Written by: Brian Michael Bendis
Penciled by: David Finch
Inked by: Art Thibert
Colored by: Frank D'Armata
Lettered by: Chris Eliopoulos
Editor: Ralph Macchio
Publisher: Marvel Comics
SCENE: The X-Mansion
Xavier: Storm, are you sure that you know nothing about Hank’s disappearance?
Storm: Nothing.
*THUNDER ROLLS IN THE BACKGROUND*
Xavier: And there’s nothing bad that happened between you two?
Storm: No.
*THUNDER ROLLS AGAIN*
Xavier: You are upset about something…
Jean: I thought you didn’t read our minds without permission.
Xavier: I’m not reading her mind, Scott. There’s a major hurricane about to make landfall in New York City and that usually only happens once a month.
Cyclops: Why once a… oh!
Rogue: Just standing her in the background. Saying nothing. Sure would like a line or some character development.
Nightcrawler: Ja. Wish they’d do something with the new mutants they got at the end of the Millar run before introducing even more characters…
SCENE: A Hotel Room. Washington DC
Hank: *sighs*
Xavier: Problems?
Hank: Why don’t you just read my mind and tell me?
Xavier: I’m not doing that, Hank. I never did that. Well, except when I was figuring out who spilled the beans on my having Magneto hypnotized and in a secret identity. And who told the public that we had a mutant who looked like an angel living with us. And to see which one of you stole my Rogaine but otherwise I never read minds without permission.
Hank: Whatever. I’m gone.
Xavier: But why?
Hank: I dunno. Maybe I’m upset because I went on three missions with you and got turned into a giant blue furry freak instead of just a big vaguely human freak. Maybe I’m upset that I’m risking my neck to save people who don’t care about me and who I really don’t think should be saved. Maybe I’m tired of not being called “the blue one” anymore, now that we have Kurt on the team.
Xavier: Who?
Hank: Never mind. Point is, I’m not going back..
SCENE: The White House : Sub-Sub Basement
We See The President sitting at a table. We know he is the President, because he is called the President even though we never get to see his face clearly. He is NOT George W. Bush, because what follows suggests that The President in the Marvel Universe is a complete idiot only concerned with appearances who is being manipulated by corrupt forces in his own cabinet in order to force an agenda that would oppress the rights of a minority group in order to satisfy the whims of a vocal group of religious fanatics. Again, this is TOTALLY FICTIONAL and has absolutely NO BARING WHATSOEVER on today’s society. Really.
The President: Welcome, Ms. Frost. I understand you have a radical idea to help solve our mutant problem. However, I am ready to listen to you and consider what you have to say in a fair and reasonable manner.
Emma Frost: Yes sir.
The President: Now, it says here that you are a mutant?
Emma Frost: Yes…
Guard #1: RIGHT!
*Guards throw Emma Frost down against the table, forcing her hands behind her back*
Guard #1: Under Article V of the Patriot Act, we now have the right to ask frankly anything, including what library books you’ve checked out…
The President: That will do.
Guard #2: But sir! We haven’t even gotten to do the body cavity search yet!
The President: I said, that’s enough. Now, you aren’t going to read my mind are you?
Emma Frost: No sir.
The President: Make me do anything against my will?
Emma Frost: No sir.
The President: Rip the clothes off my body and make me lick your boots?
Emma Frost: Not in this universe, no. All I wanted to do was talk about Charles Xavier. You see, he has apparently banged half the beautiful mutant teachers in the world and I was once a student of his. We disagreed on some things and what I propose is that you build a non-militant group of mutants in order to combat the group under General Fury’s command.
*A monitor comes up showing screen several mutants that are probably going to eventually be in the crowd standing in the background of every issue in the very near future*
The President: Oooh, this is just like American Idol! Well then… yes, yes, no, no… yes, no…
MEANWHILE, in the background.
Random Cabinet Member #1: Generic statement of mutant hatred.
Random Cabinet Member #2: Affirmative Statement of Agreement
Random Cabinet Member #3, who looks like a lot like Stryker from God Loves: Man Kills: May God help us to slay the mutant scum.
SCENE: The Comic Book Store of one “Starman” Morrison.
“Starman” Morrison: *reading through the book* Well, now this is a cool concept. Emma Frost is the non-militant one creating a team of pacifist teachers while Professor X is running a militaristic superhero school. That is something different and unexpected and yet unusually deep and insightful as to the natures of both characters in the 616 Marvel Universe and turning that on its ear.
Fanboy #1: Hey! That looks like Blink in the one screen!
Fanboy #2: Hey yeah, it is! She’s so hot!
