Looking To The Stars: A List of Grievances

First things first; if you missed last week’s column regarding the whole Katrina situation, read it now! Just because a week has passed and I’m finally taking some time to *GASP* write about comics doesn’t mean you get a pass on trying to do something. Hell, go out and do something for SOME good cause. Be a hero yourself in a small way instead of just reading about them.

Now, with all apologies to George Carlin, here is a list of some things and people in the comic book industry and comic book fandom that are just plain pissing me off!

First thing I could easily do without; the adults-only crowd. We need to get rid of every writer, artist and marketing executive hoo-hah that insist that it is a waste of time and effort to try and market comic books to kids anymore. There is a market out there. Trust me; I have seen too many kids who watched Spider-Man 2 over and over and over, have a Fantastic Four T-shirt or dress up as Batman at Halloween to believe that there is no market out there for safe but enjoyable comics written for younger readers.

Which leads to me to something I’ve written about in depth once before; let’s have a few more books like The Stardust Kid, The Thief of Always and Gus Beezer and a few less books like Marvel Adventures: Spider-Man. You wonder why kids don’t want to read all the comics you make for kids? It’s because most of them suck! Get Stan Lee to come back and write a Spider-Man title instead of publishing some half-assed, third-rate rip-off of his best works. Get someone to help punch up the dialogue if you MUST have cool modern slang but let that man spin the plots if nothing else.

And we could easily do without the comic fans who complain about kids in their store. Yes, it happens. I had one customer ask me once why we had the Hentai Manga sealed up and declare, after I explained it was to keep children from reading it accidentally, “What are you doing letting children into a comic book store?” Sadly, he was being serious.

So if the presence of children bothers you that much, come in the middle of the day while the kids are still in school or during the middle of the week when they are less likely to come in. Or use a mail-order comic service. Your need for creepy Japanese tentacle porn does not exceed the rights of all the parents out there.

And while we’re on the subject of parents and protecting the children… let me say a few words about clueless parents who don’t do their jobs.

My comic shop goes through a lot of effort to make sure that books that aren’t for children stay out of their hands. We put them up on high shelves. We seal up the particularly nasty issues in laminated bags. One of the higher-ups reads through all the preview comics and makes a list of which new titles should be kept out of reach. And all the employees are expected to keep track of this kind of thing and inform parents when they are about to get their kids something inappropriate. A lot of comic shops use the same or similar safe guards.

So it really chafes me when I have someone come in with their five-year-old and then proceed to buy 20 bucks worth of Spawn comics and I tell them that it’s probably not appropriate for them and they start screaming about how they have the right to decide what their children read. Well, you know what? I have the right to cover my ass and say that you were warned before Timmy becomes a chronic bed-wetter and you decide it would be a really great idea to sue me for selling you the evil comic book that scared him so bad. So pardon me for trying to protect your children from things they probably aren’t ready to deal with. Maybe if you did your job as a parent, I wouldn’t have to.

But let’s not forget the flip-side on this. The over-protective nuts. The people like the woman who complained to me at length, using some most unfriendly words, about how Betty and Veronica’s bikinis made them look like “sluts”. These were not thong bikinis or something like that; just regular, full-bottomed two-piece swimsuits.

You know, Betty and Veronica have been drawn rather sexily and scantily for some time now and apart from sparking several disturbing drunken bar talks about which fictional characters a group of friends would like to fornicate with (I was always partial to Cheryl Blossom myself), I don’t think that a drawing of a girl in a bikini does anyone any harm. Well, unless a guy stares at it while trying to drive and has a car wreck… but that’s besides the point.

And while we’re on the subject of parenting, here are a few more folks we could do without…

Every parent who brings their children into a comic store and devotes all their time to trying to get a bored son to pick out something to read, while discouraging their daughter who is looking at everything, saying that it is “boys stuff”. I say “parent” instead of father because I’ve actually seen mothers do this too! And people wonder why there are so many girls who fail to get into reading at a young age.

Every parent who, while getting their own comics, discourages their children’s curiosity over something they enjoy and tells them “not to touch” the comics for any reason other than “your hands are dirty” or “that book isn’t good for you”.

In fact, let’s go one step further and call out every parent who comes in looking for an “investment” for their children. God forbid your kids should actually be reading the comics.

There’s another thing that’s been annoying me; comics as an investment. Is anyone besides the publishers and a few of the middle-men comic shops actually making money off of the special edition variant covers? I don’t think so! Aside from inflating order numbers and providing work to artists who lack the drive or ability to do a monthly title, what purpose do they serve?

