The Mount - It's (Dennis) Miller Time

(EDITORS NOTE: This month's "The Mount" is being written by Dennis Miller; former A-list comedian, former anchor for Saturday Night Live's "Weekend Update", former talk-show host and now former Monday Night Football color commentary man. Matt "Stars" Morrison generously agreed to give up his regular space this month, in order that he might give something back to an idol of his, whom has seen better days.)

Now, I don't want to get off on a rant here, but what's up with the state of comics these days? Back when I was a whisper-thin lad of ten summers, there wasn't a short-pant bedecked one who didn't thrill to take a trip down to the drugstore to see the latest adventures stacked on the bottom shelf of the newsstand... no, wait... That wasn't my childhood. I grew up in the Pittsburgh ghetto. Must have gotten possessed by Andy Rooney again.

The point is that once upon a time comics could once be justifiably called kiddie books. And now look at them; ultra-violence to make Alex and all of his droogs nauseous; weaker characterization than your average Michael Bay flick and female anatomy so grossly out of proportion to make Jenna Jameson look like Peppermint Patty.

Of course comics is not alone in this growing up. Video games, for example, have progressed from two paddles beating a ball back and forth to the point where one can actually count the number of blood droplets splattered across the tree as you unleash a torrent of gunfire into the back of a doe's head. And that's just in the new Bambi game out from DisneySoft!

Thankfully, the once great national institution of comicdom has managed to hover under the "What's Wrong With Today's Youth" radar. Why do we need Lady Death when we can blame all our sociopathic youth plagues on Quake and Marilyn Manson? Who, it might be noted, is slowly starting to look more and more like Lady Death as the years go on

As far as menaces to society go, Comics are on the dung heap along with Dungeons and Dragons, The Russians and Tiffany. They've all become yesterday's news, the passé Great Tool of Satan- deader than Al Gore trying to slow dance to a Morrisey song as interpreted by Robert Glass, played by a slow jazz trio made up of Cecil the Turtle, Leonardo and Fastback.

Hah! See? Got an actual comics' reference in there, cha-cha.

Of course many efforts have been made to pull comics out of the realms of Tarturus. Marvel alone is making some impressive strides in cross-promoting their stuff to the masses and making some quick cash off of Hollywood. It was easy enough once they found writers, who captured the essence of a book, directors with the artistic vision to bring about that essence, actors who fit the uniqueness of each of their beloved characters and quit hiring Roger Corman to produce their movies.

Now, far be it for me to pronounce myself qualified to judge anyone's performance in Hollywood. After all, I am the guy who distinguished himself as being more unhuggable than Boomer Esiason and who's most distinguished thespiatic effort to date was playing Sandra Bullock's gay best friend in "The Net". But I think everyone here will agree with me when I say that whoever is in charge of developing DC Comics properties needs to be locked in a small room with Richard Simmons for a few hours. Then we need to let them out and force them to watch the complete works of Kenneth Brannagh, until they beg to be locked in the room with Richard again.

Cruel and unusual punishment, my ass. Can we allow unusual punishment? I have a whole list of ideas for that.

In all seriousness though, I've heard there's an executive at Warner Bros., who had the bright idea to turn Adam Strange into "the next Harry Potter". This is a screw-up on par with the day Casca said to Brutus, "You know, I think people will be much happier without a tyrant. "

For those of you who somehow wound up reading this here without knowing thing one about comics, Adam Strange is a Man of Earth from the days of pulp comics. Yeah, the days when you could say "Man of Earth" and not get laughs like I used to during my first season on HBO. Adam gets zapped by this ray that causes him to flit back and forth between Earth and the planet Rann. Oddly enough, this ray was not designed by the Defense Department, but by Sardath; a scientist looking for specimens to breed with the sterile population of his planet. Adam winds up falling in love with Sardath's daughter, becoming a hero who saves the world a few thousand times and keeps running about on an endless quest, hoping that his next leap will be the leap home. Wait, that's Samuel Beckett. Oh, but why quibble when we're nearing the endgame?

That's okay... groan. Groan all three of you English majors who got that.

Sounds like a good story, doesn't it? For the women, you have romance; a guy who literally crosses the galaxy to find true love. Now there's a unique and epic love story to sink that little Leonardo DeCaprio/Kate Winslet vehicle. For the men, you have all the two-fisted manly action, explosions and cool space crap that you could get from a week of watching Lorne Greene and Maren Jensen. You've even got some gratuitous violence and sexual elements that can push it up to a PG-13 so the kids will want to see it.

