Starman Plays Vampire The Masquerade: Bloodlines - Parts Fifty-Seven and Fifty-Eight

In Part 57, we storm the Venture Tower, reenact a scene from Brazil and ponder the mysteries of how the corpses of all the people I kill stealthily magically disappear.



And then, in Part 58, we come to the explosive ending of our chronicle, as I deal with Prince LaCroix once and for all. After a little more sneaking around and a fight with the Sheriff of LA.

Starman Plays Vampire The Masquerade: Bloodlines - Parts Fifty-Five and Fifty-Six

In Part 55, we go full-blown murder-hobo and start trying to kill monks with flame-thrower crossbows to collect a bunch of jade statues. Why? To get on to the next part of the temple level, of course!


And then, in Part 56, we finally, after replaying The Temple Level and re-configuring our sheet, face the leader of the Kuei-jin.

 DEATH TO MING!

Starman Plays Vampire The Masquerade: Bloodlines - Parts Fifty-Three and Fifty-Four

In Part 53, we Escape From Santa Monica (doesn't sound as impressive as Escape From L.A.), discuss our next move with a friendly cab driver (who is TOTALLY not Caine himself incognito!) , find out Nines isn't dead and make the first strike against the dojo of the Kuei-jin!



And then, in Part 54, we continue exploring the Kuei-jin dojo and quickly run into some issues with figuring out where to go next in the vast maze of rice-paper walls and endless ninjas.

Starman Plays Vampire The Masquerade: Bloodlines - Parts Fifty-One and Fifty-Two

In Part 51, we finally fight our way to the local Sabbat leader, check in with everyone in the downtown LA neighborhood and Beckett loses his shit regarding the Sarcophagus making everyone else lose their shit.


And then, in Part 52, we track down Nines and fight a werewolf. And by fight a werewolf, I mean hide in the corner until we can make a dash for it and avoid the nightmarish creature that lives to kill vampires. That turns out to be the last of our problems, as we become the target of a Camarilla Blood Hunt.

Starman Plays Vampire The Masquerade: Bloodlines - Parts Forty-Nine and Fifty

In Part 49, we continue fighting our way through the Sabbat base - a level which is almost, but not quite, as annoying as the sewer levels.


And then, in Part 50, we continue fighting through the Sabbat base and it's unclear which is worse - the never-ending hordes of unholy monsters in our path or the never-ending glitches and bugs!

Starman Plays Vampire The Masquerade: Bloodlines - Parts Forty-Seven and Forty-Eight

In Part 47, which confront the Vampire Hunter Bach and try to defeat him again. And again. And again.

Yeah, this is kind of a tough fight that takes a lot of trial and error.



And then, in Part 48, we make like James Bond and flee an exploding compound, let our blood slave go to prove our love and begin the long and tedious process of cleaning out a Sabbat lair.

Starman Plays Vampire The Masquerade: Bloodlines - Parts Forty-Five and Forty-Six

In Part 45, we pull a job for Fat Larry, where we once again abandon stealth in favor of punching people to death because it's faster and less frustrating. We then stealthily infiltrate the secret monastery of The Cursing Monks of The Society of Leopold... despite setting off multiple explosives in the process.


Then, in Part 46, we are reminded once again about how much stealth missions suck if you don't have Obsfucate, as we try (and mostly fail) to sneak into the secret catacomb hideout of The Society of Leopold.

Starman Plays Vampire The Masquerade: Bloodlines - Parts Forty-Three and Forty-Four

In Part 43, we make a clean start of it and try to honestly take the sneaky way into The Giovanni mansion. This turns out to be easier than we thought considering we're wearing street clothes and reek like a sewer while going into a formal event!


And then, in Part 44, we discover that bringing a sword and a claw gauntlet to a gun fight is not nearly as stupid as you'd think when you're an Eastern vampire. And then we begin working with Beckett to unearth the secrets of The Ankaran Sarcophagus.

Starman Plays Vampire The Masquerade: Bloodlines - Parts Forty-One and Forty-Two.

In Part 41, we overcome the glitches and The Mandarin! And we finally pull off the heist of the century! And we get lost trying to find the shortcut to the Nosferatu hideout!

Wait... that last one isn't a good thing!

And then, in Part 42, we find out we kinda screwed up one of our missions for the Nosferatu.This pales in comparison, however, to the screw-ups we make in infiltrating the Giovanni mansion. And by infiltrating, I mean running around punching everyone.

Starman Plays Vampire The Masquerade: Bloodlines - Parts Thirty-Nine and Forty.

In Part 39, we continue having big trouble in Chinatown, trying to track down the missing Barabus. We then have the heist of the century foiled by our hacking skills being not quite high enough. Yet.


And then, in Part 40, the trail for Barabus leads us into a seedy nightclub and a confrontation with The Mandarin. Alas, it is not Ben Kingsley, but a mad scientist determined to make us a test subject!

Starman Plays Vampire The Masquerade: Bloodlines - Parts Thirty-Seven and Thirty-Eight.

In Part 37, we start stock-piling guns and ammo, continue setting up the Nosferatu Network and are reminded, once again, how much stealth missions in this game suck without Obsfucate.



