Rediscovering The Magic: Special Edition! Marvel Cinematic: We Don't Need Your Civil War!

Back at All-Con 2016, Rick Gutierrez of United States of Geekdom & Rediscovering The Magic and I did a panel on the original Civil War comics and the Marvel Cinematic Universe in general.

Here now is the audio of that panel: Rediscovering The Magic: We Don't Need Your Civil War!

Captain America: Civil War - A Spoiler-Free Review

I know I'm going to upset a lot of people with these comments, so let's get it over with.

On the whole, I'd place Civil War on-par with Batman V. Superman.

Now, I see you Marvel Zombies are readying your pitchforks and torches, so let me explain why.

Basically, Civil War has the exact same over-riding problems Batman V. Superman did.

It's primarily concerned with offering fan-service and making references to the comics at the expense of a cohesive story. It requires some characters to act in a blatantly illogical fashion in order for the plot to work. The villain's evil plan is entirely dependent upon coincidences that should be entirely beyond their control that are never adequately explained. And - much like Age of Ultron before it - Civil War seemed like it was more concerned with setting up upcoming movies than it was in telling its own stories. As Batman V. Superman left us more excited about Wonder Woman, so too does Civil War leave us more excited about Black Panther and Spider-Man: Homecoming.

Now with that being said, did I like the movie?

Yes!


Technically, the film is far from perfect.. The first hour drags a bit. There's some incredibly cheap CGI. And a lot of the fight scenes are filmed WAY too close and the jump-cuts went by so fast I thought for a moment the projector was running at a too-fast frame-rate.

But THE fight scene - you know the one I mean - THAT fight scene is perfect.

The acting is great across the board. Tom Holland in particular is impressive and not just because he is easily the most comics-accurate Spider-Man we've ever seen in a live-action work.

Overall, I'd give it a 6 out of 10. Good. Not great. Better than Age of Ultron. Not as good as Winter Soldier.

Oh, and one more thing - stick around through ALL the credits. There's two sequences to look out for.

It's Official: Our New President is One Of Us

Of course, we all knew that McCain was anti-D&D. But until now, I hadn't heard anything about Obama's position on the disenfranchisement of Geek-Americans. Well, wonder no more!

SOURCE: Barack Obama, fanboy

Yes. Barack collects Conan comics and Spider-Man. This brings to mind several questions.

1. Does he read the current Dark Horse series or is he an old-school fan?

2. Where does he stand on the issue of super-power registration?

3. When will he speak out against Joe Quesada's defilement of the Spider-Marriage?

Quoted For Truth...

SOURCE: http://www.passfailstudios.com/

Fast Thoughts - The Week of 3/14/07

SPOILERS WITHIN!

Turns out that bit from last week was wrong. It was Spider-Woman talking to Ms. Marvel and them going to investigate a rumor that Captain America wasn't really dead. And that was all a lie.



52 WEEK #45 - Still not really caring about Black Adam's rampage. I'm more interested in the new Suicide Squad or just what an island full of Intergang-funded mad scientists have on hand to deal with a very annoyed Black Adam. Hopefully we'll get to see both next issue.

CIVIL WAR: THE CONFESSION - I liked the second story in this two-parter, simply because Captain America finally said, to Tony, everything that SHOULD have been said a long time ago. And I admit to liking the first story - not because it was good - but because some dark twisted part of myself enjoys seeing Tony Stark crying like a little bitch and whining about how much he needs a drink. I dunno... maybe it would have had more meaning if they did the story with Tony and Steve arguing first and THEN had the "talking by the grave" story second.

FABLES #58 - This book is still ten pounds of awesome in a five-pound sack. Not much else needs to be said.

GREEN ARROW #72 - Three issues until the supposed proporosal occurs and nary a Canary nor sign of Dinah Lance's inclusion into Oliver Queen's life is to be seen.

KNIGHTS OF THE DINNER TABLE #124 - I'm gratified to see that my suspicions regarding Brian - long thought to be the most anti-social and antagonistic of the "Knights" - were born out. Without giving too much away, Brian is given a nice moment in the closing part of this issue which shows that underneath his greedy, point-whoring, rules-lawyering exterior, there is something of a heart of gold. It is golden character moments like this that make KODT the best gamer comic on the market.