And now we have this idiot ne savant who thinks the best way to bring this 40-year-old epic of romance, action and creepy fathers who want to set their daughters up with aliens to big screen is by deaging the hero. What's the point? I mean, how on earth is a scientist supposed to explain to a kid that he was zapped across space by a government plot right out of the wonderful Tommy Kirk opus, "Mars Needs Women"?

Or would they bother to change that? A 13 year old boy suddenly being asked to mate with a twenty-something space princess? Heck, why not? God knows every American 13 year old boy has dreamt that ever since Summer of 83 when Carrie Fisher became forever immortalized as "that chick in the metal bra".

And if they do change that element, why the heck would they be blasting these teleport rays into space in the first place? I mean, I'm no Harlan Ellison, but it occurs to me that any race that can master the sciences of teleportation is hopefully going to have a government that has advanced beyond the needs for subsidies to keep a senator in power. "Here ye, here ye, the honorable gentleman from Gropnar-17 would like to bring to the table this bill, calling for the construction of a large teleportation ray to blast beams randomly into space."

There's also this new Birds of Prey show that's coming up. Originally it was called "Chicks Who Kick Ass", but that wasn't quite PC enough. BoP is a nice action comic about a neo-superheroic Nero Wolfe/Archie Goodwin pairing who just happen to be women. Nothing quite so drastic here, except that Black Canary has been deaged from late 20's to her teens to give the show a "Buffy" vibe.

Yeah... cause you know that a show about tough women outside of their teens would never work in this Xena-phobic business of ours.

Bad puns... so this is what it has come to huh? Okay... go for the kill.

Anyway, my advice to Warner Brothers is to just step back, let the writers and editors do their work and trust that they can do for the movies and TV shows what they do for your lesser holdings. And for God's sake, get Jon Peters off the payroll before he decides Superman needs a funny edge and that Adam Sandler would be the perfect one to play him.

Of course that's just my opinion. I could be wrong.

NOTE: This column really was written by Matt Morrison, and not Dennis Miller. We have nothing but the highest respect for Dennis Miller and this parody was done out of love, so please don't sue us.

The Mount - The Shadow Of Greatness

One of my favorite writers, in or out of comics, is Neil Gaiman. It is hard to find any comic fan who hasn't read something by him, much less heard of the name. Neil is also one of a rare few who began writing in the comics medium and then found critical success in another field. Aside from having a solo novel on the New York Times Top Ten Bestsellers list, he found acclaim among fans and critics alike with "Good Omens", a novel he co-wrote with British humorist Terry Pratchett. "Good Omens" is due to be made into a movie by Terry Gilliam, of Monty Python fame within a year, as is "Neverwhere", another story by Gaiman which was created as a miniseries for the BBC and then was later adapted into a novel. Of course Gaiman is most famous for the comic series which first put him into the limelight and made him an icon among the seemingly incompatible groups of Goths and mainstream comic fans. Of course I'm talking about the revolutionary Sandman series.

Gaiman's work on The Sandman had an immeasurable effect upon the comics medium. His work helped bring about the creation of DC's Vertigo line for adults and helped to bring many new fans, who had previously considered comics a children's medium, into the hobby. It is also likely that such later creator-controlled series with fixed endings such as Preacher, Starman and Hitman would have ever been published.

Even after Gaiman left DC to work on a variety of other projects, his influence remained. The minor characters of the Sandman series were popular enough to be allowed their own series: The Dreaming. Even now, Gaiman's legacy continues in Lucifer, a solo series book about the life of Gaiman's Paradise Lost inspired Lord of Hell, who quits his job as the legions of the damned. And many other writers were allowed to do solo stories centering around minor characters of Gaiman's work.

There has been a glut of these later solo stories within the last month: some living up to Gaiman's standards of storytelling, some falling short... and some even building on what he started.

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Everything You Always Wanted To Know About Dreams But Were Afraid To Ask

Divided into eight chapters of varying length, this one shot gives us a closer look at the world of the Dreaming outside of Dream's Castle. It shows us the grunt work that employs so many of the various beings in the Dreaming. Rather than Dream individually handling the dreams of every single creature in the multiverse, there are a series of dream writers, directors, technicians and actors who populate each individual dream. This presumably gives Dream more time to focus on the creation of new dreams or worlds. Or perhaps he enjoys having the company even though he could easily do everything himself.

At any rate, we get a look at this wonderful world of dream making through the eyes of several old favorites: Merv Pumpkinhead, Lucian the Librarian, Cain and Abel, Gregory and Goldie Gargoyle and Nuala the Elf, who gets her first big break as a dream director. Nuala's story is the closest thing we get to a connection between the stories, with some of the stories connecting to her first directing job. The stories do stand alone for the most part however, but all are equally amusing in one way or another, as they answer several questions about dreaming. Such as what causes nightmares, if there really is an inherent symbolism to dreams and what causes recurring dreams.

