There aren't going to be any.
Yes, I know. Many of you have come to love my annual "Year In Review" columns and me taking the worst books of the year to task.
The problem is I haven't read most of the worst books of the year.
One of the few things I don't miss about writing for Comics Nexus on a regular basis is having to answer to an editor who can ask that I go review some wretched new series or an X-Men book that I'd normally never waste my money on.
Since most of what I review now is books that I enjoy... well, I can't imagine that anybody would want to read about my scathing review of that one Blackest Night mini-series that was "okay, but not quite as awesome as the main series." It just not as amusing as when I tear apart the likes of Liberality For All or ZEROES.
So... yeah. No big awards show this year. Probably not next year either unless I get a huge number of e-mails or replies demanding that I do the awards anyway and give negative awards to the books I merely heard were awful. And even then, I'm not saying anything until I actually read the comics in question.
Showing posts with label Starry Awards. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Starry Awards. Show all posts
Friday, January 8, 2010
Saturday, January 12, 2008
Looking To The Stars: The Sixth Annual Starry Awards
The Golden Globes. Mr. Blackwell’s Best & Worst Dressed List. And now (once again), it is time for The Starry Awards. Because it’s just not the start of a new year, without us yammering about the best and worst of last year.
In any case, welcome to what has become a yearly staple of the Comics Nexus: The Starry Awards for Excellence and Disgrace in Comics Writing.
Of course, it has been pointed out that the comic industry already has the Eisners, the Harveys, the Eagles and the Wizard Awards. Why on Earth 2 then, these alleged people ask, do we need another damned award?
Well, none of those other awards are decided by me, are they?
The Starry Awards were started so that I, the ever humble author of this column, might dispense awards to those I felt were most worthy of praise or damnation based on their works in the past year.
The Starries name ten stories in total. Stories, for the purpose of this award, can be single or multiple issues of one book or multiple books relating to one plot-line. The Starries are based solely upon the personal opinions of Matt “Starman” Morrison and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of anyone else.
Five Staries are awarded to stories which, more than any other stories this year, made me stand up and cheer, burst into tears or just stopped me in the middle of reading to say “This is damn good stuff.” Five Staries are awarded (if you can call it that) to stories that, for some reason, I found disappointing. Stories that left me feeling that a mark had been missed and missed badly. Some of them are stories that, in fact, I think are just plain terrible.
That said: Here are the winners and losers!
The Best of 2007
Best Moment All Year - The Unveiling of The Sinestro Corps Heralds and Guardian (from Green Lantern: Sinestro Corps Special)
Most crossovers attempt "big reveal" moments like this but few are able to carry them off. Not only did The Sinestro Corps special manage to pull off one hell of a reveal - they managed to do so in a genuinely surprising manner that nobody saw coming. This is no mean feat in these days when what few stories are not spoiled by fans on the message boards are spoiled by their own writers and editors.
Of course we knew quite a bit by the time this issue had come out. We knew that Sinestro was alive and well and hiding out in the Anti-Matter Universe. We knew that yellow rings, similar to the ones used by the Green Lanterns, were flying around the universe seeking out those who were capable of inspiring great fear.
By the time the issue was over, we knew that Sinestro had enslaved the people of the planet Qward in the Anti-Matter Universe and forced them to construct rings that drew off the wearer's ability to terrorize others rather than stealing energy from Green Lanterns and turning it into yellow light, as the former Qwardian rings had. We knew that Sinestro had assembled a team of, to quote the great Harvey Korman, "rustlers, cut throats, murderers, bounty hunters, desperados, mugs, pugs, thugs...ass-kickers, shit-kickers and Methodists," to use said rings. And in a daring surprise raid, this new Sinestro Corps was able to attack the Green Lantern's base of operations, arrange a mass jail-break of the most dangerous beings in the univese and capture Kyle Rayner - at that time believed to be the most powerful of all the Green Lanterns.
It was a good start for an all-out war across the cosmos. But nothing quite prepared readers for the sheer amount of pants-wetting terror that the Sinestro Corps was capable of inspiring quite like the last two pages, in which the power behind the Sinestro Corps was revealed along with their Guardian's choice for their four "heralds".
Now, for those of you who didn't read the story or follow enough DC Comics to know just who all of these figures are and why nearly everyone who read this story said "Well, crap" when they got to the end of it, let me run down this rogues gallery. From top left counterclockwise...
CYBORG SUPERMAN - The brains behind the attack on Coast City (Green Lantern Hal Jordan's hometown) during The Death of Superman saga, Hank Henshaw was a scientist who developed an amazing ability to bond with and control technology following an accident that he blamed Superman for. Left for dead on the edges of space by a revenge-seeking Hal Jordan, he was discovered by The Manhunters - a race of rogue robotic law-enforcement agents with a grudge against the Green Lanterns - and made into their leader. With his own natural powers coupled with his genius for design, he upgraded the Manhunters by giving them the ability to drain the power of a Green Lantern ring at close range. He now commands an army every bit as formidable as The Sinestro Corps itself.
SUPERMAN PRIME - The last survivor of a parallel universe (Universe Prime) where he was the only superhero, this version of Kal-El sacrificed himself and his universe during The Crisis on Infinite Earths, in which one universe was created from the parts of many parallel worlds. It was a sacrifice he came to view as wasted, having been trapped outside of reality but still able to witness the events within that universe. Angered by how the perfect world he gave of himself to create had been corrupted, he went mad and set about trying to fix the universe by killing all of the heroes he saw as being too flawed and imperfect to be truly heroic. A being capable of altering causality by punching the universe, this Superman was defeated only by the combined efforts of two other Supermen and imprisoned by the Green Lantern Corps.
SINESTRO - Once considered the greatest of all Green Lanterns and a frequent mentor to trainee Corps members, Sinestro has long been considered the greatest enemy the Green Lanterns have. Forced into exile in the Anti-Matter Universe following the revelation that he had turned his homeworld into a fascist dictatorship in an effort to maintain order, Sinestro joined forces with the Qwardians (another enemy of the Green Lanterns), who gave him a ring that leeched off the energy of Green Lantern rings and changed it into yellow light - the one color that Green Lantern rings were unable to affect. Sinestro would return again and again, cheating death itself to hound the Green Lanterns. Despite his crimes, Sinestro still considers himself a member of the Corps and believe that all of his actions are justified in that he has caused the Green Lanterns to slowly assume more and more of his own tactics in the interest of keeping him under control. Ultimately, Sinestro just wants it proven that he was right all along in what steps must be made to maintain order.
PARALLAX - A parasitic being born of pure fear, Parallax was imprisoned within the Green Lantern's Central Power Battery by The Guardians of the Universe. Since color and emotion were closely tied together when the universe was young, the Guardians found that Parallax was able - from within his prison, to prevent the rings used by The Guardians from affecting the color of fear; yellow. Hence, the Guardians selected the bravest beings in the universe to form their Green Lantern Corps, in the hopes that Parallax would be unable to influence them. This plan backfired when Parallax began to slowly chip away at the mind of Hal Jordan, who - unused to feeling fear - was unable to recognize the subtlety of Parallax's attacks. Using Jordan's body, Parallax decimated the Green Lantern Corps save for one Earthling; Kyle Rayner. Now, as revenge on the Green Lantern who stopped him from destroying the Corps from within a second time, Parallax has taken possession of Rayner's body, forcing him to watch atrocity after atrocity as Parllax feasts on the fear inspired by The Sinestro Corps.
ANTI-MONITOR - Ruler and protector of the Anti-Matter Universe, this being was responsible for the chain of events that lead to the destruction of multiple parallel universes in Crisis on Infinite Earths. Dead for a number of years, he was apparently resurrected - along with the multiple universes of the DC Comics reality - following the events of Infinite Crisis. Now, returned to his former station, the Anti-Monitor has lent his support to the Sinestro Corps while secretly manipulating them towards hit ultimate goal of destroying all the positive-matter universes so that he may be supreme ruler of all that is.
Any one of these enemies would be a worthy A-Level threat on their own. Pool their powers and resources together and give them a ring, powered by fear, that allows them to do whatever they want and you had a force of evil that put the epic in "space epic" and made this the best comic book all year.
Funniest Read All Year - Deadpool/GLI Summer Fun Special
Take Marvel's most infamous 'Merc With A Mouth. Add Marvel Comics' Mightiest Team of Misfit Mutants (Sorry X-Men - these guys have the Angel of Death AND a guy who dies and comes back even more than Jean Grey). Mix them together into a number of short stories in which we find out that Deadpool has a fat fetish, Origami is one of the most deadly Japanese martial arts (and crafts) and that AIM is using a wayward god to make every superhero in the world drunk (Dionysus didn't just fall off the wagon - he fell off Olympus). Throw in better continuity and editing than has been seen at Marvel in a dog's age and some of the most vicious satire Dan Slott has to offer regarding the treatment of Speedball post-Civil War and you have one comic book that is actually comic. Funny funny books? What will they think of next?
Best Team-Up - Harley Quinn & The Riddler (from Detective Comics #837)
While not exactly the most high-profile pairing-off this year, this pairing of two Bat-Villains - both gone legit - was the year's most off-beat and most enjoyable team-up.
A recently reformed Edward Nygma has turned detective for hire. Recruited by Bruce Wayne to find an employee who stole an experimental drug from Wayne Enterprises, Riddler quickly tracks the thief to an Amazon Women's Shelter in Metropolis where it just so happens an equally-reformed Harleen Quinzel is working as Assistant Director.
What follows is a story in which Paul Dini does what he does best - write characters who are sympathetic, if not necessarily heroic. While the focus of the story may be upon a stolen drug and the creation of a new super-villain with ties to the Amazons and Gotham, the interplay between Harley and Eddie is the real treat of the issue. There's just something about the quieter moments where the two reformed-baddies just talk about where they are and how they got there that is so much more compelling than the main plot. Heck, it's even more engaging than the slapstick Dini delights in (Eddie's forceful removal from the Amazon shelter and the untold tale of how Harley left The Secret Six, for instance).
