John Constantine breaks the first rule of time-travel and tries to change his past. Only Zari and Charlie know what he has done, but Charlie and John keep trying to cover up their mistakes rather than fix it, as reality becomes more and more unstable.
The Steven Moffat era of Doctor Who (use of the phrase Timey Wimey, general idea of time travel comedy), The A-Team (the Custodians of the Chronology segment, general 80's high-action hero vibe), Charlie's Angels (the Sirens Of Space-Time segment, general 70's glam-action vibe), Buffy The Vampire Slayer (Gideon's fight with the vampires in the Sirens of Space-Time credits sequence), Moby Dick (the references to Charlie being the various teams' "white whale."), the "Smile Time" episode of Angel (the heroes are transformed into puppets) and any children's program featuring puppets or Muppets. (John references Fraggle Rock)
It's a minor point, but we never do find out how Gideon got a body in the Sirens of Space-Time reality.
How big of a screw-up is everyone else in the Time Bureau for Gary Green to manage to be Runner-Up Employee of the Month?
Matt Ryan does a stellar job here, remaining as Constantine-y as ever, even when faced with sentient puppets and the kind of weirdness that not even he has to cope with on a regular basis.
Maisie Richardson-Sellers also does a bang-up job here, giving Charlie a bit of heart to go with her sassy personality. It would be easy enough for her to bolt and run but because she honesty does believe that people deserve to not be killed for being different, she sticks with trying to stop The Legends from being blood-thirsty lunatics.
The production team did a fantastic job on the various credit sequences denoted each change to reality and emulating the feelings of a 1980s action show, a 1970s action show and Sesame Street in the episodes themselves. The stunts. The graphics. The music. It's all perfect.
Trivia Of Tomorrow
During the Custodians of the Chronology segment, it is revealed that Oliver Queen, Barry Allen and Kara Zor-El all made attempts to contact The Custodians of the Chronology. Ray comments that this sounds like the annual crossover and Nate says they will pass. The same week this episode aired, the Elseworlds event was occurring between all of the other Arrowverse shows in 2018. Nate also makes a reference to how he bets they swap clothes this year - a reference to how the plot of Elseworlds saw Oliver Queen and Barry Allen trading identities after reality was rewritten.
Amy Pemberton, who provides the voice for Gideon, plays the more humanoid holographic Gideon in the Custodians of the Chronology segment and the Gideon with a physical form in the Sirens of Space-Time reality.
At one point, Ava makes a reference to "timey-wimey crap," This is a slightly more obscene take on a line from Doctor Who, where The Doctor described a complex situation as "timey-wimey stuff."
Leprechans have luck manipulation powers.
John has a spell that allows him to break transmogrification spells, letting him change Zari back to her human form. It requires a bit of her hair. He can also reverse this spell, changing her back to a cat. He says this is far easier.
In addition to being reborn every time she changes shape and effectively immortal, Charlie's shape-shifting can also be used to heal injuries. She is able to instantly heal bullet wounds, sword-wounds and can even survive having her neck snapped.
(Ray Palmer enters the casino with some kind of high-tech laser rifle in his hands.)
Ray: (growling) Reach for the sky you filthy animals! (pauses, then in a nicer voice) Pretty please?
Ray: Oh man! Garima's gonna flip when she hears we met Marilyn Monroe!
Nate: Do you think a murderous alien queen who sprang to life from Mick's fantasies is into Marilyn?
John Constantine: This is not the when when I am supposed to be!
Zari: Because of you dicks I have been a cat for so long! (pointing to her mouth) Do you know where this tongue has been?
(John shakes his head, looking nervous and for once not taking the obvious straight line.)
(Mona and Charlie, who is disguised as Gary, bump into the real Gary Green while making their escape from the Time Bureau.)
Gary: Wait! Stop right there! (looking up and down at Charlie) Are you... me?
Charlie: ... yes. From the future.
Gary: (gasping in delight) Do I ever find love? Or at least my sunglasses? (thoughtfully) They might be in my other pants-
Charlie: Yes, Gary. All that and more.
(The sound of laser fire is heard down the hallway)
Charlie: But right now, I need you to delay The Custodians.
Gary: Okay. Oh! But be careful! There's been reports of a shape-shifter on the loose.
Charlie: (tensely) Yeah. I know that already.
(Gary raises an eyebrow at this, wondering why he's being so rude to himself.)
Charlie: ... because I'm you from the future, dummy!
(Charlie grins as Gary gapes and nods knowingly as Charlie copies his goofy laugh.)