The answers to these questions are unexpected, unusually simple and in some cases rather frightening, but always funny, even if it is in a rather dark way. Consider the first story, where we discover that the cause of nightmares is dream directors who wanted to create something interesting for someone whose life is too dull. An innocent man is sent to the loony bin in a matter of weeks when one director who specializes in horror dreams in for the man's regular director. There is also the tale that explains why some people dream in color and others in black and white. Quite simply, the people who dream in black and white have dream directors who favor the Bergmanesque or Film Noir look.

It's not nearly as deep or symbolic as any of Gaiman's work, but it is a worthy edition onto the mythology of the series. It is also, a rather funny read.

My Rating: 7 out of 10 Stars

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The Dead Boy Detectives: Parts 1-4

Fan favorites despite having only one appearance in the original Sandman books, Edwin Paine and Charles Rowland are two boys eternal. Killed by school bullies in a Satanic ritual, Edwin was trapped in Hell until the Events of The Sandman: Season of Mists, which released all of those in Hell onto the earth. He met and befrinded Charles; a young boy who was later killed by the ghosts of the same bullies who killed Edwin. The two eventually left the boys private school where their bodies were, and with Charles refusing to be taken by Death, the two left off to find adventure.

Well, it's taken nearly ten years but the boys finally found their adventure. And what an adventure! This story is the stuff of Saturday morning serials and boys adventure stories, despite the rather dark origin of the heroes. In fact, this may well be the most light-hearted of the Sandman spin-offs and I wouldn't mind seeing a series based on the boys exploits.

The boys set up a detective agency in a tree-house built outside a haunted mansion. After hanging up their Detective License (from the Apex Novelty College, signed by College President Raymond Hamett), the boys sit down to wait for a client. It doesn't take them long, as their house is found by Marcia, a blond, attractive, slightly-older teenage runaway who both boys instantly get a crush on. She tells them a tale of how friends of her's have been disappearing and found dead later, looking withered and rotten, like they had aged hundreds of years in a day. She is rather reluctant to hire two pre-teen boys to investigate the murders and leaves very quickly.

Regardless, Charles drags Edwin into investigating the case with him, arguing that the cases are obviously magically related and that they are better equipped to handle such things than the police. While being dead and young are serious flaws for two detectives, being a ghostly boy does have advantages- such as being mostly ignored by adults under usual circumstances and being able to go anywhere without being seen. The boys discover the even greater powers they posses as ghosts, thanks to the aid of the Marquis de Marquez: a mysterious man they meet who recognizes the boys as what they are, and tells them that they may be after the same quarry. Marquez is the ancestor of a Spanish Royal Inquirer who swore to track down and destroy Gilles de Rais: a knight turned necromancer who drained the life force of children to prolong his own life. From father to son, the charge was passed down to hunt the black magician, and Marquez believes that it is de Rais who is responsible for the current series of murders in London.

Red-herrings, setbacks and mystery abound as Edwin and Charles struggle with the idea of growing up while being dead, how a dead boy can love a living girl and the surly Margaret Dumont-ish lady who haunts the mansion that they have built their treehouse hideaway in and insists they act like proper ghosts and not stay hidden when she has the Lady's Association over. Throw in a few cameos by Sandman favorites like Mad Hettie and you have as fine a four-part miniseries as you'd hope to find anywhere.

The characterization is top notch, with Charles and Edwin expanded into full characters. And despite the rather dark subject of necromancy and child murders, this story maintains a light-hearted, Hardy Boys/Boxcar Children vibe as we see two boys being boys even as they go about the serious business of trying to fight crime. And make no mistake about it: Charles and Edwin are very much boys, unlike most of the youngsters in comics, who are written like tiny adults with smart aleck wit. Sure, they may go about the serious business of fighting evil, but that doesn't stop them from playing pirates and fencing with wooden swords in the middle of the a case. It also doesn't stop them from dressing up for adventure (Charles as a musketeer, Edwin as Sherlock Holmes) when the time comes for them to start hunting the killer... even though nobody can see their clothes.

My Rating: 9 out of 10 Stars

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The Corinthian: A Death in Venice

Created by Dream, The Corinthian was meant to be a reflection of humanity's dark side. In The Sandman: The Doll's House, we found out that The Corinthian had escaped into the Waking World and become the inspiration for and leading member of a society of serial killers. Uncreated by a furious Dream (who was more furious at The Corinthian's lack of ambition or vision than any deaths he committed), he was later remade in "The Kindly Ones" as part of an effort to locate a kidnapped boy.

