Wednesday, July 16, 2008

A Special Review of Conan The Cimmerian #1

Oh gods... and it was going so well.

It's not that this comic is bad, really. Parts of it are bad, including...

1) The Cover, which pretty much proves everything everyone ever said about how Frank Cho cannot draw anything other than monsters, animals and women and how when in doubt, he'll always go for the out-of-proportion ass-shot. Also, look at the expression on the woman! You're surrounded by ape-men, a severed head is just inches away from your feet and a big burly man is standing over your body! How can you look bored?

It's a bit like that one skit on Mystery Science Theater 3000, where the robots have Mike trying to guess the emotion Kathy Ireland shows during different scenes of the movie and the answer, no matter how traumatic or shocking the scene, is always "Dull Surprise". Only in this case, Cho can't even manage 'dull surprise'. He has the dull part down, but there's no surprise.

Conan's not helping matters either. He's just standing there posed! No raised weapon. No fierce expression as he growls a warcry or curses in Crom's name. Just a vaguely menacing stare. Which, while appropriate to most social situations Conan is in, hardly seems fitting for facing an entire horde of beastmen.

2) The artwork in the flashback scenes, which is even more out of proportion than the asses of the women in Frank Cho's pin-ups.

3) The story - which isn't all that bad on it's own but... the book is called Conan The Cimmerian! I want to read a Conan story! Not watch Conan cozying up to the fire as a mysterious soothsayer tells Conan stories about his grandfather!

I'm not holding out much hope for the next issue either, since the preview shows YET another posed Frank Cho cover and the flashback ends on a cliff-hanger. But we can hope.

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