And whatever marketing weasel came up with the idea of alternate-cover hard-cover collections (like with the upcoming Identity Crisis HC) should be strung up by the ankles and lashed with a rolled-up copy of X-Men #1.

Is it safe to say that we’re all sick of overly-hyped, disappointing mega-crossover events with book tie-ins that really have no connection to the mega-crossover? Just checking.

But enough generalities. Here’s a few more specific examples of people I can do without.

* Judd Winick fans complaining about nobody else following Judd Winick’s continuity – you lost whatever sympathy I may have had for Devin Grayson ignoring what Judd was doing in Outsiders and Batman had you shown me any when I said “You know, Black Lightning would never use his powers to kill,” and wrote me off as an old-school Silver Age shill who was trapped in the past.

* Brian Michael Bendis fans complaining about some of the House of M titles not working with his “grand vision”. Blame Marvel’s editors for screwing the pooch; not me for being the one to point out that the story timelines don’t match up.

* Everyone who is going to purchase the reported deluxe HC of Frank Cho’s Shanna The She Devil with the original nude artwork restored. You can find pictures of real bare-naked women for free with a simple Google search; be thrifty AND less creepy!

* People who complain about how Writer A can’t make a deadline but then excuse away Writer B, who also can’t make a deadline, but is a much bigger jerk about it. (I don’t need to name names. You’ll all just fill in the blanks anyway. )

And finally everyone who has a negative opinion but doesn’t bother to listen to the other guy’s point of view? Forget them.

Speaking of which, if anyone out there has any comments or has issue with something I said, my e-mail is always open.

Tune in next week. Same Matt time. Same Matt website.

Looking To The Stars: More Important Than Comics

Last week, I asked everyone for your thoughts on whether or not I should publish a list of things that were making me angry about the comic book industry and comic fandom right now. The unanimous response from all the e-mail I received was that those of you reading this like my work no matter what the tone and subject matter. Everyone who wrote in wanted to see my list.

And you will. Eventually.

This week though…I have just one thing bothering me about comics fandom; all the people who have nothing better to do right now than sit on their ass complaining about comics when there are more important issues to worry about! Yes, I’m talking about the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina. So here, in no particular order, is a list of people and things in the current situation that are annoying the piss out of me.

1. BLAME-SHIFTERS

This covers a LOT of ground on both sides of the political fence. There are too many people who are trying to blame the slow response time and lack of organization concerning disaster relief on one political affiliation or the other. Right now, it does not matter that the Mayor of New Orleans is a Democrat. It does not matter that the President is a Republican. It doesn’t even matter at this point when the States asked the Feds for help.

What matters is that there are a lot of people in danger of dying from disease and famine and trying to assign blame for why things are so bad is not doing a damn thing to help them. So to every politician, reporter and jerk in a chatroom with too much free-time on their hands; get off your ass and do something to help!

2. PSEUDO-PATRIOTS

This goes along with #1. While it doesn’t do us any good at this time to start playing the Blame Game, that doesn’t mean we can ignore the fact that things are being badly mismanaged at the Federal level. Naming names helps no one, but failing to keep an eye out for people exploiting the disaster hurts everyone.

Would you wait until after the surgery was over to point out that the doctor was cutting off the wrong leg? Of course not! You’d say something while it was still possible to fix things before they got worse. That’s why I have lost all patience with the people who are pleading against blame-shifting purely as a means of protecting whatever interests they think will be endangered by people trying to think about how things got this bad. The most common excuse against this is because it’s Un-American.

Case in point: while we knew this disaster would cause gasoline prices to go up, the jump started BEFORE the oil supplies along the Gulf Coast were trashed. It seems probable that some of the oil companies are gouging the consumers and using the disaster to cover their tracks. Well, rather than be one more voice complaining about the gas-prices, do something useful and report it. There’s a handy dandy on-line form at US Department of Energy Website. You might also try calling the Attorney General for your state; many of them have started investigations into the illegal price-fixing. And even if you don’t do something to fight the gas-pirates, shut up about the gas prices. I don’t care if they really hit home; just be thankful you still have a home.

