs of their work for the better part of a decade now - was so that new fans can legally catch up on the back-story for series that they might not be able to enjoy otherwise.

Kinda pointless for all those new readers attracted by Brand New Day to subscribe to the service now, isn't it Joey?

Two comments I'm making right now.

1. Superman will be a Blue Lantern. Not just because the guy is pretty much the embodiment of Hope as a force but because of a neat bit of foreshadowing in Green Lantern: Rebirth where Batman says "Hoping is what you do best, Clark."

2. If you needed any further proof that Joe Quesada has gone completely insane, he has apparently officially declared that the only part of J. Michael Straczynski's run on Amazing Spider-Man that still counts in regular Marvel continuity is Sins Past. Coincidentally, this is the OTHER story during JMS' Spider-Man run where Joey Q. pulled editorial rank in order to get his way and is perhaps the only story in the last ten years more loathed and despised than One More Day.

Revelation Passed On From A Friend of A Friend...

One More Day is this decade's Emerald Twilight. And this time I'm on HEAT's side.

Looking To The Stars: The Sixth Annual Starry Awards

The Golden Globes. Mr. Blackwell’s Best & Worst Dressed List. And now (once again), it is time for The Starry Awards. Because it’s just not the start of a new year, without us yammering about the best and worst of last year.

In any case, welcome to what has become a yearly staple of the Comics Nexus: The Starry Awards for Excellence and Disgrace in Comics Writing.

Of course, it has been pointed out that the comic industry already has the Eisners, the Harveys, the Eagles and the Wizard Awards. Why on Earth 2 then, these alleged people ask, do we need another damned award?

Well, none of those other awards are decided by me, are they?

The Starry Awards were started so that I, the ever humble author of this column, might dispense awards to those I felt were most worthy of praise or damnation based on their works in the past year.

The Starries name ten stories in total. Stories, for the purpose of this award, can be single or multiple issues of one book or multiple books relating to one plot-line. The Starries are based solely upon the personal opinions of Matt “Starman” Morrison and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of anyone else.

Five Staries are awarded to stories which, more than any other stories this year, made me stand up and cheer, burst into tears or just stopped me in the middle of reading to say “This is damn good stuff.” Five Staries are awarded (if you can call it that) to stories that, for some reason, I found disappointing. Stories that left me feeling that a mark had been missed and missed badly. Some of them are stories that, in fact, I think are just plain terrible.


That said: Here are the winners and losers!

The Best of 2007

Best Moment All Year - The Unveiling of The Sinestro Corps Heralds and Guardian (from Green Lantern: Sinestro Corps Special)

Most crossovers attempt "big reveal" moments like this but few are able to carry them off. Not only did The Sinestro Corps special manage to pull off one hell of a reveal - they managed to do so in a genuinely surprising manner that nobody saw coming. This is no mean feat in these days when what few stories are not spoiled by fans on the message boards are spoiled by their own writers and editors.

Of course we knew quite a bit by the time this issue had come out. We knew that Sinestro was alive and well and hiding out in the Anti-Matter Universe. We knew that yellow rings, similar to the ones used by the Green Lanterns, were flying around the universe seeking out those who were capable of inspiring great fear.

By the time the issue was over, we knew that Sinestro had enslaved the people of the planet Qward in the Anti-Matter Universe and forced them to construct rings that drew off the wearer's ability to terrorize others rather than stealing energy from Green Lanterns and turning it into yellow light, as the former Qwardian rings had. We knew that Sinestro had assembled a team of, to quote the great Harvey Korman, "rustlers, cut throats, murderers, bounty hunters, desperados, mugs, pugs, thugs...ass-kickers, shit-kickers and Methodists," to use said rings. And in a daring surprise raid, this new Sinestro Corps was able to attack the Green Lantern's base of operations, arrange a mass jail-break of the most dangerous beings in the univese and capture Kyle Rayner - at that time believed to be the most powerful of all the Green Lanterns.

It was a good start for an all-out war across the cosmos. But nothing quite prepared readers for the sheer amount of pants-wetting terror that the Sinestro Corps was capable of inspiring quite like the last two pages, in which the power behind the Sinestro Corps was revealed along with their Guardian's choice for their four "heralds".

Now, for those of you who didn't read the story or follow enough DC Comics to know just who all of these figures are and why nearly everyone who read this story said "Well, crap" when they got to the end of it, let me run down this rogues gallery. From top left counterclockwise...