This flashback series shows The Corinthian shortly after his escape, which was facilitated by another character from the series: a minor one who appeared once and only once in Sandman #1. After serving a bit in WWI, The Conrinthian travels to Venice, seeking a fellow soldier: A man named Charles Constantine who he hopes can teach him how to kill: an act which fascinates him completely, but which he is unable to understand the hows and whys of without instruction.

Trippy as all get out, this story requires a fair bit of knowledge of the series mythology of Hellblazer and the Constantine family to fully appreciate. Everything in the story is explained but very rarely is it understood. The muddy, over-inked artwork makes things difficult to follow at times and some characters tend to blend in and be hard to tell apart, such as Charles' name-changing female companion and a local woman of Venice who holds a minor part in the story.

Unusual for a Sandman tale, this story is so simple that to summarize the whole thing would be to tell the whole story. Sadly, this simplicity means that the usual multiple layers one expects of a Sandman spinoff are not there. Not that this story is truly bad, but it is really only of interest to those who like The Corinthian best of all the minor cast of The Sandman and Hellblazer fans who would like to read up on one of John Constantine's ancestors.

My Rating: 4 out of 10 Stars

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The Thessaliad

Very close in tone to Gaiman's own American Gods novel, this book centers around the many-named Greek witch who was Dream's lover for a short time: Call her Thessaly. It suits her as well as any. Whatever her real name, she has long been a fan favorite, this mousy-looking young woman whose deceptively innocent face hides a heart of stone and an ancient mind.

We start out with a nameless narrator telling us about the many monsters and gods who hide out among humanity. This was a common theme of Gaiman's early works, with gods of travel and trade overseeing travel agencies and small companies and goddesses of lust and fertility, forced into stripping for a living. After watching a butcher whom our narrator assures us is the Great Earth Serpent in mortal guise, we focus in on Thessaly, who has once again assumed her favored disguise as a simple college student.

She's out on an unwanted date with a rather shy and goofy nerd who thinks she too, is a rather shy and goofy nerd. But she's willing to indulge him and things go quite well, at least until the demon dogs (shades of Ghostbusters here) jump through the walls and rip the poor love, struck idiot to shreds. Of course they are little match for Thessaily, a magician so powerful that "even the gods fear her", so says our narrator. We finally get to see our narrator at this point: a rather shabby looking fellow in a trenchcoat, khakis and dress-shirt with long sideburns and a pompadour haircut. He shrugs off all of Thessaly's attacks against him and introduces himself as "Fetch". Thess figures it out at this point and realizes that the man before her is a ghost. Fetch introduces himself further, says that Thess killed him at some point in her past, but he gives no hints as to where or when. He then lets tells her how he has been hired to track her down and capture her soul for various parties who want to see her suffer for past crimes. With Fetch tagging along, Thessaly goes on a quest to find his employers and teach them a very important lesson. The important lesson, as fans of Thessaly will likely remember from "A Game of You" is, "Don't mess with me if you want to live long."

Only two parts of the story have come out as of this writing, but so far the series is very enjoyable. It is unexpectedly funny, with Fetch being the perfect foil to the nearly humorless Thessaly. There's also some quick cameos by various other Sandman regulars, including the Deadboy Detectives and some other characters from "A Game of You" in a metaphorical subway station Thessaly must use to take her quest. Try and track down the first two issues if you can. This one is a keeper, so far.

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That's all for now. Until next time, may your clerks be friendly and your comics unbent.

The Mount - Beginnings And Endings

Another year has come upon us and the times... they is a'changing.

The start of a new year is a good time to reflect upon beginnings and endings and changes. Changes like those which Fanzing is about to undergo. We'll be showing off more of these changes in the coming months. There will be a lot of new things... and I think most of them will be good. But don't worry, Mount-ies... "The Mount" isn't going to change... much. It'll still be the place you can be guaranteed to get some of my unique perspective on life, the universe and various comic stories.

The most notable change will be how I'm going to go about writing The Mount. One of the biggest problems I have had is that I would often set out to review something but then forget about the story in the rush to work on something else. Or worse yet, have the review drag out over the course of months in the case of multi-part stories that were delayed for weeks... sometimes months.

To that end, I have decided to do this: In the case of all miniseries and multiseries, I will state my opinion of the first issue when it comes out and ramble about where I think the story is going, how it will end and so on. When the series is over, I will review the story as a whole and compare my feelings at the end to my projected feelings at the beginning.

With that in mind, let's start off with a little series close to my heart that recently came to the end of its' first major story arc. You know what I'm talking about... I'm talking about Kevin Smith's Quiver (Green Arrow #1-10). There's some potential vague story spoilers, so skip down to the big line of capital letters to avoid it. If you can't find the issues, the whole story will be released in a hardcover TPB in a few months which will probably cost less than trying to track down the first 3-4 individual issues.