“Starman” Morrison: *sighs* The world exists only to mock me, I swear.
Showing posts with label Ultimate X-Men. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Ultimate X-Men. Show all posts
Thursday, March 18, 2004
Thursday, December 18, 2003
Ultimate X-Men #40 - A Review
Written by: Brian Michael Bendis
Penciled by: David Finch
Inked by: Art Thibert
Colored by: Frank D'Armata & Morry Hollowell
Lettered by: Chris Eliopoulos
Editor: Ralph Macchio
Publisher: Marvel Comics
SCENE: The Worthington Mansion
Xavier: So what you’re telling me is that the boy lives here alone because his parents find him… distasteful?
Butler: Indeed, the boy wants for nothing financially as my masters are your atypical WASP scumbags who cannot cope with anything outside their own viewpoints of normalcy but neither can they bring themselves to disown the boy outright.
Xavier: So you want me to take him out of their bigoted hands in exchange for a huge sum of money?
Butler: That is the offer, yes.
Xavier: You insult me, sir. I take all young people with mutations into my school based on need, not on financial reward.
Butler: So you won’t be needing the check for several million dollars?
Xavier: (grabbing the check) Not NEEDING as such… but advanced holographic technology doesn’t pay for itself… YOINK!
SCENE: The Xavier School For Mutants : The Pool
Xavier: I’m sorry to interrupt the 1 pm sunbathing and lounging around class, but I wanted to introduce our newest student. This is Warren. He never wears shirts.
Kitty: Oooh! I wanna sink my teeth into that! I don’t care if he’s Kosher or not…
Storm: Kitty, you’re 13 or something. Granted, we’d never know if from that swimsuit or the way your body is drawn in the long shots…
Rogue: Hold on… isn’t that kinda weird? I mean, he looks like an angel… and then we have demons walking around with us…
Nightcrawler: Ummmm….
Rogue: I mean, its all Biblical, right? Sign of the end times? The forces of good and evil standing among us, working in plain sight?!?
Nightcrawler: Uh.. hello? Standing right here?
Xavier: Now, Rogue…. Kurt is not a demon. Apologize to him.
Rogue: I’m sorry I called you a demon, Kurt.
Nightcrawler: That’s okay. I’m just happy to see someone else is getting the dialogue with the heavy-handed religious commentary
Rogue: Well, I’m just glad to be able to say “I” instead of “Ah” and “sugar” instead of “sugah”.
Xavier: I do understand your concerns and we will be discussing the religious implications of mutation later. Not now.
Rogue: When will we be discussing it, Professor?
Xavier: Off-camera. There’s no way I’m going to piss off the Christian Coalition by touching this subject with a 10 foot poll in any story that will see print.
SCENE: The Xavier School For Mutants : The Next Day
Pro-Mutant Protestors: God is a mutant!
Anti-Mutant Protestors: God hates mutants!
Xavier: Before I ask which one of you is responsible for the crowds of zealots outside the campus, I would like to point out that I a) am not stupid b) am a telepath c) already know the answer and d) know that one of you has a history of saying things he shouldn’t to people about the inner-workings of our semi-secret school of superheroic celebrities… HANK?!
Beast: What? I just posted it on a few websites… along with those naked pictures of Storm.
Storm: You son of a-
Xavier: You can electrolyze the hair off of him later. Right now, I want you to go find Warren.
Storm: Why me?
Xavier: Because he likes you.
Storm: You read his mind to find that out?
Xavier: No, I found the pictures bookmarked on the computer in his room.
SCENE: A Cliff.
Storm: Hey.
Warren: Wow, I finally get some dialogue of more than like three words in a book that’s all about me.
Storm: We want you back.
Warren: So you can laugh at me some more?
Storm: We weren’t laughing. Well, Bobby was but we try to ignore him. All the girls think you’re gorgeous and want you to take them to heaven and back.
Warren: Okay. So I am going to have a lot of gorgeous and in the most case legal-age girls fighting over me…but people think I’m this thing I’m not.
Storm: So go show them what you are. Look, I write and nobody knows I write and nobody thinks of me as a writer, but that doesn’t mean I’m not a writer.
Warren: … what?
Storm: I don’t know. It’s news to me too, but it’s a lot more characterization than I got when Mark Millar was writing this book.
Warren: Well….I guess I can get all those nuts off the lawn, at least.
SCENE: The Xavier School For Mutants
Warren: I’m not an angel. I’m a mutant. I don’t have any message from any God, but I think that fighting over the whole thing is pretty silly and that we should all be good to each other despite our differences.
