Ultimate Fantastic Four #9 - A Review

Written by: Warren Ellis
Penciled by: Stuart Immonen
Inked by: Wade Von Grawbadger
Colored by: Dave Stewart
Lettered by: Chris Eliopoulos
Editor: Ralph Macchio
Publisher: Marvel Comics

Warren Ellis is famous for his outspoken views. Among these - and I am paraphrasing because there is no way I could ever get away with quoting the full passage from his manifesto in a family publication like this -is that superhero comics are a fungus, smothering the non-superhero comics in the industry. Well, I can’t speak for every superhero book on the market but judging by the way Mr. Ellis writes a superhero book, he’s spot on about some books sucking the life out of the genre.

Ellis took over this title two issues ago and is taking over Iron Man in a few months, despite announcement of an apparently premature retirement from comic book writing. Perhaps he realized that while there is a good deal of prestige in complaining about how horrible things are to an army of drooling sycophants on your blog, there is very little money in it. Or maybe this is all part of some cunning plan to bring The House of Ideas collapsing down like The House of Usher?

Either way, unless he is purposely trying to write some crude parody of the Fantastic Four as a joke, this book is as empty and pointless as the books Ellis has built a career on scorning. Signs of the old master who wrote Transmetroplitan are still here, such as the techno-babble Reed Richards effortlessly rattles off or the scene some issues before where the exact sciences governing the insides of a man who can stretch every cell of his body are discussed. And then we get the clumsy and disgustingly childish moments, such as a discussion about how Ben Grimm goes to the bathroom. Sadly for Brodie Bruce, we do not get an answer on if The Thing still has a thing.

At least the art is nice, with Immonen and Von Grawbadger doing the Fantastic Four justice visually. The various effects of super powers are well displayed and the image of thousands of robotic metal insects actually DOES look like thousands of insects instead of just a bunch of dots. Still, their work does seem like putting a fresh coat of paint on a car on cinderblocks: it looks nice, but it still doesn’t run.

Looking To The Stars: Mass O' Reviews

I got a lot of comics this past week and I’ve got a hankering to talk about them all. Since the exercise in brevity a few months ago was such a big hit, I’m trotting it out again. The rules are simple. I can use one paragraph with no more than four sentences to sum the book up completely.

Amazing Spider-Man #510

Oh My God, is the only way I can describe this issue. The good news is that it looks like Straczynski was serious about this story not involving clones. The bad news is that this could be JUST as bad if he can’t pull off the MAJOR revelation put forth in this issue. Do not reveal the stunning secret of the last page!

Final Score: 9 out of 10.

Army of Darkness: Ashes 2 Ashes #1

This book starts up right at the end of Army of Darkness (the original ending, not the alternate one), with Ash discovering that the potion that took him back to his time was off by a day. Now, with a chance to save the life of his girlfriend Linda, he is hauling Ash to the cabin from Evil Dead hoping he can get to her before the Deadites do. Cartoony as it should be in art and writing, this is a must-have for all fans of comedic horror. Hail to the King, baby!

Final Score: 8 out of 10.

Conan #6

I’ve always had a soft spot for the barbarian, no matter how goofy his adventures may have been towards the end of his Marvel Comics run or in the Conan The Adventurer Cartoon. But this new book is anything but goofy, treating Robert E. Howard’s greatest creation with a seriousness and single-mindedness worthy of Conan himself. Busiek’s writing is as top-notch as ever and Nord’s art sizzles on every page. Forget Ah-nold: the real hero is on the printed page.

Final Score: 9 out of 10.

Dork Tower #28

Slowly but surely we stumble towards resolution of the love triangle that has defined the plot of this book since its’ third year. Goth Gamer Grrl Gilly is moving to England and Matt, the ideal man for her, is miserable in his relationship with his gamer-hating girlfriend from Hell Kayleigh. To make matters worse, Igor just sent Kayleigh a copy of the comic Matt has been working on, whose heroine bears an amazing resemblance to a certain goth grrrrl. All this, and reasons why Call of Cthulhu Dark Ages is a totally different game from the modern-age Call of Cthulhu.

Final Score: 6.5 out of 10.

Fantastic Four #516

The least incarnation of the Frightful Four is defeated, as we knew any team featuring Hydro-Man as a prominent member would. And yet another one of Johnny Storm’s romances crashes and burns, no pun intended. A shame really, as The Wizard’s daughter Cole was quite an interesting character. Hopefully Mark Waid will see fit to return her in a later story.

Final Score: 7 out of 10.