SUPERMAN #660 - Goofy as it was and as much as I loathe "The Prankster" in general (a poor man's James Jesse), this story was good for a much-needed laugh. I especially love how the new supervillain, Nitro G, has the same name as a hero from "Who Wants To Be A Superhero" and some of the outright goofy gadgets "Uncle Oswald" had. The Joy Buzzle was priceless.

WONDER WOMAN #5 - Should I feel bad that I liked this one-shot looking at how Wonder Woman changes the lives of people she's never met for the better more than I have the first four "regular" issues of this series?

It turns out they really DON'T give a damn...

Just read, despite my better judgement, the Joe Fridays column over at Newsarama, where the EIC of Marvel answers questions.

Obviously, the first big question was "Just how planned out WAS Captain America dying right after Civil War?" The answer hit me with a double whammy. Because it has just been assumed by a good deal of the comic-reading community that Cap's death was planned as a consequence of Civil War all this time and that it was a metaphor for how by sacrificing our freedoms for safety, we are killing America.

One small problem: Marvel Editorial can't plan their way out of a wet sack - and Joe Quesada admits as much.


If memory serves, we were all pretty much convinced that this was going to happen, the debate then rages over two things: should it happen in Civil War itself as opposed to Captain America and who should the assassin be?

At one point, it was to be Miriam Sharpe (the mom whose Victim's Rights group started this whole mess) who in a fit of anger was to shoot Cap right after he puts his hands up to be handcuffed but we eventually worked beyond that idea and decided that Cap’s death should come later as a byproduct of Civil War and should happen in his own book. This was also important because we felt that the entirety of Civil War would have been dwarfed by this event. Civil War would have gone down as the Cap death story when that wasn’t the thrust of it or the allegory behind it.


Yes. Because the death of The American Dream should not have overpowered the allegory of Civil War.

...

Wait - what was the allegory of Civil War again?

Looking To The Stars - The Week In Reviews for 1/22

HEROES returns tonight! I am a happy little fanboy. So while I am busy cuing up every recording device I have and strapping myself down to the couch lest I be washed away in the waves of pure awesomeness that are sure to follow, why don’t you read some reviews?


52 Week #22
Company Name: DC Comics
Writers: Geoff Johns, Grant Morrison, Greg Rucka and Mark Waid
Art: Various

The cover gives the secret away, but it appears that we have finally learned who Supernova really is. And it appears, also, that the death of a big-name character last issue was naught but a red-herring. But what really sold this issue for me was a brief, two-page scene between Black Canary and Green Arrow that is everything their relationship should be. I’m not sure if the rumors of an impending wedding in 2007 are true – but if they are, I’d say this scene with an Ollie who wonders aloud about how it is possible to love a woman enough to let go of her is a fine way to start moving toward that end.

Grade: A





Birds of Prey #102
Company Name: DC Comics
Writers: Gail Simone
Art: Nicola Scott and Doug Hazlewood

Okay, if you’re a Manhunter fan – buy this book. It will help ease the withdrawal symptoms as your favorite character sinks into oblivion until the next time they try and reinvigorate the franchise. There’s a lot for the rest of us to enjoy as well, including a battle of wits between Lois Lane and Barbara Gordon and Big Barda teaching the lesson of why it is always important to be sensitive about a woman’s figure even if she isn’t capable of shot-putting an SUV. The one downside? The new Judomaster is still very much a cipher and I sill miss Black Canary’s presence on this book.

Grade: B





Conan #36
Company Name: Dark Horse Comics
Writer: Timothy Truman
Artist: Paul Lee


A sequel of sorts to the very first published Conan story, The Phoenix On The Sword, this two-part “flash-forward” story tells us a tale from Conan’s days of the King of Aquilonia as he fights a threat to his kingdom. While I have been rather looking forward to the next chapter of the adapted chronology of the Conan history (Rogues in the House is my favorite Conan story of all time) and was a little upset at this digression, I cannot fault this story for not being worth the time of telling. Truman continues to wield Busiek’s sword and matches him for style and quality. And the artwork, by Conan and the Demons of Khitai artist Lee is a most worthy temporary replacement for Cary Nord.

Grade: B





Fantastic Four #542
Company Name: Marvel Comics
Writers: Dwayne McDuffie
Artist: Mike McKone, Andy Lanning and Cam Smith

I used to think there was no more thankless task for the writer of a regular comic-book series than having to shift your entire story-line around a big company event. I now think there is one worse thing – having to start your run on a regular comic-book series while shifting your stories around a big company event.