*crickets chirp*
SCENE: A Diner
Hank: (reading from newspaper) Angel Sightings are Mutant Hoax on Page One…. Dick Cheney’s Oil Company overcharging customers on page 20.
Shadowy Figure: Rather a mess, isn’t it?
Hank: Who are you?
Shadowy Figure: Darned if I know. Allow me to say something cryptic to lead into the next part of the story.
Wolverine: Hey! I didn’t show up once in this book! Call my agent!
Penciled by: David Finch
Inked by: Art Thibert
Colored by: Frank D'Armata & Morry Hollowell
Lettered by: Chris Eliopoulos
Editor: Ralph Macchio
Publisher: Marvel Comics
SCENE: The Worthington Mansion
Xavier: So what you’re telling me is that the boy lives here alone because his parents find him… distasteful?
Butler: Indeed, the boy wants for nothing financially as my masters are your atypical WASP scumbags who cannot cope with anything outside their own viewpoints of normalcy but neither can they bring themselves to disown the boy outright.
Xavier: So you want me to take him out of their bigoted hands in exchange for a huge sum of money?
Butler: That is the offer, yes.
Xavier: You insult me, sir. I take all young people with mutations into my school based on need, not on financial reward.
Butler: So you won’t be needing the check for several million dollars?
Xavier: (grabbing the check) Not NEEDING as such… but advanced holographic technology doesn’t pay for itself… YOINK!
SCENE: The Xavier School For Mutants : The Pool
Xavier: I’m sorry to interrupt the 1 pm sunbathing and lounging around class, but I wanted to introduce our newest student. This is Warren. He never wears shirts.
Kitty: Oooh! I wanna sink my teeth into that! I don’t care if he’s Kosher or not…
Storm: Kitty, you’re 13 or something. Granted, we’d never know if from that swimsuit or the way your body is drawn in the long shots…
Rogue: Hold on… isn’t that kinda weird? I mean, he looks like an angel… and then we have demons walking around with us…
Nightcrawler: Ummmm….
Rogue: I mean, its all Biblical, right? Sign of the end times? The forces of good and evil standing among us, working in plain sight?!?
Nightcrawler: Uh.. hello? Standing right here?
Xavier: Now, Rogue…. Kurt is not a demon. Apologize to him.
Rogue: I’m sorry I called you a demon, Kurt.
Nightcrawler: That’s okay. I’m just happy to see someone else is getting the dialogue with the heavy-handed religious commentary
Rogue: Well, I’m just glad to be able to say “I” instead of “Ah” and “sugar” instead of “sugah”.
Xavier: I do understand your concerns and we will be discussing the religious implications of mutation later. Not now.
Rogue: When will we be discussing it, Professor?
Xavier: Off-camera. There’s no way I’m going to piss off the Christian Coalition by touching this subject with a 10 foot poll in any story that will see print.
SCENE: The Xavier School For Mutants : The Next Day
Pro-Mutant Protestors: God is a mutant!
Anti-Mutant Protestors: God hates mutants!
Xavier: Before I ask which one of you is responsible for the crowds of zealots outside the campus, I would like to point out that I a) am not stupid b) am a telepath c) already know the answer and d) know that one of you has a history of saying things he shouldn’t to people about the inner-workings of our semi-secret school of superheroic celebrities… HANK?!
Beast: What? I just posted it on a few websites… along with those naked pictures of Storm.
Storm: You son of a-
Xavier: You can electrolyze the hair off of him later. Right now, I want you to go find Warren.
Storm: Why me?
Xavier: Because he likes you.
Storm: You read his mind to find that out?
Xavier: No, I found the pictures bookmarked on the computer in his room.
SCENE: A Cliff.
Storm: Hey.
Warren: Wow, I finally get some dialogue of more than like three words in a book that’s all about me.
Storm: We want you back.
Warren: So you can laugh at me some more?
Storm: We weren’t laughing. Well, Bobby was but we try to ignore him. All the girls think you’re gorgeous and want you to take them to heaven and back.
Warren: Okay. So I am going to have a lot of gorgeous and in the most case legal-age girls fighting over me…but people think I’m this thing I’m not.
Storm: So go show them what you are. Look, I write and nobody knows I write and nobody thinks of me as a writer, but that doesn’t mean I’m not a writer.
Warren: … what?
Storm: I don’t know. It’s news to me too, but it’s a lot more characterization than I got when Mark Millar was writing this book.
Warren: Well….I guess I can get all those nuts off the lawn, at least.
