DC Comics News From SDCC: Day One

'Flashpoint' Panel Confirms Event Will Result in DC's Relaunch Continuity.

50,000 DC Comics fans say "Well, duh..."


Sterling Gates adding a "brand new thing" to the Speed Force that he's very proud of.

SPOILER: It's a caramel center.


Wally West to show up in Kid Flash Lost #3 in an unexpected way.

SPOILER: Drunk. And naked.


Gail Simone reassured a fan that Stephanie Brown would not disappear.

SPOILER: Because technically, if you never existed, you can't have ever disappeared.


Regarding Catwoman - Judd Winick stated that in his first interview he said "sexy" about forty-five times, and it wasn't enough -- and that it was a "dirty, dirty book." Winick described her as sexy, dangerous, prone to stealing things and very, very smart.

Starman has stated that Catwoman was doomed to early cancellation about forty-five-hundred times since it was announced Judd Winick would be writing it, and it wasn't enough -- and that Winick's remarks were "very, very repetitive. Repetitive."


Lobdell said he "doesn't do dark," so this is going to be a "fun" book about a bunch of damaged characters, starring Jason Todd, Starfire and Arsenal.

Noted how incredibly easy it is to do a comparatively fun book with these characters, after what was done with them in Countdown, Titans and Cry For Justice.


On Starfire: Lobdell stated that he wants to shift Starfire away from being fully integrated into human society, and show her more alien side.

Reworked costume will help to show off EVERY side of Starfire.


Wonder Woman's costume to now feature 'retractable pants'.

At least until fan outcry suggests they aren't popular, in which case DC Comics will retract the retractable pants.


The Marvel family is on hiatus for the time being, though they will play a role in Grant Morrison's upcoming Multiversity story, in a book with art by Cameron Stewart titled 'Shazam's Thunder'.

Captain Marvel fans rejoice, for this means Judd Winick is not writing Power of Shazam again.


Because they want to return characters to younger incarnations, Arsenal is now too young to have had children, so Lian Harper no longer exists. He will also have two arms and likely won't be known for abusing heroin.

Roy Harper fans confused. Happy that Rise Of Arsenal is no longer in continuity but sad that all the good stories with Roy Harper are gone too.


Mystery woman on Justice League International cover identified as Lady Godiva.

Disappointed Donna Troy and Gypsy fans mourn. Everyone else asks, "Who the @#$% is Lady Godiva?"


Oliver Queen's new company, Q-Corps, will be “Apple-esque”, says writer J.T. Krul

We hope they mean Apple-esque in that they sell lots of cutting-edge technology to the masses and not because they make substantial financial contributions to anti-gay hate groups.


Dan Didio Says No Big Events For DC in 2012.

Joe Quesada expected to announce No Big Events for Marvel in 2012 by weekend's end.

Random Bits Before The Weekend Beigns

1. I didn't write any reviews last week because I only got one book - Knights of the Dinner Table: Blackhands Special #2

2. It was very funny. The only reason I don't review the KODT books here on a regular basis is that - well, there's only so much I can say about a book that utilizes an unchanging art/writing team, based around the humor of a non-mainstream hobby (i.e. role-playing games). Suffice it to say, if you're any kind of gamer, you will probably love Knights of the Dinner Table and should check out some of the sample strips on their website.

3. I'll be writing my reviews for everything I got this past Wednesday on Monday. Been a busy week at work and I've got quite a lot going on this weekend.

4. I wasn't going to review it until I got caught up on back issues, but I would like to say before then that the new Batgirl book rocks. Seriously, this is the happy, upbeat book centered upon an interesting young heroine that we've been dying to see for a while.

5. If anybody wants to pay for my DC Online membership, I'll be more than happy to write a review of the game ASAP. If not, it will have to wait until I've recovered from paying my car insurance for the next six months.

6. The only reason I didn't write anything about Joe Quesada stepping down as Marvel's EIC is because nothing is going to change so long as he is still their CCO.

CCO = Cheap "Creative" Officer

SOURCE: Joe Quesada promoted to Chief Creative Officer

How typical of Marvel - to create a new position identitcal to the one DC Comics created three months ago and then brag about how original and creative they are.

Feh.

Apparently, I've Been Elected To Fix Marvel Comics.

Well, not quite. But the way some people are talking, you'd THINK that's what happened.

SOURCE:Greatest Nerd Theories: And the Winners Are...


... But frankly, there was one theory shared that was so brilliant, so fantastically argued, and so sensible that we should all adopt it as reality.

"Starman" Matt Morrison said:

My theory is about Spider-Man: One More Day and how we can retcon it away for good while also explaining away another horrible Marvel Comics storyline.

FACT: In One More Day, Peter Parker makes a bargain with the demon Mephisto to save his Aunt May's life at the cost of his marriage. Reality is rewritten so that Peter and Mary Jane never married and are currently broken up.

FACT: For some unexplained reason, in the rewritten reality, most of Peter's friends have vanished. Flash Thompson has returned to being the bully who makes Peter's life miserable. And for some strange reason, Harry Osborn is alive and well.

FACT: Events in general seem to be geared toward making Peter's life as comically, unbelievably horrible as possible. He can't get a job. His roommates hate him and/or Spider-Man. Aunt May marries J. Jonah Jameson's father. Jolly Jonah becomes Mayor of NYC and immediately sets about making capturing Spider-Man priority one for everyone. And Norman Osborn - despite being publicly known as The Green Goblin - has become head of the national agency in charge of monitoring/commanding all the legally-operating superheroes in the United States.

