Off Target: Green Arrow (Vol. 2) #88

There's a problem - let's call it The Archer's Complaint, since it comes up just as much with Hawkeye as it does with Green Arrow. 

THE ARCHER'S COMPLAINT: What good is a guy who is really good at using a bow in a world where magic is real, aliens exist and super-powered beings are an established fact of reality?

There's two ways a writer can cope with The Archer's Complaint.  The first method limits the character's activities to dealing with low-level street crime and real-world problems.  This tactic was used by Mike Grell on Green Arrow and is currently used by Matt Fraction on Hawkeye.  The second method showcases the character's mental skills and gives them technology that allows them to level the playing field.  This method was used by Joss Whedon in the Avengers movie and pretty much everyone who wrote Batman in the last two decades.

I mention this because writer Kevin Dooley did not choose either of these paths when he was writing Green Arrow.  Whether it was because he was honestly unable to think of stories where Oliver Queen could be an effective hero or he actively hated the character I have no idea.  Either way, I can't help but notice that the stories Dooley wrote for Cross Roads were the ones where Ollie proved completely ineffective until he changed his methods and standards, whether it was by destroying private property, abandoning finesse for raw power or outright killing an unarmed man that the law wouldn't touch.

With that in mind, let's play some Comic Book Limbo and see how low we can go with Green Arrow #88.



Hey, Wally?  Could you run down to Academy and get me a bow that isn't broken?

This cover is a complete lie.  There's no armored soldiers anywhere in the book.  Ollie isn't in costume once in the whole issue.  His bow never gets broken.  The Flash never shows up.  And - SPOILER ALERT - Ollie never fights alongside his former colleagues in the Justice League.

We open on a typical New York City street.  In typical New York City fashion, a missile is about to rain down fiery doom on the populace.  Luckily, The Martian Manhunter is on the scene.  So is Oliver Queen, but nobody notices or cares about him.

For one thing, you can't get theater tickets without taking out a loan these days...
As Ollie watches J'onn effortlessly catch the missile, deflecting it towards a second missile, he thinks back on his days in the Justice League and wonders if they might still have a place for the World's Finest archer.  He dismisses the thought just as quickly, thinking there's nothing a man with a bow can do against a madman in a jet armed with heat-seeking missiles and starts wondering if the other heroes just humored him. 

Get used to this self-loathing, folks.  We're going to be seeing a lot more of it.

Ollie leaps into action after J'onn punches his way through one of the jet's engines and the plane starts to fall downward.  This leads Ollie to try and shoot the cockpit glass with an arrow.  Wait... Why?  What was he hoping to accomplish?  Kill the pilot in case he was trying to steer the plane to where he could hit someone when he crashed? 


... that you'd be so stupid? Neither can I, Ollie.
No, Ollie's arrow didn't do anything.  It's Martian Manhunter again, righting the plane and bringing it down safely.  The police come up to take the pilot into custody as Ollie looks on.  This would be an ideal time for Ollie to step in, say hi to his buddy J'onn and offer to go commiserate over some cookies and milk at one of Manhattan's many fine diners.  Ollie doesn't do that.  Even though the whole reason he came to NYC was to get in touch with his old friends.

Hey, don't insult crap!  It makes for a very effective fertilizer!
No, Ollie isn't trash-talking himself, for once.  In the minute or so while his back was turned, Ollie's car was stolen.  A surprisingly clean-cut and well-dressed homeless man tells Ollie about how the whole neighborhood has been going to hell in a hand-basket and how the cops are more interested in harassing the homeless then catching criminals.  I'll give Kevin Dooley credit for this much - that is totally accurate in regards to how Mayor Rudolph Giuliani ordered the police to handle the homeless in New York City at that time.


Okay.  Let's pause to consider something.  We're only six pages into this book and we've already had an apparent terrorist attack with a stolen jet, a car theft and now a bank robbery.  All of this has happened within walking distance of the Justice League Embassy.  All of this happening on the same street with the span of about five minutes.  Unlikely?  To put it mildly.

I'll grant you the jet attack since it may have been aimed at the Justice League Embassy itself.  I'll even grant you the car-theft may have been a crime of opportunity, since everyone was distracted by the sudden jet landing.  But I don't think it likely that the neighborhood around a public superhero base would be the kind of place a car thief would routinely hang around waiting to get lucky OR that someone would try to rob a bank near one.  There's a reason the crime rate tends to be lower around police stations and the same principle should apply here.

Anyway, Ollie runs toward the sounds of gunfire and finds several police officers pinned down by heavy fire.  As Ollie tries to figure out how he can stand up to a bunch of robbers with high-powered guns, Wonder Woman shows up.  Ollie thinks she has things well in hand and he doesn't have to get involved... until he sees two men with guns sneaking up on Wonder Woman, ready to shoot her in the back at point-blank range.  Ollie is about to shoot at the men, but Diana has matters well in hand again.  This time, Ollie does try to say hello, but the uniform cops are having none of it.


