To all of Mr. Morrison’s fans,
We are sorry to inform you that due to a sudden emergency involving at his place of employment, Mr. Morrison has not had time to scribe one of his famous writings this week. The editorial staff would like to assure you that all is well and that Mr. Morrison has not forgotten his public. His reviews for the week, which were written beforehand, will be published as per usual later today and on Thursday.
To all of Mr. Morrison’s detractors,
We are sorry to inform you that Mr. Morrison has not been fired but proved unable to write a column this week, due to a sudden emergency at work. We apologize for the inconvenience and recommend that you go and enjoy some of our other fine articles and reviews.
To the people who wrote in to complain about the forthcoming “Reasons Why I Am A Better Person Than Jesus: Part One” article Mr. Morrison said he was going to write last week,
It was a joke. The whole thing was a joke. Mr. Morrison does not really think he is better than Jesus and the whole thing was a play upon Mr. Morrison’s egotism, which is as much a joke persona as the shameless, self-promoting blowhard played by Stan Lee.
Tune in next week. Same Matt Time. Same Matt Website.