A lot of fans don't think ANY of this makes any sense. And it doesn't. Peter Parker - written properly - would never make a bargain with The Devil because it was easier than dealing with tragedy. It doesn't make any sense for Harry to be back from the dead because of Peter's bargain. And known-murderer and lunatic Norman Osborn being appointed to a national agency, much less being beloved by the public REALLY doesn't make any sense...

... unless this is all part of Norman's wish.

Would Norman make a literal deal with the devil to get power and a chance to cause as much chaos as possible by jacking around with the superheroes? Yes.

Would Norman make a literal deal with the devil to bring his own dead son back to life? Probably. Crazy as he was, he was always depicted as being a loving, if distant, father.

Would Norman make a literal deal with the devil to make Peter Parker as miserable as possible? Hell yes!

That's the idea: Mephisto went to Norman and offered him a chance to have all the wealth, power and prestige he always wanted. He even sweetened the deal by offering to bring Harry back from the dead AND by fixing it so that Peter Parker would be made as miserable as possible by the new world that was created.

Making Peter believe he'd be responsible for his own problems was just the icing on the evil cake.



Marvel, if you're reading this, cut Starman Matt Morrison a check and insert this into regular universe Spider-Man as soon as humanly possible. It corrects your biggest fuck-up of the last decade in a way that make perfect sense and works with all your existing storylines and would get all the fans (back) on your side. Do it. Don't be stuck up because some comics fan figured out how make it work and you couldn't. Do it. Seriously. Do it.


My friends, I don't care much about getting a check for some huge amount. I don't care about the relative fame that being known as The Man Who Saved Spider-Man might bring me. I wouldn't even insist on being the one to write this story. But I've been getting messages from a lot of people out there in the last few hours and not a one of them has said that they don't think that my idea is a good one.

So let's try this: if you like my idea, share it. Post it on your own blog or website or on a message board or discussion group if you frequent one. Let's just get the idea out there and let it roam free.

If Marvel Comics pilfers it, fine. I'll have gotten what I wanted.

Because even though I'm an alleged adult, I still look up to Spider-Man. Because he taught me that doing the right thing is more important than money and fame. And right now... trying to get this idea out where it can't be ignored... it feels like the right thing.

And THAT is why we call him Stan "The Man" Lee.

SOURCE: Atop The Fourth Wall

Linkara says it best in the video on his site, but allow me to sum up.

At the start of the year, the syndicated Amazing Spider-Man newspaper strip changed to reflect the reality in the comics as of Brand New Day (i.e. Peter is still living at home with Aunt May, is still in college and has no girlfriend much less a wife). Peter just went to bed one night and woke up in his old bedroom in Aunt May's house. No deal with the devil occurred; it just changed.

The newspaper strip, it should be noted, is still written by Stan Lee; the gentleman who co-created Spider-Man and handled the writing of the character for his first 100 issues. Stan is somewhat better known these days as the elder statesman and spokesman for the comics industry in general and Marvel Comics in specific. He has always toed the party line for the company he helped bring to prominence and has never had a bad word to say publicly about anyone who has worked for Marvel since he left. He's never even criticized any of the various storylines Marvel has published in the last 30 years since he left his editor position. Not even the ones the fans really hated.

That seems to have changed, as of yesterday.

Yes. Stan has changed things back to the way they were in the newspaper strip. Because You Demanded It!

Well... maybe not.

Awesome as it would be if Stan Lee were actually listening to the fans (unlike some Marvel (mis)management we COULD mention), some fans think it unlikely that the dinosaur that is syndicated newspaper comics could possibly inspire THAT much negative fan response in these days of dropping circulations and numerous established papers going bankrupt.

And apparently Roy Thomas may have announced four months ago on some database list that the change was planned to be a temporary one and that things were always going to go back to Peter and Mary Jane being married.

In either case, this is still a good sign for those of us who are hoping for a return of Mary Jane to the Spider-Man books and a return of sanity to Marvel Comics editorial team.

Why? Because Stan Lee is just as fastidious about continuity as he is polite about not saying a bad thing about HIS company. This is the man who established the interlaced nature of Silver Age Marvel, after all and set things up so that it was possible for other characters to cross-over with one another without any stories conflicting with one another. And it was Stan's plan that fans of the strips should not be confused by the comics (and vice versa) that lead to Peter and MJ marrying in the first place after Stan decided they should get married in the newspaper strip.

The fact that Stan Lee has allowed this split with mainline Marvel continuity as it is now says a lot about how Stan truly feels about the mess Joe Quesada has made of Spider-Man.

If it wasn't planned and honestly is the result of fan demand, than it's a sign that the fan outrage is finally working SOMEWHERE. It's not much - but our hopes weren't high with a company whose response to the massive outcry against Marvel Divas was to say "Well, you obviously aren't real Marvel fans, so why are you reading our books anyway?"

And if it was planned months ago, as Thomas suggests, it reflects badly on Quesada because it shows that Stan had no confidence in the idea being worth bringing over into his own work permanently.

Especially given that - by the way the text in the box at the end of the above comic is worded - Stan is painting it like fan demand WAS the cause for the change. That's a big F.U. to Joe Quesada and the first time Stan Lee has snubbed a editor like this.

And that is why we call him Stan "The Man" Lee.

The Joe Quesada/Marvel Divas Scandal Made Simple

I've noticed that a lot of bloggers are now rushing to the defense of Marvel Comics and Editor In Chief Joe Quesada in the wake of his comments regarding the feminist backlash against Marvel Divas, based on a summary of the book concept written by the author and a preview of the cover of the first issue. Most of them are saying that it's blatantly unfair of them to be judging the book without reading it - neatly side-stepping the issue, as Joe Quesada did in answering one readers' letter...