STOP READING HERE IF YOU DON'T WANT SPOILERS

I have to admit, no spoilers given, that I was a little disappointed in the ending of the story. Granted, we've got back the good ol' Ollie Queen we've always known and loved but I question how well the ends justified the means. Bringing Ollie back was undoubtedly going to require some kind of mystical link and I think that the story turned out about as well as any story involving Oliver Queen and mystic stuff could. Still, the story seemed needless dark at points, even for a Green Arrow story. And while I appreciate a good obscure comic reference like anyone else, I really have to wonder about tying "Stanley and His Monsters" into the Green Arrow mythos.

I did enjoy the story though. Smith has a great grasp of character, dialogue and humor and he's able to write story that is funny and thrilling at the same time. Still, I can't help but feel that it could have been better... especially since there are some plot ends that are left unfinished. Perhaps these will be addressed in the later issues of Smith's run, but I have the feeling that with the crunching of the Quiver storyline into 10 issues from the full dozen planned may have forced Smith to change some parts of the story's pacing that would have been covered better. Still... it's well worth picking up the forthcoming trade paperback if you haven't had the fortune to read it yet.

YOU MAY CONTINUE READING NOW

That was the best story of the last year I had read. Lots of the old coming back and appearing in a new form. Lots of old things are coming back... like the story, which is (so far) the best story I have read this year.

Perhaps the most anticipated story of the last year, Frank Miller's "The Dark Knight Strikes Back" has proven to be worthy of interest, if not acclaim. With the story only 1/3 told, I don't think I can review the whole thing here... but so far, I think it will be a worthy successor to Miller's Legacy.

And speaking of Batman and ongoing stories, the Batbooks will be doing a multi-part crossover for the next few months called "Bruce Wayne: Murderer?"

When I first heard of this story, I anticipated the typical Batman crossover: a story stretched over too-many books as an attempt to get people to buy some of the lesser-selling titles in the Bat-Family.

I think said books are going to be made up mostly of tangents into the main plot of the individual book, with little emphasis upon the connecting crossover story. There will however be just enough happening in each book that I'll have to buy the entire series to have some idea of what is going on.

There's not going to be any long last change and likely there will be some big Deus Ex Machina that solves everything at the last minute. Also, I'm betting that Ra's Al Ghul is involved somehow.

I wrote the above words some two days before I got the first four issues of the story the other day (after a month-long absence from my regular comic store). Here now, with some minor spoilers, are my thoughts upon the story so far...

Prologue: Batman: The Ten Cent Adventure.

This issue was created with two purposes in mind; introduce the modern Batman to new readers and set up the "Bruce Wayne: Murdered" storyline.

It succeeds on both counts. And despite the fears of many a fanboy explains who Sasha is, what she does (bodyguard and new vigilantee) and the significance of the person who is killed. That's about all it does though, so there's really no reason to bother if you've been a regular reader of Detective Comics for the past few months. Then again, the price is right... and ten cents is a pretty good deal to tell you something you already know.

Part One: Detective Comics #766

Bruce and Sasha are arrested and detectives start combing over Wayne Manor, discussing theories and interrogating the suspects. It's all about the police here and, like as per usual, it's good to see the cops of Gotham being pushed to the forefront here. It's like NYPD Blue: The Comics.

My one complaint is that after the easy-expository feeling of the Ten Cent adventure, there's way too much assumption in this issue. It is just assumed that the reader will know who Detective Montoya is and why she wouldn't want to see Bruce Wayne arrested after some vaguely described incident involving flowers. Still, the story is building interest.

Part Two: Batgirl #24

Two words: This Stinks. After such a good intro, things go downhill fast in this issue. I have to admit a little bit of bias here. I've never liked the new Batgirl. I suspect I never will and that Barbara Gordon will always be the one true Batgirl in my heart.

This issue gives us a lot of Barbara and we see her reaction as she hears the call that summons the police to Wayne Manor. This is a great moment that is totally dashed as she starts to think about whom in the vigilante community she can send to investigate a Wayne Manner disturbance. She is about to send Robin, but she recoils, thinking it unwise to send a 15 year old boy into a situation with an armed intruder. Instead, she sends a 17 year old girl with less training as a vigilante than the 15 year old boy.

I'm still scratching my head about that too... especially since Tim has handled most of the Major members of the Rogues Gallery unaided. Perhaps Babs remembered whose book she was in?