Ava: Okay. I don't have time for all this timey-wimey crap.
(Sara, Ava and Gideon strut into Hank Heywood's office in matching tight leather outfits.)
Hank Heywood: Good morning, Sirens.
All: Good morning, Hank.
Hank Heywood: Well I hope you're ready to go to work today because we have one hell of a case on our hands.
(John and Charlie are in the front of the jump-ship, flying away from Salem 1692.)
John Constantine: You know, I hate to jinx us but I really think we nailed it this time.
Zari: (from behind them) I just hope you guys are right.
(John and Charlie turn around and look aghast. We then see that Zari is now a puppet.)
Zari: What's wrong? What are you looking at? Is there something on my nose?
(Zari reaches up to touch her nose... and sees that her hand is made of felt.)
Charlie: ... bullocks.
John Constantine: Fraggle Rock is going on here?
Puppet Sara: Well, today we learned about the importance of cooperating!
Puppet Ray: And about the number three!
Puppet Nate: And about a famous man from history named Napoleon!
All Except John: (nodding excitedly) Mmm-hmm, Mmm-hmm!
John Constantine: ... I think I need a drink.
Puppet Sara: Oh! We can help!
(On cue, music fills the ship.)
Puppet Sara: When you're thirsty for a drink -
Puppet Ray: And you just can't reach the sink -
All Except John: You gotta ask for help! You gotta-
John Constantine: (waving his hands) Alright! Please! Please! No more singing!
(The puppets all grumble.)
(Zari expresses concern for the strain altering the timeline is placing on John's health.)
John: I can take the pain, love.
Zari: What if you can't? What if you die, John? What happens to all the people who need you alive and Constantine-y?
John: Oh yeah? Well, you can leave that to the real heroes, all right, because I am done giving a damn.
Zari: Oh. I see. This isn't about saving Desmond anymore. It's an excuse for you to give up on yourself.
Charlie: You guys are so intent on killing magical creatures! Can't you see that this is wrong?
(Sara sighs and walks behind Charlie, seemingly troubled by the idea of killing needlessly.)
Sara: (flatly) Not really.
(Sara grabs Charlie's head and jerks her neck suddenly, snapping her neck.)
Desmond: Look, I thought this was real.
John Constantine: Yeah, it is real, Dez! And that's why I moved Heaven and Earth so that I could save you from a lifetime of - an eternity of anguish, that I caused. (pausing to steel himself) Look... I guess what I'm trying to say is I'm sorry you ever even met me.
Desmond: Don't be sorry. Only a fool would fall in love with John Constantine and not expect it to be rocky. I knew the risks. And I took them anyway. For you.
(John puts his hand on Desmond's shoulder.)
Desmond: I'm still pissed at you. (sighing) Why can't we just go back to the way things were?
John Constantine: That's exactly what I was thinking.
(John reaches into his pocket and pulls out a Time Bureau memory eraser.)
Desmond: What is that?
John Constantine: Know one thing, Desmond. I'm not quitting on you.
(John activates the eraser and leaves Desmond standing there as he makes his getaway.)
Zari: John. You okay?
John Constantine: Yeah, well - ah, my mind is no longer split in two, but... can't say the same about my heart, though.
(Ava is reading the last chapter of Mick's newest book.)
Ava: Let me get this straight - they're making love on the surface of the sun?
Mick: It's a...(pausing to think of the right word) a metaphor.
(Mick smiles as if proud for having that kind of depth.)
(Hank Heywood hanks up his phone, having been in formed of the Kaupe's escape on the golf course.)
Hank Heywood: Uh - there's been a setback, but we'll make it right.
(We shift camera angles to see Hank' golfing partner. It looks like Desmond.)
Neron: Oh, you'd better...
(The face shifts into a porous mass that looks like a giant sponge shape into a human face.)
Charlie goes to 1962 Las Vegas disguised as Marilyn Monroe.
Charlie knows a leprechaun named Red who she finds playing the tables. He is later shot dead by The Legends.
In the new reality, Custodians of the Chronology, The Legends are gun-totting, A-Team style action heroes called Custodians of the Chronology. They have had a shoot-on-sight policy regarding magical creatures ever since the incident at Woodstock (i.e. 401) where Sara was killed by a unicorn. Nate is still part of the team and Zari has been stuck in the form of a cat ever since being transformed by the fairy godmother in 402. Garima is also part of the team, with Mick apparently having kept the Book of Brigid from 405. They have started decorating the Waverider with trophies of their kills. Gideon now has a more realistic projected avatar rather than a CGI head. Ava has dyed her hair black and is hiding in her office listening to Indigo Girls music mourning Sara, who has a memorial in the Time Bureau lobby. John Constantine was imprisoned by The Time Bureau after becoming dangerously unstable, as he remembered two separate timelines.