Best Makeover, Revamp or Revival - Sheena, Queen of the Jungle
Originally created by Will Eisner and Jerry Iger in the late 1930s and inspiration to a host of soulless, pathetic imitators, the original Queen of the Jungle and first female superheroine to sport her own monthly book returned in style this year.
Neatly updated for modern times in a story by Die Hard scribe Stephen E. De Souza, the only real change is a change in setting from the Congo to the Amazon. Whereas Sheena once fought hostile poachers and smugglers, she must now contend with corrupt business tycoons and loggers despoiling her rainforest. But while the setting may have changed, Sheena hasn't. She is just as fierce and cunning as ever. And unlike her imitators, Sheena manages to look sexy AND formidable, without any of her issues descending into the cheap cheesecake that some artists seem to revel in. Be you an old-timer who still remembers the TV-show with Irish McCalla, a young buck confused as to why that cheesy Gena Lee Nolin show is just now getting a comic or - dare I say - a parent with a pre-teen daughter looking for a suitable superheroic role-model, you'll find a lot to like in Sheena.
Best Retro Tale - Green Arrow: Year One
Regular readers of this feature know that Green Arrow has always held a special place in my heart and that I have been rather outspoken about how horribly he has been portrayed in recent years. But as harsh a critic as I am, my complaints about this series were few and far between. Written by long-time Vertigo Comics scribe Andy Diggle with art by Jock - his partner on the much-beloved The Losers series - this series detailing the origins of DC Comics Battling Bowman showed a depth and maturity that has been sorely lacking in recent treatments of the character.
I shall avoid going into a lengthy description of what Diggle and Jock did right. Doing so would also require me to go into a lengthy discussion where I would compare and contrast what other writers did wrong. So instead of doing that, I will merely advise you all to pre-order the upcoming hardcover collection and assure you that you won't regret it.
The Worst of 2006
Most Likely To Cause Continuity Robots Heads To Explode Award -Every Comic Related To The Green Arrow/Black Canary Wedding And Its' Aftermath
I normally limit this award to one single comic or mini-series. But in this case, I'm making an exception because it is unfair for me to single out one single book for an editorial snafu this big.
It doesn't help matters that one of the writers involved in telling this story freely admitted that they didn't intend to explain the hows or whys of how Oliver Queen got kidnapped and replaced with an evil shapeshifter (Confusingly enough, this WAS later explained in Green Arrow/Black Canary #3), who was later killed by Dinah Lance during an attempt on her life.
But what truly makes this continuity clash confusing is that while the end result of The GA/BC Wedding (i.e. Green Arrow's apparent death at Black Canary's hands) had been telegraphed across the Internet for months before the actual comics came out, nobody ever saw fit to tell the writer or editorial team responsible of Justice League about the events of the wedding itself, despite the Wedding being sandwiched by both The JLA Wedding Special and Dwayne McDuffie's opening arc on Justice League of America.
How else can you explain a writer and former editor of McDuffie's caliber letting a detail like this slip except through the right hand not knowing what the left hand is doing?
Yes, Dinah. Tell him the long story about how you... KILLED YOUR HUSBAND?!
Seriously, editorial incompetence is the only way to explain such a serious gaff. This, and the many other questions that came up during Justice League of American and Countdown issues that tied into the wedding itself.
The “What The Hell Just Happened?” Award (Most Confusing Story) -Red Sonja: Doom of the Gods
What would have been a one-issue story thirty years ago at Marvel was padded out into a four-issue mini-series by Dynamite Comics.
Honestly, I don't think the artists had any idea what was supposed to be going on. Take this cover from Issue #4. Not only is Sonja uncharacteristically frightened-looking and bound (not a usual state for her in her comics, I'm happy to note)... but this scene does not occur anywhere in the series!
How to sum what does happen in this series? Well...Basically, bad guy Thulsa Doom is doing something to become powerful Some bard needs Sonja's help to stop him, but he has to drive her crazy to do it. And then he decides this is a stupid idea, restores her senses, she kills Thulsa Doom even though he's supposedly a god or just killed a god or something. And the whole thing ends with him being reborn as a flaming skull. I think.
The “I Waited For This?!?!” Award (Most Delayed/Most Disappointing Book) - All-Star Batman and Robin
Honestly, I can't really say I was all that surprised or disappointed in this series this year. But, unlike last year, we actually got a few issues to read what is either Frank Miller achieving the most wicked self-parody in history or the continued degeneration of a one-time master of the genre.
Worst Makeover, Revamp or Revival -Spider-Man
Why Spider-Man? Why do you think?
I'll give you a hint; it's not for the ultimately pointless (though hyped-to death) return of the Black Costume.
Read on for the real reason, True Believers!
Worst Story Of the Year -Spider-Man: One More Day
You'd think J. Michael Straczynski asking to have his name taken off the story would have been a clue.
You'd think an 2/3rds majority "No" vote on the "Should the Peter Parker/Mary Jane Watson Marriage be ended?" poll on Newsarama would also have been a clue.
You'd think an negative fan-response, so extreme that Marvel had to issue an all-out ban on criticism of editorial decisions on their own message boards might also have been a clue.
But no. Joe Quesada has a teflon brain. No clue will stick! And I truly believe that he won't get the hint that breaking up Peter Parker and Mary Jane Watson's marriage - much less doing it through the cheesy, magical deus ex machina he employs - was a bad idea until about two minutes after Marvel's Board of Directors is done kicking him to the curb and stapling a pink-slip to his forehead.
You have to admire his showmanship, though. In an act of hucksterism so blatant as to shame Stan Lee, Joe Q suggested that fans who are upset about the end of the Spider-Marriage might want to, instead of boycotting Marvel Comics, consider reading other titles where the Peter/Mary Jane romance is still going strong in order to show their support.
"Like Spider-Girl. Or uh... Mary Jane Loves Spider-... oh, wait... wait... we canceled that one. But there's still... ah... oh... LOOK BEHIND YOU! A THREE-HEADED MONKEY!"
Many fans are swearing off Marvel Comics in droves. And I'm sad to say that I'm one of them. I'll miss Ed Brubaker's Daredevil and JMS' Thor. And I'm really going to regret not getting a chance to see Dan Slott writing Spider-Man on a regular basis. But in the end, I have to follow my heart. And my heart says that there is no way I am giving Marvel Comics another dime or any free publicity until this mess is straightened out one-way or the other.
Sunday, January 7, 2007
Looking To The Stars: The Fifth Annual Starry Awards
The Golden Globes. Mr. Blackwell’s Best & Worst Dressed List. And now (once again), it is time for The Starry Awards. Because it’s just not the start of a new year, without us yammering about the best and worst of last year.
In any case, welcome to what has become a yearly staple of the Comics Nexus: The Starry Awards for Excellence and Disgrace in Comics Writing.
Hey everyone. Tim Stevens here, once again. I just wanted to remind you all that, apart from making sure this wasn’t one big libelous rant about why Judd Winick is the Anti-Christ, the editorial team of Comics Nexus had nothing whatsoever to do with these awards.
As such, we do not endorse or believe in “Starman” Matt Morrison or anything he writes. In fact, we’re not sure just how his work keeps getting published here. So, we apologize in advance for… everything.
Of course it has been pointed out that the comic industry already has the Eisners, the Harveys, the Eagles and the Wizard Awards. Why on Earth 2 then, these alleged people ask, do we need another damned award?
Because it was this or a follow-up interview with Monkey Woman?
The Starry Awards were started so that I, the ever humble author of this column, might dispense awards to those I felt were most worthy of praise or damnation based on their works in the past year.
Which would be great except, and Mathan asked me to point this out, he hasn’t actually read any comics from the last year.
The Starries name ten stories in total. Stories, for the purpose of this award, can be single or multiple issues of one book or multiple books relating to one plot-line. The Starries are based solely upon the personal opinions of Matt “Starman” Morrison and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of anyone else.
That’s the truth, for once! Send all complaints to starmarnmatt@comicsnexus.com. We don’t want to hear it!
Five Staries are awarded to stories which, more than any other stories this year, made me stand up and cheer, burst into tears or just stopped me in the middle of reading to say “This is damn good stuff.” Five Staries are awarded (if you can call it that) to stories that, for some reason, I found disappointing. Stories that left me feeling that a mark had been missed and missed badly. Some of them are stories that, in fact, I think are just plain terrible.
That said: Here are the winners and losers!
The Best of 2006
Best Moment All Year: The Thin Green Line
(As taken from Infinite Crisis #7)
Infinite Crisis offered a lot for the die-hard DC Comics fan to be excited about. There were many “geek-out” moments – things that happen that just make you pause and think about how sometimes, a comic book can do something cool that just wouldn’t work in any other media. And when you get right down to it, that’s what Infinite Crisis ultimately was – a love letter to the genre in all of its’ goofy coolness.
But for my money, nothing matched the sheer coolness of the sight of all 7200 (give or take a few) Green Lanterns, under the command of Guy Gardner, making a green wall hundreds of miles thick in order to slow down the out of control Superboy Prime and the ensuing battle as three Supermen of three generations dog fight through a Kryptonite asteroid belt before plunging into the heart of a red sun before falling onto Mogo, The Living Planet.
Perhaps some filmmaker could replicate that image, but I doubt it.
Funniest Read All Year:The Thing #1
I may have to start giving this book to whichever book Dan Slott is writing on any given year, because a trend does seem to be establishing itself in these awards. Regardless, no one can argue that whatever else can be said about this far-too short-lived series, is that it always delivered the laughs.
Case in point; in the very first issue, we are given the summary of where Ben Grimm’s life stands through the oldest of clichés – a man reading the newspaper out-loud. We are told of how, thanks to the events in Fantastic Four, Ben has wound up becoming filthy, stinking rich, has his own penthouse apartment and is dating a supermodel/actress.
And who is it that is telling us this? Peter Parker, reading the newspaper and mumbling about how unbelievable it is that a common man – an ordinary guy like Ben Grimm - should be living in an ivory tower with a gorgeous woman attached to him...