More depressed than ever, Ollie wanders off into an alley and starts playing a variant of kick-the-can that involves shooting it with an arrow rather than kicking it.  After his "can-arrow" passes through an open window and nearly hits a civilian, who sticks his head out the window to yell at Ollie, Ollie hears a ruckus in the next alley over.  By sheer coincidence, it's the homeless man Ollie spoke with earlier getting harassed by some random thugs who seem to be under the mistaken impression that the homeless man has something worth stealing.  Ollie thinks this is just the kind of thing he can handle... right up until someone sneaks up behind him and knocks him unconscious.  


Everybody playing the drinking game at home, do a shot for Ollie getting knocked out.
Ollie comes to in the hospital sometime later.  Curiously, despite the fairly strict rules hospitals have about visitors - particularly the victims of violent crimes - the homeless man is waiting with Ollie in his room.  It is he, rather than a nurse, who explains that Ollie got hit from behind by the muggers' look-out. To add insult to injury, he reveals that the only reason Ollie is still alive is because he managed to pull a gun away from one of the muggers and scared them off with it.  So not only is Ollie completely ineffective at fighting alongside other superheroes - he can't even stop a simple mugging!  Our hero, ladies and gentlemen!

Shockingly, there is someone who may be having an even worse day than Ollie and he just woke up in the next room....


Yes, it's Guy Gardner - ex Green Lantern.  Referring to the events of Emerald Twilight (which was going on at the same time as this story), Guy explains how Hal Jordan - greatest of the Green Lanterns and Oliver Queen's best friend - has killed The Guardians of the Universe, absorbed their energy and gone mad with power.  Ollie offers to help as Guy leaves the hospital but Guy is quick to dismiss his help.  "Bow 'N' Arrows Don't Just Hack It," Guy says.

I'm not upset about this part because Guy Gardner honestly is thick-headed enough to not realize that - on the odd chance that 'more force' isn't the solution - maybe having the best friend of the guy you're trying to stop on hand might be a good idea.  Particularly when said best friend has a proven track record of being able to talk to the power-mad lunatic and get him to think about things he never considered before.  I AM upset because Ollie is honestly hurt by Gardner's words about bows and arrows not cutting it and doesn't dismiss them as... well, Guy Gardner being Guy Gardner.

Lacking anything better to do at the moment, Ollie follows the homeless man to the cardboard shantytown where he's currently staying.  He introduces himself as Bernie Feinstein and explains that he's a computer programmer who is down on his luck.  He then introduces Ollie to the rest of his friends, including the guy who runs the place.


In the middle of this, Ollie is distracted by a newspaper on the ground which talks about Lamoreaux Industries (i.e. the company run by the incestuous rapist Ollie killed last issue) being taken over.  The paper indicates that the CEO died of a heart-attack.  Technically true as Ollie attacked his heart with a cloth-yard shaft.  Ollie muses as to whether or not that would have happened without him doing what he did only to be surprised as Ned asks if he's ever killed someone and is then told that heroes don't kill when he says that he has.  Before Ollie can respond, shadowy figures come out of nowhere, guns a-blazzing.


I'm sure I can find some way to make this bad situation even worse!
Given Ollie's track record so far in this comic and what we've seen of Kevin Dooley's story-telling style so far, what do you think happens next?

A) Martian Manhunter and Wonder Woman, who were finally tipped off that Ollie was in town after Guy Gardner signed in at the JLE and told them Ollie was in the hospital when he left, show up just in time to help Ollie fight the corrupt police.  The issue ends with them going back to the Justice League Embassy for chili, Oreos and milk

B)Ollie single-handedly repels the corrupt police officers, who run away like the cowards they are having not expected anyone to fight back, thus proving the power of one man standing up for what is right.

C) Ollie rallies the homeless men into an army, striking back at their oppressors, thus justifying his status as a modern-day Robin Hood.
 
D) Ollie nearly gets shot in the back and is saved only after Bernie throws himself between Ollie and the corrupt cop.  Bernie dies in his arms and Ollie is chewed out for trying to be a hero as the shanty town is completely destroyed and the homeless people are left with nothing.

...

...

...

Pencils down.  Everyone have an answer ready?  Good.
...

...

...


Anyone who didn't say D, smack the back of your hand for not paying attention!


o/` No one knows what it's like... to be the bad man... to be the sad man... o/`
And so our comic ends with Ollie handing an envelope full of money to Ned (apparently, Ollie's Vegas winnings are still in it) and Ollie saying that he lied earlier when he said he wasn't living a life discarded.  Ollie then decides to go to the one place on Earth depressing enough to match his current mood - New Jersey! 

No, really!  He decides to go to Gotham City.  It's in New Jersey!  Look it up in the DC Atlas!   

This may well be the most depressing comic I've ever had the misfortune to read.  This comic holds the idea of heroism down and uses it for a toilet.  Our hero doesn't accomplish one heroic thing in the whole book.  Hell, he doesn't even manage to accomplish his stated basic goal of meeting up with his old friends!

If anyone needs me, I'm going to be doing something more cheerful than reading this comic.  Maybe listen to The Smiths while looking at pictures of abused animals.   

