Looking To The Stars: Thoughts on the New Year

I can't help but wax eclectically at this time of year. And unable to think of any one cohesive thing to write this time of year, here are a few thoughts that have occurred to me over the past week.

There is some small irony in this. I write an article about how Spider-Fan.org (the biggest and, for my money, best Spider-Man history site on the web) were slacking off on their responsibility to objectively review Mark Millar's "Spider-Man" title. I expect to get all manner of angry mails from Spider-Fan readers and Mark Millar fanboys alike. All I get is a few short letters of thanks, saying it was about time that someone said everything I had said.

And yet, I am apparently the Anti-Christ because I didn't know that it was wrestler Kevin Nash and NOT Triple-H who played "The Russian" in "The Punisher". Well, I'm willing to admit when I made a mistake, so fine. I made a mistake.

I should point out two things, in fairness. First, my mistake was based off an article I looked up that incorrectly identified Triple H as The Russian and I figured the source was trustworthy and that I didn't need to double-check imdb.com. Second, with my non-existent background in wrestling, you're lucky I knew who Triple H was.

Regarding my recent writings on Green Lantern: Any and all updates to my "Green Lantern: One Ring To Confused Them All" thesis will wait until AFTER "Green Lantern: Rebirth" is finished. As those of you who read issue three can attest, a WHOLE lot got changed and it looks like a whole lot more is going to change. So there's no point in me publishing the revisions on a monthly basis.

Oh, and on that note... if you haven't been reading "Green Lantern: Rebirth", do yourself a favor and pick up the reprints of One and Two along with Issue Three that just came out. This may just squeak through to win my personal Book of the Year award.

One formal announcement. Inspired by the example set by society columnist for the New York Daily News, Lloyd Grove, I too have decided to take his pledge. Henceforth, my New Years resolution this year is that I resolve not to write anything about Paris Hilton in my column.

Okay, I've never written ANYTHING about Paris Hilton in my column before and am unlikely to ever do so… thank every pantheon of gods that ever existed. But if it comes to pass that Paris Hilton does wind up in a comic book or writing in a comic book, you have my solemn that this reporter WILL NOT COVER IT! Giving away free press to stupid, spoiled whores who produce nothing of value for society starts at home and it starts here and now. I hope that the rest of the writers of The Comics Nexus will join me in this pledge and bring you all Paris Hilton free news throughout 2005.

Sorry to keep this short, but... it's almost Christmas as I write this, and I have stuff to do.

Tune in next week. Same Matt time. New Matt year.

Conan #11 - A Review

Written by: Kurt Busiek
Penciled by: Cary Nord
Inked by: Thomas Yeates
Colored by: Dave Stewart
Lettered by: Richard Starkings and Comicraft
Editor: Scott Allie
Publisher: Dark Horse Comics

Conan’s in a fix. He’d been hired to steal something from a temple. Upon getting inside the locked temple, he stumbles across a dead body and not a few seconds later the one guard patrolling outside the temple stumbles across him. Within minutes, Conan is surrounded by armed guards, ready to skewer him for the murder of the high priest of the temple.

Conan protests his innocence (what little he has left) and the evidence does seem to bear him out. The priest was strangled and why would a Cimmerian with a sword bother to strangle a man when a sword is faster and easier? Still, the magistrate on the scene is hard-pressed to repress the bloodlust of the head guard as Conan himself is hard-pressed to repress his rage at the stupidity of the civilized men around him.

Busiek skillfully adapted this story from an original by Robert E. Howard, though I wonder at the wisdom of adapting this particular story. It is a good story and one well worth reading, but Conan is but a bit player. Most of the dialogue here goes to a Hyperborean Sherlock Holmes as he looks around the crime scene, examining clues and determining that it is very unlikely that Conan was the killer. None of this mattering much to the guards ready for swift, if inaccurate, justice or the reader who desires to see Conan, the man of action instead of Conan, the surly victim.

