Since I had a snow day from work today and since things were good and melted by the time the comic shop opened... a rare Wednesday update!
JACK OF FABLES #30 - I agree with Jack - not nearly enough of him in this comic. Still, I can forgive it for the sight of Paul Bunyan doing battle with a sentient giant library.
SHEENA: DARK RISING #3 - A woman in a leopard-print bikini doing battle with Nazis should not be this dull nor so poorly illustrated. At least it avoids the cheesecake extremes of Jungle Girl but would it kill them to use an artist who had access to an anatomy textbook, if not a formal education in how bodies should look? Every single page of this comic looks like a preliminary sketch.
WONDER WOMAN #28 - The fight continues against Genocide and we are told about how very bad it is that said creature has Diana's lasso. Ho hum. Despite this, we get to see Black Canary being a competent leader AND fighter. Sad that this should happen during a guest-shot in Wonder Woman rather than in her own comic but I'll take what I can get at this point.
The real meat of the issue takes place in the "smaller" scenes, where we find out that Cheetah is somehow behind Sarge Steel's madness and we learn more of Zeus' plans for the all new, all-male Amazon clan and their plans to end war... by killing all of the warriors.
Still, good choice for Jason to be the leader of the new Manazons. He's a Greek Hero, a leader of men, a clever and resourceful king and a brazen jackass whose sons were killed because he wanted to ditch the woman who betrayed her family to help him get The Golden Fleece and then decided to dump her for a trophy wife.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Thoughts On Final Crisis: Final Crisis #7
Hulk Am Confused!
p.1 - This has nothing to do with President Obama. Not a thing.
p. 2-3 - And there's a Black Wonder Woman called Nubia. Not a Jack Kirby reference, but definitely an early-70s DC one.
p. 4 - Well, at least Renee didn't say "A whole %#$@%$ Multiverse and they all look like you people." Still, I thought Renee was clearing the path to settle a new reality - not gather the shock troops to save it.
p. 5 - When did Power Girl start growing her hair long again?
p. 6-7 - Okay, so Lois Lane, Jimmy Olsen, Captain Marvel and Supergirl make a time capsule for humanity, telling the story of the final battle and it's nominally the one we are reading right now. Is that why this doesn't seem to be making sense? Reality warped it in transit?
p. 8 - This is a good line. "You turned your back and I wrecked your world. I robbed your people of their powers, their hopes, their future themselves. What will you do when your friends, your enemies, your lover are all Darksied? When there is One Body. One Mind. One life that is Darksied. Will you be the enemy of all existence, then? What irony that will be, Son of Krypton."
p. 9-12 - So... The Flashes guide The Black Racer to Darksied, as he fires the god-killing bullet that goes back in time to kill Orion. So since Batman got the bullet AFTER it killed Orion... where did the bullet come from in the first place? And what the hell does Aquaman's prophesied return have to do with any of this?
p. 13 - Heroes and Villains, working on building something while trying to find a Life Equation. Presumably The Miracle Machine Superman was given a glimpse of last issue. But when are they doing it? Post Darkseid's death? Another world?
p. 14-15 - Here's Checkmate going down in flames and the Japanese superhero team going through a Boom Tube... somewhere.
p. 16 - And here's Supergirl telling stories to a bunch of kids, about what is going on. They look as confused as I feel.
p. 17 - At least we didn't get a full-on splash-page parody as we see Ubermensch mouring the death of Uberfrauline. (NEEEEEEEEEEEIN!)
p. 18-19 - And thus did Frankenstein show up on a giant dog to beat up Wonder Woman and Lex Luthor showed up save Superman, uniting Good and Bad in a war against Evil. But what the heck is all this about a bacteria that strips away superpowers? That wasn't mentioned anywhere in the last six issues!
p. 20-22 - Ah, okay. The kids Supergirl and Wonder Woman are talking to are being stored... somehow... to be revived later, along with Lois. Somehow, Superman is going to use The Miracle Machine to fix everything later. And Wonder Woman somehow got un-Darkseid Zombified and used her lasso to tie the guy up without hurting him.
p. 23 - So Superman sings the Life Equation into the machine and uses that to kill Darkseid. Or reverse the effects of the Anti-Life Equation. Or something.
p. 24-25 - We're sorry Mario, but your princess is in another castle. And Darkseid's plot was all a build up to the appearance of Mandrakk. Yes, Mandrakk.