... as Mary Jane asks him what’s wrong with supermodel/actresses and Jarvis – Iron Man’s butler (for Peter and family were living with Tony Stark at this time) - asks Master Parker if breakfast is satisfactory.
In that moment, Slott lets we the fans know that he is one of us and that he is well aware of the silliness of not just his book, but of Marvel Comics itself. And that as much as the likes of Warren Ellis and Mark Millar may preen about serious art and making a statement, it’s all about having fun. At least, it should be.
Best Team-Up:Green Arrow/Green Lantern
2005 saw the return of Hal Jordan to the DC Universe. And, not surprisingly, 2006 saw the return of the original Emerald Allies to active duty alongside one another.
While there was no major storyline or mini-series that united these two old comrades, apart from a two-part story in Green Lantern where the two joined forces to fight Mongul and thwart his plot to harvest enough of the dreaded Black Mercy planet to disable all of Earth’s superheroes, they still managed to pair up quite a few times.
As the universe teetered on the brink of destruction in Infinite Crisis, the two quipped about the upcoming baseball season and made plans for the next week – so confident were they that this wasn’t really ‘The End of The World’.
As One Year Later opened, the two met – now mayor and ex-POW respectively, to talk of how the world had changed and themselves with it.
In 52 they teamed with their other allies to take on a strange cult obsessed with the resurrection of dead superheroes.
And in Justice League of America, a torch was passed as Hal and Ollie met briefly... as Hal came to pick up his semi-nephew Roy Harper for a mission while leaving his best friend at home to babysit in a moment that was both comedic and touching.
Of course none of their pairings came close to equaling their original glorious team-up, back in the olden days of the O’Neil/Adams Green Lantern/Green Arrow book. But then again, what could? It was still a treat, however briefly, to see two best friends united again in fighting the good fight across several titles..
Best Make Over: The Green Lantern Corps.
I came into comics at a time not too long after The Corps had died, but I still remembered, vaguely of one comic book – one of the few my mother had ever allowed me to have – that we bought while in the middle of moving when I was five. It was a Green Lantern book – and I got to see all of these weird and unusual alien Lanterns. And while I couldn’t make out all the words, I still thought the sight of all those creatures was very cool.
This year saw The Green Lantern Corps restored after a decade of absence in the DC Universe. They had a successful mini-series, followed by the start of their own title and numerous cameos both in the Hal Jordan centered Green Lantern title as well as the mini-series Ion and Guy Gardner: Collateral Damage, to say nothing of their universe-shaking appearance in Infinite Crisis. I am glad to note that time has not hurt the concept at all, and while most of these new Lanterns are rookies, the concept is still just as cool to me as when I was the five-year old boy who still thought Green Lantern was just some smiling guy with brown curly hair.
Best Retro Tale: Doctor Strange: Blood Oath
There have been very few stories coming out of Marvel Comics of late that haven’t been tied in, in some fashion, to their big Civil War storyline. There are fewer still that evoke the classic Marvel feel and have not required an encyclopedic amount of knowledge regarding some fairly obscure characters.
Trust Brian K. Vaughn to write a series that manages the neat trick of being both a wonderful introduction and a treat for the seasoned Marvel Comics aficionado. Though incomplete at the time of this writing, Blood Oath has been a splendid, no-fuss introduction to a Dr. Strange; a character who, despite a number of recent cameos, seems little used in the modern Marvel Universe. It has also been a masterful Doctor Strange tale in and of itself and proof that a regular and engaging Dr. Strange series is not only possible, but necessary.
The Worst of 2006
Most Likely To Cause Continuity Robots Heads To Explode:Civil War and All Its’ Tie-Ins
I haven’t followed ever single book that is a part of Civil War but it would be inaccurate to say that creating a timeline of the events of Civil War is difficult. It is in fact, impossible.
I’m sure the boys over at Marvel News and Views could give you a complete list, but my personal “What the-“ moment came when I realized that we have two different incidents that show Sue Richards leaving her husband under entirely different circumstances.
In Civil War, we see her quietly leaving in the middle of the night after fulfilling her wifely duties (i.e cooking a big dinner and giving her husband a good shagging). In Fantastic Four, she leaves in an explosion of psychokinetic force-field power after trying and failing to talk with her husband about her concerns with his plans and effectively saying “Screw this. Screw you. I’m gone.”
Now, I don’t think that either of these portrayals really fits the character of Sue Richards. I think it’s unlikely that under any circumstance, much less the two depicted in the comics, that she would leave her children in the care of the man that she is leaving for being, to quote Eddie Izzard, “a fascist dickhead”. Regardless, I think it can be agreed that this kind of continuity conflict would not happen were the editorial team not asleep at the wheel. Or at the very least making sure that stories make sense instead of delivering edicts about how this story is Important Art on The Colbert Report.
The “What The Hell Just Happened?” Award: New Avengers
I tried to keep reading this book. Really, I did. But sometime during the end of the Sentry reintroduction and sometimes before they brought in Warbird it just became harder to keep track of what was going on. Or, at the very least, it became harder for me to care what was going on.
The “I Waited For This?!?!” Award:Civil War
I was going to give this award to All-Star Batman and Robin until I realized that they didn’t actually have an issue come out in the last year, making it ineligible.
So instead, we dishonor Civil War, whose delays slowed not only its’ own story, but the entire Marvel Comics line as they refused to release certain books – which might otherwise have spoiled the Civil War story-line – in a timely manner.
Worst Makeover of the Year: Spider-Man
This award is not just for the much-hated Iron Spider costume, but for the general change in Peter Parker’s character in the last year. Once he was one of the smartest and most independent of heroes in the Marvel Universe. But Peter was transformed into a jabbering idiot line-walker in the wake of Civil War, with his new suit apparently also suppressing his common sense.
Does it seem at all likely to anyone out there that Peter Parker – the man who has, because of his powers, endured more pain, suffering and general aggravation from the general public because of who he is and what he does would ever willingly reveal his identity on national television?
Given how much his life has been screwed with by the few villains who DO know who he really is, does anyone really think Peter would out himself to the public knowing that now he’d have to worry about every single punk in a costume with a grudge or something to prove going after his family?
Do you really think that Peter would honestly NOT think about the consequences and worry himself to the point of developing another ulcer about it?
Do you really think that Peter would ever go along with the crowd and become a yes-man for Tony Stark for as long as he did? The same man who eschewed numerous team memberships over the years for the simple reason that he worried about being tied down to a group and not being able to pick and choose his battles?
Do you really think that Peter, even after getting smacked down by Iron Man, could be taken out by the likes of Jester and Jack O’Lantern?
Like Mark Millar’s 12-part Spider-Man series from a few years ago, the character of Peter Parker as depicted in Civil War only works if you accept that Peter Parker is - at best - incompetent and overly naive or - at worst – stupid but incredibly lucky.
This portrayal of the character flies in the face of years or character development and tradition. And while this kind of paradigm shift can, at times, create a compelling and interesting story, all this has managed to create is one big unreadable mess.
The Worst Comic Of the Year Award: How to Make Money Like a Porn Star
Pornography seemed to be on the mind of many an irate comics fan this year. But while feminist and conservative comic-fans alike groused over Alan Moore’s attempt at intellectual pornography with his book Lost Girls, this book seems to have fallen under the radar of many comic book critics. Thank Heaven for small favors.
Having read this book at my local Barnes and Noble (my local comic book shop refused to carry it), I find myself reluctant to give it any press - even bad press. Still, I can say in all honest that this was not only the worst book I have read this year – it is the worst comic I have ever read.
To call this graphic novel terrible is to deny myself the chance to use words such as “misogynistic”, “putrid” and “unfunny”. It is, to quote Dorothy Parker, “not a book to be set aside lightly… It should be thrown with great force.”
Written by Neil Strauss, who is perhaps best known for assisting rock stars such as Tommy Lee and Marilyn Manson in penning their autobiographies, How to Make Money Like a Porn Star is reportedly meant to be a satire. Specifically, it is a satire of Strauss’ recent work with Jenna Jameson - How to Make Love Like A Porn Star: A Cautionary Tale.
Now, I have not read any of Strauss’ previous work but two things are apparent to me regarding Strauss’s training as a writer. First, he was never told that self-parody is not something attempted lightly. Secondly, he was never taught that satire is meant to be funny.
The story as told here is depicted in far too cartoonish a manner to be taken seriously as an indictment of the porn industry and is far too violent to be taken as a dark comedy. While there is probably a very funny, twisted story to be told about the dark side of the porn industry, this is not that story. So take Unca Starman’s advice – do not give in to curiosity and allow yourself to read this book. Because unlike your average Jenna Jameson video, this book has nothing of interest and no educational value whatsoever.
Tune in next week. Same Matt time. Same Matt website.
Tuesday, January 3, 2006
Looking To The Stars: The Fourth Annual Starry Awards
The Golden Globes. Mr. Blackwell’s Best & Worst Dressed List. And now (once again), it is time for The Starry Awards. Because it’s just not the start of a new year, without us yammering about the best and worst of last year.
In any case, welcome to what has become a yearly staple of the Comics Nexus: The Starry Awards for Excellence and Disgrace in Comics Writing.
Of course it has been pointed out that the comic industry already has the Eisners, the Harveys, the Eagles and the Wizard Awards. Why on Earth 2 then, these alleged people ask, do we need another damned award?
The Starry Awards were started so that I, the ever humble author of this column, might dispense awards to those I felt were most worthy of praise or damnation based on their works in the past year.
The Starries name ten stories in total. Stories, for the purpose of this award, can be single or multiple issues of one book or multiple books relating to one plot-line. The Starries are based solely upon the personal opinions of Matt “Starman” Morrison and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of anyone else.
Five Staries are awarded to stories which, more than any other stories this year, made me stand up and cheer, burst into tears or just stopped me in the middle of reading to say “This is damn good stuff.” Five Staries are awarded (if you can call it that) to stories that, for some reason, I found disappointing. Stories that left me feeling that a mark had been missed and missed badly. Some of them are stories that, in fact, I think are just plain terrible.
