Wednesday, October 24, 2018

Legends of Tomorrow: Season 4, Episode 1 - The Virgin Gary

For a summary of the episode guide layout & categories, click here


The Time Demon Mallus is defeated but he wasn't the only thing unleashed when his prison in time was broken. Now all manner of magical beasts are running wild around the time-stream. John Constantine thinks he knows how to defeat the new threat, but he will need the help of The Legends and their special brand of chaos and kleptomania to help him set things straight.

The problem is that with The Time Bureau finally off their backs about The Anachronisms they caused when they broke time over a year ago, The Legends aren't convinced that anything is really wrong five months after John's doom-saying in Aruba. Still, circumstances will see various members of The Legends traveling to Woodstock to investigate a disturbance in the time-stream on the down-low to make sure things really are okay. Meanwhile, Nate and Rory go on an adventure of their own, leaving Nate facing someone from his past he's been avoiding since joining The Legends.


The NBC Constantine series (music, general tone of the John and Sara scenes, John's technobable regarding his spells and the artifacts he has.) and Woodstock: The Movie (split-screen sequence, music used)


Dominic Purcell's comic timing cannot be praised enough. There are many great lines here that are great precisely because of how he says them.

The interplay between Caity Lotz and Matt Ryan is amazing. Honestly, I could just watch a Canary & Constantine series forever.


The effects for the unicorn are nice. Not at all realistic, but perfect for what they are meant to convey.

Trivia Of Tomorrow

The Legends of Tomorrow title card for this episode includes a magical seal similar to the one from the title card of the Constantine series.

When John first appears in the shadows, his musical sting from the Constantine series plays.

When John first approaches Sara in this episode, he says something about how The Darkness is Rising. The great evil that John was fighting in his short-lived solo series was The Rising Darkness.

Tom Wilson, who plays the role of Hank Haywood, is most famous for his affiliation with another famous time-travel comedy franchise. He played the various members of The Tannen Family in the Back To The Future films.

The split-screen editing used when Sara, Zari, Nate and Ray are talking to each other is a visual reference to Woodstock: The Movie.

There's a bit of a nod to John's famous battle during The Newcastle Incident here, with John attempting to save an innocent from being dragged into Hell. This time, however, he is successful.


The knuckle bones of a martyred saint can act as a divining rod and be used to detect the presence of beings not of the material world.

Unicorns are vicious predators whose beautiful appearance enraptures the unwary. They impale people on their horns and eat their hearts. They are immune to fire.They also spray a glittery musk that has psychotropic effects.

John Constantine has King Solomon's original grimoire - the oldest magical textbook in existence.

The spell to banish a magical creature from the mortal realm requires a number of rare ingredients - the saliva of a nine-fingered man, the protection stone of a powerful shaman and a lock of hair from a doomed woman. In the case of a unicorn, it also requires a virgin as bait.

Dialogue Triumphs

Mick: Never met an Englishman I haven't wanted to punch in the face.
Nate: Relax, Mick. If it wasn't for The British Invasion, there'd be no Rolling Stones. No Led Zep. (pauses) No Black Sabbath.
Mick: (suddenly quiet) Black Sabbath?
Nate: Nope.
Mick: (stammering) Well then, we-we've got to protect these mop-heads from whatever is screwing up history!

Nate: Look, all I know is Constantine promised us new, mysterious monsters. So... where all they are hiding?
Sara: I'm confused. We are all happy that there was only one dragon, right?! We don't want to be fighting werewolves at The Alamo!
Nate: (shrugs) Eh.
Ray: Well, it would be good for our ratings.
(Everyone just stares at Ray.)
Sara: What ratings?
Ray: Oh, you don't know? The Time Bureau rates all of their employees. But don't worry. We have a few dedicated fans.
Zari: Yeah, Gary doesn't count.

(John has just left Ava's apartment.)
Ava: Should I be worried about your ex-lover breaking into my apartment, or...?
Sara: (smiling) Well, I thought that... this was our apartment?
Ava: (sighs) You. Are. Smooth.

(Mick revs the engine on his stolen car.)
Mick: You ready to steal something, Pretty?
Nate: Yeah. I could do some light theft.
Mick: What is this? Spring Break? I'm talking about a felony.

Dorothy: Mr. Rory, do you like, ah- sandwiches?
Mick: You bet your ass I do, ma'am!

The entire sequence of everyone starring at the majesty of the unicorn enraptured as it approaches the hippie woman holding a flower... only to impale her through the chest, throw her to the ground and start eating her heart.

John: You know, for someone with a time-traveling machine, you seem to be in an awful hurry-
Sara: John, the unicorn has already gored two hippies!
John: Oh-ho! A unicorn?
Sara: Yeah.
John: Well, alright, I'm in. But first I need to know - was any of your team get... musked by the beast?
Sara: If that's what you're calling its sparkle sauce, then yeah. Why?
John: (grins) Oh, they're in... for one hell of a ride.