There's also some unintentional humor in Batgirl's sneaking into Wayne Manor as half the GCPD is wandering around the place. I know this is meant to make Cassandra look extremely stealthy and professional... but all it really does is make the detectives look like total idiots. And since they are going to be a major focus of the story (and were, in fact, the main focus one part back), this is a bad thing.

Aside from one very minor point, this issue doesn't really touch directly upon the murder and is more about some personal issues Cassandra has with Batman. This one can easily be skipped.

Part Three: Nightwing #65

They literally have to contrive a reason to get Dick involved in the crossover, with Dick bribing a police dispatcher to change his schedule so he can go Gotham and talk to Bruce for a few panels. Aside from this and he and Babs agreeing to investigate the murders on their own, not much happens crossoverwise... although it does give Dick an excuse to be out of town when something Wingnuts everywhere have been waiting for a year to happen happens.

Like Batgirl, the writer ignores the crossover as much as possible while continuing to develop the past plotlines. On the one hand, this is a plus for the regular fan who doesn't want to see their favorite book sidelined for a crossover. On the other hand, this makes things confusing as all get out for the people who are new to the book and aren't familiar with the many cops and criminals of Bludhaven. This totally defeats the point of having a crossover in the first place.

All in all, this is shaping up about how I thought it would. So far, there hasn't been much in the way of evidence to allow the readers to figure out who really dun' it, but it is just week one of the crossover. Hopefully things will pick up.

And hopefully you'll be here to pick up where we left off next month, when I review the latest series of "The Sandman Presents" miniseries. Until then... may your clerks be helpful and your new comics unbent.

The Mount - TV Time

Never before have so many superhero-related TV shows been on prime-time television than in this time in history. Never before have I written an article about all these TV shows. Never before have I had so much gushing praise to write about something. So without further ado, let's talk about Smallville, The Tick and Justice League.

Smallville: WB : Tuesday Nights at 9:00 EST (8:00 CST)

The breakout hit of the three shows so far, Smallville has been described as "Dawson's Creek with superpowers". It's all about life, friendship and love in a small town. The fact that the small town is Smallsville, Kansas and that a teenage Clark Kent, Lana Lang, Pete Ross and Lex Luthor are among the friends and that there are weird green rocks that seem to be bestowing odd powers on people at random is just a coincidence.

There seems to be a pattern to the episodes I've seen so far, with a "monster of the week" theme driving the plot. Hopefully the show can move beyond this, as having one person a week besides Clark developing a superpower and abusing it is going to get really old, really fast.

The acting is good, for the most part. None of the younger actors really stand out, except for Michael Rosenbaum (Lex Luthor). Also worth noting is John Glover, who plays Lex's father.

A quick fun fact: this is the third time John Glover has been involved in a DC Comics related project. He was the voice of The Riddler in "Batman: The Animated Series" and played Jason Wodrue in "Batman and Robin".

Overall, this isn't the kind of thing I'd watch every week, but I think I'm a little out of the target audience. Regardless, it's pretty good if you don't mind angsty teen melodrama.

Assessment: Okay. Will likely have a long life if the ratings stay constant.

The Tick: Fox : Thursday Nights at 8:30 EST (7:30 CST)

The cult indie hit comes to the small screen again: This Time, Alive! A big blue superhero known only as "The Tick" comes to "The City", looking for adventure and an archenemy to call his own. He teams up with Arthur (an accountant who bought a moth suit at an auction), Bat-Manuel (Half Bat-Man, Half Rico-Suave) and Captain Liberty (Wonder Woman, with a streak of strumpet) to fight the forces of evil.

With only two episodes aired so far, it's a bit hard to gage the direction of the show so far. Overall, the humor and characterization from the comics seems transported very well into the show. Patrick Warburton cuts a fine figure as The Tick, giving the role the right mix of obliviousness and innocence, with just a bit of pomposity as he says dramatic lines that would make Adam West wince. David Burke finds the right mix of wannabee hero and bunny rabbit in his portrayal of Arthur.

That said, I really have to question some of the writing so far. For instance, in an early scene The Tick "rescues" some people from a broken coffee machine. As he beats the machine into submission, he says proudly "Java Devil: you are now my bitch!" While the line is funny, it really doesn't fit with Tick's innocent image for him to be saying the B-word. It also makes it seem kind of odd later when he doesn't get any of Bat-Manuel's sexual innuendoes. It's a running gag in fact, with two variations on the line...

Bat-Manuel: (winking) .... if you know what I mean?

Tick: No.