Off Target: Green Arrow (Vol. 2) #87

Daron Kappauff, who was one of my editors at Comics Nexus, recently asked me if I ever reviewed comics I didn't like anymore.  This comment came on the heels of a run of relatively positive reviews I had just published.  Personally, I think he misses being able to force me to read bad X-Men books and laughing at my torment in having to describe just how bloody awful everything is. :)

Well, let it never be said I don't give the people what they want.  Because this episode of Off-Target focuses on a comic that is so vile you'll be surprised it wasn't a collaboration between Garth Ennis and Mark Millar.  This comic is so morally disgusting, it makes Evil Ernie look like Tiny Toons. In fact, I'd suggest cleaning your bathtub and shower now because by the time we're done with this book you're going to need a lengthy cleansing period.

Hyperbole?  I wish.  Because this issue of Cross Roads was written at a point when the letters of complaint had begun to pour in from the fans.  The readers were upset that Ollie Queen - a hero who had always been defined by his strict morality - had largely been reduced to being The Punisher with a bow, making only token attempts at avoiding killing .  They were also upset that the depth of the character and focus on real-world issues had been reduced from the days when Dennis O'Neil and Mike Grell were writing the character.

How did writer Kevin Dooley respond to these complaints?  Apparently by trying to create a melodramatic villain so unsympathetic that only the most devout pacifist could complain about his being killed by our hero.  He also apparently attempted to ape the styles of both Grell and O'Neil, telling a story that read more like a Men's Adventure pulp magazine than a traditional superhero story.  While there's nothing wrong with that (indeed, one might argue Ollie's roots as a character lay in those same pulps) , it didn't play to Dooley's strengths as a creator and the final product is ham-fisted to say the least.

But I'm getting a little ahead of myself.  So let's take a look at the cover of Green Arrow #87 and - OH MY GOD!
 

THIS MONTH: Green Arrow - Vampire Lord!
I have no explanation for this.  So let's just press on.

Last time, Ollie was fresh off becoming an accessory to one of Catwoman's thefts and - oh yes - petting the pussy.  Deciding he was bored with Dallas, Ollie decided to head to New Orleans.  Not surprisingly, this issue opens with Ollie on the deck of a New Orleans riverboat casino ship.  Also not surprisingly, Ollie's vacation has been interrupted.  Again.


That's because Mark Twain wrote GOOD stories, Ollie.
So how did Ollie wind up in this mess, being strangled by Mr. Clean?  To the surprise of no one, a woman was involved.  Specifically, a gorgeous blonde who was being harassed by a couple of thugs.  Coincidentally, she's the spitting image of Black Canary, save for her mismatched eyes.

Never one to tolerate a lady being bothered - especially one who looks like his lost love - Ollie decided to take action.  Apparently he didn't feel the need to rush taking action, as we see that he took the time to change into his costume.  Luckily, the thugs hadn't dragged the girl away somewhere during that time.  Or was Ollie actually gambling in costume?  I know he stopped giving a damn about his secret identity long before this point but... gah, so many questions over something so stupid!


Coincidentally, "jerk after jerk after jerk" is also Ollie's coping mechanism since leaving Dinah.
As the fight continues, we see just how horribly out of character Ollie is under Dooley's pen.  Bad enough that Ollie's kick sends Mr. Clean crashing against a rail and onto the water-wheel of the ship.  Worse that Ollie decides to pin the guy to the wheel with arrows, so he has no chance of swimming to safety now that he's out of the fight.  And Ollie justifies it to himself in his monologue, saying that his recent troubles were all "inevitable".


It's not MY fault I keep running into idiot criminals who deserve to die!
Apparently the boat was just coming into dock (it couldn't have been docked, because why would the water wheel be turning if the boat weren't moving?)  and Ollie is quick to chase after the woman for... reasons.  Naturally, Ollie doesn't think that being a masked man and known vigilante fleeing the scene of a crime while chasing after a woman might look bad.  Luckily, the cops don't notice the running woman, the guy dressed like Robin Hood chasing after her or the suicidal behavior of both as they jump in front of trains and knock over a street vendor's cart.


Much as I loathe this comic, I do like the insult "Satan-bearded mounteback".
Ollie finally manages to close the distance on the woman and - being in primal caveman mode - grabs at her hair.  It is then we find out that this woman has one more thing in common with Dinah - she's really a short-haired brunette!  This, coupled with a sudden passing jazz band parade (It's New Orleans - there's ALWAYS a jazz band parading in the streets!), distracts Ollie just long enough to be clubbed across the back of the head by the irate street vendor.  Those of you playing the Green Arrow drinking game at home, do one shot for Ollie sustaining a head injury. 


Into da pot with 'im!  He make a mighty fine gumbo.
Surprisingly, Ollie does not wind up becoming long pork gumbo for the tourists.  When he comes to, he is in a strange cabin being watched over by a strange old woman.  Curiously, he's also been changed out of his costume and into his street clothes, yet is tied up.  The old woman turns out to be the mother of the Black Canary look alike.  Rather than thanking him for saving her daughter, she lays into Ollie about trying to help others with violence, even going so far as to compare him to Mussolini.  I think she's meant to be a proxy for the readers complaining about Ollie's unrestrained blood-lust.  But like Kevin Dooley, Ollie has no good explanation or defense for his behavior.