Thankfully, Dwayne McDuffie (the genius behind Static and most of the best episodes of Justice League and Justice League Unlimited) not only proves capable of hitting the ground running - he sets the world record for the 100 yard dash.

In this 90% talking-heads issue, McDuffie takes some of the more ludicrous attempts to justify some very out-of-character behavior during Civil War and turns them on their head. Perhaps the best example of this is Johnny Storm calling Reed Richards on his bullshit speech about “the importance of following the law, even if you don’t agree with it” by pointing out that the adventure that created the Fantastic Four began with Reed stealing a spaceship and wondering just how many times Reed has violated international law by interfering with the affairs of state in other nations. We also get a much more in-character motivation for Reed going along with the Pro-Registration side that he didn’t think anyone would understand or believe.

Note to Joe Quesada: Do not make the same mistake DC Comics did. Give McDuffie more work. Give him as many titles as possible. I don’t think any one writer can single-handedly pull you out of the pit that you’ve gotten the company into... but McDuffie can be the first to start pulling you up.

Grade: A



Green Lantern #16
Company Name: DC Comics
Writers: Geoff Johns
Art: Ivan Reis and Oclair Albert

Judging by the Comics Nexus Forums, I am one of the few who is enjoying this title. And yet, even as a die-hard Green Lantern who is pleased to see Hal Jordan back, even I think there is way too much going on in this book right now. Between the formation of a Sinestro Corps to counter the Green Lanterns, the return of the Manhunters under the command of the Cyborg Superman, the resurrection of a now legal Arissa, John Stewart being off “on a mission undercover somewhere”, intergalactic bounty hunters looking for Hal Jordan, the POW subplot, Hal’s crush on fellow pilot Cowgirl, the reformation of The Rocket Reds, a new branch of the Global Guardians harassing Hal in the wake of some treaty that forbids superheroes from operating outside their country of origin and the upcoming creation of an all new Star Sapphire – it is too much.

Even though some of this does get put on the path to resolution this issue, with Geoff Johns finally doing something with a villain who had perhaps the most inspired idea as well as the worst execution during the Kyle Rayner years, it still seems like there is enough drama here for a whole Corps of Green Lanterns much less the one Green Lantern of Earth. Still, you can’t say that Johns does not try to do justice to all these stories or that he indeed fails. I just wish we could actually go somewhere with one group of villains before he introduces another one.

Grade: C




Red Sonja Annual #1
Company Name: Dynamite Entertainment
Writer: Michael Avon Oeming
Art: Stephen Sadowski

I refuse to believe that the Michael Avon Oeming who wrote this issue can be the same Michael Avon Omeing who writes the regular Red Sonja series. Because the story in this annual, I’m sorry to say, is several sorry steps down in quality from his usual stellar work. The plot, in brief, involves a buxom 40-something barmaid who is inspired by the legends of Red Sonja to free herself and the girls in the brothel/inn her husband runs from their virtual enslavement.

Now this, in of itself, is a great idea for a story. After all, some of the best stories in comics are those in which we see the positive changes a hero brings about through their inspiration, not direct action. But the action in this issue defies belief, with a woman killing her husband and a few other men, burning an inn to the ground and then waking up, along with the girls, unharmed in the smoldering wreckage the next morning.

How did they survive- divine intervention? And where was the city watch in all this? Even by the lax standards of your average lawless Hyborian town, you’d expect at least one guard to show up and make sure the fire didn’t spread. And when Sonja herself shows up to give her nod of approval to the whole venture, it’s as cloyingly sweet as the ending of your average Mr. T cartoon. And no, that’s not a compliment.

Still, all silliness of the story aside, this issue does have to factors that redeem it. First, the artwork by Stepehen Sadowski is excellent, resembling a less-posed and more realistic Joseph Linsner. Secondly, the back half of this annual is taken up by a complete chronology of all of Red Sonja’s appearances – in her own titles, Conan and the Savage Sword of Conan magazine - complete with annotations, notes of continuity conflicts and exact issue numbers making this issue a must-have for any Sonja fan who has wished to collect her past adventures without having to buy up entire runs of comics.

Grade: C overall. A for the chronology, B for the artwork and F for the actual story.