Not Marduk. Not Mandark. Not Mandrake. Mandrakk.
p. 26 - Annnnnnd, the Green Lanterns FINALLY show up.
p. 27-28 - And it's the League of Supermen. Kinda.
p. 29 - And then it turns out that one guy is The Monitor of the Universe and he uses his powers to summon what appears to be The Legion of Superpets of Earth 35, The Armies of God and... Captain Mother%#$ing Carrot!
Somewhere, Scott Shaw! is smiling.
p. 30 - Maybe now that Marvel is writing Samuel L. Jackson out of all their movies, Sam can get hired to play the Monitor in the Final Crisis animated movie? Because who else could say "No one #$%% with the judge of all evil." the same way.
p. 31-36 - So basically, The Monitors write themselves out of existence, having decided the best way to prevent their interference is to not exist at all? And Superman wound up using The Miracle Machine to put everything back the way it was so that none of this ever really happened. And Earth 51 is now officially the home of every crazy ass thing that Jack Kirby ever thought of that doesn't fit into mainstream continuity. Works for me.
p. 37-38 -
Yes. Batman is not dead. But we already knew that.
p.1 - This has nothing to do with President Obama. Not a thing.
p. 2-3 - And there's a Black Wonder Woman called Nubia. Not a Jack Kirby reference, but definitely an early-70s DC one.
p. 4 - Well, at least Renee didn't say "A whole %#$@%$ Multiverse and they all look like you people." Still, I thought Renee was clearing the path to settle a new reality - not gather the shock troops to save it.
p. 5 - When did Power Girl start growing her hair long again?
p. 6-7 - Okay, so Lois Lane, Jimmy Olsen, Captain Marvel and Supergirl make a time capsule for humanity, telling the story of the final battle and it's nominally the one we are reading right now. Is that why this doesn't seem to be making sense? Reality warped it in transit?
p. 8 - This is a good line. "You turned your back and I wrecked your world. I robbed your people of their powers, their hopes, their future themselves. What will you do when your friends, your enemies, your lover are all Darksied? When there is One Body. One Mind. One life that is Darksied. Will you be the enemy of all existence, then? What irony that will be, Son of Krypton."
p. 9-12 - So... The Flashes guide The Black Racer to Darksied, as he fires the god-killing bullet that goes back in time to kill Orion. So since Batman got the bullet AFTER it killed Orion... where did the bullet come from in the first place? And what the hell does Aquaman's prophesied return have to do with any of this?
p. 13 - Heroes and Villains, working on building something while trying to find a Life Equation. Presumably The Miracle Machine Superman was given a glimpse of last issue. But when are they doing it? Post Darkseid's death? Another world?
p. 14-15 - Here's Checkmate going down in flames and the Japanese superhero team going through a Boom Tube... somewhere.
p. 16 - And here's Supergirl telling stories to a bunch of kids, about what is going on. They look as confused as I feel.
p. 17 - At least we didn't get a full-on splash-page parody as we see Ubermensch mouring the death of Uberfrauline. (NEEEEEEEEEEEIN!)
p. 18-19 - And thus did Frankenstein show up on a giant dog to beat up Wonder Woman and Lex Luthor showed up save Superman, uniting Good and Bad in a war against Evil. But what the heck is all this about a bacteria that strips away superpowers? That wasn't mentioned anywhere in the last six issues!
p. 20-22 - Ah, okay. The kids Supergirl and Wonder Woman are talking to are being stored... somehow... to be revived later, along with Lois. Somehow, Superman is going to use The Miracle Machine to fix everything later. And Wonder Woman somehow got un-Darkseid Zombified and used her lasso to tie the guy up without hurting him.
p. 23 - So Superman sings the Life Equation into the machine and uses that to kill Darkseid. Or reverse the effects of the Anti-Life Equation. Or something.
p. 24-25 - We're sorry Mario, but your princess is in another castle. And Darkseid's plot was all a build up to the appearance of Mandrakk. Yes, Mandrakk.