These fans will be satisfied near the end, as Conan loses his patience as the guards lose their limbs and Cary Nord gives us his goriest work on the book yet. Gory, but not graphic, Nord is just as much a star in this book as Busiek and the two have made quite the formidable team. I look forward to more of their work on this book in the coming year. And if you haven’t been reading this title, you should look for it next year too. You won’t regret it.

Hawkman #35 - A Review

Written by: Jimmy Palmiotti & Justin Gray
Penciled by: Joe Bennett
Inked by: Ruy Jose
Colored by: John Kalisz
Lettered by: Pat Brosseau
Editor: Stephen Wacker
Publisher: DC Comics

I keep thinking about dropping this title. Really I do. I’ve never liked Hawkman as a character and only the fact that Green Arrow had a guest-shot with The Spider (last seen in Starman) in the first six-issues after the opening coupled with Geoff Johns writing got me to give the book a shot. I kept going with it through the entirety of John’s run and stuck with it after Palmiotti and Gray took over because… well, let it not be said I won’t give a man a fair shot.

I was mixed on the first few issues. I wasn’t crazy about the new villain in the form of a vigilante-hating police inspector fresh from Gotham. I thought showing Carter trying to move on from his “destined” love Shayera by dating the singer Domina was a good step in trying to do something different with the title, up until she got killed. And the issue with Atom and Hawkman fighting Space Nazis in Antarctica? Too goofy NOT to enjoy.

In the end, that’s why I was pondering dropping the book. Sure it was enjoyable, but it wasn’t great. Every issue Johns wrote made me go “wow” about something, be it the story itself or a creative use of an old-school Hawkman villain who has gone ignored for… well, longer than Hawkman himself was ignored. And with my budget tightening I can only afford the titles that make me go “wow” every month. So out of the $30 dollars worth of books I bought this week, Hawkman was the last one I read.

It is safe, for the moment. If for no other reason than in this issue, the writers bring back not one, but THREE classic Hawkman bad guys. Lionmane, the half-man half-lion monster. Fadeaway Man; master of a cloak that allows for all sorts of neat tricks not the least of which is teleportation. And perhaps most unsettling, Trygg The Sorcerer; master of zombies. From what we see, Fadeaway Man is bringing together a reunion of the “We Hate Hawkman” club. Lionmane and Trygg are but two of the three he says he has brought into town. Coupled with his engineered break-out of several hundred criminals from the St. Roch Penitentiary, Fadeway Man is planning SOME scheme which will “make The Joker look like The Riddler” in comparison to him.

This comic is all build-up with not much going on besides us seeing villains talking and the heroes reacting to what the villains are doing. But that’s just fine as we get to see Hawkman dealing with the jail breakout, a sudden influx of dark magic sealing off the city from the outside world (shades of Starman there) and the dead rising from the grave and taking to the streets.

This book features, at a rather odd time considering we are in the middle of an arc, the premiere of the new art team of Joe Bennett & Ruy Jose. While I still miss Rags Morales on this title, they prove to be the best team to tackle the book since his departure. Bennett’s penciling style is reminiscent of Tony Harris. Jose’s inks are suitably dark and foreboding. Together, they make the streets of St. Roch look as spooky as the French Quarter of New Orleans and all of the characters look suitably dark and mysterious.

Looking To The Stars: Blade: Trinity - A Review

I experienced one rare pleasure this week thanks to the stupidity of my Dean. You see, my college made a bowl game this year. The administrators, not wanting our studies to be disrupted by thoughts of football, pushed Finals Week forward, so I had to take all my exams a week early. Since all my free time in December has been spent with hurriedly finishing papers and studying, I didn't get a chance to see "Blade: Trinity" until about four hours ago.

Because I was forced to wait a week to see it, I was able to see it on a Thursday afternoon. When the movie theater was all but empty except for a few moms trying to see Bridget Jones 2 before the kids get back from school.

There are few joys greater than sitting down to watch a movie in an empty movie theater. It is very freeing, knowing that there will be no screaming children to distract you. No cel-phones suddenly going off. No sweaty fat men hogging your armrest. Just you and a magical silver screen stretched out before you.

But enough waxing melodic. How was the movie?