That said: Here are the winners and losers!
The Best of 2005
Best Moment All Year: Welcome Back, Jordan
(As taken from Green Lantern: Rebirth #5)
This whole series was excellent, but the best moment of all came when Hal Jordan and Kyle Rayner – two Green Lanterns of two generations – joined up to fight Sinestro, the greatest enemy to ANY Green Lantern anywhere. But as great as the fight scene was, the best moment of the year came afterwards when Hal offered his hand to Kyle and the two truly shook hands for the first time as friends and allies. What is more, as Kyle sold himself short... finding himself for the first time TRULY in the presence of the legend whom everyone measured him against... Hal cut him short and told Kyle that he was just as much a hero as him.
"Fighting from one end of the universe to the other. Risking your life to help someone who everyone else wrote off. Facing Sinestro One-On-One and living to talk about it. What do you think you've been doing, Kyle? Hiding under your drawing board?"
Mark Twain once said that "the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great." Such it is with Hal Jordan. With this scene, Geoff Johns gave both heroes a chance to shine while keeping them both in character and showed the generation of comic readers who grew up without Hal Jordan what my generation found so appealing. It wasn't just his courage or his fearlessness; it was the fact that he gave us the belief that we too could be better. And isn't that what superhero comics are all about, really?
Funniest Read All Year:GLA
A scathing satire of this year's trend to take unpopular and/or "joke" characters and kill them off, just for the sake of attracting attention and assuring the comic-reading public at large that "now things are serious", this book had more laugh out loud moments than anything else to come out this year.
Best Team-Up:Spider-Man/Human Torch: I'm With Stupid
Remember when comics were fun? Not funny, but just plain amusing. No brooding plots about the end of the world or realities being erased like mistakes on the blackboard. Just stories that just made you think that throwing on a pair of tights and running around on patrol would just plain be fun? Dan Slott does. And this mini-series was a tribute to those days even as it did address more serious matters. While I liked this book for the sheer silliness of moments like Peter Parker being forced into a job as Johnny Storm's personal photographer I loved it for the more touching moments where Spider-Man and Human Torch wind up talking about their lost loves while trying to build a Spidermobile that could climb walls. If that seems contradictory to you, then stear clear. But if you're the least bit curious as to how Spider-Man prompted Paste Pot Pete to change his name, track down this title in single comics or TP format.
Best Make Over: Red Sonja
Like Conan before her, she Roy Thomas lovingly nicknamed "Big Red" has returned in force to the world of comics. While the title has suffered somewhat from lateness (the fault, it seems, of the many pin-up artists working on the book's endless variety of alternate covers), it has proven to be one of the most engaging new titles this year. Thanks to Mel Rubi, Sonja the Red has never looked better and her dialogue is as sharp as her sword thanks to the wonderous Mike Carey and Michael Omening.
Best Retro Tale:Thor: Blood Oath
Speaking of Michael Omening, he proved capable of writing his own fantasy works solo in what is easily the best work done with Thor in recent memory. Mayhaps I am nostalgic for a monthly Thor title but Omening's mini-series, detailing the adventures of the God of Thunder and his brothers in arms The Warriors Three to go upon a quest for great items of legend in order to appease the angry king of the giants and prevent war, satisfied my mythological needs quite well.
The Worst of 2005
Most Likely To Cause Continuity Robots Heads To Explode:Every X-Men Team Book All Year Including House of M.
'Nuff said!
The “What The Hell Just Happened?” Award: JLA: Cold Steel
This book wasn't really all that confusing compared to some past nominees. I'm just wondering who thought there was an audience for books about Superheroes piloting mech versions of themselves, apart from the overgrown kids who still watch Power Rangers reruns?
The “I Waited For This?!?!” Award: All-Star Batman and Robin
It came down to a four-way race this year between every issue of All-Star Batman and Robin, Secret Wars #5, every issue of Ultimate Iron Man and every book written by Warren Ellis for Marvel Comics. I disqualified Ellis since he got this award last year and I felt someone else deserved a chance. And Ultimate Iron Man, while not worth the wait, did at least have some good ideas behind it even if the execution fell flat.
Secret Wars #5 was late, over-hyped and the ending suggested that on paper, nothing much had really changed. Anywhere. And yet, I still have to give this one to All-Star Batman and Robin. Because I actually had high hopes for it and there was actually a chance at quality.
It seems like a no-brainer; pair the most acclaimed Batman artist of the last twenty years with the most acclaimed Batman writer and watch the money roll in, right? Well, the money may be rolling in but the product is not the high quality piece of work we hoped for.
Miller is, quite frankly, writing Batman in a style that is more appropriate to Sin City than to the Dark Knight Detective. In fact, it would not be too far of a stretch to say that Miller is writing Sin City Gotham Noir. Batman kills cops, curses and calls Robin a retard and drives a big damn car that demolishes everything it hits. Things hit new depths this past week with Issue #3, which mostly centers around an Irish bartender at a place called The Black Canary starting a fight after getting sexually harassed once too often. Admittedly an engaging scene, but totally unconnected to the story or action at hand.
Worst Makeover of the Year: Shanna The She-Devil
While the artwork was decent enough, Frank Cho's attempt to revive Shanna the She-Devil was like most pop singers– nice enough on the surface but completely devoid of intelligence or substance where it counts.
I've discussed the specific history in past columns, but Shanna started out in the 70's as an attempt to bring a more feminist (i.e. not obsessed with clothes, motherhood or becoming a model) character into Marvel Comics. While the attempts were somewhat ham-fisted, the thought was there and Shanna was popular enough to guest often in Spider-Man and Daredevil.
Cho took all of the rich history and thought behind the character and scrapped it in favor of his own vision; a Shanna who would be free of all that boring independence and eco-friendly philosophy. This news Shanna would star in what basically amounted to a seven-issue full-color, full-frontal nudity stroke book.
Thankfully Marvel came to their senses on releasing such a book during a time when the industry as a whole was trying to emphasize the idea of kid-friendly comics and Cho was forced to cover up his genetically engineered Nazi superwoman version of Shanna with a relatively more modest burlap bikini. But nothing could cover up the fact that without the gratuitous nudity, cursing and violence that this book promised as a MAX title, it was as pointless as Jessica Simpson's inclusion to a think-tank.
The Worst Comic Of the Year Award: Liberality For All #1
Usually, when I write about a work I've reviewed previously in the year during this piece, I will try and write something new. This year, however, I cannot think of any way to improve upon what I wrote about this book previously. I have nothing to add save that we can now add "two months late" to this book's lengthy list of sins. Hopefully, the book's lateness is due to whoever was funding this piece of severely horrible immature twaddle deciding that with talk of impeachment growing every day, this is probably not the time to be courting the ever-decreasing neo-con comic-reading market.
Tune in next week. Same Matt time. Same Matt website.
Sunday, January 9, 2005
Looking To The Stars: The Third Annual Starry Awards
The Golden Globes. Mr. Blackwell’s Best & Worst Dressed List. And now (once again), it is time for The Starry Awards. Because it’s just not the start of a new year, without us yammering about the best and worst of last year.
In any case, welcome to what has become a yearly staple of the Comics Nexus: The Starry Awards for Excellence and Disgrace in Comics Writing.
Hey everyone. Tim here. Just wanted to note that this ISN'T annual. Okay, he DID do this before at 411 Mania but this is the first time he's ever done it here and we really wish he'd left this lame thing behind. But we didn't have anything else to run except Jesse Baker's review of New Avengers #2 and we thought this was less likely to get us sued. So, we apologize in advance for… everything.
Of course it has been pointed out that the comic industry already has the Eisners, the Harveys, the Eagles and the Wizard Awards. Why on Earth 2 then, these alleged people ask, do we need another damned award?
Because this is easier than doing real work?
The Starry Awards were started so that I, the ever humble author of this column, might dispense awards to those I felt were most worthy of praise or damnation based on their works in the past year.
Oh, and we are sooo grateful for you to do that. Like we need your divine wisdom to tell us that John Byrne has been phoning it in since 1989?
The Starries name ten stories in total. Stories, for the purpose of this award, can be single or multiple issues of one book or multiple books relating to one plot-line. The Starries are based solely upon the personal opinions of Matt “Starman” Morrison and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of anyone else.
No, they really don't. Not a one of us. You wanna complain or sue someone, e-mail him!
Five Staries are awarded to stories which, more than any other stories this year, made me stand up and cheer, burst into tears or just stopped me in the middle of reading to say “This is damn good stuff.” Five Staries are awarded (if you can call it that) to stories that, for some reason, I found disappointing. Stories that left me feeling that a mark had been missed and missed badly. Some of them are stories that, in fact, I think are just plain terrible.
That said: Here are the winners and losers!
Best Moment All Year: Colossus Lives!
(As taken from Astonishing X-Men #4-5)
Understand this. I am not, by training, or inclination an X-Fan. I do not subscribe to any X-Men books. I try to avoid reading most of the titles in the series and my hand starts to smoke whenever it is placed on anything written by Chris Claremont. Had you told me a year ago that the best moment in the coming year would come from an X-Men book that I would actually enjoy, I would probably laugh and say "I thought Grant Morrison was quitting X-Men?"
Joss Whedon needs to apply for sainthood, because he has performed a miracle and gotten me to enjoy an X-Men book. And the moment I realized that it was actually good was the moment in Issue 5 of Astonishing X-Men when I read the conversation between Kitty Pryde and Peter Rasputin. Even more impressive, is the fact that he handled the resurrection in a very tasteful manner without totally destroying the memory of his death story; one of the few stories most agree was a good one in the last ten years. The series continues to promise good things through 2005 and… as hard as it is for me to say this… I can't wait to read the next Astonishing X-Men.
Funniest Read All Year:Conan #9
Usually this award goes to a book that is meant to be funny, but Conan has a humor all his own that Kurt Busiek has captured beautifully in the first year of the new Conan title. And nowhere was this humor better captured than in the issue "Two Nemedians Walk Into A Bar".