Futurama #18

Time runs amok as this series based on the hit cartoon enters the second part of it’s first multi-issue storyline. Professor Farnsworth accidentally sent the entire population of Earth back to the days of the dinosaurs. The rescue effort isn’t going well, with a time vortex sending Fry to an issue of Weird War Tales, Leela to the days of Greek Mythology and Bender to a world where Robots, not witches, were the object of ire at the Salem Witch Trials. If you’re watching the endless reruns on Adult Swim and pining for the show’s cancellation, you should beam up a copy of this immediately.

Final Score: 7 out of 10.

Green Lantern #179

Ah, the cliché “two heroes fight over a misunderstanding” issue. It might seem like padding if Ron Marz didn’t write it so well. Beautifully illustrated by Luke Ross, the whole issue is filled with amazing images. In fact, I want a poster of the splash page with Kyle recharging his ring while standing on the Statue of Liberty.

Final Score: 8 out of 10.

Justice League: Another Nail #3

This book was a confusing mess, even for a guy like me who has a degree in DC Comics History. Everything DOES come together in the end of this issue, though the JLA really doesn’t DO much except stand around reacting to the works of about six other groups of people. This isn’t a book for the casual reader. It is a book for those of us who smile at the idea of Oliver Queen’s brain in the body of an Amazo Robot, using a makeshift bow to put down a giant space amoeba that is eating reality instead of saying “What the hell?”.

Final Score: 4.5 out of 10.

Small Gods #1

John Young is a cop who can see crimes before they happen but in a world where psychic powers are as heavily regulated as cars that power doesn’t really make his job any easier. Even after getting a telepath to verify and notarize his visions as real, they still have to catch the crook in the act to have any hope of putting them away. That’s the concept behind the world of Small Gods, where super powers are real and the lawyers have made everyone’s lives even more difficult. A great concept with wonderful writing and amazing photo-realistic art, this one is going on my pull list.

Final Score: 10 out of 10.

Spider-Man Unlimited #4

It seems like this title always has one really good story and one so-so or worse story. The so-so is “Love Withdrawal”, a ho-hum story of romance during a bank robbery. The good story, “The Old Ways”, centers upon a Native American doctor, who is inspired to change his life by a vision of Iktomi, the trickster spider, in the form of our favorite wall-crawler. I’m a sucker for any tale of trickster gods, but this one seems a worthy companion piece to JMS’s writings about Anansi in “Amazing Spider-Man”.

Final Score: 7 out of 10 overall, with “The Old Ways” getting 10 out of 10.

Tune in next week. Same Matt time. Same Matt website.

Ghostbusters: Legion #2 - A Review

Written by: Andrew Dobb
Penciled by: Steve Kurth
Inked by: Serge LaPointe
Colored by: Blond
Lettered by: Ed Duheshire
Editor: Sebastien Clavet
Publisher: 88 MPH Studios

I’ll admit to a slight bias here at the beginning. Ghostbusters is one of my favorite movies of all time and the animated series based on it was one of my favorites as a kid. So I picked up the first issue, read it, and loved it instantly. The characters were spot-on perfect. Venkman was just as smarmy and sarcastic as Bill Murray made him to be, Egon as intellectually oblivious as ever and Winston as… well, there as ever.

And now after a slight delay, Issue Two has hit the streets and continues the fine work of the first issue. The characterization is spot on, even as we continue to find the familiar characters developed even further to humorous results. The first issue had the moment where they discussed the reasons why Peter always spoke to the press beyond feeding his own ego (Winston and Ray won’t talk to reporters and Egon isn’t allowed to after “the incident”). This issue has Winston attacking the clown emblems in the Krazy Clown fast-food place they are protecting, explaining his deep-rooted fear of clowns and then screaming in terror as they return to the office where Jeanine has just finished putting into practice the theories of “Make Up & Make Him Yours” into practice in yet another attempt to get Egon’s attention.

Fun as this all is though, the comic has been a little slow in getting a big plot going, focusing half upon character scenes and half upon action scenes with a lot of smart dialogue. For those of us who know these characters and want to read about Ray’s crisis of faith regarding their work, Dana’s annoyance that Peter’s fame is interfering with their dates and Louis Tully becoming a sex symbol in the wake of nerd chic becoming the new big thing, this is good. For those of us more concerned with the plot involving ghosts becoming more intelligent and an old colleague of Ray, Peter and Egon who apparently nearly killed Ray after going crazy being on the loose… well, we’re going to have to wait another issue. This slow development is the greatest and only flaw behind this title and while it might be forgivable in a regular series, it is somewhat worrying in a four-issue miniseries.

Still, the artwork is top notch despite any problems with the speed of the story. All the characters are easily recognizable compared to their movie counterparts, despite the cartoonish style. The ghosts all look sufficiently slimy and scary. And Steve Kurth has a real gift for visual storytelling that flows well from panel to panel.