You'd be angry too if you were starring in this piece of crap book!
The woman's name turns out to be Ceci and she explains that she was able to get Ollie's gear off the boat.  What her relation is to the street chef who brained Ollie is never clearly explained, nor why they felt the need to change Ollie's clothes.  She further explains that she works as a whore for local factory owner/gangster Simon "Daddy" Lamoreaux and that the thugs Ollie took care of work for him.  And - prepare to be sickened - she's 15 years old and apparently one of Daddy Lamoreaux's more experienced girls.


Uh-oh.  This must be really bad for a hardened crime-fighter like Oliver Queen to be tearing up so quickly.  What is it that has so touched the heart of this cynical hero?  Toothless old men crawling in the gutters, begging for change?  Children playing in an open sewer?  The new Taylor Swift single?   


No, it's chilli.  Five alarm Cajun chilli. 

This scene highlights the biggest problem with Dooley's script - the tone changes on the turn of a dime.  You cannot drop a gag involving spicy food just a few panels after a seriously revelation regarding child prostitution.  It just doesn't work!  It also doesn't help matters when we spin back around to total seriousness a few panels later as we get to the part of the story where Dooley decides to emulate Dennis O'Neil. 

For those of you who don't know, Dennis O'Neil was the writer who was largely responsible for transmuting Green Arrow from just another Batman knock-off into the real-world issue tackling, modern-day Robin Hood we all know and love.  O'Neil used his Green Lantern/Green Arrow book to examine serious issues such as urban poverty, overpopulation and drug-use among other things.  Though many of his scripts seem heavy-handed and over-dramatic by today's standards,  they were still groundbreaking for the time and are rightly acknowledged as such today.

I mention this because Dooley's work here is equally heavy-handed but lacks the excuse of being forced to make it abundantly clear how cruel and unusual "Daddy" Lamoreaux is by the CCA guidelines which required any authority figure to be shown as being irredeemably corrupt before the heroes could go after them.  It was not enough for Dennis O'Neil to show the owners of a factory exploiting their workers - the owners also had to be Nazis raising gold for the Fourth Reich!  Writing this in the 1990s, Dooley had no such excuse.


They don't even have a Starbucks, the poor bastards!
The two head back to Ceci's place and Ollie - ever the White Knight - offers to give Ceci and her mother and brother the money they need to escape the swamp.  Ceci corrects Ollie, saying the boy she was holding earlier wasn't her brother - he was her son!  This further enrages Ollie, who swears to put an arrow through "Daddy" for this.  Ceci says she doesn't want anyone risking themselves over her but does offer to "thank" Ollie for his saving her earlier.  Ollie refuses, because contrary to popular belief, Ollie does have standards about who he'll sleep with.  I'll credit Kevin Dooley with at least getting that much right.

This leaves Ollie on the living room couch when Daddy Lamoreaux his goons show up.  Holding Ceci's mom at bay with a threat about arranging a reunion with her husband, Daddy takes Ollie for an up close and personal tour of the local swamp.  And by up-close and personal, I mean they tie him to a tree in waist-deep water out where the gators roam.  And then we get another shocking revelation - "Daddy" Lamoreaux is Ceci's father and shares her unique eyes!   


And now we get into Men's Adventure magazine territory.  As I mentioned earlier, Mike Grell wrote a lot of stories in this vein, with Ollie living off the land in a hostile terrain and pitting himself against wild animals.  The problem is that Grell kept his stories firmly in reality and... oh, just watch.


Okay.  I'll grant that Ollie MIGHT be strong enough to break a rope.  Maybe Daddy and his henchmen used old rope or half-assed the knots, figuring the snakes or gators would get there before Ollie had a chance to escape.  I'm willing to grant this story that much leeway.  However, I'm not willing to believe that Ollie is straight-up capable of killing an alligator with his bare-hands, without sustaining any injuries!


Ruining my shirt, forcing me to kill a rare animal... 
No, Ollie actually has a lot better reasons than that.  He runs through all of them as he wanders through the swamp, biting a snake in half for no reason as he gathers what he needs to make a bow and arrows.  Maybe he needed the snake skin for his bow grip?  Ollie also runs through the reasons why he can't go to the authorities - Daddy has the judges, sheriff and police in his pocket.



At this point, it may have occurred to you all that all of this internal monologuing exists just to silence the critics of the direction this book has taken.  You may believe Ollie is running through a list of all of Daddy Lamoreaux's crimes so we can see that he is irredeemably evil.  You might be thinking that Ollie is running through the list of all the authority figures Daddy Lamoreaux has bought off so we can see there is no solution other than for Ollie to kill Daddy Lamoreaux.

You'd be right.