In this frame story, Conan is in a bar, enjoying a drink when he sees two thugs picking on a helpless merchant. He laughs and the would-be thieves ask if he has issues with their robbery. Conan's insulting response, that he enjoys seeing two puppies pretending to be wolves as they scare a chicken, provokes an easily won fight and then inspires Conan to play the bard as he tells everyone present his own humorous tale of true bravery. Where the story goes, I will not say here. Suffice to say, all ends happily for once with Conan having free drinks for the night, a wench on each arm and a whole night to tell more tales.
Best Team-Up:Spider-Man and Wolverine
Is there anything more dreadful than the editorially mandated team-up? What of the unwritten law that Wolverine and Spider-Man must have a cameo in every Marvel title at least once a year? And what happens when the two big-cash cows of Marvel Comics get together?
Usually, something awful. And yet, this year, two stories showed how the odd-couple of superheroism can actually work well in a non-contrived way. Robert Kirkman got the new Marvel Team Up off to a flying start with his team-up story involving Spidey and Wolvie dealing with the same problem (an X-gene positive student turned serial killer) for different angles and managed to make it suitable creepy and funny at the same time. Perfectly conveying the horror as Peter discovers the dead bodies in the house of the student he was trying to help and the humor as Spidey asks Wolverine for Nick Fury's phone number.
Funnier than this, but of no lesser quality was the story "Even We Don't Believe This" in Ultimate Spider-Man. In it, the Marvel Universe went 'Freaky Friday' as Wolverine and Spider-Man had their bodies swapped by an angry but later apologetic (to Spidey at least) Jean Grey. They may not be the world's finest team, but this year they were the most entertaining.
Best Make Over: Conan
Not really a make-over, but more of a rediscovery of a lost friend. Busiek's writing has resurrected Robert E. Howard's greatest character for the comic world and Cary Nord's art has captured the world's most famous barbarian in a way that will long stand aside masters like Frank Frazetta and Barry Windsor Smith.
Best Retro Tale:JSA: Strange Tales
A classic trip back to the Golden Age of comics, this is the best vintage JSA story since James Robinson's "The Golden Age". Centering around a supposedly benevolent man known as Lord Dynamo, the world's first superhero team must choose between the loss of their two heaviest hitters (Starman and Green Lantern) and the gaining of amazing new technologies to better mankind. All this, and a humorous yet oddly touching subplot where Johnny Thunder tries to become a pulp writer, and you have one fine bit of pulp writing.
Most Likely To Cause Continuity Robots Heads To Explode:Marvel Knights: Spider-Man
I've written enough about this book in the past, so I'll just say "'Nuff Said"
The “What The Hell Just Happened?” Award: What If Charles Xavier & Magneto Had Created The X-Men Together
What if Magneto had a goatee? What if Kitty Pryde had blue hair? What if this story had any real difference than the regular X-Men universe? What if I had some idea of what was going on at any point in this book?
The “I Waited For This?!?!” Award: The Ultimates, Volume 2
They delayed it for a year so that Bryan Hitch would be sure to be on-time with the artwork and it was still late. And like Volume One, it still wasn't worth reading.
Worst Makeover of the Year: Ultimate Fantastic Four
There's a lot to be said for the philosophy that less is more. And Warren Ellis, the master of decompressed writing, proved that saying true as it took him six issues to do what Stan Lee did in a few pages: introduce Dr. Doom and establish him as a major threat. Woese, Doom is no longer the armor-clad master of science and magic but a teenager who got morphed into a metal-bodied, poison-breathing whinny little puss. Bah, says I to that.
The Worst Comic Of the Year Award: Green Arrow #44
Let me say something right at the start. I believe that controversial topics should be addressed in comics. I believe that comic books can be a great informational tool when used properly. That said, I cannot support what Judd Winick has done with Green Arrow. And it is for that reason, and that reason alone, that I have dropped Green Arrow from my subscription until such time as he is no longer writing the book, though I am one of the most devout Oliver Queen fans out there.
Why? Why do I think that this story was the worst one all year? For the simple reason that I do not think that it was written to educate. I do not think it was written to make a point. I think it was written only for the purpose of increasing the sales on a failing title and stirring up attention because there was no way the writer could think of to improve the quality of the title. So they went right for the easy way out.
I'll credit them with noble intentions, at least. But this is about the fourth time that Winick has milked the circumstances of his friend's life for details for a story. Pedro and Me was a very fine book. And Winick's "why gay-bashing is bad" stories in Green Lantern, while a bit preachy at times, had the decency not to hit the reader over the head with statistics.
That is what happens in the opening of this book, as Oliver Queen professes total ignorance as to what AIDS is. We then get into after-school special territory, as we are given a laundry list reading of everything you need to know to combat HIV. Ignoring the idea that Ollie "In Like Flynn" Queen could have gone through the past he did and the times he did without learning something about why sailors buy those special balloons, the rest of the issue seemed seriously stilted as well. And the ideas to come forth in future issues... including Mia becoming the new Speedy. Well, they just reek of an effort to create gimmicks to reel in the suckers rather than an effort to tell truly engaging stories.
The sad thing is that Mia was a great character and that she really came alive during the Kevin Smith run on the book. She was all but ignored by every writer afterwards. Including Winick, who kept her strictly in the background until this recent crisis. It seems that nobody really knew what to do with the girl who was there merely because underneath the heroism and bluster, what Oliver Queen wanted most was to be a father. A father with an unusual day job, sure. But still the dad who could come home and find the loving family waiting for him.
Of course all that has been shot to hell in the wake of the Winick run, but maybe we can get Gail Simone or someone to finally get Ollie to propose to Dinah as he was ready to do at the end of the Phil Hester run. Heck, bring Mike Grell back to do a Wedding Special and have Count Vertigo crash the thing. Anything to spare me another "very special issue" of Judd Winick's Green Arrow.
Tune in next week. Same Matt time. Same Matt website.
In any case, welcome to what has become a yearly staple of the Comics Nexus: The Starry Awards for Excellence and Disgrace in Comics Writing.
Hey everyone. Tim here. Just wanted to note that this ISN'T annual. Okay, he DID do this before at 411 Mania but this is the first time he's ever done it here and we really wish he'd left this lame thing behind. But we didn't have anything else to run except Jesse Baker's review of New Avengers #2 and we thought this was less likely to get us sued. So, we apologize in advance for… everything.
Of course it has been pointed out that the comic industry already has the Eisners, the Harveys, the Eagles and the Wizard Awards. Why on Earth 2 then, these alleged people ask, do we need another damned award?
Because this is easier than doing real work?
The Starry Awards were started so that I, the ever humble author of this column, might dispense awards to those I felt were most worthy of praise or damnation based on their works in the past year.
Oh, and we are sooo grateful for you to do that. Like we need your divine wisdom to tell us that John Byrne has been phoning it in since 1989?
The Starries name ten stories in total. Stories, for the purpose of this award, can be single or multiple issues of one book or multiple books relating to one plot-line. The Starries are based solely upon the personal opinions of Matt “Starman” Morrison and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of anyone else.
No, they really don't. Not a one of us. You wanna complain or sue someone, e-mail him!
Five Staries are awarded to stories which, more than any other stories this year, made me stand up and cheer, burst into tears or just stopped me in the middle of reading to say “This is damn good stuff.” Five Staries are awarded (if you can call it that) to stories that, for some reason, I found disappointing. Stories that left me feeling that a mark had been missed and missed badly. Some of them are stories that, in fact, I think are just plain terrible.
That said: Here are the winners and losers!
The Best of 2004
Best Moment All Year: Colossus Lives!
(As taken from Astonishing X-Men #4-5)
Understand this. I am not, by training, or inclination an X-Fan. I do not subscribe to any X-Men books. I try to avoid reading most of the titles in the series and my hand starts to smoke whenever it is placed on anything written by Chris Claremont. Had you told me a year ago that the best moment in the coming year would come from an X-Men book that I would actually enjoy, I would probably laugh and say "I thought Grant Morrison was quitting X-Men?"
Joss Whedon needs to apply for sainthood, because he has performed a miracle and gotten me to enjoy an X-Men book. And the moment I realized that it was actually good was the moment in Issue 5 of Astonishing X-Men when I read the conversation between Kitty Pryde and Peter Rasputin. Even more impressive, is the fact that he handled the resurrection in a very tasteful manner without totally destroying the memory of his death story; one of the few stories most agree was a good one in the last ten years. The series continues to promise good things through 2005 and… as hard as it is for me to say this… I can't wait to read the next Astonishing X-Men.
Funniest Read All Year:Conan #9
Usually this award goes to a book that is meant to be funny, but Conan has a humor all his own that Kurt Busiek has captured beautifully in the first year of the new Conan title. And nowhere was this humor better captured than in the issue "Two Nemedians Walk Into A Bar".
In this frame story, Conan is in a bar, enjoying a drink when he sees two thugs picking on a helpless merchant. He laughs and the would-be thieves ask if he has issues with their robbery. Conan's insulting response, that he enjoys seeing two puppies pretending to be wolves as they scare a chicken, provokes an easily won fight and then inspires Conan to play the bard as he tells everyone present his own humorous tale of true bravery. Where the story goes, I will not say here. Suffice to say, all ends happily for once with Conan having free drinks for the night, a wench on each arm and a whole night to tell more tales.
Best Team-Up:Spider-Man and Wolverine
Is there anything more dreadful than the editorially mandated team-up? What of the unwritten law that Wolverine and Spider-Man must have a cameo in every Marvel title at least once a year? And what happens when the two big-cash cows of Marvel Comics get together?
Usually, something awful. And yet, this year, two stories showed how the odd-couple of superheroism can actually work well in a non-contrived way. Robert Kirkman got the new Marvel Team Up off to a flying start with his team-up story involving Spidey and Wolvie dealing with the same problem (an X-gene positive student turned serial killer) for different angles and managed to make it suitable creepy and funny at the same time. Perfectly conveying the horror as Peter discovers the dead bodies in the house of the student he was trying to help and the humor as Spidey asks Wolverine for Nick Fury's phone number.