The Time Bureau lobby also has a plaque denoting Gary Green as Runner-Up Employee of the Month.
Mona helps John to escape prison as she hates The Custodians of the Chronology since killed her Kaupe friend and made him into a rug.
In the second altered reality, Sirens of Space-Time, Charlie and Constantine shoot the unicorn before it can kill Sara. Unfortunately, since this solved their problem before Sara recruited Constantine to help the Legends with the unicorn, John wasn't there to stop the Fairy Godmother from 402 from killing Mick, Nate and Ray. This caused Sara and Ava to develop a "shoot-on-sight" policy for magical creatures. Gideon was given an advanced robot body and Zari was apparently still transformed into a cat.
Ava's codename in the Sirens of Space-Time reality is Roundhouse.
Gideon's codename in the Sirens of Space-Time reality is Hard Drive.
The guns the Sirens choose in their armory are Heatwave's flame-thrower, Captain Cold's cold gun and Rip Hunter's revolver.
Gideon's body is equipped to detect shape-shifter pheromones. This is how she knows that Charlie isn't Amaya.
In the third altered reality, Puppets of Tomorrow, Charlie disguises herself as the fairy godmother and tricks Prudence Hawthrone into relinquishing her fairy godmother before she kills Nate, Mick and Ray With the bond severed, the fairy godmother latches onto Mick Rory, who calls his former teammates a bunch of "Time Bureau Puppets", transforming them into singing, kid's show hosts who teach positive moral lessons while saving the timeline, while he and the fairy godmother go off to steal a bunch of stuff. Zari is also turned into a puppet, though she manages to maintain her snarky personality.
In the fourth altered reality, Ava dies and is given a memorial in the Time Bureau lobby. The details of her death are not given.
In the fifth altered reality, Henry and Nate Heywood die in a battle with a garden gnome. They also get memorials in the Time Bureau lobby.
In the sixth alternate reality, Gary Green dies as a result of a Time Courier accident that sent him to Mt. Vesuvius. He also gets a memorial in the Time Bureau lobby. Despite it just being Gary, Charlie apparently elects to try and fix it so no one dies.
In the seventh alternate reality, there are no plaques but John passes out due to the strain of all the alterations to time on his memories. He finally agrees with Zari that they need to go back to the way things were before and abandons Charlie. This leads to Charlie taking the form of Ava, and getting the Legends to travel to New Orleans in 2018 in a bid to stop Zari and John. In this reality, The Legends once again have a "shoot-to-kill" policy regarding magical fugitives.
John uses a Time Bureau memory flasher to erase Desmond's memory of the past few minutes so he doesn't remember the fight he and second John had. Once the original John and Desmond kiss, the timeline is restored.
Charlie realizes that she is the missing X-Factor in all the alternate timelines and that if it hadn't been for her meeting The Legends, they never would have started capturing Fugitives alive.
John, Zari and Charlie arrive back at the Waverider as the rest of the team is tying up Mike The Spike, who is still in the body of the puppet Professor Stein.
It is suggested that Charlie might be bisexual, as she seems pleased that Zari thinks she is hot in her Amaya form.
It is revealed that Mick's pen name for his novels is Rebecca Silver - the writer from 406 who wrote the book Uncaged Desire that Mona gave to Nora Darhk.
Mick and Ava achieve a peace of sorts, like Sara wanted in 407.
Ava reads Mick's novel Heatwaves - An Erotic Space Odyssey.She says his female characters are shallow and libidoness and fun to read.
Mick, in turn, says he tried Ava's snickerdoodle recipe and liked it.
John tells Sara about what he did - altering the timeline, how he accidentally damned his boyfriend and his conflict with Neron. Sara says The Legends will help him, no matter what.
The Kaupe is revealed to have escaped Time Bureau HQ, as it had done at the end of 407.
Neron is revealed to be using Desmond's form on Earth and to be playing golf with Henry Heywood. Apparently Neron is the power behind Project Hades.
Las Vegas, Nevada - 1962
Washington D.C. - Time Bureau HQ - 2018
Woodstock, New York - 1969
Salem, Massachusetts - 1692
New Orleans, Louisiana - 2018
The Bottom Line
Awesome. Just plain awesome. April 2019 cannot come fast enough.,