CYBORG SUPERMAN - The brains behind the attack on Coast City (Green Lantern Hal Jordan's hometown) during The Death of Superman saga, Hank Henshaw was a scientist who developed an amazing ability to bond with and control technology following an accident that he blamed Superman for. Left for dead on the edges of space by a revenge-seeking Hal Jordan, he was discovered by The Manhunters - a race of rogue robotic law-enforcement agents with a grudge against the Green Lanterns - and made into their leader. With his own natural powers coupled with his genius for design, he upgraded the Manhunters by giving them the ability to drain the power of a Green Lantern ring at close range. He now commands an army every bit as formidable as The Sinestro Corps itself.

SUPERMAN PRIME - The last survivor of a parallel universe (Universe Prime) where he was the only superhero, this version of Kal-El sacrificed himself and his universe during The Crisis on Infinite Earths, in which one universe was created from the parts of many parallel worlds. It was a sacrifice he came to view as wasted, having been trapped outside of reality but still able to witness the events within that universe. Angered by how the perfect world he gave of himself to create had been corrupted, he went mad and set about trying to fix the universe by killing all of the heroes he saw as being too flawed and imperfect to be truly heroic. A being capable of altering causality by punching the universe, this Superman was defeated only by the combined efforts of two other Supermen and imprisoned by the Green Lantern Corps.

SINESTRO - Once considered the greatest of all Green Lanterns and a frequent mentor to trainee Corps members, Sinestro has long been considered the greatest enemy the Green Lanterns have. Forced into exile in the Anti-Matter Universe following the revelation that he had turned his homeworld into a fascist dictatorship in an effort to maintain order, Sinestro joined forces with the Qwardians (another enemy of the Green Lanterns), who gave him a ring that leeched off the energy of Green Lantern rings and changed it into yellow light - the one color that Green Lantern rings were unable to affect. Sinestro would return again and again, cheating death itself to hound the Green Lanterns. Despite his crimes, Sinestro still considers himself a member of the Corps and believe that all of his actions are justified in that he has caused the Green Lanterns to slowly assume more and more of his own tactics in the interest of keeping him under control. Ultimately, Sinestro just wants it proven that he was right all along in what steps must be made to maintain order.

PARALLAX - A parasitic being born of pure fear, Parallax was imprisoned within the Green Lantern's Central Power Battery by The Guardians of the Universe. Since color and emotion were closely tied together when the universe was young, the Guardians found that Parallax was able - from within his prison, to prevent the rings used by The Guardians from affecting the color of fear; yellow. Hence, the Guardians selected the bravest beings in the universe to form their Green Lantern Corps, in the hopes that Parallax would be unable to influence them. This plan backfired when Parallax began to slowly chip away at the mind of Hal Jordan, who - unused to feeling fear - was unable to recognize the subtlety of Parallax's attacks. Using Jordan's body, Parallax decimated the Green Lantern Corps save for one Earthling; Kyle Rayner. Now, as revenge on the Green Lantern who stopped him from destroying the Corps from within a second time, Parallax has taken possession of Rayner's body, forcing him to watch atrocity after atrocity as Parllax feasts on the fear inspired by The Sinestro Corps.

ANTI-MONITOR - Ruler and protector of the Anti-Matter Universe, this being was responsible for the chain of events that lead to the destruction of multiple parallel universes in Crisis on Infinite Earths. Dead for a number of years, he was apparently resurrected - along with the multiple universes of the DC Comics reality - following the events of Infinite Crisis. Now, returned to his former station, the Anti-Monitor has lent his support to the Sinestro Corps while secretly manipulating them towards hit ultimate goal of destroying all the positive-matter universes so that he may be supreme ruler of all that is.

Any one of these enemies would be a worthy A-Level threat on their own. Pool their powers and resources together and give them a ring, powered by fear, that allows them to do whatever they want and you had a force of evil that put the epic in "space epic" and made this the best comic book all year.


Funniest Read All Year - Deadpool/GLI Summer Fun Special

Take Marvel's most infamous 'Merc With A Mouth. Add Marvel Comics' Mightiest Team of Misfit Mutants (Sorry X-Men - these guys have the Angel of Death AND a guy who dies and comes back even more than Jean Grey). Mix them together into a number of short stories in which we find out that Deadpool has a fat fetish, Origami is one of the most deadly Japanese martial arts (and crafts) and that AIM is using a wayward god to make every superhero in the world drunk (Dionysus didn't just fall off the wagon - he fell off Olympus). Throw in better continuity and editing than has been seen at Marvel in a dog's age and some of the most vicious satire Dan Slott has to offer regarding the treatment of Speedball post-Civil War and you have one comic book that is actually comic. Funny funny books? What will they think of next?