There seems to be a lot of sexual humor for a superhero show. Not that there hasn't always been a link between superheroes and sex jokes. I mean, how long have we had men say, while looking at Wonder Woman, "I wouldn't mind HER tying me up with that Lasso Of Truth". Still, we come about one level below Larry Nevin's "Man of Steel, Woman of Kleenex" essay at some points, with jokes about Bat-Manuel and Captain Liberty's escapades on the rooftops while Arthur and Tick are trying to save Jimmy Carter from being assassinated.

In fact, the second episode centers around the team having to hide the body of legendary "Superman-esque" hero "The Immortal" after he dies while making love to Captain Liberty in order to preserve his image. Very little is said about the image of the other heroes, Captain Liberty's virtue or Arthur's reaction to his childhood hero dying in such a manner. I'm not saying that such humor is bad, but that it seems to be a big part of the humor of the show... and the comic was funny enough without having to stoop to such humor.

Assessment: I really did enjoy the show and think it may easily be the best of the three new superhero shows. Sadly, most of the humor and concept is a little off the wall for most of America. That and a lousy time-slot on Thursday nights will probably mean a quick death for this bug.

Justice League: Cartoon Network : Monday Nights at 9:30 EST (8:30 CST)

Probably the most eagerly anticipated of the three, Justice League is an animated series based on the DC Comics superhero team of the same name.

Produced by the same team that created Batman: The Animated Series and Superman: The Animated Series, this show matches the animation style of the show well. It also brings back most of the voice cast from before. Kevin Conroy and Michael Rosenbaum return as Batman and The Flash but Tim Daly isn't on hand to continue voicing Superman. He is replaced by George Newbern.

Five episodes have aired so far- the three-part pilot "Secret Origins" and a two parter entitled "In Darkest Night".

"Secret Origins" details the formation of the League after an alien invasion nearly destroys the Earth. Superman and Batman investigate a series of odd break-ins at aerospace-related businesses, leading them to a captured J'onn J'onzz. J'onn informs them of a race of parasitic aliens that killed the Martian race which is now on Earth. Joining them are established heroes The Flash, Green Lantern John Stewart, the Thangarian Hawkgirl... and a newcomer; Princess Diana of Themyscria, who is summoned away from the Island of the Amazons by a telepathic message by J'onn.

"In Darkest Night" details the trial of John Stewart, who supposedly blew up a planet while trying to stop a pirate. Abandoned his fellow Corps members, his only hope lies in the rest of the Justice League being able to prove his innocence.

Justice League is a real treat for old time DC Comics fans and anybody who likes to play "spot the reference". Between numerous references to "The Martian Chronicles" and "War of the Worlds" and cameos by Snapper Carr, Kanjar Ro and a host of other obscure characters, one might think that Dennis Miller had a hand in writing the scripts.

There is also an outstanding use of humor; both personality based (Batman's subtle grimace as he has to swing in through an opening as the rest of the team flies) and wise-cracking. I'm especially fond of Ajuris 5's solution to dealing with mercenary lawyers. (You have to see it to get it).

Sadly, the show does have some significant problems. While the show is a treat for comic fans, the writers assume that the audience is already familiar with most of the characters and concepts involved. I watched the show with some friends who didn't know much about superheroes past Batman and Superman. I found myself quickly trying to answer...

1) How many powers does Martian Manhunter have anyway? There were a lot of cries of "How?" whenever J'onn got a pensive look trying to make telepathic contact and said "I can sense it." J'onn "senses" things a lot.

2) There's more than one Green Lantern? (There's a lot of them... they're space cops)

3) Who are the little blue guys watching everything?

4) Why can't Superman just use his heat vision here?

5) I thought Green Lantern was a white guy?

6) Where is Hawkgirl from?

Of course most of these questions are answered by the end of "In Darkest Night", but it leaves everyone confused until the near the end of Part Two, when the Guardians and their relation to the Manhunters and GL Corps is explained in detail. We never get much explanation of Hawkgirl's powers (are the wings natural or what?) although we do find out she's from "Thangar" (this brought out a course of "huhs"?) or what exactly a Martian can do. It's hard to tell whether J'onn is becoming intangible or invisible. No background has been given for The Flash or Hawkgirl yet, and very little has been given to John Stewart.

There's also some characterization that is bound to irritate, if not offend the classic DC fans. For example, Superman, ever the staunch moralist, seems to have no qualms about taking the lives of alien invaders in "Secret Origins". The Flash is played more as comic relief than as a merely wisecracking hero. Batman here is too close to the Grant Morrison "I can do anything" characterization. John Stewart's characterization here is different than in any other written incarnation; not necessarily bad... just different.

Assessment: Sure to be a hit with comic fans and cartoon lovers alike, but it may be too inaccessible and "insider" for most people.