Xena Warrior Princess Annual #1
Company Name: Dynamite Entertainment
Writer: Keith Champagne
Artists: Noah Salonga


If this is the kind of work we can expect from Keith Champenge in the upcoming World War III books from DC, I think I’ll pass on the storyline, thanks.

Perhaps it is wrong to expect a serious attention to detail from a book as silly and self-mocking as Xena. Then again, when a casual fan of the show like myself can spot continuity errors - such as Gabrielle swearing by The Prophet Jebus - I mean Eli, despite the fact that her costume is that of the earlier-seasons Gabrielle before that storyline ever took place – I doubt it will please the die-hard fans of the Warrior Princess.

Still, ignoring all issues of show history and where this story would fall into it, this issue is still a real mess. The story, which introduces aliens into the world of Xena, destroys the thin veneer of seriousness that makes Xena work as a concept. Yes, some of the characters are goofy and yes the action is over the top. But in a world full of magic and gods who are actively screwing with the cosmos, it makes an odd sort of sense. Bringing in creatures from outside this world – literally, in this case – breaks the fourth wall that makes the entire concept work.

It doesn’t help matters much that the art, good as it is in portraying the characters from the show, makes the aliens Xena fights here resemble Predator – adding an unintentional comic aspect to the whole story of Xena mercy-killing a shipwreck survivor as he tries to tell her that he’ll be fine once its’ mate, a medic, returns and said mate going on a rampage to avenge the death of its’ loved one.

Grade: D

Looking To The Stars: The Fifth Annual Starry Awards

The Golden Globes. Mr. Blackwell’s Best & Worst Dressed List. And now (once again), it is time for The Starry Awards. Because it’s just not the start of a new year, without us yammering about the best and worst of last year.

In any case, welcome to what has become a yearly staple of the Comics Nexus: The Starry Awards for Excellence and Disgrace in Comics Writing.


Hey everyone. Tim Stevens here, once again. I just wanted to remind you all that, apart from making sure this wasn’t one big libelous rant about why Judd Winick is the Anti-Christ, the editorial team of Comics Nexus had nothing whatsoever to do with these awards.

As such, we do not endorse or believe in “Starman” Matt Morrison or anything he writes. In fact, we’re not sure just how his work keeps getting published here. So, we apologize in advance for… everything.


Of course it has been pointed out that the comic industry already has the Eisners, the Harveys, the Eagles and the Wizard Awards. Why on Earth 2 then, these alleged people ask, do we need another damned award?


Because it was this or a follow-up interview with Monkey Woman?


The Starry Awards were started so that I, the ever humble author of this column, might dispense awards to those I felt were most worthy of praise or damnation based on their works in the past year.


Which would be great except, and Mathan asked me to point this out, he hasn’t actually read any comics from the last year.


The Starries name ten stories in total. Stories, for the purpose of this award, can be single or multiple issues of one book or multiple books relating to one plot-line. The Starries are based solely upon the personal opinions of Matt “Starman” Morrison and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of anyone else.


That’s the truth, for once! Send all complaints to starmarnmatt@comicsnexus.com. We don’t want to hear it!


Five Staries are awarded to stories which, more than any other stories this year, made me stand up and cheer, burst into tears or just stopped me in the middle of reading to say “This is damn good stuff.” Five Staries are awarded (if you can call it that) to stories that, for some reason, I found disappointing. Stories that left me feeling that a mark had been missed and missed badly. Some of them are stories that, in fact, I think are just plain terrible.


That said: Here are the winners and losers!

The Best of 2006

Best Moment All Year: The Thin Green Line
(As taken from Infinite Crisis #7)

Infinite Crisis offered a lot for the die-hard DC Comics fan to be excited about. There were many “geek-out” moments – things that happen that just make you pause and think about how sometimes, a comic book can do something cool that just wouldn’t work in any other media. And when you get right down to it, that’s what Infinite Crisis ultimately was – a love letter to the genre in all of its’ goofy coolness.

But for my money, nothing matched the sheer coolness of the sight of all 7200 (give or take a few) Green Lanterns, under the command of Guy Gardner, making a green wall hundreds of miles thick in order to slow down the out of control Superboy Prime and the ensuing battle as three Supermen of three generations dog fight through a Kryptonite asteroid belt before plunging into the heart of a red sun before falling onto Mogo, The Living Planet.

Perhaps some filmmaker could replicate that image, but I doubt it.