SCENE: The Xavier School For Mutants
Warren: I’m not an angel. I’m a mutant. I don’t have any message from any God, but I think that fighting over the whole thing is pretty silly and that we should all be good to each other despite our differences.
*crickets chirp*
SCENE: A Diner
Hank: (reading from newspaper) Angel Sightings are Mutant Hoax on Page One…. Dick Cheney’s Oil Company overcharging customers on page 20.
Shadowy Figure: Rather a mess, isn’t it?
Hank: Who are you?
Shadowy Figure: Darned if I know. Allow me to say something cryptic to lead into the next part of the story.
Wolverine: Hey! I didn’t show up once in this book! Call my agent!
Monday, May 26, 2003
Ultimate X-Men #33 - A Review
Written by: Mark Millar
Penciled by: Adam Kubert
Inked by: Danny Miki
Colored by: Dave Stewart
Lettered by: Chris Eliopoulos
Editor: Ralph Macchio
Publisher: Marvel Comics
I’ve been accused in the past of not liking Mark Millar. I think I’m about half in half. True, I despise “The Ultimates” and think that his attempts to turn The Avengers into The Authority are misguided at best… and idiotic at worst. But I also think that the first part of his “Superman: Red Son” Elseworld’s is one of the best Superman stories in years. And I’ve started reading back issues of Ultimate X-Men to keep up on events that are crossing over into the Ultimate Spider-Man title. And while I did like the first few major story arcs that reintroduced us to the X-Men, I have found Millar’s last story arcs: “Ultimate War” and “Return of the King” to be competent, if uninspired.
Here is the whole story in a nutshell. Professor X goes to visit Magneto in his plastic prison cell. The two debate philosophy as friends, while affirming that there is no way they can ever reach a common ground politically. At the same time, Cyclops and Wolverine confront each other over Logan’s longing for Jean and the steps he took to win her away from Cyclops.
Hmmm… now why does this seem so familiar?
In the case of the former, we saw this scene in both X-Men movies. In the case of the later, we saw it before in countless X-Men stories over the past 20 years. I will give Millar credit in that he does a twist here in how Cyclops handles the situation by actually doing something besides posturing and making threats… but still, the whole thing feels like a summer rerun and the issue of Logan’s betrayal are dismissed far too quickly.
The art team of Kubert and Miki do a competent job, however. Everything is cleanly illustrated and well defined, which is more than I can say of the team that works on Millar’s other Ultimate title, The Ultimates. Or perhaps I should say Millar’s only Ultimate title, since this is his last issue of Ultimate X-Men. Brian Michael Bendis takes over this title next month, and if he can only make this half as good as Ultimate Spider-Man, it will still be an improvement over Millar’s uninspired “Return of the King”.
Penciled by: Adam Kubert
Inked by: Danny Miki
Colored by: Dave Stewart
Lettered by: Chris Eliopoulos
Editor: Ralph Macchio
Publisher: Marvel Comics
I’ve been accused in the past of not liking Mark Millar. I think I’m about half in half. True, I despise “The Ultimates” and think that his attempts to turn The Avengers into The Authority are misguided at best… and idiotic at worst. But I also think that the first part of his “Superman: Red Son” Elseworld’s is one of the best Superman stories in years. And I’ve started reading back issues of Ultimate X-Men to keep up on events that are crossing over into the Ultimate Spider-Man title. And while I did like the first few major story arcs that reintroduced us to the X-Men, I have found Millar’s last story arcs: “Ultimate War” and “Return of the King” to be competent, if uninspired.
Here is the whole story in a nutshell. Professor X goes to visit Magneto in his plastic prison cell. The two debate philosophy as friends, while affirming that there is no way they can ever reach a common ground politically. At the same time, Cyclops and Wolverine confront each other over Logan’s longing for Jean and the steps he took to win her away from Cyclops.
Hmmm… now why does this seem so familiar?
In the case of the former, we saw this scene in both X-Men movies. In the case of the later, we saw it before in countless X-Men stories over the past 20 years. I will give Millar credit in that he does a twist here in how Cyclops handles the situation by actually doing something besides posturing and making threats… but still, the whole thing feels like a summer rerun and the issue of Logan’s betrayal are dismissed far too quickly.
The art team of Kubert and Miki do a competent job, however. Everything is cleanly illustrated and well defined, which is more than I can say of the team that works on Millar’s other Ultimate title, The Ultimates. Or perhaps I should say Millar’s only Ultimate title, since this is his last issue of Ultimate X-Men. Brian Michael Bendis takes over this title next month, and if he can only make this half as good as Ultimate Spider-Man, it will still be an improvement over Millar’s uninspired “Return of the King”.
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