Looking To The Stars: Black Cat Crossing

For those of you who were expecting a review of Catwoman this week, I’m sorry. There isn’t one. There isn’t going to be one. I know you’ve all gotten used to Unca Starman doing a review of any and every comic-based movie that comes out. But this time… I couldn’t do it. I could not justify spending my eight bucks on a film that insulted every fiber of my being just by existing.

You see, I have a small cheering session in my head and all of them are screaming like a Spider-Sense. The comic purist is whining about how the movie had nothing to do with the books. The film freak cried bloody murder about how poorly shot the trailers looked and how bad the acting seemed. The writer in me started out quietly listing every other story that was ripped off to make the “plot” of the movie and then started yelling along with the inner cynic, who was wondering why Halle Berry agreed to this movie when she considered playing Storm an “insult” and how she had been "reduced to playing" comic book movies because Hollywood didn’t offer African American women decent roles.

“Oh yeah! Now I remember,” the cynic said sarcastically. “This time nobody expects her to ACT. She just has to put on a skimpy costume and walk around in the spotlight.”

Mind you, I did consider several options that would let me see the movie without paying for it. I’m friendly with a few theater managers who might consider giving me a pass or having let me in on the Thursday night preview. I thought about playing the press card on some of the theater people I wasn’t so friendly with. I even briefly considered setting up a Pay Pal link on the site and asking for donations, but rejected that idea after deciding that YOU shouldn’t have to pay to support the movie either.

Thankfully it appears that the fanboys, despite most of them usually being easily swayed by anything with cleavage, have stood firm in their resolve to not promote this movie in any way. I can attest to this as a comic book shop employee: I have not seen ONE copy of the new Catwoman: The Movie comic sold in my store.

Lord knows I did TRY and sell it to people (it was one of my sales goals this week) and Lord knows DC did try to make it easier for me to do so. Perhaps they too sensed what a turkey this was going to be and in an effort to apologize to the comic community in general, they had Jim Lee do a cover for the book.

It’s cynical but it is a tried, true and tested theory: put a Jim Lee cover on it and it will sell. They even did a second version of the comic, featuring some classic Catwoman stories and a Jim Lee sketchbook. Sadly, not even Jim Lee could make this monstrosity look good. And there’s nothing I can say good or bad about the fact that Chuck Austen wrote the thing that anybody on either side of the “Austen Is The Anti-Christ” argument will take seriously, so I won’t bother.

Here’s another sign of how strongly the fandom community is coming out against this movie; the collectibles based on it aren’t selling! And in an industry built upon guys who will buy anything if it’s billed as being an ultra-rare chase figure or “limited to a run of 6000” that is saying something.

Here’s how I discovered it. My girlfriend is a collector of Barbie dolls. I forget how it came up in conversation, but she just mentioned it a few weeks ago. This led me to mention the new line of superheroine Barbie dolls that came out a few months back. She just kinda smiled and said “Oooh, do they have Catwoman? I’d love one of her.” I checked my store and we were sold out. I checked ebay and that’s where I found it… and confirmation that the hordes of collectors out there are not nearly as stupid as the retailers and manufactures hope.

Cheapest Price on a Selina Kyle Catwoman Barbie? $40.

Most expensive bid on a Halle Berry Catwoman Barbie? $10.

Seeing that most of the Halle Berry Barbies are unbid on even with a price that can be paid in pennies and having your hope in humanity justified? Priceless.

Just did a quick check on ebay just now and it looks about the same You can see for yourself how well it’s going, but even this weekend… Halle Berry’s plastic dominatrix likeness is doing just as well as the air conditioner repairman in an Eskimo village.

It was all going so well, too. X-Men 2, while having some weak performances, was an improvement upon the first film and quite enjoyable. Hellboy came out and was a moderate success. It was Number One the week it came out and I hear the buzz on the DVD due out this week is quite good. And Spider-Man 2… oh, Spider-Man 2 was SO good on so many levels. Yes, it was starting to look like there was a light at the end of our tunnel; that Hollywood WAS putting some care into their comic book movies.

And then we get our hands stomped by a stiletto heel just as we’re crawling out of the pit. And before we know it we’re back in the shadows with a long climb ahead of us again.

Et tu, Hollywood?

I wish I could say it can only get better. Sadly, for every bit of good news we get something equally bad comes out.

Good News: Bryan Singer is on for Superman!

Bad News: Someone else is probably going to have to do X-3 and Hugh Jackman, unless some major rescheduling is done, won’t be in it.

Worse News: Jack Black is Kyle Rayner in a slapstick comedy Green Lantern.