About the “hating” on Marvel Divas, let’s call it what it really is—criticizing how sexist this book appears to be. If Marvel produces comics that are offensive to female readers, why shouldn’t people “hate” on it? Why would I want to support a company that produces offensive, sexist material? Why shouldn’t everyone speak out against it? While the book hasn’t come out yet, what has been released so far is blatantly sexist. But what troubles me the most is that Marvel thinks people want to read this, and this constitutes strong female characterization. Does Marvel actually want to attract female readers or is the whole point that Marvel Comics are only for guys?

I’m going to go on a limb here and assume you’re a Marvel reader. It’s an assumption I’m making based upon the fact that you’re responding to this column. If you’re Marvel reader and truly feel we’re sexist, then why are you reading our books? Now, perhaps you’re not a Marvel reader, then if that’s the case, I’m not quite sure what you’re criticizing if you don’t read our books?

...You haven’t read a lick of this story yet! Please, I can buy you saying that you’re cautiously pessimistic based upon what you’ve heard so far, but to throw around allegations like that is completely unfair, not just to Marvel or myself, but to the creators and editors who are working on this book. Have you ever read any of Sacasa’s work? Have you ever found him to be a sexist writer? Is the cover image provocative, perhaps, but it’s no more or less than any other book we do.

The cold hard reality of publishing and trying to sell our books to as many people as possible, so here’s an example of what happens more often than you may think here at Marvel. From time to time, we’ll be launching a title that doesn’t focus very heavily on the super heroic. From time to time I’ll get a cover sketch and it doesn’t have a costumed hero or villain on the cover, what we internally refer to as a “quiet cover.” On those occasions, more often than not, I ask my editors to direct their cover artist to give me at least a first issue cover with the characters in costume. Why? Because it will help launch a book that will most likely have trouble latching onto a large audience. We want to give every title the best possible chance to be successful. Marvel Divas is no different and that’s why you’re seeing our strong female leads in their super hero personas. Let me try an example outside of comics. I’m a huge fan of Pink, I really dig her music and love her voice. Love her or hate her, I would say that she’s an amazingly strong and intelligent female performer and song writer in the pop genre. In many of her songs she even criticizes the over sexualized female pop stars of the day and their over the top videos. But when you look at Pink’s CD covers, while she’s looking strong and like she’s looking like she’s having fun, she’s also looking really sexy. The reason is simple, she’s trying to grab people’s attention and sell some albums. Comics are no different and as much a part of the entertainment business as any other medium, and the cold hard truth is that if we were to launch Marvel Divas with a “quiet cover,” I guarantee you the book would be canceled before it hits the shelves. That’s it in a nutshell, I could sugar coat it for you and give you a million other reasons that would sound plausible, but that’s not what I do.

So, where does that leave us? Ultimately, it’s up to you. If you somehow feel you know what this book is about sight unseen, then by all means just pass it up when it hits the stores. If you feel like giving it a try, drop me a line and let me know what you think. What I’d like you to avoid however is globally unfair statements like Marvel is sexist. And if you feel like you’re not being heard or like your opinion doesn’t matter, just look at how much column space I devoted to your question. Most companies would just duck stuff like this, but you guys are the reason we do what we do and if you have a concern or criticism, I want to try to address them as best I can. Thanks again for writing and for your question.



Uh-huh. So basically, here is Joe's defense, paragraph by paragraph.

1. I don't know why you're indulging in this double-plus ungood behavior. If you don't like our books, you shouldn't be reading them. And if you aren't reading our books, you shouldn't complain. Therefore, you don't like our books, so you have nothing to complain about.

2. I know I'm already assuming you don't read anything we publish, so I feel safe in telling you the man we've hired to write this book has never written anything anyone would find sexist. Also, I'm not saying the cover is sexist, but even if it were it's no more dehumanizing to women than all the covers for the books we publish that aren't aimed at a female audience.

3. Sex sells and it has to be used to sell anything that is aimed at women. Even angry grrrrl punk rock stars dress sexy to appeal to the men in their audience - not because they want to wear what they damn well please. So you see, it's not my fault that the industry is sexist... it's the fault of sexy rocker grrrls.

4. Remember - your opinion matters, even though I completely ignored your question and dismissed your right to make any complaint because I don't think you actually read anything we publish.


So to everyone who is rushing to Joe's defense and complaining about how we can't judge a book by its' cover? Bullshit! Take it from a trained librarian - our entire publishing industry, comics included, is based around the concept that not only can you judge a book by its' cover but that you need to devote as much effort toward packaging your book as you do creating it.

Thousands of graphic artists are employed to make covers appealing to the eye. Millions of marketing people are employed to argue over how to best promote new products, works and ideas. And the whole idea behind Marvel Previews and all the little extras and previews put up on Marvel.com or the Marvel MySpace page is to catch the interest of potential readers and get them to try new products BASED ON THE COVER OF THE BOOK!

That's why everyone is refusing to buy this book, Joe. And that is why they have every right to criticize the promotional materials they were given. You tried to promote this series as being something women would want to read - Sex In The City with superheroines - and you failed miserably. You asked them to make a judgment and then got pissy when the judgment was the exact opposite of what you wanted.

You tried to give women what you thought they wanted and are now trying to ignore them as they try to tell you what they want.

The problem here is not only that this promotion failed to snare its' target audience - it has failed in an epic fashion and alienated most of the potential audience Marvel was trying to reach. And Joe Quesada's reaction to the outraged audience has been to dismiss their concerns and ask why they're reading giving him money in the first place if they honestly think he's sexist.

Good question, Joe. But probably the last one that you should be asking a bunch of pissed off fans who are asking you why they SHOULD read your comics if crappy cheesecake like this and promises of "sudsy fun" are your idea of a what a comic for women should be like.