Funnier than this, but of no lesser quality was the story "Even We Don't Believe This" in Ultimate Spider-Man. In it, the Marvel Universe went 'Freaky Friday' as Wolverine and Spider-Man had their bodies swapped by an angry but later apologetic (to Spidey at least) Jean Grey. They may not be the world's finest team, but this year they were the most entertaining.
Best Make Over: Conan
Not really a make-over, but more of a rediscovery of a lost friend. Busiek's writing has resurrected Robert E. Howard's greatest character for the comic world and Cary Nord's art has captured the world's most famous barbarian in a way that will long stand aside masters like Frank Frazetta and Barry Windsor Smith.
Best Retro Tale:JSA: Strange Tales
A classic trip back to the Golden Age of comics, this is the best vintage JSA story since James Robinson's "The Golden Age". Centering around a supposedly benevolent man known as Lord Dynamo, the world's first superhero team must choose between the loss of their two heaviest hitters (Starman and Green Lantern) and the gaining of amazing new technologies to better mankind. All this, and a humorous yet oddly touching subplot where Johnny Thunder tries to become a pulp writer, and you have one fine bit of pulp writing.
The Worst of 2004
Most Likely To Cause Continuity Robots Heads To Explode:Marvel Knights: Spider-Man
I've written enough about this book in the past, so I'll just say "'Nuff Said"
The “What The Hell Just Happened?” Award: What If Charles Xavier & Magneto Had Created The X-Men Together
What if Magneto had a goatee? What if Kitty Pryde had blue hair? What if this story had any real difference than the regular X-Men universe? What if I had some idea of what was going on at any point in this book?
The “I Waited For This?!?!” Award: The Ultimates, Volume 2
They delayed it for a year so that Bryan Hitch would be sure to be on-time with the artwork and it was still late. And like Volume One, it still wasn't worth reading.
Worst Makeover of the Year: Ultimate Fantastic Four
There's a lot to be said for the philosophy that less is more. And Warren Ellis, the master of decompressed writing, proved that saying true as it took him six issues to do what Stan Lee did in a few pages: introduce Dr. Doom and establish him as a major threat. Woese, Doom is no longer the armor-clad master of science and magic but a teenager who got morphed into a metal-bodied, poison-breathing whinny little puss. Bah, says I to that.
The Worst Comic Of the Year Award: Green Arrow #44
Let me say something right at the start. I believe that controversial topics should be addressed in comics. I believe that comic books can be a great informational tool when used properly. That said, I cannot support what Judd Winick has done with Green Arrow. And it is for that reason, and that reason alone, that I have dropped Green Arrow from my subscription until such time as he is no longer writing the book, though I am one of the most devout Oliver Queen fans out there.
Why? Why do I think that this story was the worst one all year? For the simple reason that I do not think that it was written to educate. I do not think it was written to make a point. I think it was written only for the purpose of increasing the sales on a failing title and stirring up attention because there was no way the writer could think of to improve the quality of the title. So they went right for the easy way out.
I'll credit them with noble intentions, at least. But this is about the fourth time that Winick has milked the circumstances of his friend's life for details for a story. Pedro and Me was a very fine book. And Winick's "why gay-bashing is bad" stories in Green Lantern, while a bit preachy at times, had the decency not to hit the reader over the head with statistics.
That is what happens in the opening of this book, as Oliver Queen professes total ignorance as to what AIDS is. We then get into after-school special territory, as we are given a laundry list reading of everything you need to know to combat HIV. Ignoring the idea that Ollie "In Like Flynn" Queen could have gone through the past he did and the times he did without learning something about why sailors buy those special balloons, the rest of the issue seemed seriously stilted as well. And the ideas to come forth in future issues... including Mia becoming the new Speedy. Well, they just reek of an effort to create gimmicks to reel in the suckers rather than an effort to tell truly engaging stories.
The sad thing is that Mia was a great character and that she really came alive during the Kevin Smith run on the book. She was all but ignored by every writer afterwards. Including Winick, who kept her strictly in the background until this recent crisis. It seems that nobody really knew what to do with the girl who was there merely because underneath the heroism and bluster, what Oliver Queen wanted most was to be a father. A father with an unusual day job, sure. But still the dad who could come home and find the loving family waiting for him.
Of course all that has been shot to hell in the wake of the Winick run, but maybe we can get Gail Simone or someone to finally get Ollie to propose to Dinah as he was ready to do at the end of the Phil Hester run. Heck, bring Mike Grell back to do a Wedding Special and have Count Vertigo crash the thing. Anything to spare me another "very special issue" of Judd Winick's Green Arrow.
Tune in next week. Same Matt time. Same Matt website.
Monday, January 19, 2004
Looking To The Stars: The Second Annual Starry Awards
The Golden Globes. Mr. Blackwell’s Best & Worst Dressed List. And now (once again), it is time for The Starry Awards. Because it’s just not the start of the new year without yammering about the best and worst of last year.
Welcome back, dear reader, for those of you who caught it the first time. For those dear readers who didn’t, that’s what the scroll bar at the bottom of the page is for.
In any case, welcome to what has become a yearly staple of 411 Comics: The Starry Awards for Excellence and Disgrace in Comics Writing.
(NOTE FROM DARON: It isn’t a yearly staple! He did this crap last year and he’s doing it again cause he didn’t have anything else to write this month!)
Of course it has been pointed out that the comic industry already has the Eisners, the Harveys, the Eagles and… gods above help us… the Wizard Awards. Why on Earth 2 then, these alleged people ask, do we need another damned award?
(NOTE FROM DARON: Because he’s an egotistical madman who likes to feel important.)
The Starry Awards were started so that I, the ever humble author of this column, might dispense awards to those I felt were most worthy of praise or damnation based on their works in the past year.
(NOTE FROM DARON: Ha! Told you! Humble my sweet bippy!)
The Starries name ten stories in total. Stories, for the purpose of this award, can be single or multiple issues of one book or multiple books relating to one plot-line. The Starries are based solely upon the personal opinions of Matt “Starman” Morrison and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of anyone else.
(NOTE FROM DARON: They REALLY don’t reflect the opinions of anybody else. Really. You want to complain, e-mail him. I’m still sorting through all the hate-mail from his last review…)
Five Staries are awarded to stories which, more than any other stories this year, made me stand up and cheer, burst into tears or just stopped me in the middle of reading to say “This is damn good stuff.” Five Staries are awarded (if you can call it that) to stories that, for some reason, I found disappointing. Stories that left me feeling that a mark had been missed and missed badly. Some of them are stories that, in fact, I think are just plain terrible!
That said: Here are the winners and losers!
The Best of 2003
Best Moment All Year: Mary Jane and Peter; Together Again.
As told in Amazing Spider-Man #49-50
Marvel to break up the Peter Parker/Mary Jane Watson marriage. For the most part, the reasoning was that it killed Peter’s history as a loveable loser and Marvel used this excuse to justify some rather lackluster sales during the nineties. Thankfully, saner minds prevailed… eventually. And after someone pointed out that the reason nobody liked Mary Jane any more was because she was being written with little of the characterization that had made her so likeable since the good ol’ days and had been turned into a trophy wife who did little more than “comfort” Peter after a long day of saving the world, most of the talk of killing her off or arranging for a divorce ended.
Still, this left the Spider-Man books in an awful mess of nuclear waste. Thankfully, thanks to the efforts of several writers over a score of books, our favorite Wall-Crawler came back to the respected level he so surely deserved. And once Peter was fixed-up, the task of bringing back Mary Jane and deciding where to go with her fell upon the shoulders of Amazing Spider-Man scribe J. Michael Stracynski.
This harrowing task was slowly done over the course of JMS’s run, culminating in issue 49 where, after what can only be described as some very rocky waters involving near death, Peter’s fidelity and the question of “Can I really count on you to put me above the rest of the world?” that all women want answered, we get to see just how much these two characters love each other.
The two each decide to fly to see each other and declare that they are sick of being separated and want the other one back because they are so truly madly deeply in love that it hurts. The thing is, they do so without calling the other and wind up at each other’s apartments on the same day, with no inkling as to where the other is. To add insult to injury, Peter tries to call home to see if maybe “the special guy” he was told by her doorman she was leaving to see was him, only to find that in typical Parker-luck fashion, his phone has been disconnected.
What follows is the two looking around each others living space, noting all the funny little details you memorize when you love someone as they wait and hope that the other will walk through the door any moment. After a night, they decided the other person is off somewhere with someone else and that things are truly over. The only thing that saves the relationship is a chance accident and twist of fate that puts the two in the same airport at the same time, where a much needed talk is had… even as the world and the walls are collapsing around them.
Never in recent memory, has any comic so strongly portrayed the depths of two popular characters’ love. And that is why this story wins Best Moment of the Year.
Funniest Read All Year: Lord of the Hirelings: Return of the Bling-BlingAs told in Nodwick #23
The author and artist of the best comedic fantasy webcomic around gives us his comedic take on “The Lord of the Rings”. While this be very lame with name parodies and recreations of epic battles with pie-fights or some such (ala the over-hyped National Lampoon’s “Bored of the Rings”), Williams manages to fit the definitive fantasy epic around his own unique characters and keep things just twisted enough to be amusing even for those of us who have memorized the books and movies completely.
For instance, the town of Nazgul are now Nazgoths… beings who dress all in black and seek “This One Ring” as a fashion accessory, for such a cursed and evil thing would surely make them all the envy of all who hang out at that club which is only open one night a week. Williams even gets a tribute in to Igor of “Dork Tower” with his “Smeagor” character, who seeks “This One Ring” as the ultimate rare collectible. Funny stuff all around.
Best Team-Up: Superman/Batman
As told in Every Bloody Thing Jeph Loeb Wrote This Year
Whether it be for a brief scene in the middle of the epic that was “Hush”, or in the pages of their new team-up book together, Jeph Loeb has shown us for nearly half a year why these two heroes are still called “The World’s Finest” some 70 years after their individual creation. Though it did not take much time, relatively speaking, for the two heroes to be teamed-up, it was only recently (within fifteen years) that the divide between the two would be deepened to mark the contrasts in their style and approach to heroism. Light and Dark. Power and Finesse. Training and Natural Ability. They are both the Yin and Yang that complete each other, forming the perfect-two man team.