Not Marduk. Not Mandark. Not Mandrake. Mandrakk.
p. 26 - Annnnnnd, the Green Lanterns FINALLY show up.
p. 27-28 - And it's the League of Supermen. Kinda.
p. 29 - And then it turns out that one guy is The Monitor of the Universe and he uses his powers to summon what appears to be The Legion of Superpets of Earth 35, The Armies of God and... Captain Mother%#$ing Carrot!
Somewhere, Scott Shaw! is smiling.
p. 30 - Maybe now that Marvel is writing Samuel L. Jackson out of all their movies, Sam can get hired to play the Monitor in the Final Crisis animated movie? Because who else could say "No one #$%% with the judge of all evil." the same way.
p. 31-36 - So basically, The Monitors write themselves out of existence, having decided the best way to prevent their interference is to not exist at all? And Superman wound up using The Miracle Machine to put everything back the way it was so that none of this ever really happened. And Earth 51 is now officially the home of every crazy ass thing that Jack Kirby ever thought of that doesn't fit into mainstream continuity. Works for me.
p. 37-38 -
Yes. Batman is not dead. But we already knew that.
President Obama Likes Conan!
SOURCE: Obama Disappointed Cabinet Failed To Understand His Reference To 'Savage Sword Of Conan' #24
I'll be the first to lobby for the abolition of the 22nd Amendment if President Obama swears by Crom or Mitra on-camera.
I'll be the first to lobby for the abolition of the 22nd Amendment if President Obama swears by Crom or Mitra on-camera.
Only 6 Hints? Well, we're trying to be nice...
SOURCE: 6 Hints That Frank Miller Might Have Issues With Women
Not a very full list (All The Women In The Spirit and All The Women In Sin City are two of the entries) but if you were to name every individual female character Frank Miller created who had disturbing connotations, you could easily go to 60.
You want a real challenge? Name a female character in a Frank Miller story who isn't a whore, a stripper or a teenage girl. I can only think of one - The Queen in 300. And what they did to her in the film adaptation (even though I don't think Frank had a hand in the writing on that) kinda negates that. All she did in the comic was deliver that line about "Come back with your shield or on it."
EDIT: Okay. I just remembered Elektra. That's two. But how sad is it that I forgot what is probably the best character, male or female, that Frank Miller ever created in the wake of all the crap?
Also, Queen Gorgo doesn't count since she was sorta based on a historical character, so she wasn't really created... which brings us back to one.
Not a very full list (All The Women In The Spirit and All The Women In Sin City are two of the entries) but if you were to name every individual female character Frank Miller created who had disturbing connotations, you could easily go to 60.
You want a real challenge? Name a female character in a Frank Miller story who isn't a whore, a stripper or a teenage girl. I can only think of one - The Queen in 300. And what they did to her in the film adaptation (even though I don't think Frank had a hand in the writing on that) kinda negates that. All she did in the comic was deliver that line about "Come back with your shield or on it."
EDIT: Okay. I just remembered Elektra. That's two. But how sad is it that I forgot what is probably the best character, male or female, that Frank Miller ever created in the wake of all the crap?
Also, Queen Gorgo doesn't count since she was sorta based on a historical character, so she wasn't really created... which brings us back to one.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Fast Thoughts - The Week of 1/21/09
A bigger week than usual for me. Sadly, a lackluster one. But amazingly, the books that have disappointed me the most of late were the ones that excited me the most this month.
BIRDS OF PREY #126 - Good news - most of the gigantic waste of space that was The Syndicate (aka the techie-based super-villain group that has been the main source of eeeee-vil in BoP since Tony Bedard took over) has been killed off.
Bad news - in order to do that, they turned The Calculator into a Borg/Matrix Droid. This would be kind of a cheeseball move, even if the design of "Calculator 2.0" and the circumstances of his empowerment at the hands of the sentient program Kilgore seems awfully similar to when Brainiac forcibly assimilated Barbara Gordon during Gail Simone's run.
I'd drop this book if the end weren't so close.
CONAN THE CIMMERIAN #7 - Either the flashback stories of Conan's grandfather are growing on me or I didn't mind this one as much since it had a more direct bearing on the action of the on-going story than previous stories, as Conan's mother tells him of his grandfather and how the old man would wander off into the woods alone for days at a time but always returned, his wanderlust not quite so great as his desire to stay with hearth and home.