And then, in Part 38, we make our first trip to Chinatown and meet the High Priestess of the Kuei-Jin. We then seek to help the honorable Wong Ho rescue his daughter. And if you think I'm going to make a joke about his name being Ho, I'm sorry, but it's way too easy.

Starman Plays Vampire The Masquerade: Bloodlines - Parts Thirty-Five and Thirty-Six.

In Part 35, we finally find the Nosferatu's hideout and get out of the freaking sewers! Of course now we have to do a bunch of fetch quests for the Nosferatu but it's a welcome change of pace from fighting spidery vagina monsters in the sewers.


And then, In Part 36, we help Mitnick the Nosfeartu Hacker set up his spy network and check back in with the Anarchs regarding Prince LaCroix's plans.

Starman Plays Vampire The Masquerade: Bloodlines - Parts Thirty-Three and Thirty-Four. [NSFW]

Part 33. Another video. Another level of the sewer. But this time we're fighting entirely new unholy abominations while flipping switches and trying to figure out where to go while wishing we'd put more points into Firearms when we leveled.

WARNING: Contains images of morbidly obese fat bastards and a saggy-breasted scorpion woman boss with a vagina in her belly. I think. It's all Gigeresque and freaky whatever they are.



And then, in Part 34, we get to Level 4 of The Warrens. Where the rat corpses hang in mid-air and the incredibly challenging scorpion vagina boss monsters are now low-level mooks.

Did I mention that I really hate sewer levels?

Starman Plays Vampire The Masquerade: Bloodlines - Parts Thirty-One and Thirty-Two.

In Part 31, we seek the source of the demonic snuff film and kill the Tzimisce responsible for creating  the monsters involved. And then we enter into the sewers in search of the missing Nosferatu.




In Part 32, we continue exploring the sewers. Because we all love sewer levels, right kids?! Who doesn't love wandering the same brown-grey tunnels over and over, flipping switches, solving puzzles and trying to find which way to crawl to advance?!

Everyone! Everyone doesn't love that! But hey - it pads out the game!

Starman Plays Vampire The Masquerade: Bloodlines - Parts Twenty-Nine and Thirty.

In Part 29, we finally find a cemetery and meet Romero the zombie-fighting groundskeeper. (Gedit?) And after failing to help him repel the zombies, we embark on a much nobler quest - finding him a lady friend. And it turns out my joke about getting The Baron of Hollywood some snuff porn was more accurate than I knew.


And then in Part 30, we wait for a phone call and raid the local Internet Cafe to find out who is peddling vore porn in Hollywood. We then find out that demons are really easy to punch to death and talk a Gargoyle into joining the fight to keep Hollywood Camarilla free.

Starman Plays Vampire The Masquerade: Bloodlines - Parts Twenty-Seven and Twenty-Eight. [NSFW]

In Part 27, we vanquish and vivisect a vile vampire-hunting vixen on behalf of the voluptuous Velvet Velour. We also discover that we have the power to punch strippers through glass walls and that vampire hunters can hide a katana anywhere!

We then go in search of a ginger swan, try to figure out who is helping a young screenwriter spill the beans on vampire society and stumble across yet another serial killer. Like you do.



In Part 28, we deal with a crazed killer by being a more efficient crazed killer, have a talk with a thin-blood about the importance of keeping up the Masquerade and seduce a food critic before wandering aimlessly around Hollywood looking for a clue.

Starman Plays Vampire The Masquerade: Bloodlines - Parts Twenty-Five and Twenty-Six. [NSFW]

In Part 25, we say to Hell with The Prince's orders, to Hell with stealth and just run through the museum beating the crap out of security guards and shooting security cameras. Because I'm the Goddamn Toreador!


Then, in Part 26, (after a quick trip home to check up on our minion), we head out to Hollywood, get the lay of the land from a helpful smut peddler, go pick up some snuff porn for the local Baron and hit up the local strip club. [This Chapter is NSFW]

Starman Plays Vampire The Masquerade: Bloodlines - Parts Twenty-Three and Twenty-Four

In Part Twenty-Three, we have our first run-in with a vampire hunter and barely escape with our unlife. We then go on a search for a man called Muddy, in an effort to avoid doing any more work for The Prince for as long as possible.


In Part Twenty-Four, we break into the museum, waste a lot of time trying to disable a security system that can't be disabled and are reminded, once again, how much stealth missions in Vampire SUCK if you don't have Obsfucate.

Starman Plays Vampire The Masquerade: Bloodlines - Parts Twenty-One and Twenty-Two

In Part Twenty-One, we (finally) recover the werewolf blood sample (despite a number of bugs and a blatantly unfair stealth level), play dress-up with our new slavegirl and go call upon the (mad)house of the leader of the local Malkavians.



In Part Twenty-Two, we continue exploring the mad mansion of Dr. Alistair Grout, play with electricity and listen to a LOT of audio diaries.

Starman Plays Vampire The Masquerade: Bloodlines - Parts Nineteen and Twenty

In Part 19, we recruit our own nubile little slave girl, hit the Confessions goth club looking for a meal and learn the importance of saving early and saving often as we go after the Russian Mafia.



And then in Part 20, we become a club owner (well, part-owner), check in with the Anarchs, do a little more bounty hunting and get to know our new ghoul geek girl.