Best Make Over : Birds of Prey
As told in Birds of Prey 56-62
Much has already been written about how writer Gail Simone and the former Supergirl art team of Ed Benes and Alex Lei took this book, which had fallen on hard times in the wake of longtime writer Chuck Dixon leaving it and a long series of substitute artists and writers. Throw in its tie in title only to an action show that it had nothing to do with, and you had one title that looked like it was slated for the bargain bin.
Such was not to be. For artwork that showed beautiful women in tight costumes without being exploitative coupled with stories that balanced action, drama, plot, characterization and comedy to create one of the best books on the market.
Best Retro Tale: Spider-Man/Doctor Octopus: Negative Exposure
With Doc Ock starring as the main badguy in the upcoming Spider-Man 2, Marvel has been heavily featuring him in several recent mini-series and will keep the good doctor busy until July 4th. It would have been all too easy for them to have a couple of stories hacked out and stretched out to last from now until next summer. Thankfully, it appears that most of the stories featuring the bad guy I always thought of as Spidey’s most dangerous enemy are of exceptional quality. This is especially true of “Negative Exposure”.
Distinguishable as a retro tale only because of its reference to Peter’s dating a cute blond, being in college and still working at The Daily Bugle to pay the bills, this mini-series by Y: The Last Man scribe Brian Vaughn has proven to be quite the surprising treat. Each issue has used many levels of humor, from the traditional Spidey insults (the “Scooby Doo” comment to Mysterio in particular, was a classic) to a bit of dark humor from Doc Ock himself. Throw in some good action scenes, an old-fashioned super-villain smackdown and a central focus who views Peter Parker as a big winner while HE is a the unlucky loser make this story something special and unique.
The Worst of 2003
Most Likely To Cause Continuity Robots Heads To Explode: Judd Winick’s Writing
As told in Green Arrow & Outsiders
I detailed the specifics of this case in Of Cons and Continuity, so I shall recall them briefly here.
In short, Judd Winick displeased Black Lightning creator Tony Isbella with how the character, always a fiercely conservative and family-oriented man, was going to have a child out of wedlock. Throw in problems with a niece (Jefferson Piece was an only child), his severely out-of-character casual murder of a corporate executive and the fact that Winick apparently spoke to Isabella about how to properly handle the character before-hand and you had the makings for a big creator slap fight. Add in a spattering of characterization that, according to many fans and creators, didn’t jibe with what had happened in the past (particularly among fans of Nightwing and Green Arrow) and you have one big mess that says this; Judd Winick is a good writer when he is working with his own characters, but he just plain stinks when he has to share his toys.
The “What The Hell Just Happened?” Award: JLA: Scary Monsters
The award name says it all. Did anyone like or understand this series?
The “I Waited For This?!?!” Award : Ultimate Adventures
One of the three books in late 2002’s “U-Decide” contest, this was to have been run monthly for half a year alongside Peter David’s “Captain Marvel” (rebooted into its fifth volume) and Bill Jemas’ “Marville”. The best selling of the three books would continue on as an on-going series. The other two would get the chop.
Today, Captain Marvel just had its 18th issue come out. Marville, the U-Decide contest and Bill Jemas himself have gone the way of the buggywhip. And issue six of Ron Zimmerman’s Ultimate Adventures JUST NOW came out. Exactly one year late.
This would have been anti-climactic, even if the book itself were worth reading. Sadly, had this contest taken place without delays on the part of two of the books, I doubt that Marville and UA could have overcome a writer like Peter David, who has a good deal of experience and a fanatically devoted fan base.
Incidentally, Mister David? While I have criticized most of your recent comic book work, I loved your book “Knight Life” and recommend it highly to all fans of Arthurian legend.
Worst Makeover: Aquaman
Speaking of Arthurian Legend, what fresh hell was this book?
I’ll give them credit for an inspired idea; tying Arthur Curry in with King Arthur and the Lady of the Lake was neat. But the magical water hand that cannot be used to harm others added a mystic element that has never really suited Aquaman. Mix with some rather lackluster artwork and is it any wonder this book is being retooled again?
The Worst Comic Of the Year Award : X-Men: Phoenix
No X-Men. No Jean Grey. No mutants at all.
So what DOES this book have?
Lots of mangaesque artwork of buxom redheads with armor made of equal parts heavy plate and dental floss, bending into improbable positions as they duel sit in saunas and battle nasty shadow tentacle monsters.
And to think… some men wonder why women have a negative view of us comic reading males.
A total rip off for the X-fans. An insult to all things good and decent in humanity. Gratuitously sexual, even for a hentai comic. The worst thing released all year, without a doubt.
And considering the competition, that is REALLY saying something.
Tune in next week. Same Matt time. Same Matt website.
Sunday, January 19, 2003
The First Annual Starry Awards
The Golden Globes. Mr. Blackwell’s Best & Worst Dressed List. And now: The Starries. Because it’s just not the start of the new year without yammering about the best and worst of last year.
Welcome, dear reader, to what I hope will become a yearly staple of 411 Comics: The Starry Awards for Excellence and Disgrace in Comics Writing.
Now Stars, you might well ask… We have the Eisners. We have the Eagles. We even have (though I’m not sure why) the Wizard Awards. Why on Earth 2 does the comic industry need another award? Because those other fine awards aren’t based on my opinions as to what stories are good and which ones are not worth the trees that were killed to see them printed.
The Starries name ten stories in total. Stories, for the purpose of this award, can be single or multiple issues of one book or multiple books relating to one plot-line. The Starries are based solely upon the personal opinions of Matt “Starman” Morrison and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of anyone else.
Five Staries are awarded to stories which, more than any other stories this year, made me stand up and cheer, burst into tears or just stopped me in the middle of reading to say “This is damn good stuff.” Five Staries are awarded (if you can call it that) to stories that, for some reason, I found disappointing. Stories that left me feeling that a mark had been missed and missed badly. Some of them are stories that, in fact, I think are just plain terrible!
That said: Here are the winners and losers!
The Best of 2002
Best Moment All Year: The Restoration of Oa and the Guardians.
As told in Green Lantern #150 by Judd Winnick, Dale Eaglesham & Rodney Ramos and Legacy – The Last Will And Testament of Hal Jordan By Joe Kelly, Brent Anderson & Bill Sienkiewicz
Probably the biggest comic news story this year in terms of impact to the DC comics Universe, Winnick and Kelly both had ideas on how to bring back the Green Lantern Corps in some form or another. Working on their stories separately, the two learned of the other’s plans and agreed to write their stories to play off another.
Both stories were as different as brightest day and darkest night. One dealt with a young man given omnipotence trying to find the way to best use his new power. The other dealt with an older man fighting his own sense of powerlessness, seeking redemption for himself and for the greatest man he had ever known. But both these men would come to find something within themselves that let them prove to be the equal of any Green Lantern to come before as they each undid the mistakes of the past.
Funniest Read All Year: Understanding Gamers
As told in Dork Tower #18 by John Kovalic
A success as a straight comedic story, as a semi-serious guide to gamer culture and as a parody of Scott McCloud’s Understanding Comics, Dork Tower #18 had me laughing and crying. Laughing at such bits as the Gamer Type Identification Chart and crying as I saw myself in the “How To Date A Non-Gamer” section (I swear.. I only told her about my Morrowind character ONCE!). Don’t worry if you missed this book though. It will be coming out soon in an expanded Trade Paperback edition.
Best Team-Up: Green Arrow, Hawkgirl & Hawkman.
As told in Hawkman #5-6 by Geoff Johns, James Robinson, Rags Morales & Michael Bair
They met again for the first time in years in Kevin Smith’s Green Arrow run, these two heroes. Both were recently returned from the dead, both are masters of archaic weapons and both needing only the drop of a feather-bedecked hat to start trying to kill each other.
Still, as good a job as Smith did, Robinson and Johns did him one better with a not-quite so acclaimed team-up story in the pages of Hawkman a few months later. Titled “Slings And Arrows”, the two-part story centered on a reluctant partnership between the Emerald Archer and the Feathered Fighter as they looked for a murderous archer.
But that’s just the plot: the real meat of this issue is watching two of the greatest heroes in the DC Universe grate on each other’s nerves as they try to do the right thing. And a round of applause for the oh-so-ironic scene where Oliver Queen tells off Carter Hall for chasing after a younger woman (Hawkgirl) for the same reasons that he once used to keep him away from a then-as-young Dinah Lance (Black Canary).
And for those of you who are wondering why I put Hawkgirl in this team-up when most of the story involves Carter and Ollie arguing… credit where credit is due. She’s in the background most of the story, but when she does show up she does most of the butt-kicking.
Best New Take On A Book That Needed A Make Over: Fantastic Four
As told in Fantastic Four #60-63 by Mark Waid, Mike Wieringo & Karl Kessel
I’ve never been a big fan of the Fantastic Four. I’d read it from time to time and always found the stories rather formulaic. Ben Grimm moans about his fate. Reed Richards is out of touch with reality as he builds gizmo after gizmo. Johnny Storm… well, you get the idea.
Still, because my comic shop was giving away free copies of Issue #60 to good customers like me and because I’ve always like Mark Waid’s work, I decided to give it a read before donating it to some needy youth.
Smart move on my part, because for some reason the book found it’s way on to my subscription list in just two issues. Maybe it’s because of Waid’s infusion of some much needed humor into the book. For instance, the lack of irony of some truly insane situations…like Reed Richard’s idea of a quiet Sunday Afternoon drive and a washing machine that has settings for Warm Cold, Cold Cold and Unstable Molecules. (“Honey, how do you get rid of Skrull blood stains?”) Maybe the characters seem more alive and less whiny or aloof than before. Maybe it was just the sheer coolness of seeing Reed Richards getting confused trying to play “Magic: The Gathering” with Franklin.