The Secret Final Crisis Invasion!

My friend Don Cook of Deranged Comics has put forth an interesting theory about why Final Crisis has been... well, somewhat confusing and nonsensical thus far.

So who would win in a drinking contest? Skrull Grant Morrison or Mark Millar?

Random Thought on Brand New Day and Marvel Comics On-Demand.

If pretty much the entire 30+ year history of Spider-Man doesn't count thanks to One More Day and everything has, in fact, regressed to the point where Harry Osborn is still alive, Flash and Peter are no longer close friends and Mary Jane has moved on and is no longer even dating Peter, much less being married to him...

... then there's really no point at all in anyone taking advantage of Marvel's Comics On-Demand program, is there?

I mean, I thought the whole point of the thing - apart from creating a legal precedent of digital owners ship so they can shut down the Internet pirates who have been trading .ZIPs and .RARs of their work for the better part of a decade now - was so that new fans can legally catch up on the back-story for series that they might not be able to enjoy otherwise.

Kinda pointless for all those new readers attracted by Brand New Day to subscribe to the service now, isn't it Joey?

Two comments I'm making right now.

1. Superman will be a Blue Lantern. Not just because the guy is pretty much the embodiment of Hope as a force but because of a neat bit of foreshadowing in Green Lantern: Rebirth where Batman says "Hoping is what you do best, Clark."

2. If you needed any further proof that Joe Quesada has gone completely insane, he has apparently officially declared that the only part of J. Michael Straczynski's run on Amazing Spider-Man that still counts in regular Marvel continuity is Sins Past. Coincidentally, this is the OTHER story during JMS' Spider-Man run where Joey Q. pulled editorial rank in order to get his way and is perhaps the only story in the last ten years more loathed and despised than One More Day.

Ammusing Typo

I'm in the middle of writing up awards notices for the Comics Nexus 2007 Awards.

As I was trying to type "Al-Queda", I typed "Al-Quesada".

Joey Q's terrorist brother? :)

I toss this idea out to the Internet. Do with it what you will.

Looking To The Stars: One More Column On One More Day

In all the hustle and bustle of the Holidays, I somehow neglected to pick up any of the issues containing J. Michael Straczynski’s final story arc for One More Day.

Why bother? I stopped reading Spider-Man comics on a regular basis about the time Peter was recruited into The New Avengers and the book pretty much became a second Avengers title. I flipped through a few of the Back in Black issues simply because I heard Kingpin was in it and I’m a sucker for a good Wilson Fisk story. And the premise of One More Day left me cold.

There’s also the little matter of a promise I made a few months ago to see this thing through to the bloody end.

What can I say? I slow down to look at traffic accidents just to see how bad it is, too.


*****


Now, for those of you wiser than me who have had the good sense not to keep up on the last few years of Amazing Spider-Man, let me give you the quick run-down.

After impressing Tony Stark with some major techno-wizardry under duress, Peter, Mary Jane and Aunt May are allowed to move into Stark Towers following the destruction of the Parker Home by a super-villain. At the same time, Peter is recruited to join the New Avengers.

Following an incident that increases public anger at superheroes in general, Tony Stark begins working with the United States Government on a program that sanctions vigilantes. In a misguided effort to help win support for the program among the heroes reluctant to sign on, Peter outs his secret identity at a press conference.

Shortly thereafter, Peter finds out about some of the more extreme measures Tony Stark has taken to deal with the heroes who won’t sign on (i.e. a secret prison in the Negative Zone) and that super-villains are being given amnesty for past misdeeds if they agree to join a government-sponsored super-team. Unable to talk reason into Tony, Peter joins the resistance against Tony Stark and his associates being organized by Captain America.

Still in hiding with his family after Captain America is arrested, Peter’s whereabouts are tracked by an imprisoned Wilson Fisk –a.k.a. The Kingpin. Kingpin orders that the entire Parker family be wiped out, but only Aunt May is wounded.

Peter and MJ grab what savings they can and get May into a hospital. In the course of covering their tracks, Peter commits numerous felonies - breaking in and entering, impersonating an EMT and forging medical documents among them. Peter goes to Tony asking for help to save his aunt; help which Tony initially refuses, but then provides indirectly.

This brings us to the start of One More Day where we find that even the best medical care money can buy is not enough to save May. The doctor’s prognosis is that she is destabilizing steadily and that nothing short of a miracle will save her.

Peter goes off looking for a miracle, first going to Doctor Strange. The good doctor says there is nothing he can do but he does agree to help Peter question others who might help. Traveling through time and space, consulting with both friends and enemies, Peter receives the same answer – there is nothing you can do to save her. Even Peter’s attempts to try and stop the shooting while traveling astrally come to naught.

As Peter leaves, he is confronted by a various people – an older businessman, an overweight geek and a little girl - all of whom tell Peter the story of their lives. It is then that everyone’s favorite devil Mephisto shows up. He tells Peter that the people he just saw were versions of him who might have come to be had it not been for a key event in his life and that he can arrange for reality to be rewritten so that Aunt May will survive.

Peter is naturally reluctant to sell his soul, even for Aunt May but Mephisto scoffs at this offer, saying that Peter will likely wind up in Hell on his current path anyway and that there are few things less amusing to him than a noble soul, trapped in Hell for a higher purpose. But to destroy something noble and pure – that is a deal that interests him.

And so the offer is made – Aunt May will be saved but at the cost of Peter’s love for Mary Jane. Reality will be rewritten so that the two never met, never fell in love and never married. Nobody will remember anything, save for a small part of the soul that remembers all and will weep at what has been lost.