Funniest Read All Year:The Thing #1

I may have to start giving this book to whichever book Dan Slott is writing on any given year, because a trend does seem to be establishing itself in these awards. Regardless, no one can argue that whatever else can be said about this far-too short-lived series, is that it always delivered the laughs.

Case in point; in the very first issue, we are given the summary of where Ben Grimm’s life stands through the oldest of clichés – a man reading the newspaper out-loud. We are told of how, thanks to the events in Fantastic Four, Ben has wound up becoming filthy, stinking rich, has his own penthouse apartment and is dating a supermodel/actress.

And who is it that is telling us this? Peter Parker, reading the newspaper and mumbling about how unbelievable it is that a common man – an ordinary guy like Ben Grimm - should be living in an ivory tower with a gorgeous woman attached to him...

... as Mary Jane asks him what’s wrong with supermodel/actresses and Jarvis – Iron Man’s butler (for Peter and family were living with Tony Stark at this time) - asks Master Parker if breakfast is satisfactory.

In that moment, Slott lets we the fans know that he is one of us and that he is well aware of the silliness of not just his book, but of Marvel Comics itself. And that as much as the likes of Warren Ellis and Mark Millar may preen about serious art and making a statement, it’s all about having fun. At least, it should be.


Best Team-Up:Green Arrow/Green Lantern

2005 saw the return of Hal Jordan to the DC Universe. And, not surprisingly, 2006 saw the return of the original Emerald Allies to active duty alongside one another.

While there was no major storyline or mini-series that united these two old comrades, apart from a two-part story in Green Lantern where the two joined forces to fight Mongul and thwart his plot to harvest enough of the dreaded Black Mercy planet to disable all of Earth’s superheroes, they still managed to pair up quite a few times.

As the universe teetered on the brink of destruction in Infinite Crisis, the two quipped about the upcoming baseball season and made plans for the next week – so confident were they that this wasn’t really ‘The End of The World’.

As One Year Later opened, the two met – now mayor and ex-POW respectively, to talk of how the world had changed and themselves with it.

In 52 they teamed with their other allies to take on a strange cult obsessed with the resurrection of dead superheroes.

And in Justice League of America, a torch was passed as Hal and Ollie met briefly... as Hal came to pick up his semi-nephew Roy Harper for a mission while leaving his best friend at home to babysit in a moment that was both comedic and touching.

Of course none of their pairings came close to equaling their original glorious team-up, back in the olden days of the O’Neil/Adams Green Lantern/Green Arrow book. But then again, what could? It was still a treat, however briefly, to see two best friends united again in fighting the good fight across several titles..


Best Make Over: The Green Lantern Corps.

I came into comics at a time not too long after The Corps had died, but I still remembered, vaguely of one comic book – one of the few my mother had ever allowed me to have – that we bought while in the middle of moving when I was five. It was a Green Lantern book – and I got to see all of these weird and unusual alien Lanterns. And while I couldn’t make out all the words, I still thought the sight of all those creatures was very cool.

This year saw The Green Lantern Corps restored after a decade of absence in the DC Universe. They had a successful mini-series, followed by the start of their own title and numerous cameos both in the Hal Jordan centered Green Lantern title as well as the mini-series Ion and Guy Gardner: Collateral Damage, to say nothing of their universe-shaking appearance in Infinite Crisis. I am glad to note that time has not hurt the concept at all, and while most of these new Lanterns are rookies, the concept is still just as cool to me as when I was the five-year old boy who still thought Green Lantern was just some smiling guy with brown curly hair.



Best Retro Tale: Doctor Strange: Blood Oath

There have been very few stories coming out of Marvel Comics of late that haven’t been tied in, in some fashion, to their big Civil War storyline. There are fewer still that evoke the classic Marvel feel and have not required an encyclopedic amount of knowledge regarding some fairly obscure characters.

Trust Brian K. Vaughn to write a series that manages the neat trick of being both a wonderful introduction and a treat for the seasoned Marvel Comics aficionado. Though incomplete at the time of this writing, Blood Oath has been a splendid, no-fuss introduction to a Dr. Strange; a character who, despite a number of recent cameos, seems little used in the modern Marvel Universe. It has also been a masterful Doctor Strange tale in and of itself and proof that a regular and engaging Dr. Strange series is not only possible, but necessary.