As for the current action, Conan's latest romance - and his departure from his village - are settled in perhaps the only way they could be settled. Still, the images are powerful, despite being heavily foreshadowed. I am sure Robert Howard would approve.
DOCTOR WHO: THE FORGOTTEN #6 - The Doctor sums up my own thoughts on last issue's ending beautifully with his first sentence. "... now that's just stupid." It turns out that the revelation that the ultimate villain was... well, who they said it was... another fake-out. And a beautifully pulled off one I fell for hook, line and sinker.
I don't want to spoil too much of this story or the final chapter, except to say that this is easily one of the best bits of Doctor Who writing that isn't a part of the TV Show. The eventual trade paperback is a must-read for any fan of Doctor Who.
GREEN LANTERN #37 - Geoff Johns is writing an epic here, with more and more revelations coming out with every issue as The Final Crisis ends and The Darkest Night approaches. This issue?
* Confirmation that the Red Lanterns are little more than rabid dogs with no intelligence.
* Removing a Red Lantern's ring kills them.
* Blue Lanterns can not only recharge the rings of other Corps Members at will - they can drain power from them as well, as we see in this issue as they depower a slew-load of Yellow Lanterns.
* The leader of the Red Lanterns Atrocitus (aka the guy who prophetically predicted both Abin Sur's death and Sinestro's betrayal of the Green Lantern Corps) gives Hal a prophecy. "One day, you will become renegade once more. The Guardians will take your greatest love from you. You will revolt. And you will lose everything as the universe divides." Now taking bets on if this involves Carol Ferris, Cowgirl or Hal's Family.
Please do not spoil the secret of the last page!
HELLBLAZER #251 - Somehow, I missed the news that Peter Milligan was taking over as the writer on this book from Andy Diggle. A damn shame, especially since - after the bang-up job that Diggle did on Green Arrow: Year One - I was really hoping he might wind up on Green Arrow/Black Canary if his schedule freed up.
I'm not bitter at all, mind you.
So how was Milligan's first solo issue? Well, I'm giving it another issue or two before making any big judgments... but so far, so good. Milligan has already passed my first test for any Hellblazer scribe: must be British. And I rather like John's new love interest even though I give her a cheesemaker's chance of surviving past the next issue. Still, the plot - involving John's developing a very odd scabby rash mixed with seemingly unrelated tale of a union worker turned scab in a strike - is your standard, high-quality Hellblazer concept so far. One to keep an eye on.
JUSTICE LEAGUE OF AMERICA #29 - Lame. Just... lame. I don't care if this IS setting up something for Dwayne McDuffie next month, this book looks and reads like what it is; a one-shot fill-in issue that was probably commissioned solely to be a "Faces of Evil" tie-in. The artwork leaves one longing for Ed Benes, ass-shots and all and Len Wein - while capable of writing a good Justice League story - doesn't do his legend any favors here.
KNIGHTS OF THE DINNER TABLE #147 - Not even the typically lame and lackluster 'Gaming The Movies' column could ruin this issue. With a wonderful review of Fallout 3, an article introducing a wonderful Sanity mechanic for base-line d20 games, another presumably useful article that introduces wizard familiar rules that 4th Edition D&D was somehow released without and a spattering of hilarious comics depicting things coming to Hard 8 Enterprises as well as The Black Hands attempts at a Cattlepunk game... this is the best KoDT in a goodly while.
Unsurprisingly, there are no letters praising the new column. But there was another intelligent, thoughtful letter written by a Gamers Rant fan who notes that as disappointed as he is with Jolly Blackburn's decision to knuckle under to the whims of a devoted team of trolls with too much time on their hands, he isn't going to stop reading the magazine because of it or even make threats to that effect. This proves once and for all, I think, that all intelligent, right-minded and generally dashing and handsome people support Noah Antwiler and his snarky, unapologetic reviews.
BIRDS OF PREY #126 - Good news - most of the gigantic waste of space that was The Syndicate (aka the techie-based super-villain group that has been the main source of eeeee-vil in BoP since Tony Bedard took over) has been killed off.
Bad news - in order to do that, they turned The Calculator into a Borg/Matrix Droid. This would be kind of a cheeseball move, even if the design of "Calculator 2.0" and the circumstances of his empowerment at the hands of the sentient program Kilgore seems awfully similar to when Brainiac forcibly assimilated Barbara Gordon during Gail Simone's run.