The Mount - The Lost Archer Column

I had planned to talk a bit about various things relating to Green Arrow, archery and the world at large back when we were doing the Archers issue. That plan changed with current events, which are still draining me of the urge to write. Still, I'm out of ideas for anything else to write about and returning to routine is a part of the healing process. So reader, please forgive me if this month's column seems a bit fragmented.

Hutch (the editor) and I had a talk before the attacks and discussed the reality of an archer vigilante. He said that he was pondering writing about the impossibility of everything relating to Green Arrow, which sounds funny coming from a man whose favorite superhero had an obsession with Indian Rubber Men and isolated a chemical that gave him stretching powers in his garage. But who am I to judge? (Just kidding, Michael.)

Well, I just recently started taking archery lessons, so I offered to write a counter-point article on how it MIGHT be possible to do it from the prospective of one who knows. Of course if you read last month, you know we didn't wind up doing that.

Archery is a great sport. It builds up your arms and shoulders without making you sweat too much and it's a great way to relax. It is also insanely difficult. I've only had one practice session so far where I didn't have at least one shot go wild and miss the target completely. Still, I manage to hit where I am aiming seven times out of ten. The trick is all in learning how to aim properly.

So I have to admit that while it is extremely unlikely that anyone could seriously make it as an archer superhero, it isn't quite as impossible as you might think. No more so than a man suffering a great personal loss and then devoting his entire life to a crusade to prevent others from suffering as he has and capturing criminals, to the point that he forms a network of others to aid him. Batman? No, I'm talking about a man named John Walsh.

The amazing thing is that all the stuff about archery technique I've read in the Green Arrow comics is accurate and helpful. For example, one of the Grell comics talks about how you have to relax and not worry about where the arrow will go; just trust that it will find it's own way. It's not just zen; it's good advice, because if you worry about seeing where the arrow is going, you throw your sight off and can't shoot straight. Even Green Arrow #1 by Kevin Smith was helpful, with Roy's speech about how Ollie taught him to just wait for the right moment before shooting. I'll take two minutes to line a shot up sometimes, just waiting for my hand to steady itself and my eye to line up the bullseye before shooting.

Speaking of Smith's Green Arrow, I doubt anything I say at this point will make you pick up the book if you haven't started reading it already. If you haven't picked it up my now, either low-tech heroes aren't your thing or you're just not a fan of Smith's work. Well, Different Strokes for Different Folks and all that.

But for what my opinion is worth, it's one of the best books DC is putting out right now and it is well worthy of all the praise and accolade it can receive. By now it's no secret that Oliver Queen is back from the dead, but I shall not give the how and why away here. It's way too complex to explain. Let's just say that the book is a crash course in DC History 101, has a lot of cameos you'd never expect and that it has that most astonishing of all things; a Spectre Hal Jordan that actually seems like Hal Jordan. I'm also fond of Smith's take on Black Canary; just the right mix of tomboy and beauty queen.

Speaking of the Pretty Bird, kudos to Chuck Dixon for restoring the Canary cry. If you haven't read the story in the pages of Birds of Prey yet, go rush out and grab #31-35 now before all the collectors start hoarding them.

And speaking of Chuck Dixon and comics hoarding (oh, am I smooth with the transitions or what?), you might also want to check out Dixon's swan song crossover with DC: The Last Laugh. I'm really enjoying this crossover despite a few problems with the scripting. For one thing, there's a lot of needless repetition, with the same scene being shown from different viewpoints across two books. For example, the new Birds of Prey covers a scene from Dinah's perspective that Oracle watched in Last Laugh #2. This makes a lot of the tie-ins seem like filler. Also, it's hard to keep track of some of the characters... especially the new ones Dixon created especially for this story. There's also a lot of obscure characters who are given major roles here, and it's kind of hard for us to care about them since we don't know who the are. I think I may be one of a dozen people who can identify Dina the US Marshal and hands up all of you who remember the black Mister Miracle. It's not quite Our Worlds at War, but then again that's a bit too high a mark to hit right now. You may as well ask to write the next Watchmen.

And speaking of Watchmen (last time: I promise!), I just started rereading it and it's really freaking me out reading about a pending war in Afghanistan and Pakistan what with everything that is going on in the news. All the conspiracy theories of Rorschach have a certain eerie resonance, when one considers the reports of the anthrax letters coming from Christian Terrorist groups in the US or the Bush family's financial ties to the Bin Ladens. All in all, I wouldn't recommend reading it right now. Dark Knight Returns either.

And if you think I'm going to use that as an opportunity to talk about the new Dark Knight Returns sequel... you'd be wrong. Hey, I keep my promises. And I need something to write about for next time.

So happy trails to you, 'til we meet again!