The Worst of 2006

Most Likely To Cause Continuity Robots Heads To Explode:Civil War and All Its’ Tie-Ins

I haven’t followed ever single book that is a part of Civil War but it would be inaccurate to say that creating a timeline of the events of Civil War is difficult. It is in fact, impossible.

I’m sure the boys over at Marvel News and Views could give you a complete list, but my personal “What the-“ moment came when I realized that we have two different incidents that show Sue Richards leaving her husband under entirely different circumstances.

In Civil War, we see her quietly leaving in the middle of the night after fulfilling her wifely duties (i.e cooking a big dinner and giving her husband a good shagging). In Fantastic Four, she leaves in an explosion of psychokinetic force-field power after trying and failing to talk with her husband about her concerns with his plans and effectively saying “Screw this. Screw you. I’m gone.”

Now, I don’t think that either of these portrayals really fits the character of Sue Richards. I think it’s unlikely that under any circumstance, much less the two depicted in the comics, that she would leave her children in the care of the man that she is leaving for being, to quote Eddie Izzard, “a fascist dickhead”. Regardless, I think it can be agreed that this kind of continuity conflict would not happen were the editorial team not asleep at the wheel. Or at the very least making sure that stories make sense instead of delivering edicts about how this story is Important Art on The Colbert Report.


The “What The Hell Just Happened?” Award: New Avengers


I tried to keep reading this book. Really, I did. But sometime during the end of the Sentry reintroduction and sometimes before they brought in Warbird it just became harder to keep track of what was going on. Or, at the very least, it became harder for me to care what was going on.


The “I Waited For This?!?!” Award:Civil War


I was going to give this award to All-Star Batman and Robin until I realized that they didn’t actually have an issue come out in the last year, making it ineligible.

So instead, we dishonor Civil War, whose delays slowed not only its’ own story, but the entire Marvel Comics line as they refused to release certain books – which might otherwise have spoiled the Civil War story-line – in a timely manner.


Worst Makeover of the Year: Spider-Man

This award is not just for the much-hated Iron Spider costume, but for the general change in Peter Parker’s character in the last year. Once he was one of the smartest and most independent of heroes in the Marvel Universe. But Peter was transformed into a jabbering idiot line-walker in the wake of Civil War, with his new suit apparently also suppressing his common sense.

Does it seem at all likely to anyone out there that Peter Parker – the man who has, because of his powers, endured more pain, suffering and general aggravation from the general public because of who he is and what he does would ever willingly reveal his identity on national television?

Given how much his life has been screwed with by the few villains who DO know who he really is, does anyone really think Peter would out himself to the public knowing that now he’d have to worry about every single punk in a costume with a grudge or something to prove going after his family?

Do you really think that Peter would honestly NOT think about the consequences and worry himself to the point of developing another ulcer about it?

Do you really think that Peter would ever go along with the crowd and become a yes-man for Tony Stark for as long as he did? The same man who eschewed numerous team memberships over the years for the simple reason that he worried about being tied down to a group and not being able to pick and choose his battles?

Do you really think that Peter, even after getting smacked down by Iron Man, could be taken out by the likes of Jester and Jack O’Lantern?

Like Mark Millar’s 12-part Spider-Man series from a few years ago, the character of Peter Parker as depicted in Civil War only works if you accept that Peter Parker is - at best - incompetent and overly naive or - at worst – stupid but incredibly lucky.

This portrayal of the character flies in the face of years or character development and tradition. And while this kind of paradigm shift can, at times, create a compelling and interesting story, all this has managed to create is one big unreadable mess.


The Worst Comic Of the Year Award: How to Make Money Like a Porn Star

Pornography seemed to be on the mind of many an irate comics fan this year. But while feminist and conservative comic-fans alike groused over Alan Moore’s attempt at intellectual pornography with his book Lost Girls, this book seems to have fallen under the radar of many comic book critics. Thank Heaven for small favors.

Having read this book at my local Barnes and Noble (my local comic book shop refused to carry it), I find myself reluctant to give it any press - even bad press. Still, I can say in all honest that this was not only the worst book I have read this year – it is the worst comic I have ever read.

To call this graphic novel terrible is to deny myself the chance to use words such as “misogynistic”, “putrid” and “unfunny”. It is, to quote Dorothy Parker, “not a book to be set aside lightly… It should be thrown with great force.”

