I eventually found my way to the office of Colonel Hsu - the head man of the NCR base. I asked if I could do anything to help. Amazingly, he didn't give me the enlistment speech but said I should check with Captain Curtis regarding a saboteur and then check with Lieutenant Boyd regarding a Legion prisoner. I decided to see out Boyd first since I'm always up for anything that involves annoying The Cosplay Legion.
Boyd: Can I help you?
Me: Hel-loooooooooo soldier Nurse!
Boyd: Well, you stick out like a sore thumb.
Me: I'm sorry but it's been a few weeks since I've seen a woman who showers.
Boyd: Spare me. What are you doing here?
Me: The Colonel sent me. Said you have a prisoner giving you trouble.
Boyd: I'll say. He's a high ranking Legion officer. I talk a good game but he doesn't seem to take women soldiers seriously and keeps talking about how much better I'd look in a collar and nothing else.
Me: (whispering to Boone) He may be evil but he's a man of taste.
Boyd: WHAT WAS THAT?!
Me: Nothing!
Boyd: Damn right it was nothing. Now, the NCR rules keep me from torturing a prisoner. But YOU aren't NCR. So I figure that I can go in there, talk you up, and then let you beat the snot out of him until he's ready to speak.
Me: Ummmm... excuse me, but I have these skinny twig arms and I have no idea how to throw a punch.
Boyd: Yeah, but I just REALLY wanna see you beat this guy up.
Me: I don't think that would be very effective.
Boyd: Pull your shirt off dramatically... maybe oil up a little bit first.
Me: Uh... what?
Boyd: Maybe spank him a little because he's been so bad...
Me: ... oh, I get it. You're trying to make a point about inappropriate sexual imagery.
Boyd: You ARE smart. Maybe you can beat him up with your brain, somehow.
Me: ... you know, I think I can.
Silus: Oh joy. Another weakling who thinks he can scare one of Ceaser's Legion.
Me: Yeah. These NCR guys are paper tigers, aren't they?
Silus: None of these pitiful toy soldiers scare me!
Me: (Intelligence 8) What about a Legion Soldier, Silus? If one of them was trying to kill you, would THAT scare you?
Silus: Hmmph. You're not with the Legion.
Me: (Intelligence 8) Quisnam Custodiae custodie Tutela... bitch?
Silus: (eyes widening) Latin! Then you are...
Me: ... here to kill you for disobeying orders.
Silus: WHAT?! GUARD! GUARD!
Boyd: What is it, Silus?
Silus: Lieutenant Boyd, you MUST get this man out of here. He is a Legion spy disguised as a mercenary who has been sent to kill me.
Boyd: Hmm. Gee. Well, I would see to hate you die. No wait, what's that word I'm thinking of? LOVE. I'd love to see you die.
Silus: I'm too valuable as a prisoner! It will be your career if anything happens to me!
Boyd: You know... somehow, I'm okay with that. Seeing you crap your leather kilt will be worth it. (to Me) Carry on.
Me: So what all have you told them, Silus?
Silus: Nothing! I'm no traitor.
Me: (Intelligence 8) True Legionaries die before being captured, Silus. Whether you lacked the courage to follow through or are an NCR spy, we have no use for you.
Silus: I'm too valuable as a commander to the Legion! It would be a waste of resources for me to die! Listen, I swear I haven't told them anything! If you can help me get out of here, I'll disappear. Leave the NCR. Grab a caravan east. Nobody will ever hear from me again.
Me: (Intelligence 8) So you're a traitor AND a deserter...
Silus: What?! No! Listen! I've already told you that I told them nothing! I didn't tell them we have a spy among their own officers here! I didn't breath a word about how Ceasar's illness is growing stronger. I didn't tell them about...
Me: ... how utterly gullible you Legionaries are? You were right the first time, hoss. I'm not with The Legion.
Silus: ... You! You!
Boyd: Nice job. Wish I'd seen you slap him around a little more but I can't have everything I want.
Me: Well, thanks but I've got to get to work. Colonel Hsu said something about a saboteur on this base... and if what Silus said is accurate, it's one of the officers. I don't suppose you've seen anything suspicious?
Boyd: Would be much of an MP if I didn't.
Boyd gave me leads on several odd things going on around the base. The one that sounded the most promising was that someone had been going into one of the watchtowers several nights in a row and that whoever was doing it had a command code to bypass the security system. This too suggested an officer was the spy since this tower housed the radio system used to send messages to other nearby NCR bases. I talked with some of the other men and one of the snipers told me that he'd seen lights on in the tower about 1:30 am while he'd been on watch the last few nights.
After a quick check in with Captain Curtis, who was officially heading the investigation into the spy, I got official permission to go wherever I needed to in the course of my investigations. I then set about setting up a hidden observation post near the tower and waited for nightfall.
Me: Boone, I just had a thought.
Boone: Hmm.
Me: There's a computerized login to get into the tower. Why don't I just hack the system and see who was in the tower at that time the last few nights?