But lest we had any doubts that Ollie is completely justified in lethal force this time around, after killing one security guard gaining entrance to Daddy's factory, Ollie walks in on Daddy in the midst of raping Ceci.  So not only is he a sleazy, double-dealing factory owner/pimp who lies, cheats and swindles for the sheer love of doing so while condemning his workers to virtual slavery.  He's an incestuous, sleazy, double-dealing factory owner/pimp who lies, cheats and swindles for the sheer love of doing so while condemning his workers to virtual slavery!

But wait - there's more!



Ollie hates incestuous, sleazy, double-dealing factory owner/pimp who lie, cheat and swindle for the sheer love of doing so while condemning his workers to virtual slavery.  But he REALLY hates incestuous, sleazy, double-dealing factory owner/pimp who lie, cheat and swindle for the sheer love of doing so while condemning his workers to virtual slavery who also killed their own brother-in-law, had sex with their widowed sister and have double-incestuous relationships with their own daughter/niece.  And so our comic ends with Ollie putting an arrow through Daddy's big fat gut and walking out of the factory without a word.  That's it.  End comic.

This comic is stupid and ugly.  The only way to justify Ollie's actions in this story are to set up a totally implausible melodramatic situation where there is no solution other than the one the writer has set up to prove his point - i.e. killing the bad guys is awesome because bad guys deserve to die.  What's really confusing to me is that this story was written at a time when they were trying to get Ollie out of the Vertigoesque place his book had been for the better part of a decade and were trying to bring him in-line with the happier, more hopeful mainstream DC Universe.  How does this story do that?

Thankfully, the next issue of Cross Roads will do a far better job of bringing Ollie back into the DC Universe.  Unfortunately, it will be just about as depressing as this issue, though far less icky.  Now if you'll excuse me, I need a shower....

Off Target: Green Arrow (Vol. 2) #86

I have to warn you of all of three facts before I start this review.  The more sensitive among you may wish to sit down first.

Are you sitting comfortably?  Right.

First, I should state that - for what my opinion is worth - this issue is probably the best chapter of Cross Roads.  Whereas most of the comics making up this mini-series were awful, this one is merely average.  I usually have higher standards than "does not offend me by existing" but after the adventures with Rival and Deathstroke I can deal with something that is merely mediocre. 

Next, I should tell you that this comic was written by Doug Moench.  Now, don't try and get up, you Linkara fans out there!  Despite the stories Linkara reviewed in the past, most of Moench's output at DC Comics was pretty good.  At the time this story was released, he was the writer on Batman and was in the middle of Knightfall.

Finally, I should note that while Jim Aparo did the finished pencils for this issue the actual layouts were done by the infamous Jim Balent.  Sit back down, Linkara fans!  Rest assured that while Jim Balent may have designed the action of this issue, special guest-star Catwoman (whose book Balent was the artist on at the time) will have a relatively realistic figure.  Well, realiistic may not be the word for it but at least Selina Kyle does not appear to be smuggling bowling balls in her bra.

So with all that said, let's look at the cover of Green Arrow #86.



A woman in a cat costume is beating up men in downtown Dallas? Is it A-Kon Weekend already?
The cover's not that bad, ignoring that the Dallas skyline does not look like that from any angle.  At least, not any angle where there would be a building high enough to have those buildings in profile.  Still, I'll give the cover artist credit for doing a decent job of capturing Reunion Tower in accordance with The Eiffel Tower Effect.  I'll give further thanks to Jim Aparo for not portraying anyone wearing a Stetson or riding a horse anywhere in this book as opposed to, oh every other portrayal of Dallas in the media.

Bitter?  A bit. 

Our story begins in the thick of it, with Ollie fighting a group of thugs in a museum basement, using fossilized bones as a makeshift club.  Primitive even by Ollie's standards?  Yes, but there is a reason for it as we discover when Ollie begins to flashback to earlier in the day and how he came to be here without his bow and quiver...



The Dallas Museum - We Only Have The One.
I should note at this point that there is no museum in Dallas that is just known as The Dallas Museum.  There's a LOT of museums in Dallas and they're all pretty specific in their focus to the point that I can't think of one that would have both a display of medieval weapons AND dinosaur bones.  However, I'm willing to write this off as one of those incidents where the DC Universe may have landmarks that the real world does not.  So now that I have defended the intellectual honor of my hometown, let's move on.

Ollie's bump-of-trouble proves correct and he follows the three thugs into an Employees Only area, where he walks in on them accosting the curator.  They say they were sent by a man named Strait just before Ollie starts unpacking a can of whoop-ass.  And that brings us back to where we originally came in, as Ollie tackles the curator out of the way when one of the heavies pulls a gun, knocking over a shelf-full of bones and - somehow - scaring the thugs off with the sudden commotion.


Remember The Green Arrow Drinking Game, kids!  Do a shot every time Ollie is hit in the head!

The curator is oddly unconcerned about the untold millions in damage Ollie's stunt just caused - dinosaur bones are not cheap!  Instead of chewing Ollie out or asking how he's going to pay for all this, he instead takes Ollie back to his office and explains that the three men work for Lyle Strait - a local antiques dealer who specializes in pre-Columbian South American artifacts.  Or as Ollie succinctly puts it "Inca stuff". 