Written by Neil Strauss, who is perhaps best known for assisting rock stars such as Tommy Lee and Marilyn Manson in penning their autobiographies, How to Make Money Like a Porn Star is reportedly meant to be a satire. Specifically, it is a satire of Strauss’ recent work with Jenna Jameson - How to Make Love Like A Porn Star: A Cautionary Tale.

Now, I have not read any of Strauss’ previous work but two things are apparent to me regarding Strauss’s training as a writer. First, he was never told that self-parody is not something attempted lightly. Secondly, he was never taught that satire is meant to be funny.

The story as told here is depicted in far too cartoonish a manner to be taken seriously as an indictment of the porn industry and is far too violent to be taken as a dark comedy. While there is probably a very funny, twisted story to be told about the dark side of the porn industry, this is not that story. So take Unca Starman’s advice – do not give in to curiosity and allow yourself to read this book. Because unlike your average Jenna Jameson video, this book has nothing of interest and no educational value whatsoever.



Tune in next week. Same Matt time. Same Matt website.

Looking To The Stars - Heroes, Civil War and More!

It’s official. I am addicted to Heroes. This is partly due to the execution and in part because I really DON’T know what to expect next. With the comic industry and a better part of comics fandom right now being so obsessed with previews and nearly every geek out there being eager to know more than all the other geeks out there like that makes them “better” somehow, it is welcome change to see something relating to superheroes that actually maintains the mystique and wonder of the genre.

So if you haven’t caught Heroes yet, do so. You won’t regret it. You should also give a look-see to the official on-line comic. It’s a pretty good read, particularly the most recent installment centering upon Hiro – the Japanese office worker who seems to have developed the ability to alter his position in time and space at will.

And speaking of comics, I believe I have a few – very few, since this was a light week – titles to review.


52 Week #22
Company Name: DC Comics
Writers: Geoff Johns, Grant Morrison, Greg Rucka and Mark Waid
Art: Various

Give this one props for having a great parody title (if you don’t get the joke, ask your parents – assuming one of them read the old Gold Key comics in the 60s) but not much else. I am pleased to note that they finally explained away the 1990’s series where the Metal Men were retconned into being real people in robot bodies – especially if the explanation makes Doc Magnus into a somewhat more interesting, if troubled, character. Then again, that may be redundant for a man who created a nominally female robot who is madly in love with him.

Grade: B




Detective Comics #824
Company Name: DC Comics
Writer: Paul Dini
Artists: Don Kramer and Wayne Faucher


I may sound like a broken record, but Paul Dini is doing wonders on this title. He’s found the perfect blend of humor and mystery that made so many of his Batman: The Animated Series stories sparkle and, in doing so, he has made this the best Batman title in a long time. On the humor side, we have Bruce Wayne stuck with a nightmare date that only bares a slight resemblance to Paris Hilton and a new villain, Mr. Zzz – a narcoleptic who is an amazing fighter when he is asleep. On the mystery side, we have Penguin attempting to go legit as a nightclub/casino owner and someone attempting to the bank on his casino on opening night. All this and a Lois Lane cameo.

Grade: A



Doctor Strange: Oath #1
Company Name: Marvel Comics
Writer: Brian K. Vaughn
Artist: Marcos Martin

I’ve given up my general disregard for all things Marvel at the moment in regards to this comic for two reasons. First, I’ve always had a weak spot for Dr. Strange and wish SOMEONE would do a monthly title for him. Second, this was written by Brian K. Vaughn. Brian K. Vaughn CAN’T write a bad comic. It’s impossible. Seriously. Beyond that, you really don’t need to know much about this going in. It’s a fairly standard plot – hero risks all to save a friend only to have things get more complicated. But it’s Brian Vaughn so it’s far from standard in execution.

Grade: A



Fantastic Four #540
Company Name: Marvel Comics
Writers: J. Michael Straczynski
Artist: Mike McKone and Andy Lanning

Whoever is in quality control at Marvel needs to be fired. Now.

Seriously, you’d think it would be an easy matter to coordinate between TWO writers and get them to agree as to just exactly how and when Sue Richards left Reed Richards. But noooooooo.

(This last paragraph brought to you by Sarcasm Awareness Month.)