I'd drop this book if the end weren't so close.
CONAN THE CIMMERIAN #7 - Either the flashback stories of Conan's grandfather are growing on me or I didn't mind this one as much since it had a more direct bearing on the action of the on-going story than previous stories, as Conan's mother tells him of his grandfather and how the old man would wander off into the woods alone for days at a time but always returned, his wanderlust not quite so great as his desire to stay with hearth and home.
As for the current action, Conan's latest romance - and his departure from his village - are settled in perhaps the only way they could be settled. Still, the images are powerful, despite being heavily foreshadowed. I am sure Robert Howard would approve.
DOCTOR WHO: THE FORGOTTEN #6 - The Doctor sums up my own thoughts on last issue's ending beautifully with his first sentence. "... now that's just stupid." It turns out that the revelation that the ultimate villain was... well, who they said it was... another fake-out. And a beautifully pulled off one I fell for hook, line and sinker.
I don't want to spoil too much of this story or the final chapter, except to say that this is easily one of the best bits of Doctor Who writing that isn't a part of the TV Show. The eventual trade paperback is a must-read for any fan of Doctor Who.
GREEN LANTERN #37 - Geoff Johns is writing an epic here, with more and more revelations coming out with every issue as The Final Crisis ends and The Darkest Night approaches. This issue?
* Confirmation that the Red Lanterns are little more than rabid dogs with no intelligence.
* Removing a Red Lantern's ring kills them.
* Blue Lanterns can not only recharge the rings of other Corps Members at will - they can drain power from them as well, as we see in this issue as they depower a slew-load of Yellow Lanterns.
* The leader of the Red Lanterns Atrocitus (aka the guy who prophetically predicted both Abin Sur's death and Sinestro's betrayal of the Green Lantern Corps) gives Hal a prophecy. "One day, you will become renegade once more. The Guardians will take your greatest love from you. You will revolt. And you will lose everything as the universe divides." Now taking bets on if this involves Carol Ferris, Cowgirl or Hal's Family.
Please do not spoil the secret of the last page!
HELLBLAZER #251 - Somehow, I missed the news that Peter Milligan was taking over as the writer on this book from Andy Diggle. A damn shame, especially since - after the bang-up job that Diggle did on Green Arrow: Year One - I was really hoping he might wind up on Green Arrow/Black Canary if his schedule freed up.
I'm not bitter at all, mind you.
So how was Milligan's first solo issue? Well, I'm giving it another issue or two before making any big judgments... but so far, so good. Milligan has already passed my first test for any Hellblazer scribe: must be British. And I rather like John's new love interest even though I give her a cheesemaker's chance of surviving past the next issue. Still, the plot - involving John's developing a very odd scabby rash mixed with seemingly unrelated tale of a union worker turned scab in a strike - is your standard, high-quality Hellblazer concept so far. One to keep an eye on.
JUSTICE LEAGUE OF AMERICA #29 - Lame. Just... lame. I don't care if this IS setting up something for Dwayne McDuffie next month, this book looks and reads like what it is; a one-shot fill-in issue that was probably commissioned solely to be a "Faces of Evil" tie-in. The artwork leaves one longing for Ed Benes, ass-shots and all and Len Wein - while capable of writing a good Justice League story - doesn't do his legend any favors here.
KNIGHTS OF THE DINNER TABLE #147 - Not even the typically lame and lackluster 'Gaming The Movies' column could ruin this issue. With a wonderful review of Fallout 3, an article introducing a wonderful Sanity mechanic for base-line d20 games, another presumably useful article that introduces wizard familiar rules that 4th Edition D&D was somehow released without and a spattering of hilarious comics depicting things coming to Hard 8 Enterprises as well as The Black Hands attempts at a Cattlepunk game... this is the best KoDT in a goodly while.
Unsurprisingly, there are no letters praising the new column. But there was another intelligent, thoughtful letter written by a Gamers Rant fan who notes that as disappointed as he is with Jolly Blackburn's decision to knuckle under to the whims of a devoted team of trolls with too much time on their hands, he isn't going to stop reading the magazine because of it or even make threats to that effect. This proves once and for all, I think, that all intelligent, right-minded and generally dashing and handsome people support Noah Antwiler and his snarky, unapologetic reviews.
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