Peter insists on discussing it with Mary Jane first. Mephisto readily agrees and Peter goes to her, only to find that Mephisto has been there the whole time, making Mary Jane the same offer. He warns them that the only have until the end of the day tomorrow to make their decision – and one more day together if they say yes.


*****


In the four months, since I first wrote about this story-line, the fan community has become even more outraged, if the message boards can be believed.

As I noted in that earlier article, a Newsarama poll showed that 2 out of 3 fans were opposed to ending the Spider-Marriage through any means. I suspect the percentage would be higher than 67% if one were to quantify the question; “Are you opposed to ending the Spider-Marriage through magic?” JMS’s run on Amazing Spider-Man has been controversial and the biggest reason for this was his including magic and spiritual concerns in a comic that has always been – for the most part- science based.

From his very first story, Coming Home, JMS was not shy about putting Peter in the unfamiliar territories offered by the magic realms. Coming Home put forth the idea that Peter’s powers, rather than being caused by a radioactive spider-bite, came instead from a totemistic bond to spiders and that a higher power had chosen Peter – one who knew what it was to be prey – to be a predator that would bring down other, more dangerous predators.

While this idea irked many long-time Spider-Fans, it is worth noting that at no time did JMS ever say that the idea was a definitive origin. Indeed, there was just as much evidence introduced to suggest that the theory was hokum (the methods Peter uses to fight totem-vampire Morlun in Coming Home, for instance) and that while totem-empowered characters existed, Peter was not one of them.

Many fans have put the blame for One More Day on JMS, saying this is just more of the same inappropriate magic mucking up the relatively simpler world of Peter Parker. Given the evidence it is not hard to fault their conclusions, save for one reason – JMS hates the idea of One Day More even more than the fans did.

This shouldn’t be any surprise, really. When JMS took over Amazing Spider-Man, Peter and Mary Jane were separated – the result, ironically enough, of the last failed attempt by Marvel Editorial to break-up the Spider-Marriage. JMS spent the first few years of his run trying to reestablish and strengthen the bond between MJ and Peter. For what one man’s opinion is worth, I think he succeeded and the issues leading up to their reunion in Amazing Spider-Man #50 were truly touching and among some of JMS’s best work in any medium. Given all the hard work he put into reinvigorating the character of Mary Jane and her relationship with Peter, I can’t imagine he would willingly scrap all of that now unless he were being forced to.

And sure enough, according to a recent web-posting by JMS, he pretty much was being forced to.


In the current storyline, there's a lot that I don't agree with, and I
made this very clear to everybody within shouting distance at Marvel,
especially Joe (Quesada). I'll be honest: there was a point where I made the
decision, and told Joe (Quesada), that I was going to take my name off the last
two issues of the OMD arc. Eventually Joe(Quesada) talked me out of that
decision because at the end of the day, I don't want to sabotage Joe
or Marvel, and I have a lot of respect for both of those.

As an executive producer as well as a writer, I've sometimes had to insist
that my writers make changes that they did not want to make, often
loudly so. They were sure I was wrong. Mostly I was right.
Sometimes I was wrong. But whoever sits in the editor's chair, or the
executive producer's chair, wears the pointy hat of authority, and as
Dave Sim once noted, you can't argue with a pointy hat.


J. Michael Straczynski has found himself in the ultimate no-win situation. Refusing to write the story apparently wasn’t an option, since Joe Quesada was so insistent on ending JMS’s “legendary” run on Amazing Spider-Man with a big bang. Pulling an Alan Smithe and taking his name off of the book wasn’t an option since the Marvel Hype Machine has been plugging this issue as JMS’s final story for months and, as JMS noted, he respects Marvel Comics and the chain of command too much to risk hurting it over bad feelings. And raising a big stink about the whole thing would do little save hurt his career and give his critics more ammunition against him.

Not that it matters. The trolls will do what they will and not let the facts stand in the way and these people hound with a relentlessness that would make J. Jonah Jameson proud.

Some accused JMS of cowardice for deciding the company is more important than his own opinions. Others have accused him of greed, wanting nothing more than to take the money and run. Still others have taken his comments as signs of insubordination and have demanded he be fired from Marvel Comics.

I don’t think that any of this is likely. Because whatever your opinions of the man and his talent as a writer, J. Michael Straczynski has been a professional writer for nearly three decades. He created, executive-produced and wrote most of the scripts for one of the most ground-breaking science-fiction shows of all time. He has written scripts for numerous animated series and television shows and continued to find work.

As such, I trust that he knows the business and the rules of decorum better than nearly anyone I am likely to meet on a comic book forum. And even though I’m an amateur writer, I know that the first rule of working anywhere is that you don’t bad-mouth your boss no matter how much of an idiot they are. I know that the pay for comic book writing compared to Hollywood writing is chicken-feed, so any idea that JMS is trying to milk the Mighty Marvel Money Machine when he could probably make more money doing more direct-to-video Babylon 5 movies is laughable.

And as for JMS’s comments being disrespectful for Joe Quesada…

Well, personally I didn’t see anything disrespectful in JMS’s comments. He didn’t even bad-mouth Marvel Comics or say anything other than that he has disagreed with many of Joe Quesada’s decisions but that he wants to be a good soldier, whatever his disagreements with The Powers That Be.

That, to my mind, is not disrespectful.

Saying that Joe Quesada is an idiot with a god-complex, so blinded by his own gargantuan ego that he’ll ignore the instincts of one of his best employees and the will of the people is disrespectful. It is also, from where this fanboy sits, a lot more accurate than a tenth-part of what others have said of JMS.