3. LOOTERS

Let me clarify first of all that I am not talking about people stealing food or medicine that is seriously needed for the survival of their families. I’m not a religious man, but I’ve read enough to know that most religious dogma agrees that while stealing is a bad thing, forgiveness can be warranted for good causes. St. Thomas Aquinas once said that if a man’s family is going hungry, it’s no sin for him to steal a loaf of bread. And even ignoring the spiritual arguments, I have a lot more logical sympathy for the woman stealing baby formula than I do the jackass who is taking advantage of the disaster to get an X-Box 360. Sure, I can’t play it now… but once the water goes down… oh baby!

4. PEOPLE COMPLAINING ABOUT ALL LOOTERS

Okay. It’s technically criminal. But you’d be breaking windows to get some canned peas if you were in their shoes too. You may deny it, but you would. So get off your high damn horse and do something to help these people.

5. SUBTLE RACISM

While I don’t buy into any of the theories going around about how the slow Federal response to the disaster was part of some mass conspiracy by the power elite to racially cleanse the Gulf Coast by allowing the poorest, minority-filled areas to be hit the hardest and denied aid, anyone who denies that there is a subtle form of racism going on in depicting the current situation is just naive.

Don’t believe me? Check out these photos and the accompanying blurbs.

Remember kids: Black people are looters. White people are finders.

I’ve also had it with all the ignorant people making snap judgments as to why the people stranded in New Orleans chose not to leave. Most of them chose nothing. I can’t find the statistics to confirm this, but I heard on the news that 1 in 3 people in New Orleans don’t own a car. Even removing the children and the infirm elderly, that still leaves a sizeable number of people who had no direct way to take action for themselves. And these people need help right now; not some jerk telling them they should have helped themselves and asking why they should be bothered to do anything?

6. DENIALISTS AND THE WRONG MEDICINE

According to Alcoholics Anonymous, the first step to overcoming alcoholism is admitting that you have a problem and that you need help. This is actually good advice in dealing with many bad situations; you can’t start fixing it until you admit things are broken and that you need help.

It seems to me though that our Federal Government is refusing to admit that we need help. With a lot of the National Guard units of the states affected overseas in Iraq, there is a serious lack of manpower to move in and deal with the few people in New Orleans who have turned to violence. And trust me; the people who are rioting are a minority. The LA Times has a good article about this and how we sent in soldiers who were expecting combat who found only a lot of hungry and sick people desperate for a way out.

Sadly, it says a lot about the mentality of the people running the show right now that their first thoughts are of punishing the wicked and not saving the needy. This is not blame-shifting or finger-pointing. I just honestly want some things explained to me.

Explain to me why we are refusing the aid of other countries? There have been countless stories of this going on in the past week. A Google search will bring up a lot of them but the first one I saw involved us refusing the aid of the the Jamaican government.

Explain to me why we are turning away volunteers? People are showing up and being turned away by the forces surrounding the city. Even the Red Cross has been denied entry to start distributing food and evacuating the sick. Now obviously, if things are that big of a war zone (which, as we saw earlier, they probably aren’t) we aren’t going to want to send in civilian volunteers. But why can’t we have doctors and nurses who want to help outside the city ready to treat the people getting moved out?

7. GOD’S WILL

This sort of goes along with #1, but I’ve heard enough of this it deserves to be mentioned separately. To everyone who is dismissing this tragedy because of New Orleans being a wicked, sinful city: please shut up, for the love of whatever thing you call God.

This may escape your notice since most of our media coverage of Katrina’s aftermath has centered upon New Orleans, but Mississippi and Alabama got hit really hard too. All of downtown Mobile Alabama, not a bastion of permissive behavior by most standards, is completely underwater. As I said before, I am not a religious man but I’d like to think that any god interested in trashing a wicked city would have better aim.

8. PEOPLE TO ADMIRE

Finally, because I have vented my spleen so much this week… let’s end on a happy note and talk about some people who, in the middle of a bad situation, have actually been showing some exemplary behavior.

There’s 18 year old Jabbor Gibson, who took an abandoned school bus in New Orleans and personally drove it and about 100 people out of the city to the evacuation center in Houston. Sadly, with a Vogonish approach to protocol that is proving sadly typical for this disaster, his people were turned away from the Astrodome at first and Gibson himself may be facing criminal charges for stealing a vehicle. To his credit, Gibson said “I dont care if I get blamed for it, as long as I saved my people.” No good deed goes unpunished, I guess.

And I must acknowledge New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin, who was the first person in power honest enough to say that not enough was being done. Regardless of what he may have done or not done before the disaster, he has earned my respect for being man enough to say that he doesn’t care if he keeps his job or not at this point; so long as the people he was elected to serve are helped.