Best Team-Up - Harley Quinn & The Riddler (from Detective Comics #837)

While not exactly the most high-profile pairing-off this year, this pairing of two Bat-Villains - both gone legit - was the year's most off-beat and most enjoyable team-up.

A recently reformed Edward Nygma has turned detective for hire. Recruited by Bruce Wayne to find an employee who stole an experimental drug from Wayne Enterprises, Riddler quickly tracks the thief to an Amazon Women's Shelter in Metropolis where it just so happens an equally-reformed Harleen Quinzel is working as Assistant Director.

What follows is a story in which Paul Dini does what he does best - write characters who are sympathetic, if not necessarily heroic. While the focus of the story may be upon a stolen drug and the creation of a new super-villain with ties to the Amazons and Gotham, the interplay between Harley and Eddie is the real treat of the issue. There's just something about the quieter moments where the two reformed-baddies just talk about where they are and how they got there that is so much more compelling than the main plot. Heck, it's even more engaging than the slapstick Dini delights in (Eddie's forceful removal from the Amazon shelter and the untold tale of how Harley left The Secret Six, for instance).


Best Makeover, Revamp or Revival - Sheena, Queen of the Jungle

Originally created by Will Eisner and Jerry Iger in the late 1930s and inspiration to a host of soulless, pathetic imitators, the original Queen of the Jungle and first female superheroine to sport her own monthly book returned in style this year.

Neatly updated for modern times in a story by Die Hard scribe Stephen E. De Souza, the only real change is a change in setting from the Congo to the Amazon. Whereas Sheena once fought hostile poachers and smugglers, she must now contend with corrupt business tycoons and loggers despoiling her rainforest. But while the setting may have changed, Sheena hasn't. She is just as fierce and cunning as ever. And unlike her imitators, Sheena manages to look sexy AND formidable, without any of her issues descending into the cheap cheesecake that some artists seem to revel in. Be you an old-timer who still remembers the TV-show with Irish McCalla, a young buck confused as to why that cheesy Gena Lee Nolin show is just now getting a comic or - dare I say - a parent with a pre-teen daughter looking for a suitable superheroic role-model, you'll find a lot to like in Sheena.


Best Retro Tale - Green Arrow: Year One

Regular readers of this feature know that Green Arrow has always held a special place in my heart and that I have been rather outspoken about how horribly he has been portrayed in recent years. But as harsh a critic as I am, my complaints about this series were few and far between. Written by long-time Vertigo Comics scribe Andy Diggle with art by Jock - his partner on the much-beloved The Losers series - this series detailing the origins of DC Comics Battling Bowman showed a depth and maturity that has been sorely lacking in recent treatments of the character.

I shall avoid going into a lengthy description of what Diggle and Jock did right. Doing so would also require me to go into a lengthy discussion where I would compare and contrast what other writers did wrong. So instead of doing that, I will merely advise you all to pre-order the upcoming hardcover collection and assure you that you won't regret it.

The Worst of 2006

Most Likely To Cause Continuity Robots Heads To Explode Award -Every Comic Related To The Green Arrow/Black Canary Wedding And Its' Aftermath

I normally limit this award to one single comic or mini-series. But in this case, I'm making an exception because it is unfair for me to single out one single book for an editorial snafu this big.

It doesn't help matters that one of the writers involved in telling this story freely admitted that they didn't intend to explain the hows or whys of how Oliver Queen got kidnapped and replaced with an evil shapeshifter (Confusingly enough, this WAS later explained in Green Arrow/Black Canary #3), who was later killed by Dinah Lance during an attempt on her life.

But what truly makes this continuity clash confusing is that while the end result of The GA/BC Wedding (i.e. Green Arrow's apparent death at Black Canary's hands) had been telegraphed across the Internet for months before the actual comics came out, nobody ever saw fit to tell the writer or editorial team responsible of Justice League about the events of the wedding itself, despite the Wedding being sandwiched by both The JLA Wedding Special and Dwayne McDuffie's opening arc on Justice League of America.

How else can you explain a writer and former editor of McDuffie's caliber letting a detail like this slip except through the right hand not knowing what the left hand is doing?

Yes, Dinah. Tell him the long story about how you... KILLED YOUR HUSBAND?!

Seriously, editorial incompetence is the only way to explain such a serious gaff. This, and the many other questions that came up during Justice League of American and Countdown issues that tied into the wedding itself.