Boone: Hacking a government computer is a crime in all NCR controlled territories punishable by a sentence of no less than five years hard labor.
Me: Yep. That's exactly why I don't do that. Say, why don't you go look over that way for our saboteur?
Boone: That way... away from the tower?
Me: ... yes. Just run a patrol out that way.
Boone: ... Right.
Me: What a gyp! This only gives the access numbers, not staff IDs!
Captain Curtis: What are you doing here?
Me: Ah-ha! Captain Curtis!
Captain Curtis: Civilians are not allowed out here.
Me: But... you gave me permission...
Captain Curtis: Stick to the script, son. Why are you out here?
Me: (Speech 60) Uh...It was hot in my room and I wanted to get some cool air.
Captain Curtis: Ah, well that's okay then. I know how good a cool walk at night can feel. That's what I'm doing right now. Just taking a cool walk. At night.
Me: Right. Well, you just uh... enjoy your walk, Captain.
Captain Curtis: Thank you. (enters the communications tower)
Boone: Didn't see anybody except Captain Curtis. And he's taking a night walk.
Me: Did he ask what you were doing out here?
Boone: I'm First Recon. Nobody asks me much of anything.
Me: Right. Come on. I think I know who our spy is.
Captain Curtis: ... just placed the bomb on the monorail to the Vegas strip. Don't think they suspect a thing.
Boone: Traitor!
Captain Curtis: What-
*BOOM*
Me: Nice shooting, Tex. But I don't think his hat can be salvaged.
Boone: Bigger problems. Bomb.
Me: Good point.
Me: There it is!
Tram Voice: The tram to Las Vegas is now leaving.
Me: What? NO!
*KA-BOOOOOM*
Me: Did you see that?
Boone: Bit hard with the flash of light but... yeah. Can just see the smoke against the dark.
Me: Oh crap, this is horrible! I mean, nobody was likely to be on the monorail this late but...
Me: Nice shooting, Tex. But I don't think his hat can be salvaged.
Boone: Bigger problems. Bomb.
Me: Good point.
Me: There it is!
Tram Voice: The tram to Las Vegas is now leaving.
Me: What? NO!
*KA-BOOOOOM*
Me: Did you see that?
Boone: Bit hard with the flash of light but... yeah. Can just see the smoke against the dark.
Me: Oh crap, this is horrible! I mean, nobody was likely to be on the monorail this late but...
Me: Nice shooting, Tex. But I don't think his hat can be salvaged.
Boone: Bigger problems. Bomb.
Me: Good point - wait! Did you just get a feeling of Deja Vu?
Boone: What, the sensation that you're experiencing something you've experienced before?
Me: Yeah! Like we've been here before and were going to run to stop the bomb and...
Boone: Yeah. Maybe we should report to the Colonel first?
Me: Yeah. I mean, cool as we ware, probably some sort of bomb squad expert should go deal with the bomb.
Me: Colonel Hsu! There's a bomb on the monorail! And a possible distortion of the space/time continuum!
Colonel Hsu: What?! Well, why are you wasting time here? Go disarm it!
Me: But I'm not trained in bomb disposal!
Colonel Hsu: Do it or I'll have you drummed out of the service.
Me: I'm not in the service.
Colonel Hsu: Would you like to enlist?
Me: Sure!
Colonel Hsu: Great. Now, go deal with that bomb or I'll have you drummed out of the service!
Me: Yes sir!
*KA-BOOOOOM*
Me: Okay. Talking with the Colonel is just going to waste time. We need to get to the monorail NOW!
Me: There it is!
Tram Voice: The tram to Las Vegas is now leaving.
Me: What? NO!
*KA-BOOOOOM*
Me: Let's try something new this time.
Boone: Okay.
Me: Now, the tram doesn't seem to start moving until after I walk towards it, right?
Boone: Right.
Me: The tram has some kind of AI that senses when I approach so it plays the warning voice, right?
Boone: Right.
Me: Therefore, if I sneak past the sensor, I can get on the tram and disarm the bomb.
Boone: That's crazy.
Me: If I'm wrong, we'll probably get a chance to try it again.
Boone: I don't fucking believe this.
Me: (standing up) Yeah, well when you're as awesome as I am, sometimes...
Tram Voice: The tram to Las Vegas is now leaving.
Me: Ah, shine on you crazy monorail...
*KA-BOOOOOM*
Me: What the?! But we disarmed the bomb! Let's try that again!
*KA-BOOOOOM*
Me: This time we SNEAK off the tram too.
Boone: Whatever you say...
Boone: I STILL don't fucking believe this.
Me: (creeping off the monorail) Yeah, well I'm sure this time it will work...(standing up once off the monorail)
Tram Voice: The tram to Las Vegas is now leaving.
Me: Boone, no! You're still on the train!
Me: Boone! You just phased through the monorail! And are hovering in mid-air where the train was!
Boone: Yeah. Weird.
Me: *sighs* Here we go again...
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