And thank you everyone around the world who has tried to help deal with this a little bit, even if your help was refused.

Speaking of helping, here’s a list of places you can check out to find out what more you can do. Donate blood. Buy some extra groceries and donate them. Pitch in a dollar to the charity at the supermarket. Even if you’ve already done something to help, it can’t hurt to see if you can do more.

Personally, as far as charities go, I suggest The Louisiana Disaster Recovery Foundation. This way you can be sure your donations are going directly to the people in Louisiana who need it.

And now if you’ll excuse me, I have to get going to the grocery store. For some odd reason, I seem to find myself curiously short on canned goods right now.

Tune in next week. Same Matt time. Same Matt website.

Looking To The Stars: Wither Looking To The Stars?

Welcome back my friends to the show that never ends!

Okay. Would you believe the show that is mildly delayed but continues on a semi-weekly basis?

I still have a steadier schedule than Warren Ellis.

Regular readers of this feature will probably remember that my writing time was somewhat limited over the summer due to my balancing a full time job with a full-time volunteer gig, full-time classes and having to do my final thesis work. Still, it’s all over and done now and I have a nice new Masters of Science degree to flaunt around at all the job interviews.

To those of you who are new readers or forgetful, that’s probably why we haven’t met yet. In the digital sense, that is. You are owed a quick explanation.

This is my personal soapbox upon which to rant upon all things related to graphic literature. This is, I say in all modesty, home to some of the more insightful commentary and biting satire the Comics Nexus has to offer. (To say nothing of the most pompous, self-serving diatribes this side of Stan Lee. – Tim Stevens)

This is Looking To The Stars.

All settled? All introduced? Good. Now, to new business.

A few weeks back… I wrote a list of people who keep me coming back to comics despite my occasional annoyance with the hobby, some of the writers, the artists, the trends and some of our fellow hobbyists. And I got very little in the responses from you all. This marks a rather disturbing trend I noticed concerning the amount of mail I receive and the correlation to the subject matter discussed.

Simply put, whenever I talk about something nice and wonderful which I think everyone should be reading I rarely get much in the way of mail back. No “thanks for pointing me toward this” or “I agree this is great”. But whenever I go off on something… oh boy, do you let me hear about it.

Now I don’t rant and rave about the evils of various people all that often. I think venting is healthy for the spirit but it makes for pretty dull text to hear someone ranting about the same stupidities over and over again. Just as sure as the same sugary prose gets pretty dull to read. It gets pretty dull to write, too. That’s why I asked to stop being given Lucifer to review. I can only think of so many ways to say “This book is brilliant and everyone should read it.”

The thing of it is… while I prefer not to be the angry young man of Comics Nexus, (Ha! He’s the oldest one on staff and Jesse Baker has him beat on sheer anger – Tim Stevens)I do believe that some of my best work does come out of negative commentary. So before I publish something I wrote last night in a bit of catharsis… a list of everything in the comics world that is annoying me to the point of making me ready to quit the hobby complete with some observations that the friends I’ve showed it to find quite humorous… I want some honest answers from all of you.

So go. Read my old work. Tell me what you’d prefer. Should I publish the list or shouldn’t I? Do you think I’m at my best and funniest as a destructive force? Or would I be better off writing about that which I think is worth reading and ignoring the bad stuff?

Send your responses to starmanmatt@yahoo.com I await your e-mail.

Tune in next week. Same Matt time. Same Matt website.

Looking To The Stars: Random Thoughts at 2 AM.

Salutations, gentle readers! May I deliver my apologies once again for the rather sporadic rate at which my usual ranting have been released. Would that I had the excuse of some of my colleagues of having spend that last few weeks partying down in San Diego.

Sadly, real life is being even more difficult at the moment than I had feared it would be when I embarked upon the mad course to finish all my Masters degree studies over the summer. Between that, a full time job, looking for a new job for once I get my degree, financial difficulties stemming from class fees and some other personal business that I shan’t go into here… I’m swamped. It has gotten to the point that I’ve canceled my comic subscription.

Yes, I know. The Seventh Seal has broken and the end is nigh!

Don’t worry. I’m still picking up a few titles. I just no longer feel the need to reserve anything for myself, save Red Sonja and Fables. And that’s mostly so my girlfriend can have a copy, those being the two books she reads. The fact of the matter is I have precious little time to read lately.

