Thursday, February 11, 2016

Deadpool - A Crude (Yet Spoiler Free) Review

WARNING: The following review, much like the movie it covers, is fucking foul. It contains far stronger language than I usually use when writing my reviews and that is by design. If this offends you, then for the love of Odin's Ravens, Jesus' Perfect Abs and Buddha's Belly, do not go see Deadpool. Seriously.

First, another word of warning. Do not be like the mouth-breathing fuckwits I was forced to sit next to and bring your small children to the theater. Seriously. This movie is fucking offensive and not suitable for children. Truth be told, it's not suitable for most adults. This may be ironic as the target audience for most of the movie's humor is a group of 13-year-old boys on meth, but I digress.

My point is that between the gratuitous swearing, tasteful nudity, distasteful nudity, kinky sex scenes, kinkier sex scenes, slapstick violence, fuckstick violence and just plain fucked-up imagery, this movie is not something to see with your kids. If you truly intend on taking your children to watch this movie, you might as well sign them up for pole-dancing lessons or see about apprenticing them off to a Tijuana donkey show. At least then you'll scar your children for life AND make money on the deal!
For that matter, don't see the movie with your parents. Trust me - you'll be mortified having to watch their faces as they process this film and start to wonder where they went wrong in raising you. They may even burn your comic collection!

Anyway, what can I say about Deadpool beyond the fact that it is truly fucking offensive?

Well, it was so funny I need to see it a second time because of all the stuff I couldn't hear for the crowd around me laughing.

 It's described as a love story and a horror movie. And it is both.

It perfectly captures the anarchic spirit of the comics (see the above comments about the offensive content) but is also surprisingly sweet and inspiring. Go figure.

So yeah - go see Deadpool. Go see it twice. And see it with someone you love. But not your kids. Or anyone else's kids. Seriously, do not taking your fucking children to this movie!

Oh, and stick around through ALL the credits.

Final Rating: Five Loving Fists Up Ryan Reynolds' Ass.

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