The curator explains that the Peruvian government's restrictions on the trading of "Inca Stuff" has made it difficult for antique dealers to acquire pieces that museums would be interested in.  Naturally he was astonished when he stopped in Strait's shop and saw a set of the most well-preserved Incan figurines he'd ever seen.  When Strait emerged from his backroom, he was carrying a gun and seemed jumpy, though he had an explanation when confronted about the figures...


We can't just call the cops! If we do, then we don't have a second or third act to this story!
Ollie persuades the curator (whose name we find out is Ben in the flashback, though he never tells his name to Ollie) to wait two days before calling the cops.  Why?  Because Ollie wants a shot at busting the thugs himself.  Ollie follows Ben's rather vague description that Strait's shop is "on Houston Street, near the Stemmons Freeway" after failing to get the name of the store or directions.

These directions are less helpful than you'd think as Stemmons Freeway is I-35 and Houston Street runs semi-parallel to it through most of the West End of downtown Dallas.  Regardless, Ollie eventually finds what he thinks is the place.  He's about to sneak in through the skylight when his hand is snagged by a certain felonious feline femme fatale.


Huh.  I never noticed before that Catwoman color-coordinates her lipstick to her costumes.
Catwoman explains that she isn't involved with the thieves Ollie is looking for but she is planning to steal the artifacts from Strait.  Indeed, the only reason she hasn't broken in yet is that a thief named Chacon - the smuggler who has been stealing the artifacts for Strait to resell - is supposed to deliver a prize artifact tomorrow night.  She further explains that she's been hired by the Peruvian government to recover the artifacts.  Ollie, not being a complete idiot, doesn't buy her story completely but does suggest that they should stop strangling each other and start working together since they're both out to stop the same smuggling operation.  And that brings us to the reason why most Catwoman fans either quietly ignored this story or complained about it loudly.


I guess there's ONE thing Green Arrow did before Batman. *rimshot*
Yes. This happened.  Ollie and Selena apparently have a one-night stand, for want of anything better to do while keeping an eye on one another to make sure the other one doesn't run off and steal the Incan artifacts from Strait on their own.  I can't honestly say this wouldn't be out of character for Ollie because... well, he's single now, he has a thing for sarcastic brunettes and... IT'S CATWOMAN!  Why Selena sleeps with Ollie is a bigger mystery, though this doesn't seem nearly as disrespectful to the character as the first issue of the New 52 Catwoman book.

Anyway, the two sneak in to discover Chacon's men pulling their guns on Strait.  Seems they've been made a better offer by a new business partner, who means to put Strait out of business... permanently!  And this mysterious new business partner?  None other than... the curator Ben Boguns?!.



This is why you always let the rogue search for traps first. Newb!
The alarm doesn't deter Boguns from gunning down Strait, using a rifle aimed through the hole in the Sun Disk, though he does send some thugs to see what's going on.  Ollie does his best to hold them off while Catwoman cracks the safe.  With the figurines secured, that leaves only the sun disk to recover.  Unfortunately, it's at this point Strait's men come to see what the shooting was about and all hell breaks loose as Chacon and Boguns hop in their van and make a break for it.


Judging by Ollie's expression, the unfinished business involves a sudden need for a restroom.
After retrieving the keys from Strait's body, Ollie and Selena give chase using Strait's own Ferrari.  Boguns tries to shoot at them, using the Sun Disk as a shield.  But as Boguns quickly learns, it's a bad idea to use a circular object with a hole in it as a shield - particularly against the world's finest archer.

You can already guess where this is leading, can't you?
 

Nooooo! Who would have thought he'd trained to shoot a small circle in the center of a big circle?!
The disk goes flying but somehow Ollie manages to snag it, making a one-in-a-million running catch... from a moving vehicle.  Landing on his elbows.  Without breaking anything. 

...

Oh, just go with it!  We're almost done.


... how did she grab that without losing control of the car?
And so our comic ends with Ollie calling up the Peruvian Department of Antiquities, who - oddly enough - seem to have someone who speaks English answering their phone.  Satisfied that Catwoman was being honest with him and that he really was recovering stolen goods - because turning out to be a thief after killing several people the night before would be terrible - Ollie decides that he has had his fill of Dallas and that he's going to make his way to New Orleans. 

Wait, that's not Reunion Tower... that's the Wigsphere!
This comic.... is okay.

Yes, the plot is contrived.  Yes, Ollie is portrayed as being unconcerned with racking up a body count.  Yes, the sheer physics of the penultimate page is painful.  And yes... Ollie and Selena Kyle hooking up is just wrong on so many levels.  And yet, somehow, this issue works as a straight-forward action movie on paper. 

There's a lot of little things caused by the characters not thinking ahead but nothing that can't be dramatically justified.  Our heroes are portrayed as being competent, apart from Ollie's not thinking like a thief when dealing with the safe.  The plot is solid enough, though the bad guy is responsible for bringing Ollie in at a moment when he should be trying to avoid attention.  And the artwork is good, making this comic readable if unlikely to get the heart racing.

The next comic we cover in Off Target will definitely get your blood pumping but not for the reasons it intends... 