The “What The Hell Just Happened?” Award (Most Confusing Story) -Red Sonja: Doom of the Gods

What would have been a one-issue story thirty years ago at Marvel was padded out into a four-issue mini-series by Dynamite Comics.

Honestly, I don't think the artists had any idea what was supposed to be going on. Take this cover from Issue #4. Not only is Sonja uncharacteristically frightened-looking and bound (not a usual state for her in her comics, I'm happy to note)... but this scene does not occur anywhere in the series!

How to sum what does happen in this series? Well...Basically, bad guy Thulsa Doom is doing something to become powerful Some bard needs Sonja's help to stop him, but he has to drive her crazy to do it. And then he decides this is a stupid idea, restores her senses, she kills Thulsa Doom even though he's supposedly a god or just killed a god or something. And the whole thing ends with him being reborn as a flaming skull. I think.


The “I Waited For This?!?!” Award (Most Delayed/Most Disappointing Book) - All-Star Batman and Robin

Honestly, I can't really say I was all that surprised or disappointed in this series this year. But, unlike last year, we actually got a few issues to read what is either Frank Miller achieving the most wicked self-parody in history or the continued degeneration of a one-time master of the genre.


Worst Makeover, Revamp or Revival -Spider-Man

Why Spider-Man? Why do you think?

I'll give you a hint; it's not for the ultimately pointless (though hyped-to death) return of the Black Costume.

Read on for the real reason, True Believers!


Worst Story Of the Year -Spider-Man: One More Day

You'd think J. Michael Straczynski asking to have his name taken off the story would have been a clue.

You'd think an 2/3rds majority "No" vote on the "Should the Peter Parker/Mary Jane Watson Marriage be ended?" poll on Newsarama would also have been a clue.

You'd think an negative fan-response, so extreme that Marvel had to issue an all-out ban on criticism of editorial decisions on their own message boards might also have been a clue.

But no. Joe Quesada has a teflon brain. No clue will stick! And I truly believe that he won't get the hint that breaking up Peter Parker and Mary Jane Watson's marriage - much less doing it through the cheesy, magical deus ex machina he employs - was a bad idea until about two minutes after Marvel's Board of Directors is done kicking him to the curb and stapling a pink-slip to his forehead.

You have to admire his showmanship, though. In an act of hucksterism so blatant as to shame Stan Lee, Joe Q suggested that fans who are upset about the end of the Spider-Marriage might want to, instead of boycotting Marvel Comics, consider reading other titles where the Peter/Mary Jane romance is still going strong in order to show their support.

"Like Spider-Girl. Or uh... Mary Jane Loves Spider-... oh, wait... wait... we canceled that one. But there's still... ah... oh... LOOK BEHIND YOU! A THREE-HEADED MONKEY!"

Many fans are swearing off Marvel Comics in droves. And I'm sad to say that I'm one of them. I'll miss Ed Brubaker's Daredevil and JMS' Thor. And I'm really going to regret not getting a chance to see Dan Slott writing Spider-Man on a regular basis. But in the end, I have to follow my heart. And my heart says that there is no way I am giving Marvel Comics another dime or any free publicity until this mess is straightened out one-way or the other.

Looking To The Stars: One More Column On One More Day

In all the hustle and bustle of the Holidays, I somehow neglected to pick up any of the issues containing J. Michael Straczynski’s final story arc for One More Day.

Why bother? I stopped reading Spider-Man comics on a regular basis about the time Peter was recruited into The New Avengers and the book pretty much became a second Avengers title. I flipped through a few of the Back in Black issues simply because I heard Kingpin was in it and I’m a sucker for a good Wilson Fisk story. And the premise of One More Day left me cold.

There’s also the little matter of a promise I made a few months ago to see this thing through to the bloody end.

What can I say? I slow down to look at traffic accidents just to see how bad it is, too.


*****


Now, for those of you wiser than me who have had the good sense not to keep up on the last few years of Amazing Spider-Man, let me give you the quick run-down.

After impressing Tony Stark with some major techno-wizardry under duress, Peter, Mary Jane and Aunt May are allowed to move into Stark Towers following the destruction of the Parker Home by a super-villain. At the same time, Peter is recruited to join the New Avengers.

Following an incident that increases public anger at superheroes in general, Tony Stark begins working with the United States Government on a program that sanctions vigilantes. In a misguided effort to help win support for the program among the heroes reluctant to sign on, Peter outs his secret identity at a press conference.

