Saturday, March 1, 2014

Pryde Of The X-Men - A Commentary In Riffs.

And now, the 1989 failed cartoon pilot - Pryde Of The X-Men.

0:07 – Is that Mark Hamill’s Joker singing this theme song?

0:22 – This is why most of the 90’s Marvel cartoons didn’t have theme songs with lyrics…

0:50 – Stan Lee warning us our classmates might be dangerous mutants seems wrong somehow… wasn’t this comic supposed to encourage us to accept others who are different?

1:13 – Holy crap... is that Uncle Phil as Magneto?

1:30 – Brotherhood of Mutant Terrorists?  I think they picked the one name WORSE than “Brotherhood of Evil Mutants”.  You can get away with claiming “Evil” is ironic.

1:35 – He’s swinging a metal rifle at the guy who controls metal, who is behind a force-field?  I’m guessing the Colonel isn’t in Military Intelligence…

1:50 – Why does Emma Frost sound like she’s an old woman?  And why does telepathy melt asphalt?

2:10 – And since when does she throw magic bolts around? 

2:20 – Yeah.   Metal guns. REALLY did not think this through, did they?

2:43 – Minor nitpick, but since when is Kitty a redhead?  Or orange-head in this case?

3:15 – Well, at least they captured Professor X’s sensitivity accurately – greeting a nervous teenage girl with a ghostly apparition.

3:30 – Ack!  Chuck is running his orientation video in Windows 8.1!  He IS evil!

3:40 – Wait… her parents agreed to let her travel across the country to another school ALONE?

4:10 –  They have a place called The Danger Room.  You ever get the feeling Professor X isn’t  an accredited educator?

4:25 – “better known as Cyclops”.  Better known to who?

5:01 – Charles got this game program with the tentacle-rape plants from Japan.

5:30 – “Well, not understood by ME anyway.  My degree was actually in women’s studies….”

6:00 – Hands to yourself, Nightcrawler!

6:40 – What the hell kind of accent is that?  I know they said Wolverine sounded Australian in this but that doesn’t sound Australian!

6:50 – “Actually, I don’t.  I have severe amnesia and… YOW!”

7:42 – Ah, Kurt – you’re such a charming pederast.

8:10 – Kitty isn’t exactly the sharpest tool in the shed, is she?  Asking is Xavier knows them AFTER the expository speech.

9:00 – So how is her power not shorting out the circuit when she phases while holding it?  And why isn’t Professor X using his telepathy offensively?  Apart from him needing to be captured because the story says so?

9:49 – You’d think they’d have some kind of alarm on their planes telling them their home just got trashed.  And didn’t they leave in two jets, earlier?

10:22 – Peter isn’t exactly that bright either.  Haven’t they fought The Blob before?

11:35 – Why the hell is Lockheed here?

12:10 – Uh, Peter? I know he’s already paralyzed but moving him might not be a good idea…

12:47 – I just love how Kitty is scared witless by Nightcrawler but thinks nothing of swinging at Wolverine.

14:00 – Umm.. won’t most of the mutants be killed off if a comet hits the Earth?  I could buy Magneto doing this if he had a whole mutant nation on the asteroid but it looks like the only woman they have is Emma Frost….

14:40 – Yes, it is far too dangerous for you to go out into the field.  Instead you will stay here… alone, in the ruined mansion where even the world’s most powerful  telepath couldn’t protect you before!  Yeah… I’m rooting for Magneto at this point.  His continued employment of Toad aside, he’s not an idiot.

14:45 – My child?  Kurt, just when I thought you couldn’t get any creepier…

16:00 – How did he not blast his own helmet off?

16:04 – Take that, Figment!

16:54 – Hey!  Toad In The Hole! 

16:58 – Why did Wolverine stay behind when they got Toad trapped?

18:30 – Just go with it…. It doesn’t have to make sense…

19:11 – You have to wonder why Magneto kept that dragon around…

20:11 – He teleported without his space suit?

21:24 – No… that wasn’t James Avery as Magneto.  Because this world is not awesome enough to have him being Shredder AND Magneto.

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