Off Target: Green Arrow (Vol. 2) #82

As I noted last time, some of the biggest problems with the Cross Roads stories came about because the writers weren't fully familiar with Ollie Queen as a character, the specific details of his most recent stories or how skilled he is as a combatant.   Granting that we want our hero to be challenged, there has to be some fundamental level of competence for the hero to operate at.  Many of the Cross Roads writers - Kevin Dooley in particular - severely undercut Oliver Queen's skill level for the sake of the story they wanted to tell.  And one of the best examples of this is Green Arrow #82. 

Looks like 90's Hawkeye is pissed about all the positive reviews of 'Arrow'!

I'm kidding of course. Purple costume aside, that is not Hawkeye.  The man with the serious anger issues goes by the unlikely name of Rival.  We'll learn more about him and why that name is particularly stupid later on.  For now, I'd just like to point out that Ollie has been wearing a domino mask on all of the Cross Roads covers so far even though he'd stopped wearing a mask in the comics!   

We open on Ollie in San Fransisco, pinning two young boys to a fence with his arrows.  And yes, I do mean boys.  They're clearly boys in the artwork and all of the dark monologues in the world about how bad they are and how Ollie was not prepared for them won't make me think otherwise.  It will turn out this monologue has no purpose other than to fake out the reader and makes no sense for Ollie to be thinking in any other context at all. 

Dammit, Ollie! I hate Menudo too, but this isn't the answer!

One of the unfortunate lads turns his head a little as Ollie tries to put an arrow right next to his head.  The result is a nicked ear for the boy and a punch in the arm for Ollie as the boy's aunt re-enters the scene.  Meet Andrea Zercher - an old friend of Ollie's from junior high.  Andrea takes the idea that Ollie was using her nephews  to play William Tell far better than any reasonable person should and sends the boys to wash up for dinner while she and Ollie discuss old times... apparently not having done so before this moment.

Fun Fact: Ollie's day job after coming back from the dead?  Running a youth center.  Be afraid. 

Now's the time for a quick bit of backstory because I'm going to have to address this eventually amid all these Cross Roads reviews.  I think it's best I do it now before the "action" begins.  The bit about Dinah catching Ollie with a chippie (i.e. loose woman) is rather unfair to everyone involved. 

The short version is that Ollie was briefly on the run from the law and went into hiding among the homeless of Seattle.  He was befriended by a young homeless woman named Marianne.  In return for her help getting him some supplies he needed, Ollie pointed her toward Dinah, suggesting she'd be willing to give any friend of his a job and a decent home.  Marianne moved in with Dinah and started working in Dinah's flower shop.  She developed a monster-size crush on Ollie and began trying to subtly seduce him upon his homecoming.  It didn't work but that didn't stop Marianne from pressing the issue after confessing her love to Ollie at a costume party and kissing him just as Dinah walked into the room.  That, coupled with several other factors, was enough for Dinah to tell Ollie to get out of her life, even though nothing happened beyond that one kiss.

Yes, that was the short version.  I have charts for the long one.

Anyway, before Ollie can launch into a spirited defense of his troubled love-life, Andrea's sister Honore enters in a frantic state.  Her husband Nathan, who we were told earlier had left her, has apparently come back into her life.


It was at that moment Ollie realized he'd wandered into a Lifetime Movie Of The Week.

Rival?  I'm sorry but...seriously?  He's calling himself Rival?  That's the stupidest superhero name since... I don't know what!  To be a rival, you have to be competing against someone!  WHO IS HE COMPETING AGAINST?!  Besides, being a rival is a naturally antagonistic thing.  Not a good name for a hero.  That would be like having a whole group of heroes and calling them The Ravagers.

...

Oh gods...It really is the 1990s all over again at DC Comics now, isn't it?

*sighs* Anyway, Ollie has little use for wife-beaters or dead-beat dads who abandon their families to go into the superhero business.  So he goes chasing after Rival and manages to get a bow-shot lined up.  There's just one problem.  Rival is fast.  Impossibly fast.  Fast enough to dodge arrows at close-range.


Dude must have at least two levels in Monk!
Not only can Rival dodge the arrows but he can catch them as well.  He throws some Zen stuff at Ollie about how you must aim for the heart to truly defeat an opponent and that trying to pin his clothes to the fence just won't cut it.  Ollie has even less use for wife-beaters who monologue at him, so he moves into melee using his bow as a club.  This works about as well as one might expect and Ollie is quickly disarmed.  The only thing that saves him is Rival spouting more nonsense about not killing a man with a bow that is not his and how Ollie lacks the will of the warrior or some such.


I could not kill a man with a bow that is not his.  And I cannot run away with feet that are not mine!

Ollie goes back to the women and children, reluctantly admitting that he got his butt handed to him.  He asks Honore who the heck her husband is that he's got the skills he has.  Honore knows nothing about his past as Nathan refused to talk about it.  Ollie is about to head out in search of answers and a new bow when Andrea says she can help him with at least one of the two, if not both.