Shortly thereafter, Peter finds out about some of the more extreme measures Tony Stark has taken to deal with the heroes who won’t sign on (i.e. a secret prison in the Negative Zone) and that super-villains are being given amnesty for past misdeeds if they agree to join a government-sponsored super-team. Unable to talk reason into Tony, Peter joins the resistance against Tony Stark and his associates being organized by Captain America.

Still in hiding with his family after Captain America is arrested, Peter’s whereabouts are tracked by an imprisoned Wilson Fisk –a.k.a. The Kingpin. Kingpin orders that the entire Parker family be wiped out, but only Aunt May is wounded.

Peter and MJ grab what savings they can and get May into a hospital. In the course of covering their tracks, Peter commits numerous felonies - breaking in and entering, impersonating an EMT and forging medical documents among them. Peter goes to Tony asking for help to save his aunt; help which Tony initially refuses, but then provides indirectly.

This brings us to the start of One More Day where we find that even the best medical care money can buy is not enough to save May. The doctor’s prognosis is that she is destabilizing steadily and that nothing short of a miracle will save her.

Peter goes off looking for a miracle, first going to Doctor Strange. The good doctor says there is nothing he can do but he does agree to help Peter question others who might help. Traveling through time and space, consulting with both friends and enemies, Peter receives the same answer – there is nothing you can do to save her. Even Peter’s attempts to try and stop the shooting while traveling astrally come to naught.

As Peter leaves, he is confronted by a various people – an older businessman, an overweight geek and a little girl - all of whom tell Peter the story of their lives. It is then that everyone’s favorite devil Mephisto shows up. He tells Peter that the people he just saw were versions of him who might have come to be had it not been for a key event in his life and that he can arrange for reality to be rewritten so that Aunt May will survive.

Peter is naturally reluctant to sell his soul, even for Aunt May but Mephisto scoffs at this offer, saying that Peter will likely wind up in Hell on his current path anyway and that there are few things less amusing to him than a noble soul, trapped in Hell for a higher purpose. But to destroy something noble and pure – that is a deal that interests him.

And so the offer is made – Aunt May will be saved but at the cost of Peter’s love for Mary Jane. Reality will be rewritten so that the two never met, never fell in love and never married. Nobody will remember anything, save for a small part of the soul that remembers all and will weep at what has been lost.

Peter insists on discussing it with Mary Jane first. Mephisto readily agrees and Peter goes to her, only to find that Mephisto has been there the whole time, making Mary Jane the same offer. He warns them that the only have until the end of the day tomorrow to make their decision – and one more day together if they say yes.


*****


In the four months, since I first wrote about this story-line, the fan community has become even more outraged, if the message boards can be believed.

As I noted in that earlier article, a Newsarama poll showed that 2 out of 3 fans were opposed to ending the Spider-Marriage through any means. I suspect the percentage would be higher than 67% if one were to quantify the question; “Are you opposed to ending the Spider-Marriage through magic?” JMS’s run on Amazing Spider-Man has been controversial and the biggest reason for this was his including magic and spiritual concerns in a comic that has always been – for the most part- science based.

From his very first story, Coming Home, JMS was not shy about putting Peter in the unfamiliar territories offered by the magic realms. Coming Home put forth the idea that Peter’s powers, rather than being caused by a radioactive spider-bite, came instead from a totemistic bond to spiders and that a higher power had chosen Peter – one who knew what it was to be prey – to be a predator that would bring down other, more dangerous predators.

While this idea irked many long-time Spider-Fans, it is worth noting that at no time did JMS ever say that the idea was a definitive origin. Indeed, there was just as much evidence introduced to suggest that the theory was hokum (the methods Peter uses to fight totem-vampire Morlun in Coming Home, for instance) and that while totem-empowered characters existed, Peter was not one of them.

Many fans have put the blame for One More Day on JMS, saying this is just more of the same inappropriate magic mucking up the relatively simpler world of Peter Parker. Given the evidence it is not hard to fault their conclusions, save for one reason – JMS hates the idea of One Day More even more than the fans did.

This shouldn’t be any surprise, really. When JMS took over Amazing Spider-Man, Peter and Mary Jane were separated – the result, ironically enough, of the last failed attempt by Marvel Editorial to break-up the Spider-Marriage. JMS spent the first few years of his run trying to reestablish and strengthen the bond between MJ and Peter. For what one man’s opinion is worth, I think he succeeded and the issues leading up to their reunion in Amazing Spider-Man #50 were truly touching and among some of JMS’s best work in any medium. Given all the hard work he put into reinvigorating the character of Mary Jane and her relationship with Peter, I can’t imagine he would willingly scrap all of that now unless he were being forced to.

