Sunday, January 2, 2005

Hellblazer #203 - A Review

Written by: Mike Carey
Penciled by: Leonardo Manco
Inked by: Leonardo Manco
Colored by: Lee Loughridge
Lettered by: Jared K. Fletcher
Editor: Jonathan Vankin
Publisher: Vertigo > DC Comics

Wha… where the bloody hell am I?

Easy, Johnny. You’ve been through a lot.

John… is that my name?

John Constantine, yes sir. JC, C of E. Bit lapsed on the C of E, though. Very lapsed, come to think of it.

I… I don’t remember…

Well, that’s to be expected. You did give yourself amnesia trying to stop the end of the world.

I… I did? Am I some kind of hero?

Ha! Not by half, John. Not by half. You know a bit of magic, but get by on wits more than skill. You’ve managed to beat the Devil himself a few times, saved the world on a few occasions and caused a lot more trouble than anyone has any right surviving. But “heroic” is nowhere on the list of frequent adjectives applied to you.

So I saved the world and… lost my mind.

Simplifying it a bit, but roughly yeah.

Ugh… is that why I feel so wonky?

Partly. See, before I found you, you stumbled around a bit homeless and in a daze. Wound up in a bad situation, but a demoness got you out of it.

A demoness?

Female demon, yeah. Her name is Rosacarnis. She’s the daughter of a demon named Negral who… well, the short version is you did a lot to piss him off and eventually caused his demise. She wanted revenge and boy did she plan a doozy…

What… what is she doing? *COUGH*

Here. Take this. Carton of Silk Cut. Should make you feel more your old self.

I smoke?

Like a chimney.

Ah… starting to come back... So what’s this demoness doing?

Well, she offered to save you from certain death in exchange for one day of your life. One day magically became forty relative years, stretched out and she wound up having three children with you while putting you through nightmarish visions of life with three women in your past. Three children are out there now. Your children. Three who reflect the darkest parts of your soul.

Bloody hell, I remember it now… they’re still out there now, aren’t they?

Oh yeah. Trying to hunt down and kill all those you love. Well, all those you love who are still alive. Your loved ones tend to end up burned, stabbed or otherwise metaphysically inert.

Wait a sec? Who are you?

Just a friend. And a fan. Somebody who wanted to fill everyone in on who you really are and what’s going on in your life before it gets erased again…

Erased again? You mean… wait, something else… I’ve got it now! There was something even more twisted. More disturbing than a demoness bent on revenge trying to kill me with my own twisted children.

Got it in one, Johnny. Got it in one.

You mean the movie wasn’t a dream?

No. No, John I’m sad to say that it is not.

They really have Keanu bloody Reeves playing me?!?!

Yes, John. I’m afraid so.

…can I sell my soul to stop that from happening?

Uh… you already have done, John.

I have?

Your soul is on a third mortgage, that’s how much you’ve sold it.

Oh. Well, is there any chance that you could hit me in the head until I forget this again?

Sure. It’ll be the third time this month, though.

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