Whatever the reason, this book will be on my pull list for a long time.
Best Retelling of a Classic Tale: Spider-Man: Blue
As told in Spider-Man: Blue #1-5 by Jeph Loeb & Tim Sale
One of the prizes of my collection is the Essential Spider-Man Trade Paperbacks. Thanks to these five thick volumes, I’ve been able to read the entirety of Stan Lee’s legendary run on his most famous character for far less than the thousands it would take me to track down the original issues. I’ve also gotten to read nearly the entire life span of the girl whose death turned the comics world on its’ ear. I’m talking, of course, about Gwen Stacy.
Jeph Loeb and Tim Sale created this story in order to retell the original issues where Peter and Gwen first started to fall in love. Why? Well, they both confessed that it was a labor of love. There was a time when the Gwen Verses Mary Jane debate was as highly contested and active as the eternal battle between Betty and Veronica, and Loeb and Sales both came down in the Gwen camp. And both were bothered that with all the hype over the upcoming Spider-Man movie and Peter’s romantic problems in the core Spider-Man books, that everybody was forgetting about Peter’s first love.
Now me, personally… I’ve always liked Mary Jane better. But me being a theater major and having a fondness for redheads, I’m willing to admit that I may be a bit biased. But I think it says something that reading this story, I’m starting to see the point of everyone I’ve ever heard say “Gwen and Peter were made for each other.”
Reading this story, the tragedy of Gwen’s death really hits you deep. Deeper than it has in the countless flashbacks of previous storylines over the last few years. Not that there’s anything wrong with referring to it: more than anything except than the murder of Uncle Ben, Gwen Stacy’s death represents the reason why Peter Parker is Spider-Man. But too many writers fall into the trap of trying to make their own works seem important by drawing parallels between their work and the image of Gwen falling off a bridge. They tell us why the event shook Peter so badly. Here, without ever showing so much as a bridge wire, Loeb and Sale show us why Gwen’s death was so tragic by showing how wonderful her life was.
The Worst of 2002
Most Likely To Cause Continuity Robots Heads To Explode: The Archer’s Quest
As told in Green Arrow #16-20 by Brad Meltzer, Phil Hester, & Ande Parks.
Ollie Queen has always been one of my favorite heroes. And for the most part I’ve been digging the new Green Arrow book since issue #1. And I think that Meltzer has met the high standard of quality set by Kevin Smith and managed to up the ante on getting the book out on time.
That said, the die-hard fan in me is irked by a few small points in Meltzer’s “Archer’s Quest” storyline. Namely, the story centers around Oliver Queen and former sidekick Roy Harper traveling around the country, gathering up various relics from Ollie’s past with the excuse that Ollie is getting things that could reveal his secret identity to the world. Of course the story has been hinting at Ollie having some deeper purpose in mind than this… but even so, there is a tiny detail that should have had Roy Harper asking Ollie “Who are you and what have you done with my absent father figure?”
Now it could be that only Scott McCullar and I are the only ones on the planet who spotted this or indeed, care… but Oliver Queen’s secret identity is a non-issue. Even ignoring the now “out of time” stories from the Mike Grell’s Green Arrow stories that had Oliver Queen’s identity exposed to the world after being accused of treason by the first Bush administration, there’s a problem. It’s a matter of record that Oliver Queen’s identity was printed on the The Daily Planet’s front page after he died saving Metropolis.
So why is this an issue? Lots of old DC plot points are being ignored as part of an effort to make the stories more accessible to new readers. Well, I am well behind that idea. But there’s one little hitch: it’s something of a double standard to ignore such details in a story that is so heavily dependent upon other details of similar obscurity. Consider exhibits A and B: the special arrow and special ring that Oliver tracks down in issue #19.
I can’t even tell you what story the ring comes from, but the arrow is from an early issue of JLA. You can’t have it both ways.
The “What The Hell Just Happened?” Award: The Obsidian Age
As told in JLA #69-75 by Joe Kelly, Doug Mahnke, Tom Nguyen, Yvel Guichet & Mark Propst.
Well, the title says it all. I tried to read this story. I got lost and put it on hold. I read the last issue to see the ending and was totally confused. I read the whole thing and was still confused. Can someone explain to me what the heck was going on in this thing without a flow chart?
The “I Waited For This?!?!” Award : The Ultimates
As told in The Ultimates #5-7 by Mark Millar, Bryan Hitch & Paul Neary
I was a little late in getting into this book. Too bad it’s been just as late getting into my mailbox down at Ye Olde Comic Shoppe. But with a writer as proficient as Millar and an artist with the detail-oriented style of Hitch putting this book out every three months, I’d like to say the wait is always worth it.
I’d LIKE to say that…
Honestly, while I see The Ultimates as being a very technically proficient book, no comic depresses me so much when I read it. And until recently, I haven’t been able to put my finger on why. It’s because in their effort to recreate the success they had on The Authority, Millar and Hitch have turned The Avengers into The Authority. And that just doesn’t work on so many levels.
Sure, it’s funny to hear Hulk screaming about how he’s so horny for Betty and how he wants to kill Freddie Prinze Jr…and who doesn’t after “Scooby Doo”? And yes, Hawkeye does look so much “cooler” now in his new Matrix rip-off costume instead of the old purple H-cowl. But all they’ve done is put a dark black coat on a team that has always been a shining light of hope in the Marvel Universe.
All Millar has done with the stories is taken over 40 years of the angst that made up various Avengers plots and crammed the worst of it into seven issues. Wasp being a battered wife, Cap feeling out of place in modern times, Tony Starks alcholism and Mutants being snubbed from the team because of anti-Mutant feelings in the public: it’s all been done before. And all the references to using Giant Man’s head as a toilet or references to the Wasp’s disgusting personal habits won’t change the fact that this book is a pale imitation of both the A-teams it draws inspiration from.
Worst Retelling of a Classic Tale: Ultimate Daredevil/Elektra
As told in Ultimate Daredevil/Elektra #1-4 by Greg Rucka, Salvador Larroca & Dany Miki
Call me an old-fashioned traditionalist, but I expect certain things of my comics. I expect a monthly comic book to actually come out once a month. I expect a certain allegiance to past continuity, to the point where characters dead for more than three years are brought back with an explanation as to why they aren’t feeding worms somewhere. And I believe that if you put a character on the cover of a book, they should show up somewhere in the story. This is especially true in an origin story.
Explain to me then why Daredevil does not appear at any point in this story?
Okay. Matt Murdock is there. I will grant you that. And he does run around in all black and fight for justice. But if he ain’t in the tights, he ain’t Daredevil. In fact, Matt Murdock himself is barely in the story and we get no insight into Matt’s tragic past or how he was blinded. We don’t learn much about him except that he’s blind but still able to function normally despite it and is pretty good at kicking ass and taking names.
And I know that most of us out there DO know that, but I’m assuming for a moment that a book like this might attract someone who has never read a Daredevil story before. Too bad nobody at Marvel had the same thought…
The story would be more honestly titled Ultimate Elektra, since the action does center on My Big Phat Greek Assassin. Then again, if we didn’t put Daredevil on the cover with the artwork that has Elektra wearing something suspiciously like the Elektra movie costume…and if we didn’t say the name Daredevil (which is nowhere in the story, I might add), what would happen? Well, then we might not be able to pawn this off on the poor rubes that will wander into the comic shops and bookstores after the Daredevil movie comes out.
Ignoring the reek of cheap commercialism, I have a question. Is it just me, or does it seem like the supporting cast of this book was rolled out of a Multi-Cultural Sitcom Cast Generator? It’s almost like Greg Rucka had a check list…
Tough as nails Greek chick from Brooklyn ? Check.
Add One Blind Guy from Hells Kitchen. Check.
Add One Fat, clumsy guy for Comic Relief. Check.
African American musician from Texas? Check.
Sweet country girl, new to the big city? Check.
Rich jerk who thinks he owns the world? Check.
Throw in a Irish punk with poor hygiene and a Cuban fitness model and you have a pretty good cast for “The Real World”. Throw them into this story and it’s just a mess.
The Worst Comic Of the Year Award : Spider-Man: Get Kraven!
As told in Spider-Man:Get Kraven #1-6 by Ron Zimmerman, John McCrea & Garry Leach
I know I’m far from the first person to talk about this story being horrible. I doubt I’ll be the last. There are no words to describe everything that went wrong with this story, from the planning phase up until the final product got put on the shelf.
Still, what makes me say that it’s the worst comic to come out all year?
Is it because I despise Ron Zimmerman, who has not written a single good Spider-Man story to date? A man who’s most distinguished writing endeavor to date is a story that involved Spider-Man and Jay Leno fighting ninjas… and Spidey crying like a baby on the back of a Motorcycle? No.
Is it because the entire plot of this story involved Zimmerman’s retconned-the-heck version of Kraven the 2nd wanting to get into the movie business and teaching us the lesson that “Most people in Hollywood are phonies”? No.
Is it because of the blatant name dropping of celebrities we could care less about? No. And on a side note, I’d honestly be amazed if Scott Baio had enough money to have his own beach house anytime after 1989.
Is it because it violated my rule about a story actually involving a character whose name is in the title? No, that’s not it. But Spidey is only in two issues of this miniseries. And he only shows up in the last one after Kraven calls him to ask for back-up in a fight.
Oh yeah… Kraven apparently knows that Spider-Man is Peter Parker now. But that’s a side note. Not a reason why this is the worst story ever.
Is it because it started out as a light comedy with no jokes and turned into a revenge tale of a man going to hurt the men who raped his girlfriend and killed his dog in the penultimate chapter? No.
Is it because of the references to castrating thugs, cutting tounges out and the fact that Peter Parker willingly allies himself with a guy who uses has The Vulture as a flunkie?
Not even that.
No. It’s because of ALL of that and more.
So please, please Joe Quesada… stop Ron Zimmerman before he writes again. Think of the children! And if you won’t think of them, think of me. I don’t think I can take one more story where wanted super villains sit around a bar in costume and nothing happens!
Tune in next week. Same Matt time. Same Matt website.
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