And sure enough, according to a recent web-posting by JMS, he pretty much was being forced to.


In the current storyline, there's a lot that I don't agree with, and I
made this very clear to everybody within shouting distance at Marvel,
especially Joe (Quesada). I'll be honest: there was a point where I made the
decision, and told Joe (Quesada), that I was going to take my name off the last
two issues of the OMD arc. Eventually Joe(Quesada) talked me out of that
decision because at the end of the day, I don't want to sabotage Joe
or Marvel, and I have a lot of respect for both of those.

As an executive producer as well as a writer, I've sometimes had to insist
that my writers make changes that they did not want to make, often
loudly so. They were sure I was wrong. Mostly I was right.
Sometimes I was wrong. But whoever sits in the editor's chair, or the
executive producer's chair, wears the pointy hat of authority, and as
Dave Sim once noted, you can't argue with a pointy hat.


J. Michael Straczynski has found himself in the ultimate no-win situation. Refusing to write the story apparently wasn’t an option, since Joe Quesada was so insistent on ending JMS’s “legendary” run on Amazing Spider-Man with a big bang. Pulling an Alan Smithe and taking his name off of the book wasn’t an option since the Marvel Hype Machine has been plugging this issue as JMS’s final story for months and, as JMS noted, he respects Marvel Comics and the chain of command too much to risk hurting it over bad feelings. And raising a big stink about the whole thing would do little save hurt his career and give his critics more ammunition against him.

Not that it matters. The trolls will do what they will and not let the facts stand in the way and these people hound with a relentlessness that would make J. Jonah Jameson proud.

Some accused JMS of cowardice for deciding the company is more important than his own opinions. Others have accused him of greed, wanting nothing more than to take the money and run. Still others have taken his comments as signs of insubordination and have demanded he be fired from Marvel Comics.

I don’t think that any of this is likely. Because whatever your opinions of the man and his talent as a writer, J. Michael Straczynski has been a professional writer for nearly three decades. He created, executive-produced and wrote most of the scripts for one of the most ground-breaking science-fiction shows of all time. He has written scripts for numerous animated series and television shows and continued to find work.

As such, I trust that he knows the business and the rules of decorum better than nearly anyone I am likely to meet on a comic book forum. And even though I’m an amateur writer, I know that the first rule of working anywhere is that you don’t bad-mouth your boss no matter how much of an idiot they are. I know that the pay for comic book writing compared to Hollywood writing is chicken-feed, so any idea that JMS is trying to milk the Mighty Marvel Money Machine when he could probably make more money doing more direct-to-video Babylon 5 movies is laughable.

And as for JMS’s comments being disrespectful for Joe Quesada…

Well, personally I didn’t see anything disrespectful in JMS’s comments. He didn’t even bad-mouth Marvel Comics or say anything other than that he has disagreed with many of Joe Quesada’s decisions but that he wants to be a good soldier, whatever his disagreements with The Powers That Be.

That, to my mind, is not disrespectful.

Saying that Joe Quesada is an idiot with a god-complex, so blinded by his own gargantuan ego that he’ll ignore the instincts of one of his best employees and the will of the people is disrespectful. It is also, from where this fanboy sits, a lot more accurate than a tenth-part of what others have said of JMS.

There is only one thing I’m sure of in all of this – I won’t be reading Part Four of this story. Even though I thought the first three books were written well, I don’t think I can bare to see just how well JMS can write something he really didn’t want to. I’ll give him full credit for bravery under fire and honoring his commitments but just because he doesn’t want to see Marvel’s sales hurt by his opinions doesn’t mean I have to further encourage a company that is apparently run exclusively by editorial-mandate.

Looking To The Stars - Spider-Married-Man, No More?

We’ve known for quite some time now that Marvel Comics Editor in Chief Joe Quesada is not a big fan of the Peter Parker/Mary Jane Watson marriage. How? Well, the man is nothing else if not outspoken.

From a statement at the San Diego ComicCon 2006: “I've got nothing against marriage in comics, with the exception of the Spider-Man marriage - which I have been very public about.”

From a Wizard Magazine Interview: When asked about his hatred of the marriage of Mary Jane and Peter Parker, Quesada said 90 percent of writers and editors at Marvel think the marriage was a mistake; it’s a ball and chain around the character. The problem is figuring out how to undo it without retconning the character. Quesada will not divorce Peter Parker.

