Friday, January 6, 2012

Skyrim: A Journal of War - Chapter Fourteen: When Is A Theft Not A Theft?

From The Saga Of Matthias The Bather; Written by Sven

Having sought out The Greybeards and begun his training, Matthias and Uthgerd did return to Riverwood to unburden themselves of the treasures they had found while adventuring...

Uthgerd: I still don't understand why we came all the way out here to sell all this. Whiterun has many shops and is closer.
True, but they didn't have owners who would let me loot their store blind and then sell them all their own wares.
Ha! You jest.
Not at all. Watch.


Uthgerd: ... words fail me.
I know, right?!
Uthgerd: What witchcraft is this?
No witchcraft. Just something odd I've noticed - after I help people, they become entirely indifferent toward me taking everything they own. Like they view me as a trusted friend instead of a wanderer who comes through trying to sell them bloody armor every few weeks.
And you can just take everything they own?
Wellll... not everything. I've got this kind of sixth sense about what they won't mind me taking. It's hard to explain.
Indeed? So, if I were to pick up this iron helm which you avoided touching earlier...
No! Don't -
Lucan Valerius: Help! Guards! Thief!

Whiterun Guard: Halt! In the name of the Jarl!
Me: Augh! I'msorryI'msorryI'msorry! I beg Talos forgiveness of my many sins! Especially the really fun ones I never got caught for!
Whiterun Guard: Begging will not save you, thief! Now, how do you plead?
Me: On my knees, usually. PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE don't send me to prison! I'm pretty sure the shouts won't protect me from buggery.
Whiterun Guard: The shouts.... wait, you are the Dragonborn, Matthias The Bather?
Me: ... yes?
Whiterun Guard: Oh. Forgive me, my Thane. I didn't realize it was you.
But didn't he just...
Whiterun Guard: We'll look the other way this time. But even the Jarl's influence has limits. Be more careful.

Uthgerd: ... I still can't believe it.
Welcome to my world.
Uthgerd: This... this day has given me much to think about. I think I need to go lie down for a while and reconsider my place in this world of yours.
Me: What?! But you can't go! Who will stand beside me on the road to adventure? Who will distract the big guys with swords while I hide in the shadows waiting for an opportune shot? Who will carry all my heavy stolen loot that I still haven't found a place to sell?! If only I had some obedient bimbo sworn to carry my burdens...

Me: ... right!

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