There is only one thing I’m sure of in all of this – I won’t be reading Part Four of this story. Even though I thought the first three books were written well, I don’t think I can bare to see just how well JMS can write something he really didn’t want to. I’ll give him full credit for bravery under fire and honoring his commitments but just because he doesn’t want to see Marvel’s sales hurt by his opinions doesn’t mean I have to further encourage a company that is apparently run exclusively by editorial-mandate.

Why Defend DC?

Just got done reading an entry over at Pretty Fizzy Paradise.

The short version is that some bloke named Dick has asked, in his blog, why it seems the greater number of people pleading for more racial/sexual sensitivity in comics seem to be die-hard DC fans and further asking (erroneously in my opinion) why it seems we come down so hard on Marvel when DC has had a greater number of scandals involving its' portrayal of female characters.

Kalinara - who being an editor on When Fangirls Attack is in a better position to judge than I- notes that it was Marvel which had one long string of offenses after another with the Mary Jane Statue and then the scandal over the Heroes for Hire Hentai cover whereas DC has never really had anything of that magnitude.

I have to agree. Yes, DC has rised some ire among some of it's female fans but the key word here is some. Off the top of my head, here's a few things I remember reading more than one complaint about this year.

* the comments by one editor that every woman should be reading Supergirl

* the Power Girl cover of JLA

* Black Canary becoming chairperson of the JLA and then taking a backseat to Batman in nearly every JLA appearance anywhere

* Vixen being made to look panicky in JLA to the point that Roy Harper had to save her

* Black Canary being married off to Green Arrow and the circumstances around how she accepted his proposal

*Jodi Picoult's brief run on Wonder Woman, in which Diana could not pump gas without the help of a man

* pretty much the whole of Amazons Attack, for reasons ranging from Black Canary and Power Girl being background players despite being the JLA and JSA leaders to the entire Amazon race being made to look like blood-thirsty femi-nazi stereotypes.

I've seen spirited rants about all of these things by comics bloggers of both genders over the past year. But nothing - save perhaps Amazons Attack and Picoult's writing - has attracted the kind of overwhelming consensus needed to be a proper scandal.

So why the disparity?

I think why Marvel may have attracted more anger than DC may come down to how they react to scandals. DC, and the people working for them, listen better than their counterparts at Marvel. For the most part, they seem like they truly want their fan's input on their work. At the very least, they put up a better show of pretending they care.

For instance - Tony Bedard and Will Pfiffer (the writers on Black Canary and Amazons Attack respectively) have been quite open in talking with fans who didn't like their stories in a reasonable and respectful fashion on their own blogs and boards. The Power Girl JLA cover too was handled in a reasonable fashion, with the artwork being changed before publication.

Compare this to Marvel's approach - where comments demanding answers about the MJ statue were deleted off of Joe Quesada's blog, Joe Quesada failed to see any problem with the Heroes for Hire cover and then - presumably after it was explained to him - said that it couldn't be sexist or degrading to women because it was done by a female artist.

I don't know if that's the answer... but it could be a piece of the puzzle, at least.

Looking To The Stars - Spider-Married-Man, No More?

We’ve known for quite some time now that Marvel Comics Editor in Chief Joe Quesada is not a big fan of the Peter Parker/Mary Jane Watson marriage. How? Well, the man is nothing else if not outspoken.

From a statement at the San Diego ComicCon 2006: “I've got nothing against marriage in comics, with the exception of the Spider-Man marriage - which I have been very public about.”

From a Wizard Magazine Interview: When asked about his hatred of the marriage of Mary Jane and Peter Parker, Quesada said 90 percent of writers and editors at Marvel think the marriage was a mistake; it’s a ball and chain around the character. The problem is figuring out how to undo it without retconning the character. Quesada will not divorce Peter Parker.

It is this outspokenness that had Spider-Fans everywhere worried earlier this year, after it was announced that one of Peter’s loved ones would pay the price for his outing himself as a superhero during Civil War. Of course we know now that it was Aunt May, not Mary Jane, who would be shot by a sniper as part of The Kingpin’s revenge against Spider-Man. But at the time, fans were so overjoyed at the fact that Mary Jane wasn’t dead that few were shocked by Aunt May’s near-death.

And now, to add further gas to the fire, this preview image of the cover of what will be the final issue of J. Michael Straczynski‘s Amazing Spider-Man run. It is labeled simply, “The End of An Era”

Naturally, speculation has run wild over the past week with the smart money being on some form of cosmic reboot. The reasoning behind this train of thought is that this issue will follow One More Day - a three-part storyline that promises to take Peter to his darkest hour yet and will feature, among others, Doctor Strange. Since Peter is owed a favor by the good doctor as a result of Peter’s stepping in where Strange could not and reliving all the worst moments of his life up until that point to save the universe, the speculation is that Peter will ask for Mary Jane to be given a nice, safe life without him.

The supposed end result will be a Peter Parker free of marital bondage and (depending on which blogs you read) a more fun, happy book with lots of sexy love triangles, the resurrection of Gwen Stacy, another raise of the minimum wage, the banishment of the organic web-shooters, free beer, Eddie Brock as Venom again, all our soldiers home from overseas, Peter having a secret identity again and one free model dressed as the superheroine of your choice for every fanboy with the Marvel logo tattooed on their pale pimply behind.

See, I’d like to believe that this is all a scam. I’d like to believe that despite his own opinions, Joe Quesada recognizes that the wishes of the majority of fans outweigh his own opinions as an editor and that the problems caused by magically nullifying Peter Parker’s marriage will far outweigh the benefits. I’d like to believe that all this worry and all this hype is just an attempt to get people to buy the comic regardless of what actually happens by playing off his image as the heartless editor.

I’d LIKE to believe that.