And honestly? The vast majority of what is published today holds little thrill for me. I’ve already written off Marvel Comics completely, as far too many of their books possess the same dull tone. And this was before everyone was dragged into the long-drawn out abyss that is House of M. DC is somewhat better, though they have far too many books promising tie-ins to Villains United or some other mini-series but failing to deliver. Still, the quality level on the writing is still high for the most part and so long as Gail Simone and Geoff Johns continue to write their respective titles, I’ll still have the occasional DC title gracing my hand.

More and more, I find myself reading more independent works. The gamer in me continues to revel in Dork Tower and Knights of the Dinner Table, as well as the new Dr. Blink: Superhero Shrink. Hellblazer, Lucifer, Fables and any Sandman-based Vertigo title are also sure to be snatched up. Ex Machina continues to be the best book published today, because of Brian Vaughan’s writing and Tony Harris’s pencils. And I continue to pick up Conan and Red Sonja; devout Robert E. Howard fan that I am.

On a side note, I recommend that all fans of the fantasy comics head down to your local bookstore and pick up a copy of “The Coming of Conan”. All of the original Howard Conan stories, uncut and unabridged with no rewrites or additions as often happened in some of the reprints of his work.

And of course; my favorite web comics continue to give me a little amusement a few times a week. I may not be able to pick up a book every week now, but I can always click a bookmark. I’ve sung the praises of all these titles before, but because I need to do this every once in a while for the new readers who don’t check the archives, here’s links to every web-based comic I think is worth reading.

Something Positive
Midnight Macabre
New Gold Dreams
Queen of Wands
8-Bit Theater
Penny Arcade
The Order Of The Stick
Punks and Nerds
Nice Hair

And finally, I’d like to do a very special recommendation for Halloween-Man. Long published as an independent title through a number of smaller companies (most recently through Across the Pond), Halloweenman. With grotesque, monstrous heroes and even more disturbing villains, this title is a screaming love-letter to the good ol’ days of Lee and Kirby. There’s a little something for everyone; humor, monsters, superheroes, romance. The whole gamut of the human condition, in other words. And, for those who care about such things, a whole lot of social commentary that is hidden behind damned engaging action stories.

I’ve been a fan ever since I met writer and creator Drew Edwards at a Con a while back. And I think you’ll all be fans too if you give it a shot. You can see a few sample comics at Halloweenman.com and order more from the on-line store. I highly recommend the latest ash-can: Raw Meat. It is worth picking up, if only for the story involving the elemental spirit of Fandom. It must be read to be believed.

Tune in next week. Same Matt time. Same Matt website.

Looking To The Stars: The Words Of Doom - A Review of The Fantastic Four Movie

Good day to you all, if indeed it can ever be considered “good” when you do not live under the watchful eye of Doom! Yes readers; it is I! Victor Von Doom. Here to deliver a special address.

No doubt some of you are wondering what happened to the “Looking to the Stars” column that usually runs upon Mondays in this digital periodical. Though most might wonder why you could think of anything else when one could read the writings of Doom, I will answer this query. For it amuses Doom to do so!

You see, the American who usually has his “writings” published in this magazine is currently busy with his studies for a Masters Degree. While Doom would normally commend the attempt of anyone to better themselves, Doom must scorn his seeking enlightenment from a University…particularly, an American University. The American Collegiate system is full of small, petty minds devoted to stifling individual achievement. T’would be better to find enlightenment on one’s own terms, as Doom did! But Doom digresses.

Many of you also are no doubt wondering why Doom would consent (some might say descend) to having his words of wisdom published in such a piece of “low literature”. A fair question; easily answered. Doom’s thoughts are high and heavy ones, but on occasion Doom sees fit to try and educate the great masses of the Earth in the hopes that general intelligence may gradually rise within the populace.

Of course it would be much faster for Doom to construct a device to instantly increase the intelligence of every human on Earth. But Doom knows well that the sudden shock of such enlightenment would prove far too disturbing for many of your feeble minds to handle. For now Doom must content himself with a slower, more gradual method of informing the world of Doom’s thoughts, bringing about slow changes until more are ready to embrace the changes that Doom has to offer.

With that said, we come to the purpose of Doom’s missive this day; the new “Fantastic Four” movie. To be exact, Doom wishes to discuss Doom’s portrayal in it!