Mind you, I have a hard time believing that Sue would ever abandon her children and leave them with the man she’s leaving for being a fascist scumbag totally different than the man she loves and had children with. Still, I will give props to Straczynski for handling Sue in a slightly more believable manner here than the way Millar handled it in Civil War #4. Telling off Reed while holding back the tears (“Do you think I need you to protect me?”) vs. A ‘Dear John’ letter and disappearing into the night after honoring National Steak and a Blowjob day?

Grade: C

And speaking of Civil War, you can’t miss the best art-based parody of Civil War yet.

Tune in next week. Same Matt time. Same Matt website.

Looking To The Stars - Clerks 2 and Civil War #3

First, A Few Words To The Wise…

There is a Clerks 2 Review here, but this is going to be sappy, emotional and above all thoughtful criticism for the most part. So if you just want to know if it is funny or worth seeing, the short version is Yes. It is funny. Jay and Silent Bob are in it. Randall is his usual crass self. And Dante is still Fate’s Chamberpot. If you want to learn something, stick around. If not, enjoy the flick.

Last week, in case you didn’t read it, I spoke a bit about how the movie Clerks changed my life for the better at a time when I was younger, more foolish and wondering what to do with my life while being trapped in a crummy job and lacking direction.

Now, nearly ten years after I saw that film, I am a little bit older, relatively less foolish and am trying to find a respectable full-time job. I’ve also found that I also have about the same hold on the direction I am going in as I did when I was 18. Which is, ironically, very much the same situation Dante Hicks is in as Clerks 2.

As the movie opens, Dante’s future seems fairly certain. Free of the Quick Stop and RST Video for nearly a year, Dante is going into his last day of work at the Mooby’s Fast Food place. He has a fiance who is getting ready to drag him down to Florida and an easy life in a house bought by his in-laws, managing a car wash owned by his father-in-law and generally getting away from the Hell that has been the first 33 years of his life.

It gives nothing away to say that naturally, things get complicated and that by the end of the film, everything has been put in jeopardy. Comic antics ensue, of course. There is much comedic geekery, including a much needed slam of the live-action Transformers movie, a view of Fantasy Fandom vs. Sci-Fi Fandom and a hilarious dissertation upon the accidental use of racial slurs.

But underneath the “stupid humor for smart people” as Kevin Smith once said when asked to describe his movies, there is a big heart and a big message to this film. Dante Hicks, like Hamlet, is a man doomed by his inaction and indecisiveness and Randall is his Horatio. If the first Clerks taught us that we are often the architects of our own prisons, this Clerks teaches us that life is too short to spend worrying about what you should do with your life if you don’t live your life, for good or ill, in the first place.

A less mature Smith might have illustrated this point with a Star Wars quote; “Do or do not; there is no try,” could have done the lackluster Dante a lot of good about 15 years earlier. But he is past that point and so is most of Smith’s audience. Instead, Smith offers more subtle tributes to his influences – including a musical montage to “Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head” that hails rather than mocks Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid and a black-to-white fade that suggests, much like The Wizard of Oz, that there is no place like home. And like before, the movie ends with a Soul Asylum song. And a very good Soul Asylum song, at that I should say.

In short, the movie is not just a laugh-fest. It’s got an important thought behind it as well. And you get to see a lot more of Jason Mewes than most people would want to see. If that’s not worth your six clams, I don’t know what is.

And since my review of Clerks 2 was a littler shorter and sweeter than I expected, here’s a bonus review – short version and a longer version – of Civil War #3.

Now, long time readers know that I’m not a big fan of Mark Millar. In the past, I’ve referred to him as a poor man’s Grant Morrison and as a pitiful hack who was plundering better storylines from DC Comics in order to continue his work at Marvel. His run on Spider-Man, for instance, being a poorly executed, continuity-ignoring parody of Jeph Loeb’s Hush.

It will probably be a surprise, then, for me to say that I liked the story of Civil War #3 very much.

Seriously, you don’t get better than this for sheer drama. Two groups of heroes, divided by a political dispute on the field of battle as indifferent politicians look on. And then a third party, who would benefit from the hero’s destruction, unleashes a magical, electric force that is capable of destroying them all.

Truly inspiring stuff. And I did love it… when I read that exact same story in Kindgom Come.

(Oh come on. You didn’t think I was really going to say something good about a Mark Millar book, did you?)

For the short review, I hand the podium over to my illustrious and illustrated fictional colleague, J. Jonah Jameson.

The Short Review

Tune in next week. Same Matt time. Same Matt website.

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