Thursday, December 1, 2011

Skyrim: A Journal of War - Chapter Eight: Holding Out On A Hero

As I got back to Whiterun, I heard a great shout echo forth from the mountain tops. I couldn't quite make out the words, but it sounded something like "GET OVER HERE!" I was surprised to find the Jarl awake and on his throne when I returned to his palace.

Jarl Balgruff: So... it is true. The Greybeards have called. The Dragonborn is among us.
Me: The moose bit my sister. The cock crows at midnight. Could you please give me a straight answer as to what is going on?
Jarl Balgruff: In short, you are The Dragonborn - a prophesied hero of great bravery.
Me: Ok.
Jarl Balgruff: The Dragonborn is said to have the power to slay dragons but also to claim their powers, usually brought forth by speaking the dragon language in a series of shouts we call Thu'ums.
Me: I can do shouty magic. Got it. And the Greybeards?
Jarl Balgruff: Great wisemen, who live in the monastery at High Hrothgar. They devote their lives to studying the Thu'ums and it is said that a single word from one of them could destroy mountains. If they have called for you, it would be wise to visit them as soon as possible.
Me: Yeah, I'll get right on that. The guards said something about a reward?
Jarl Balgruff: Of course. I owe you much for slaying the dragon and defending our town. Therefore, I bestow upon you the title of Thane.
Me: What's a Thane?
Jarl Balgruff: A hero of great honor and prestige.
Me: ... that's it? I thought there might be something more... substantial, to go along with a noble title.
Jarl Balgruff: Of course! I will also give you permission to settle here in the city. Indeed, a believe a house is available for purchase right now.
Me: Purchase? As in... pay for myself?
Jarl Balgruff: Yes.
Me: I'd think... slaying a dragon and all... maybe you'd just GIVE me the house. Not that I'm not grateful, but...
Jarl Balgruff: I understand. Which is why I will also give you a housecarl.
Me: A what?
Jarl Balgruff: A servant, to watch over your house. I have already summoned them to meet you here.
Me: *mumbled* ... great.
Jarl Balgruff: What's that?
Me: I said, great. Great. Don't want to speak too loudly until I get this dragon shouting power thing under control.
Jarl Balgruff: Ah! Good thought! Wouldn't want to accidentally knock down a mountain or something onto the keep.
Me: *dead pan* No. Of course not. That would be horrible. *muttering* Stupid Jarl. Stupid housecarl without a house. Probably some stupid, moldy old bureaucrat like that Precious guy.
Woman's Voice: Excuse me...

Lydia: ... but are you Matthias The Bather, Thane of Whiterun?
Me: ... oh gods yes!
I am Lydia. The Jarl has appointed me to be your housecarl. It's an honor to serve you.
Me: ... serve me?
Lydia: Indeed, milord. Your every wish is my command.
Me: Okay. I officially take back every nasty thing I was just thinking about The Jarl. I thought he was going to give me some moldy old butler but you... you are quite the nubile little slave girl.
Lydia: Begging your pardon, milord but I am a freeborn woman.
Me: So I can't order you to dust my house wearing nothing but a dog collar and a smile?
Lydia: You have no house yet, milord.
Me: Details, details.
Lydia: But your burdens are mine to carry, milord. In all ways not involving sexual depravity, I am yours to command.
Me: ... all my burdens, you say?
Fine. I've got about 400 pounds of iron weaponry you can lug around until tomorrow morning.

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