Not that bad, honestly. Not that great, either, but overall it was a fitting conclusion to the series. Some elements have been improved upon. Others are sorely lacking. But overall, the flick is good for what it is: an action flick without much plot to distract you from the cool images.

As we start off, Blade has gotten careless. After over two movies worth of running around New York with a sword strapped to his back and blowing up numerous buildings, chasing down numerous vampires and getting into numerous car chases, shoot-outs and general mayhem, the police are looking for him. One set-up fight with one "familiar" (human slaves to the vampires, tattooed with a sigil like branded cattle) takes a stake to the heart, doesn't dissolve into ashes as Blade expected and faster than you can say "Candid Camera" the police have video evidence that a dangerous serial killer is on the loose in New York City.

After a firefight that destroys Blade and Whistler's base of operations (taking Whistler with it in the process), Blade is captured and quickly on the path to a slow and painful death at the hands of the new heads of the ruling vampire class (Parker Posey and Triple H, if you can believe it) thanks to their familiars, NYC's Chief of Police and Blade's court-appointed psychiatrist. Thankfully, rescue comes at the hands of The Nightstalkers; a group of vampire hunters Whistler outsourced with. The Nightstalkers then fill in Blade on how a vampire called Drake (aka inspiration for Dracula, first vampire ever) has risen from his rest and is in New York. The vampire bosses are hoping that they can use him to gain Drake's special gift: immunity from sunlight. And so it falls to Blade and the Nightstalkers to save the world... again.

Things take a while to get started, but things aren't dull while we're waiting. Goyer, writer of the first two 'Blade' movies took the reigns as director this time around and does a credible job in shooting his own script. The cinematography makes every shot look like it was taken from a comic book, and not in the way that made The Hulk unwatchable. The shots are quick and focused, like quickly-taken snapshots by a photographer standing on a ledge. The sets are all beautifully designed and filled with plenty of glass walls to be broken and ledges for minions to be tossed over.

Would that the performances were as enjoyable as the scenery. Wesley Snipes IS Blade and nothing is going to change that. He is the same character as before. No better or worse. The only change is that this time, there is no attempt at emotional growth for the character. While the first movie gave him a pseudo-love interest as he learned more about being human and the second movie had some romantic tension with a Vampire-American Princess, this movie will have none of it. The closest we get behind Blade's cipher exterior is one scene where he is asked what he will do if they ever DO kill all the vampires and another where the young daughter of another one of the Nightstalker's asks Blade why he's dependant on a serum to control his vampire half and why he just doesn't try being nice.

"Because the world isn't nice," he replies.

The supporting cast is similarly restrained. Jessica Biel is a credible action heroine here as Whistler's bastard daughter Abby, but is given little to do other than look fetching in a tank-top. Ryan Reynolds, as a slightly-reworked Hannibal King is more annoying than comedic. He is meant to be a foil to the more stoic Snipes, but he'd be a whole lot more successful if his wisecracks didn't alternate between his cowardly screamings of the F-word and pseudo-hip pop-culture references. The rest of the Nightstalkers exist only to be cannon fodder and funny-man/comic writer Patton Oswald (resplendent in a Fantastic Four shirt) is wasted in a bit part as the geeky gunmaker.

The villains don't fare much better, with Parker Posey channeling Fairuza Balk, Triple H sporting a few more lines than he had as The Russian in The Punisher and Dominic Purcell as a Dracula who ranks somewhere below Leslie Nielsen but somewhere above the guy from Van Helsing on the "serious threat" meter.

Thankfully, character counts for very little in this movie. It's all about the action. And on that level, it works wonderfully. The fight scenes are well-shot, with Goyer's direction having eliminated the problems with Blade 2, where so many of the fight scenes were shot so close up as to totally miss the action in favor of amazing action shots of Ron Perlman's biceps. The computer effects are much better too, with the vampires dissolving into ash looking more natural than in the second film.

On the whole, Blade: Trinity is a serviceable action flick. Just don't expect much in the way of character development or humor, and you'll have a good time. Especially if you go on Thursday afternoon when no one else is there.