Regardless, here’s my five reasons why attempting to end the Spider-Marriage by ANY means (cosmic reboot, divorce, sudden death, Mary Jane suddenly being revealed as a clone after all these years) would be the biggest possible mistake Marvel Comics could make.

1. It Didn’t Work The First Time.

The Spider-Clone Saga originally came about because way back in the 90’s, The Powers That Be at Marvel felt that sagging Spider-Man sales had to be because of the Spider-Marriage. As opposed to, oh say… the fact that artwork had become more important than story and that they basically retold the same Venom story once a year. The problem is that even then, they knew that divorcing Peter or killing Mary Jane were right out. If marriage made Peter “old” to their readers, than making him a divorcee or a widower would do nothing to solve the problem. The fact that Mary Jane had a fanbase of her own wasn’t even a consideration in those days.

Instead, they spun the idea that the Peter Parker we’d been reading about since the early 70’s was actually a clone of the original, who had been in hiding all this time. The clone and MJ were shunted off-stage to begin a life of their own elsewhere as Peter – “the real Peter” - came back, assumed the name of Ben Reilly, and took his place as the one-true swinging-single Spider-Man.

Well, that was the plan, anyway. The sales proved that the fans – that is, the people who were actually reading the books as opposed to double-bagging them before sealing them in a vault somewhere - HATED the “real” Spider-Man and even more of them missed Mary Jane. A contrived solution was hatched, revealing the “clone” Peter to be the “real” Peter and the whole thing to have been the first of many machinations plotted by a resurrected Norman Osborn.


2. It Didn’t Work The Second Time.

Less well remembered, but no less important is the occasion when Marvel Editorial actually DID try killing Mary Jane. It was the Winter of 1999. Marvel Comics had just rebooted what few series they hadn’t restarted with new #1 issues. This included both Amazing Spider-Man and Peter Parker: Spider-Man. And yet, despite this - with Howard Mackie (one of the brains behind The Spider-Clone Saga) writing both of Spider-Man’s regular monthly books and a new origin series by John Byrne - the sales on Marvel’s flagship hero refused to rise.

Clearly this was all the fault of Mary Jane and her forcing Peter into marriage!

To make a long story short, over 18 months it was revealed that Mary Jane had not, in fact, died in a plane bombing on the way to a model shoot. She had, in fact, been kidnapped by a nameless telepath who, unable to control his powers, became locked in on Peter’s mind. Said telepath, who was never given a name, concluded that Peter was wasting his life helping an ungrateful populace and then contrived to try and take Peter’s life and powers by mentally absorbing him.

The plan backfired when the telepath absorbed enough of Peter’s personality to realize that Peter would not ever kill someone to prolong his own life. He committed suicide, exploding (somehow) and once Mary Jane thought of a plausible excuse to explain away where she had been for the last few months of comic time, she told Peter that she needed some time apart.

Why? Because she felt like she had gone from being a real person with her own interests and life and been stuck being “Mrs. Parker” – a major complaint that many fans had about Mary Jane’s characterization throughout most of the 90s. Peter agreed they needed some time apart and this set the stage for the beginning of J. Michael Straczynski‘s run one issue later.


3. If I Could Turn Back Time…

Presuming that Peter would be given a chance, by Doctor Strange, to magically alter his past… would breaking up his marriage really be the first thing Peter would do?

You don’t think that maybe he might want to save a currently critically wounded Aunt May’s life?

Save Gwen Stacy?

Save Uncle Ben?

Wish he’d never been Spider-Man in the first place, so they could all be saved?

I doubt Peter would ever wish for that last one – he knows he’s done too much good as Spider-Man to risk having it all undone for a selfish wish of his own. I’m just saying that there are a lot of options Peter would consider before taking a course of action he couldn’t guarantee would work.


4. Hypocrisy

Joe Quesada has been nearly as vocal about how DC Comics solves many of their story problems with magic and mind-wipes as he is not a fan of the Spider-Marriage. Numerous Marvel fans on the web are equally outspoken, saying that when DC has problems with their history, they just reboot the universe and create a new set of problems.

Regardless of the validity of this point of view, Joe Quesada would be a hypocrite to push a storyline in which, somehow, history is changed to something more agreeable to the editorial demands of the time. And I doubt the Marvel Fanboys would be very forgiving – I know several who stopped collecting after House of M.


5. Marriage Is A Partnership

The very idea that Peter would, behind Mary Jane’s back, make a decision to get her out of his life forever flies in the face of too much characterization. This is not to say that Peter is not that selfless or noble – he is. But his marriage means too much for him to make that kind of decision without consulting Mary Jane first with everything that she knows now.

To cross media for a moment, consider the second Spider-Man movie. At the end of that film, Mary Jane knew everything about Peter’s secret identity. He told her that was the only reason he’d been so standoffish to her before – because he already had the blood of one loved one on his hands and that he loved her too much to risk her dying because she was Spider-Man’s girlfriend.

Thankfully, she didn’t let him get away with it.

I’m pretty sure the comics Mary Jane would have told Peter off a lot sooner and wouldn’t have been quite so nice after she abandons her wedding to go tell Peter her decision is that she isn’t letting go of him. But the end result is the same and the spirit and speech are true to any incarnation of the character of Mary Jane Watson.

“I know you think we can't be together, but can't you respect me enough to let me make my own decision? I know there'll be risks but I want to face them with you. It's wrong that we should be only half alive... half of ourselves. I love you. So here I am - standing in your doorway. I have always been standing in your doorway. Isn't it about time somebody saved your life?”

Mary Jane is wise enough to know what Peter needs better than Peter himself. She knows that the last thing he needs is to sequester himself alone, living a monk’s existence and living only for a greater good until what Peter sees as an inevitable violent end. And in a symbolic way, in that scene, she is marrying Peter.

