Monday, January 3, 2005

What If... Karen Page Had Lived? - A Review

Written by: Brian Michael Bendis
Penciled by: Michael Lark
Inked by: Michael Lark
Colored by: Dave Stewart
Lettered by: Cory Petit
Editor: C.B. Cebulski
Publisher: Marvel Comics


Bald Guy: Greetings! I am the Watcher! Or maybe I’m Brian Michael Bendis. Michael Lark’s dark and spooky artwork makes it hard to tell. At any rate, I am a man with a freakishly large bald head whose duty it is to tell you of tales that might have been.

CUT TO: Kevin Smith’s Study.

Bald Guy: Behold Kevin Smith- filmmaker and comic writer of immense popularity. And yet also an object of vast scorn! Mostly by wannabes, who are jealous of his being a writer of comics, maker of films and his actually having been bare naked with a girl!

Kevin Smith: Dig it.

Bald Guy: Ah, but what if… in some other world, it had been Brian Michael Bendis who had written that most beloved “Guardian Devil” story?

Kevin Smith: Folks, I apologize in advance for this. And for Black Cat being late. And Mallrats. Again.

CUT TO: A Church.

Bullseye: (smoking a pipe) Ah, my dear… tis so sweet this business of murder. To plot and smite my foe such upon holy ground is a great joy to a blasphemer such as myself. Would that the finest port could quell my thirst so well as this, the blood of the fiend Daredevil spilt upon the ground for me. Oh, that I might play with thee further, sweet foe. But alas, my duty is to deliver yon child which thou protectest unto my ungentle employer.

Bald Guy: It was in that moments that things changed. A billy club thrown. A brave woman’s action. A totally unnatural tone of dialogue for a well-established villain. A recap taking twelve pages that Roy Thomas could have managed in three. Yes, what if things had been different? A centimeter to the left. A centimeter to the right. A jump to the left. A step to the right. Hands on her hips, with her knees in tight? What if Karen Page HAD lived?

50,000 Fanboys: GET ON WITH IT!

Bald Guy: Well, not much to tell really. Mysterio still would have killed himself. Matt Murdock would have confronted Kingpin and accidentally killed him. Wilson Fisk, prepared for the unlikely event of his violent death in his life as a gangster, would have the finger of blame pointed at Murdock post-humously. Foggy Nelson would fail to consider an insanity plea and Matt Murdock would go to jail after a trial which was a circus even worse than the one he has experienced having his secret identity exposed in the true Marvel Universe. His trial would be the last time that he would see Karen Page. If he could see… that is, it was the last time they would be in the same room. And he would emerge from jail years later, a broken and depressed man with nothing to live for.

CUT TO: A Bar.

Bald Guy: Rather depressing, isn’t it? I suggest you deal with it the same way I dealt with writing this story: by drinking heavily.

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