But lest we end with a completely hopeless tone, let me give you all something good to come out on, along with an open letter.

To Whom It May Concern at Warner Bros.,

Find the man who made this trailer. Give him a budget. Let him do as he will. Do not let Halle Berry play Lois Lane.

Yours sincerely,

Matt Morrison

Tune in next week. Same Matt time. Same Matt website.

Looking To The Stars: Do Whatever A Spider Can...

It’s no surprise that a man like me who is both a fanatical gamer and a brazen comic geek hailed the arrival of “City of Heroes” as a godsend. I am far from alone in this, as the on-line superhero RPG has become a monster hit in the few short months since its’ initial release. And yet I was somewhat disappointed with the game, good as it is, for one simple reason: I couldn’t recreate my favorite childhood superhero.

You see, City of Heroes doesn’t allow for wall-crawling or web-swinging… and it’s impossible to get Lightning Reflexes and Web Bomb (a grenade that sticks a baddie to the ground) in the same character. So it looked like I would have to put my dreams of playing Spider-Man on hold until the first major update of the game. Or so it seemed, until I played Spider-Man 2: The Game.

Based off the movie in a very liberal way, Spider-Man 2 is brought to us by Treyarch and all the other companies responsible for the Spider-Man games for Playstation as well as the available for all systems Spider-Man: The Movie – The Game (or whatever you’d like to call it). The game is billed as allowing you to go anywhere and be able to do whatever a spider can. While most games fail to live up to their own hype, Spider-Man 2 exceeds it.

The game world is a scale model of New York City, complete with prominent landmarks. You can web swing through Times Square, crawl along the underside of the Brooklyn Bridge and climb to the top of the Empire State Building antenna. One can easily spend hours just swinging through the city, looking around. Thankfully, the game encourages exploration and you can earn “hero points” by finding certain markers for reaching the top of skyscrapers, meeting a physical challenge and even uncovering criminal hideouts!

The level of detail in this game is truly amazing. Thousands of people walk through the streets below you, cheering you on as you swing low or calling you a menace as needed. But they aren’t just there for the sake of detail and adulation: they are there for you to save.

As you swing around, you hear cries for help or get a “spider-sense” sign that there’s somebody who needs help nearby. You don’t need to answer every call for help, though there is no reason why you shouldn’t. After all, you’re a hero! And aside from the feelings of peace and contentment you get from stopping a robbery or retrieving a child’s lost balloon, every person you help racks up more hero points.

These hero points allow you to “buy” extra powers and abilities. Some of these are combat enhancers, which make you able to web-swing faster, dodge quicker and fight better. Some are special attacks, like doing a kick at the end of a web-swing that lets you plow over several enemies in one fell swoop. And some are just plain fun, like a feat that allows you to do acrobatic flips as you go into freefall after breaking out of a webswing. So it really is to your benefit to run around, see everything and help as many people as possible.

Thankfully, you don’t go into this blind and without assistance. The Man With The Chin Bruce Campbell has been brought back “at great expense” to once again play the helpful(?) narrator and tutorial guide. There is one change though. Rather than get everything over and done with in one simple tutorial mode, Bruce’s voice will be there throughout the game, giving you advice even as he mocks your competence, at a series of question-mark points scattered throughout the city. Finding these not only gives you helpful game-play tips and a cheap laugh: you even get hero points for seeking out help!

The animation is top-notch and makes even the first Spider-Man movie game, a quantum leap for its’ time, look clunky and unnatural. The voice acting is also top-notch, as well it should be… for not only has Tobey Maguire returned to lend his voice to Spider-Man in the game, the voice cast also boasts Alfred Molina and Kirsten Dunst. Dunst is especially welcome here, as Mary Jane’s strong presence in the first game with another actress doing the voice was especially jarring and out of place.

I haven’t gotten too far into the main plot of the game yet. I’ve been having too much fun just running around, exploring and saving people! But from what I’ve seen, this will be far from a simple retread of the movie plot. Without giving too much away, the opening stages will see Peter rushing to class, rushing to work and rushing to his birthday party as in the start of the movie. Things take a quantum leap from there, however, as Peter runs away from a meeting with Mary Jane to stop a museum robbery only to run into a figure who will be a familiar and welcome sight to all of us fans of the Spider-Man comic.

All in all, if you have a computer or a gaming system and have a cool fifty bucks American to spare, you couldn’t do much better to invest in a copy of Spider-Man 2. All fans of good action games as well as every Spider-fan out there will love this game. I could write a lot more about it but I can’t. I hear another child screaming about their lost balloon...

Tune in next week. Same Matt time. Same Matt website.