Tune in next week. Same Matt time.

Identity Crisis #7 - A Review

Written by: Brad Meltzer
Penciled by: Rags Morales
Inked by: Michael Bair
Colored by: Alex Sinclair
Lettered by: Kenny Lopez
Editor: Mike Carling
Publisher: DC Comics

Starman Matt Morrison: Be warned ahead of time. I shall pull no punches and spoilers will be spoken! So have you NOT read this issue of Identity Crisis yet and still do not already know the answer to the question that has rocked the Fandom community for the better part of a year, come no further!

Editor Tim Stevens: It’s Nightwing!

Starman Matt Morrison: What the! Tim, what are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be interrupting Mathan’s column?

Editor Tim Stevens: Nah. I got bored. Thought I’d see if you got any angry letters from all Mark Millar’s fans for your column last week.

Starman Matt Morrison: Well… you know it ISN’T Nightwing who did it.

Editor Tim Stevens: Yes it is! It just has yet to be revealed that he did it.

Starman Matt Morrison: This was the LAST issue, Tim. I think it’s pretty settled now.

Editor Tim Stevens: That’s what they WANT you to think. All the twists they’ve had so far… all the spin offs they have coming out? You really think it’s over?

Starman Matt Morrison: Yes. Yes I do.

Former Editor Ben Morse: You’re a fool.

Starman Matt Morrison: What the… Ben Morse?

Editor Tim Stevens: Ben? You’re back?

Former Editor Ben Morse: Only for a bit. You see, I know I stopped being Matt’s editor, but I couldn’t help but come back to correct him one more time on this. You see, it isn’t Nightwing who killed Sue Dibny.

Starman Matt Morrison: I know! It was-

Former Editor Ben Morse: It was the Rainbow Raider.

Editor Tim Stevens: What?

Starman Matt Morrison: That doesn’t make any sense! And isn’t the Rainbow Raider dead?

Former Editor Ben Morse: Yeah. I got this straight off the line from my super secret sources at Wizard Magazine (available at all fine comic shops and bookstores everywhere!).

Starman Matt Morrison: Aren’t those the same guys who swore blind three months ago that it was the ghost of Jason Todd back from the dead after an interview with Judd Winick?

Editor Tim Stevens: Lies! Lies and chicanery from all of you! It was Dick Grayson, I tells ya!

Mysterious Scotsman: No, it was Norman Osborn. Because Norman Osborn does EVERYTHING!

Starman Matt Morrison: What the- who the hell are you?

Mysterious Scotsman: I’m Mark Millar, you sad little man!

Starman Matt Morrison: Waaaaaaugh!

Mysterious Scotsman: That was for your column last week.

Editor Tim Stevens: Wow… are those steel-toed boots?

Starman Matt Morrison: ...mommy…

Former Editor Ben Morse: Wait a second! Norman Osborn couldn’t have done it! He’s not in the same universe!

Mysterious Scotsman: Bah! You think such a thing is impossible for Norman Osborn? Inter-dimensional travel would be a piece of cake for the man who invented a time machine just so he could go back and pay Flash Thompson to short-sheet Peter Parker’s bed at summer-camp!

Starman Matt Morrison: … that never… GAAUUUGH!

Mysterious Scotsman: Quiet, you.

Staff Madman Jesse Baker: Actually, you’re all wrong.

Mysterious Scotsman: Who’s this twit?

Editor Tim Stevens: Jesse Baker. The other Comics Nexus loudmouth.

Staff Madman Jesse Baker: That’s right! And here in this sack, I have captured the REAL culprit behind all our problems!

Former Editor Ben Morse:What the- it’s Old Man Winters, who runs the haunted amusement park!

Staff Madman Jesse Baker: No! That’s what they wanted us to think! Pull off the mask, and it’s none other than-

ALL: Brian Michael Bendis?!?!

Brian Michael Bendis: And I would have gotten away with it, if it hadn’t been for Jesse Baker and his magical talking dogs!

Starman Matt Morrison: … so weak…