John: I'm just trying to look after you, love. You and I are both similar. We're both survivors but our survival comes at a terrible cost. Look - You can take it from a man whose brought nothing but misery to everyone he's ever loved. Trust me. End it with Ava before its too late.
Sara: You ever think that you cause misery, not because of some romantic "I was born to walk alone" crap but because you're an ass who doesn't know how to trust people?
John: You know, I trust... that people around me get hurt, killed, or far, far worse.
Sara: You think that I'm not scared? That I don't know grief?
(John shrugs.)
I'm not willing to turn my back on life. Because that is exactly what you are doing, John! Our friends and family, they don't make us weaker. They make us stronger. (pauses and smiles) You know what you need?  YOU need to be a part of a team.
(John snorts at this and starts to turn around to walk off. He stops and makes a face.)
(Cut to: John's POV as we see Ray kissing a tree, Zari rolling around on the grass and Nate and Mick playing wheelbarrow. Sara turns to look at what John is looking at and sighs.)

John: You were saying?

(John is searching through King Solomon's grimoire looking for a spell to fight a unicorn)
Sara: Well, not to pressure you, but the entire fate of the sexual revolution is in the balance here.
John: That IS my favorite revolution.


Five months have passed since John Constantine met The Legends in Aruba in 318.

Paul Revere shows up in the midst of The Beatles arrival at JFK on Februrary 7, 1964.

Returning Paul Revere to his proper place in time is the final anachronism The Legends needed to fix.

Wally West is said to have left The Legends to travel the world and find himself, as per his discussion with Joe West in F501.

Zari, Ray and Nate each told Ava about John Constantine's slaying a dragon and his warning that more monsters were coming.

Sara and Ava are still dating.

Zari has figured out that Ray helped Nora Darhk escape in 318. She says he's a good guy for doing it, however.

Ava asks Sara to move in with her. Sara accepts.

The Legends are given medals for their work. Unfortunately, Gary confiscates them as the existence of The Time Bureau is top-secret.

Nate's parents live in Washington DC.

Henry "Hank" Haywood just took a new job with the Pentagon. He disapproves of his son's career and resents his not joining the military, despite Nate being a hemophiliac.

Sara gets Gary to scan the timeline for anomalies. He finds one in Woodstock in 1969. Sara steals his Time Courier to go there.

Ray has Gideon monitoring the Time Bureau for unusual activity. He detects Sara's noticing the anomaly in Woodstock and takes The Waverider's jump-ship to go there. Zari comes with him. Ray thinks Nora is the cause of the anomaly.

Zari doesn't know what a hippie is.

Ray still carries his Eagle Scout compass.

Zari and Ray discover a dad body in a tree that had its heart ripped out.

Nate has barely called his parents in the last two years.

Nate figures out that history has changed after his father says he has nothing but pity for the Hippies after what happened at The Woodstock Massacre.

The Woodstock Massacre ended the Hippie movement before it started in the new reality. Reports from the survivors are sketchy but it's agreed that there were a series of murders that ultimately led to the stampede of a panicking crowd of 400,000 people trying to escape at once.

Nate and Ray are both Bronies.

John is about to have a threesome with two contortionists when Sara finds him.

Mick's father beat him, burned him and dressed like a clown to scare him when he was a child.

Nate's father was emotionally distant and cold toward him when he was a kid.

Nate sees Mick as his father.

Mick sees Nate as his dead rate, Axl.

Zari begins seeing love as a light around her. While she's high on the unicorn musk, she realizes Ray has fallen in live with Nora Darhk.

Roy hallucinates that a tree is Nora Darhk and starts kissing it.

The spell to banish a magical creature from the mortal realm requires a number of rare ingredients - the saliva of a nine-fingered man, the protection stone of a powerful shaman and a lock of hair from a doomed woman. Nate gets the saliva of a nine-fingered man by stealing a joint from Jerry Garcia, who lost most of one finger in a wood-chopping accident. Mick steals a necklace from Jimi Hendricks. A shrunken Ray steals a lock of hair from Janis Joplin.

Something happened between Gary Green and John Constantine, but John insists that it doesn't count as sex and that Gary is still a virgin. Technically.

The effects of the banishment spell opens a portal to Hell that draws the magical creature into it.

The unicorn bites off Gary's left nipple.

John offers to take Gary to go get a drink and maybe do something about the "virgin" situation.

Nate goes to visit his dad with a six-pack of beer so they can talk.

Ray claims to have felt a spark when he touched Nora Darhk's hand when he gave her the time stone.

Zari and her mother lived in Washington D.C in 2018.

Zari says she knows she can't change her family's past without screwing up the timeline and dooming all the people she saved as a Legend but she still feels guilty.

Ava puts The Legends medals in a frame on the wall of her kitchen.

Gary finally told Ava about the monsters being unleashed into the time stream.

Sara decides to not move in with Ava just yet.

John is attacked in his hotel room by some presence that says it is coming for him, writing a message in blood on his mirror.


JFK Airport, New York City - February 7, 1964.
Time Bureau HQ, Washington DC - 2018
Ava Sharpe's Brownstone, Washington DC - 2018.
The Haywood Home, Washington DC - 2018
Woodstock, New York - 1969
John Constantine's Hotel Room, Washington DC - 2018

Untelevised Adventures

Something happened to John within the past five months that has made him more miserable than usual.

The Bottom Line

Words cannot express how much I missed this show and how much I loved this episode. It's goofy fun and Constantine only makes it better, with the whole episode feeling like some lost Garth Ennis story. Practically perfect in every way.

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