Friday, February 10, 2006
Looking To The Stars - How To Train Your Lady To Like Comics
I am something of a rarity in Fanboy circles. Not just because I have a girlfriend. Not just because said girlfriend is a college cheerleader but because I have a girlfriend who is a college cheerleader who reads comics.
Yes, boys. As astonishing as that last statement is, I imaging most of you are stuck on this idea: Women who read comics DO exist.
But I am here to confront you with a sad fact. The number of women who are natural Comic Book Girls is, compared to the number of Comic Book Guys, alarming low. And the ones that exist, who don’t already have some very lucky man in their life, are probably not interested in boys. And do you really want to stoop to picking up women at the Anime Cons who are young enough to be impressed by a guy who has his own car? Like it or not, you're probably not going to be able to find a woman right off the bat among the local fandom base who shares your interest in four-color books in plastic bags.
Thankfully, there is an answer. You can find a girl and turn her into the geek grrrrrl of your dreams. I know this because I managed to do that very thing. When I first started dating Sierra, she didn't know thing one about my biggest hobby. Now, she can't go a month without reading Fables.
Now, I know there are some people out there who may object to the idea that you should enter any relationship looking at the other person as a fixer-upper opportunity. They'll tell you that attempting what I describe here makes you no better than those women who clip articles like "How To Trick Your Man Into Taking You To The Opera" out of Cosmo. But let me tell you something. Most of these people are alone and unhappy, so who are you going to believe?
I thought so.
Here then, just in time for Valentines Day, is a brief guide on how to turn any woman into the comic geek girl of your dreams.
1. Get A Girlfriend
For some of you, this may prove to be the most difficult step. We'll cover this further in later articles, but for now... brush your teeth, shave, wash your hair once in a while, SHOWER and learn how to talk about something besides comics. Or, just tell any women you meet that you're an artist. This will explain away a lot of the times you don't shower and shave, etc. Plus, women think artists are sensitive and sexy, which are hardest things to fake in a relationship.
2. Bringing Up That You Are... That Way
This is very important: DO NOT LET HER FIND OUT ABOUT YOUR HOBBY UNTIL YOU ARE OFFICIALLY DATING. If you tell her later, once she finds out about your other interests (you did remember to find something to talk about besides comics, didn't you?), she'll just think it's one of those crazy little quirks that make you interesting. If you mention it on the first date, you will instantly be forever labeled as a childish weirdo with unrealistic expectations regarding the female form. Never mind if all you read is Vertigo Comics.
3. Finding The Right Book For Her
Once your girlfriend has accepted your hobby, now you can begin trying to point her interest in this direction. There are two tactics you can try here.
a. The Gift
Return from the comic book store with something that "reminded me of you". She'll be so touched by the gift that, hopefully, she will feel compelled to read it and find out that it is actually pretty good. Be sure to come up with a convincing reason before hand as to why it reminded you of her. And remember: Women LOVE complements. Here are some examples...
"I got you this Dawn book, because she has such nice green eyes like yours."
"I saw this book called Death: The High Cost of Living, and her clear, pale skin reminded me of yours..."
"Remember when you beat up that guy at work? Well, it reminded me of this woman called The Manhunter…"
b. The Plant
Start leaving books featuring strong, female characters on the cover around your place when she is over. The sight of such characters as Wonder Woman, Supergirl, Witchblade, Fathom, Lady Death and Vampirella will only serve to pike her curiosity and show here that the comics game is far from a boys club.
You may even want to go as far as to put up a poster of Jennifer Gardner as Elektra or Jessica Alba. In the case of the latter, use your own best judgment as to whether to have a poster of her as Invisible Girl or as Nancy from Sin City based on which she is likely to find more inspiring – wife of a famous scientist or professional stripper. In either case, be sure to emphasize the strength inherit in the character and the strong feminist message inherit in their stories.
Follow these steps and you will soon have a girl who can walk down the aisles with you at Ye Olde Comic Book Shope with an enthusiasm to equal your own.
NOTE: THIS ABOVE TEXT IS A JOKE. WE ACTUALLY RECOMMEND TALKING TO YOUR GIRLFRIEND, FINDING OUT HER INTERESTS AND THEN FINDING A RELEVANT BOOK BASED ON THAT. THAT'S HOW I FOUND OUT MY LADY LOVES FAIRYTALES AND SUGGESTED FABLES TO HER. THIS WAS A PIECE OF PARODY AND SHOULD NOT BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY. EXCEPT FOR THE BITS ABOUT SHOWERING MORE. SERIOUSLY. EVERYONE IS TOO POLITE TO SAY ANYTHING BUT DUDE, YOU STINK.
Tune in next week. Same Matt time. Same Matt website.