Now, it should surprise no follower of Doom’s exploits that Doom felt this film was destined for failure as surely as if it were one of the accursed Reed Richard’s experiments! With the notorious short attention span of the American public coupled with the anti-Latverian slant of the American media, there seemed little doubt that this film would fail in capturing the awesome splendor that is Doom. Still, having obtained a preview screening of the film through bargains with demonic powers bearing names best not spoken by knowlessmen, Doom can say that even he was shocked at how badly the mark was missed. I give you then the following points.

1. The Origin Story

In the film, Doom is portrayed as a successful businessman whom the incompetent and desperately poor Reed Richards is forced to beg for help in order to test his theories. What few hopes Doom had were dashed within these first five minutes. For while it amused Doom greatly to think of Richards begging him for work… even as Doom reminisced of the many times Richards had begged for his life at Doom’s hands… the idea that Doom would ever consent to work with Richards, even with Richards as an underling… absurd!

To say nothing of Doom limiting himself as the head of a corporation and not striving to become the world leader it is Doom’s destiny to be! And the accident which granted Richards and his family their powers occurs upon Doom’s space station. Preposterous! Any space station of Doom’s design would have adequate shielding to protect against any form of theoretical radiation- unlike certain other scientists Doom could mention. And while a token mention is made of Doom’s glorious homeland of Latveria, the actor portraying Doom does not possess even the slightest hint of an accent. He also possessed a high, reedy voice… not the booming baritone that has made Doom famous as a public speaker!

2. The Power of Doom

Rather than being a self-made man of science and sorcery in this film, Doom acquires super-human powers through exposure to radiation. While Doom might have found this somewhat acceptable were the powers used as a substitute for Doom’s magical might – Doom understanding well the superstitious nature of Americans when confronted with magic and how many of your “educated” spiritual leaders go aflutter at the mention of a certain bespectacled teenager with a lighting-bolt scar – there is no mention made at all of Doom’s prowess as an inventor, master of robotics and creator of brilliant weaponry. Indeed, the film Doom is content to use simple heat-seeking missiles and liquid hydrogen pumps rather than, say, fitting the entire Baxter building with rockets and blasting it into the sun! And do not get Doom started upon the decision to portray Doom with metallic skin rather than his skillfully-created armor. Doom already has special plans for Warren Ellis, who fumbled up that “inspired” retelling.

3. The Love of Doom

There is a sub-plot to this film where the film Doom is romantically interested in Susan Storm. This is nearly as big a flight of fancy as Susan Storm being portrayed as a brilliant genetic engineer in Doom’s employ and not the glorified hausfrau of limited intelligence she truly is. Honestly, what woman possessing any degree of intelligence would stand by the foolish Richards? Doom would be a more stable father and a better provider. And those of you who thought just now of how Richards’ ability to stretch his body might hold the key to explaining why his marriage has lasted so long… be thankful Doom has yet to find time to finish building the device that can deliver electric shocks to the dirty-minded telepathically.

Remarkably, they did get the “Fantastic Four” themselves correct. Grimm is well portrayed as a simple common man, thrown to the winds by Richards’ incompetence. Jonathan’s character is very well acted, being shown off for the short-sighted and weak-willed hedonist that he is. Richards is portrayed as a helpless, hapless pretender, entirely dependent upon his team for protection. And as for Susan Storm…Doom finds that those who protest Jessica Alba’s portraying Susan Storm on the grounds of a Hispanic actress playing a decidedly Anglo-Saxon female are missing the bigger picture. There are many other non-racial reasons why Jessica Alba should not play the role of Susan Storm or indeed ANY role that does not require wild pelvic gyrations to loud music.

In short, this “Fantastic Four” film is unsurprisingly inept in capturing the truth and essence behind the glory that is Doom! Still, it would serve as a harmless diversion for two hours entertainment far better than this new “War of the Worlds” film. And to think I had once pondered bringing Steven Spielberg to Latveria in order to film a TRUE film about the life of Doom!

Alas, now I shall have to rebuild my time platform and procure Stanley Kubrick in order to obtain a suitable visionary to capture the essence of all that is Doom. In fact, I shall depart to do so this very moment! Fare well, people of the world. Know that the iron fist of Doom shall soon protect you all!

All the preceding thoughts were those of Dr. Victor Von Doom and to not necessarily reflect those of the staff of Comics Nexus. They especially do not reflect the opinions of “Starman” Matt Morrison, who rather liked the Fantastic Four movie and thought Jessica Alba did a good job.