It is this outspokenness that had Spider-Fans everywhere worried earlier this year, after it was announced that one of Peter’s loved ones would pay the price for his outing himself as a superhero during Civil War. Of course we know now that it was Aunt May, not Mary Jane, who would be shot by a sniper as part of The Kingpin’s revenge against Spider-Man. But at the time, fans were so overjoyed at the fact that Mary Jane wasn’t dead that few were shocked by Aunt May’s near-death.

And now, to add further gas to the fire, this preview image of the cover of what will be the final issue of J. Michael Straczynski‘s Amazing Spider-Man run. It is labeled simply, “The End of An Era”

Naturally, speculation has run wild over the past week with the smart money being on some form of cosmic reboot. The reasoning behind this train of thought is that this issue will follow One More Day - a three-part storyline that promises to take Peter to his darkest hour yet and will feature, among others, Doctor Strange. Since Peter is owed a favor by the good doctor as a result of Peter’s stepping in where Strange could not and reliving all the worst moments of his life up until that point to save the universe, the speculation is that Peter will ask for Mary Jane to be given a nice, safe life without him.

The supposed end result will be a Peter Parker free of marital bondage and (depending on which blogs you read) a more fun, happy book with lots of sexy love triangles, the resurrection of Gwen Stacy, another raise of the minimum wage, the banishment of the organic web-shooters, free beer, Eddie Brock as Venom again, all our soldiers home from overseas, Peter having a secret identity again and one free model dressed as the superheroine of your choice for every fanboy with the Marvel logo tattooed on their pale pimply behind.

See, I’d like to believe that this is all a scam. I’d like to believe that despite his own opinions, Joe Quesada recognizes that the wishes of the majority of fans outweigh his own opinions as an editor and that the problems caused by magically nullifying Peter Parker’s marriage will far outweigh the benefits. I’d like to believe that all this worry and all this hype is just an attempt to get people to buy the comic regardless of what actually happens by playing off his image as the heartless editor.

I’d LIKE to believe that.

Regardless, here’s my five reasons why attempting to end the Spider-Marriage by ANY means (cosmic reboot, divorce, sudden death, Mary Jane suddenly being revealed as a clone after all these years) would be the biggest possible mistake Marvel Comics could make.

1. It Didn’t Work The First Time.

The Spider-Clone Saga originally came about because way back in the 90’s, The Powers That Be at Marvel felt that sagging Spider-Man sales had to be because of the Spider-Marriage. As opposed to, oh say… the fact that artwork had become more important than story and that they basically retold the same Venom story once a year. The problem is that even then, they knew that divorcing Peter or killing Mary Jane were right out. If marriage made Peter “old” to their readers, than making him a divorcee or a widower would do nothing to solve the problem. The fact that Mary Jane had a fanbase of her own wasn’t even a consideration in those days.

Instead, they spun the idea that the Peter Parker we’d been reading about since the early 70’s was actually a clone of the original, who had been in hiding all this time. The clone and MJ were shunted off-stage to begin a life of their own elsewhere as Peter – “the real Peter” - came back, assumed the name of Ben Reilly, and took his place as the one-true swinging-single Spider-Man.

Well, that was the plan, anyway. The sales proved that the fans – that is, the people who were actually reading the books as opposed to double-bagging them before sealing them in a vault somewhere - HATED the “real” Spider-Man and even more of them missed Mary Jane. A contrived solution was hatched, revealing the “clone” Peter to be the “real” Peter and the whole thing to have been the first of many machinations plotted by a resurrected Norman Osborn.


2. It Didn’t Work The Second Time.

Less well remembered, but no less important is the occasion when Marvel Editorial actually DID try killing Mary Jane. It was the Winter of 1999. Marvel Comics had just rebooted what few series they hadn’t restarted with new #1 issues. This included both Amazing Spider-Man and Peter Parker: Spider-Man. And yet, despite this - with Howard Mackie (one of the brains behind The Spider-Clone Saga) writing both of Spider-Man’s regular monthly books and a new origin series by John Byrne - the sales on Marvel’s flagship hero refused to rise.

Clearly this was all the fault of Mary Jane and her forcing Peter into marriage!

To make a long story short, over 18 months it was revealed that Mary Jane had not, in fact, died in a plane bombing on the way to a model shoot. She had, in fact, been kidnapped by a nameless telepath who, unable to control his powers, became locked in on Peter’s mind. Said telepath, who was never given a name, concluded that Peter was wasting his life helping an ungrateful populace and then contrived to try and take Peter’s life and powers by mentally absorbing him.