Andrea takes Ollie to meet Don "Coach" Arlott.  But don't call him Coach.  Unless he tells you to call him Coach.  His purpose in this story is essentially the same as every other grizzled old man called Coach in every cheesy sports movie ever made - trash talk the hero into learning new tricks.  In this case, he insults Ollie's preference for the longbow and insists that Ollie will need a modern-day compound to take on Rival.

How super-secret can they be when they have a Wikipedia page?
By a happy coincidence, Coach happens to know a lot about the local crime families and somehow knows Rival's entire background once Ollie gives him a real name to work with.  No, really.  He just knows it!  No explanation how.  Let me emphasize that the page scan that follows has not been altered in any way.


Don't question him. I think he's the guy that taught Matt Murdock how to fight ninjas!  

Okay.  TWO big mistakes on this page I have to address.  First, again I have to give you all a quick bit of backstory.  I have to explain this because Kevin Dooley messed it up.  Again.

The woman trained by the Yakuza in archery that Ollie is asking about is Shado.  First appearing in Mike Grell's The Longbow Hunters and then appearing several times more throughout Grell's Green Arrow run, Shado is primarily - and erroneously - remembered today as "that woman Ollie cheated on Dinah with".

Why erroneously?  Because the so-called cheating occurred while Ollie was doped to the gills after Shado shot him in the chest and then started nursing him back to health.  In short, Ollie never cheated on Dinah during the Grell run - he was raped.  Not that anyone at DC Comics acknowledged this at the time.  Dooley was probably the first writer to make this mistake.  He wouldn't be the last.

Another mistake Dooley made here is easily overlooked if you don't know anything about archery.  Namely that there is no such thing as a 200 pound pull on a compound bow.  A crossbow, yes.  An old-time longbow, yes.  The maximum pull (or draw weight) you'll find on any compound bow is 70-80 pounds.  Hell, 200 pounds pull is a bit much even for a longbow and there's very few archers today who could manage that kind of draw.

But this isn't a realistic portrayal of archery.  This story is, at its' heart, a sports movie.  And there's only one thing that will do in a sports movie when you have a hero trying to teach himself the skills he needs to save the day.  We're gonna need a montage!  A sports training montage!


I don't know how long this took, but Coach grew a mustache at one point!      Pretend the music fades as we begin the next scene...




I may not be Of The Bow but you are an S.O.B.  And tomorrow you'll still be an S.O.B. 

The fight goes somewhat better this time.  Ollie manages to wound Rival with the first shot but Rival proves to be just as good at throwing arrows as he is catching them.  It's at this point I wonder if Rival is tapping into The Speed Force because that's just impossible.

Ollie starts to monologue back at Rival, telling him about how he knows about his past with The Yakuza and how he was trained in The Way of the Bow but how he quit because he didn't want to be a gangster.  But you don't really quit The Yakuza but apparently they threatened his wife and kids if he didn't come back to do another job for them.  This is why he became Rival - because he knew the Yakuza, who favor secrecy above everything, would never use a publicly known vigilante in their operations.  Why they wouldn't just kill him for his defiance is never explained.  Nor does this explain why he started beating his wife in the first place.

Quit using violence to solve your problems or I'll cripple you forever! ... wait a sec.   So it seems we have a happy ending.  Well, except that The Yakuza are still going probably going to come after Rival and his family.  And he's still a wife-beating jerkass.  And there's really nothing to stop him from returning to his old ways except Ollie's threat of inflicting more violence on him, thus perpetuating the cycle of violent conflict and abuse.  So really, nothing has been resolved at all.  Thanks Ollie!  You've been a real big help.

That was a woman slapping you, Ollie. I thought you'd be used to it by now.
But the story isn't really over yet.  Andrea asks Ollie if he needs anything and Ollie misinterprets the signal in the worst possible way (What?  This is a sport movie!  I'm supposed to kiss the snarky woman who whipped me into shape!  It's on the tropes list!) because sarcastic brunettes are SO Ollie's type  Suddenly, there's a loud BLAM from the next room.  The two run in to find Honore standing over her husband's body, holding a smoking gun.


Ollie? Just a thought - point the gun AWAY from her head.
She had a gun this whole time.

She had a GUN this whole time?

SHE HAD A GUN THIS WHOLE TIME?! 

*shakes head*   Just... why?  I can get why she didn't kill him until her children were in danger.  There's numerous cases of that sort of thing happening in real life - a mom tolerating abuse so long as it was limited to her.  But... she just HAPPENED to have the gun then?  And she didn't use it before?  She could have shot her husband when he was stalking her.  They didn't need Ollie in here at all!

That is the most vexing thing about this story.  Never mind that Ollie is presented as a rank amateur in need of a training session with a coach and some Zen malarky about "my bow" to be capable of matching the villain.  Forget that the writer clearly couldn't be arsed to learn the story behind Ollie's most recent adventures and didn't know a damn thing about archery.  The worst thing about this issue is that Ollie is an unnecessary guest star in someone's spec script for a new Merideth Baxter docudrama.  This is not Green Arrow.  This is Trash TV in comic book form.  Which made it all the more ironic that Ollie went to L.A. in the next issue.