If the Globe Theater had an internet message board frequented by comic fans:
"FUCK YOU SHAKESPEARE! WHERE DO YOU GET OFF KILLING OFF ROMEO AND JULIET? Clearly, you have no conception of how drama is supposed to work, since you won't let your characters be happy!"
"It was a total rip-off of the sub-plot from Midsummer's Nights Dream anyway. Talk about unoriginal."
"I'm still waiting for WS to explain the continuity errors in Antony and Cleopatra. There is NO WAY that both AAC and Julius Ceasar can take place simultaneously!"
"Don't get me started on Ceasar! HEY STUPID WILL! THE PLAY IS CALLED JULIUS CAESAR NOT BRUTUS WHINES FOR THREE ACTS!"
"Ugh, you think the Julius Caesar continuity is bad? Falstaff fucking disappears between the second part of of Henry IV and the start of Henry V! It's like WS forgot all about him!"
"yo tardo falstaff dies inbetwen storis lololol"
"PLEASE SIGN MY PETETION FOR A FALSTAFF MEMORIAL IN HENRY'S CASTLE THANK YOU!"
"Of course Shakespeare wants his characters to be miserable. He's the last person I'd go to for something fun. All he writes is gorey garbage like Titus Andronicus and continuity porn like the Henry plays."
"He so badly wants to be Kit Marlowe it's kind of sad."
"The worst was King Lear. Cordelia's death was just another cliche 'Woman in an Icehouse' moment from Hacks-peare."
"The man clearly has issues. I mean, Taming of the Shrew? Women are shrews? I feel sorry for his wife. No, I don't, she must deserve it if she has so little self-esteem to be with him. Othello is one of the most offensive and racist pieces of filth I've ever had the misfortune to see. And Merchant of Venice is just as bad. I'm honestly surprised people still give him work, he so clearly has an anti-diversity agenda."
"Is he really all that bad? I thought Hamlet was sort of okay."
"Oh, please, the plot of Hamlet makes no fucking sense. There's a ghost and incest and an army on the border, yet they have time to fart around with stupid little plays that do NOTHING to advance the story? It's stupid. And he clearly killed Rozencrantz and Guildenstern because of his anti-fun agenda, as has already been noted."
"According to 'Reclining in a Ditch' WS doesn't even really write the plays anyway."
"With incompetents like Hackspeare writing plays, it's no wonder that kids today spend so much time at the bear baiting pits instead of going to the theater."
"Shyea, whatever, I'm waiting for the folio anyway."
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