The plan backfired when the telepath absorbed enough of Peter’s personality to realize that Peter would not ever kill someone to prolong his own life. He committed suicide, exploding (somehow) and once Mary Jane thought of a plausible excuse to explain away where she had been for the last few months of comic time, she told Peter that she needed some time apart.

Why? Because she felt like she had gone from being a real person with her own interests and life and been stuck being “Mrs. Parker” – a major complaint that many fans had about Mary Jane’s characterization throughout most of the 90s. Peter agreed they needed some time apart and this set the stage for the beginning of J. Michael Straczynski‘s run one issue later.


3. If I Could Turn Back Time…

Presuming that Peter would be given a chance, by Doctor Strange, to magically alter his past… would breaking up his marriage really be the first thing Peter would do?

You don’t think that maybe he might want to save a currently critically wounded Aunt May’s life?

Save Gwen Stacy?

Save Uncle Ben?

Wish he’d never been Spider-Man in the first place, so they could all be saved?

I doubt Peter would ever wish for that last one – he knows he’s done too much good as Spider-Man to risk having it all undone for a selfish wish of his own. I’m just saying that there are a lot of options Peter would consider before taking a course of action he couldn’t guarantee would work.


4. Hypocrisy

Joe Quesada has been nearly as vocal about how DC Comics solves many of their story problems with magic and mind-wipes as he is not a fan of the Spider-Marriage. Numerous Marvel fans on the web are equally outspoken, saying that when DC has problems with their history, they just reboot the universe and create a new set of problems.

Regardless of the validity of this point of view, Joe Quesada would be a hypocrite to push a storyline in which, somehow, history is changed to something more agreeable to the editorial demands of the time. And I doubt the Marvel Fanboys would be very forgiving – I know several who stopped collecting after House of M.


5. Marriage Is A Partnership

The very idea that Peter would, behind Mary Jane’s back, make a decision to get her out of his life forever flies in the face of too much characterization. This is not to say that Peter is not that selfless or noble – he is. But his marriage means too much for him to make that kind of decision without consulting Mary Jane first with everything that she knows now.

To cross media for a moment, consider the second Spider-Man movie. At the end of that film, Mary Jane knew everything about Peter’s secret identity. He told her that was the only reason he’d been so standoffish to her before – because he already had the blood of one loved one on his hands and that he loved her too much to risk her dying because she was Spider-Man’s girlfriend.

Thankfully, she didn’t let him get away with it.

I’m pretty sure the comics Mary Jane would have told Peter off a lot sooner and wouldn’t have been quite so nice after she abandons her wedding to go tell Peter her decision is that she isn’t letting go of him. But the end result is the same and the spirit and speech are true to any incarnation of the character of Mary Jane Watson.

“I know you think we can't be together, but can't you respect me enough to let me make my own decision? I know there'll be risks but I want to face them with you. It's wrong that we should be only half alive... half of ourselves. I love you. So here I am - standing in your doorway. I have always been standing in your doorway. Isn't it about time somebody saved your life?”

Mary Jane is wise enough to know what Peter needs better than Peter himself. She knows that the last thing he needs is to sequester himself alone, living a monk’s existence and living only for a greater good until what Peter sees as an inevitable violent end. And in a symbolic way, in that scene, she is marrying Peter.

There are many different marriage vows, but most do include some variant of the phrase “for better or worse” and speak of a joining of two lives as one. Mary Jane’s speech is very much in keeping with this spirit as well as a declaration that she knows the risks a relationship with Peter entails and why she is willing to brave anything for him just as much as he is for her.


***


Thankfully, it seems that the fans’ memories are much longer than that of the Marvel Comics editorial team. As of this writing (Thursday morning, August 9th), a poll at Newsarama shows that the fans overwhelmingly support the marriage over Peter becoming single again, by a near 5:1 margin. 67% vs.14%

Well, rest easy, gentle readers and refuse to give in to the hype. Don’t waste your money – let me waste mine for you!

Yes, you heard me. I will, this once, end my ban on reading any Marvel Comics not by Dwayne McDuffie, Dan Slott or Ed Brubaker so that I can make sure – one way or another – that the sanctity of marriage is upheld!

And if it is not, we shall cry havoc and let loose the dogs of war! We will fight them on the message boards! We will fight them on the blogs! We will flood their mailboxes with letters of protest and likely cause many messages to be bounced!

That’s my promise. See you all next time.