There are many different marriage vows, but most do include some variant of the phrase “for better or worse” and speak of a joining of two lives as one. Mary Jane’s speech is very much in keeping with this spirit as well as a declaration that she knows the risks a relationship with Peter entails and why she is willing to brave anything for him just as much as he is for her.


***


Thankfully, it seems that the fans’ memories are much longer than that of the Marvel Comics editorial team. As of this writing (Thursday morning, August 9th), a poll at Newsarama shows that the fans overwhelmingly support the marriage over Peter becoming single again, by a near 5:1 margin. 67% vs.14%

Well, rest easy, gentle readers and refuse to give in to the hype. Don’t waste your money – let me waste mine for you!

Yes, you heard me. I will, this once, end my ban on reading any Marvel Comics not by Dwayne McDuffie, Dan Slott or Ed Brubaker so that I can make sure – one way or another – that the sanctity of marriage is upheld!

And if it is not, we shall cry havoc and let loose the dogs of war! We will fight them on the message boards! We will fight them on the blogs! We will flood their mailboxes with letters of protest and likely cause many messages to be bounced!

That’s my promise. See you all next time.

Quoted For Truth...

SOURCE: http://www.passfailstudios.com/

It turns out they really DON'T give a damn...

Just read, despite my better judgement, the Joe Fridays column over at Newsarama, where the EIC of Marvel answers questions.

Obviously, the first big question was "Just how planned out WAS Captain America dying right after Civil War?" The answer hit me with a double whammy. Because it has just been assumed by a good deal of the comic-reading community that Cap's death was planned as a consequence of Civil War all this time and that it was a metaphor for how by sacrificing our freedoms for safety, we are killing America.

One small problem: Marvel Editorial can't plan their way out of a wet sack - and Joe Quesada admits as much.


If memory serves, we were all pretty much convinced that this was going to happen, the debate then rages over two things: should it happen in Civil War itself as opposed to Captain America and who should the assassin be?

At one point, it was to be Miriam Sharpe (the mom whose Victim's Rights group started this whole mess) who in a fit of anger was to shoot Cap right after he puts his hands up to be handcuffed but we eventually worked beyond that idea and decided that Cap’s death should come later as a byproduct of Civil War and should happen in his own book. This was also important because we felt that the entirety of Civil War would have been dwarfed by this event. Civil War would have gone down as the Cap death story when that wasn’t the thrust of it or the allegory behind it.


Yes. Because the death of The American Dream should not have overpowered the allegory of Civil War.

...

Wait - what was the allegory of Civil War again?

Looking To The Stars - On Weddings and Webbing

Long have I said that there is little at Marvel worth reading. This week, I figured out the overlying problem.

There’s no sense of hope, anymore.

Let me be clear upon this point; I believe that the reason most of us read superhero comic books is because of the sense of hope they embody. Because no matter how gaudy the costume or fantastic the powers, the great abiding common ground between all superheroes is that they exist to inspire us. To see ourselves as we wish we were, not with super powers but as truly good people.

It may be a little corny to say so but I know plenty of people who live by the examples they were given in comics. I know soldiers who learned their love of country and bravery from Captain America. I know a cop who honed his detective skills reading Batman. Heck, I even once went to school with a girl whose library career was indirectly inspired by Batgirl.

With this premise in mind, let us consider a recent interview by Marvel Editor In-Chief Joe Quesada. In said interview, Joe talked about “the problem with Mary Jane Watson” and how it is his opinion (and, for that matter, the opinion of Marvel editorial for most of the last 20 years) that the Peter Parker/Mary Jane wedding was a mistake.

Most of the history is recanted in the above article, but in short the only reason the wedding ever took place was allegedly because Stan Lee was going to marry the two lovebirds off in the daily Spider-Man newspaper comic, which he still wrote at that time. Not wanting the comic books of the day to clash with the stories of the comic strip, Marvel editorial kicked into overdrive to get the two love-birds together in the comics. This was something of a challenge as not only were the two not dating in the comics at that time – MJ wasn’t even living in New York!

There is a general consensus among some Spider-Fans and most of the people running Marvel since about 1990 that the wedding was something of a mistake. They believe that since Spider-Man was created as a teen character and continues to be a “hook” for that audience. They argue that the marriage instantly aged Peter, making his character inaccessible to younger readers. They also argue that the soap opera dynamic, which depended on Peter trying (and failing) to win the attention of some girl or another, would be completely lost with a married hero.

Of course the people who believe this have an interesting Catch-22 now. They can’t have the marriage end in divorce. Having either character have an affair would be unthinkable. Even if it were a no-fault situation, a divorce would still make Peter seem “old” to the young readers. And Peter can’t be a widower. They tried that right before JMS took over Amazing Spider-Man and the fan outcry then proved that the majority actually like having MJ around, whether Joey Q likes it or not.

And that brings us back to my point and my response to Mr. Joe Quesada. You say that Mary Jane is an albatross. That Peter became Billy Joel; the backstreets guy who married an uptown girl. That Peter has lost his everyman edge and is no longer a relatable character.

I say bollocks to that!

For most of my childhood, Peter was my favorite character. This was back in the days when my librarian mother kept me away from comic books and other “low” literature. All I knew of Peter was from those comic strips Stan Lee wrote and the Spiderfriends cartoon. And you know what? I didn’t have any trouble relating to a married superhero in what we will charitably call my innocent years.

You see Mary Jane as an anchor dragging Peter down. I see her as a beacon of hope to Everymen everywhere.

There are a lot of us out there who relate to Peter. We are the every-day, ordinary people who don’t get the hot dates or the good jobs or the big breaks. But that doesn’t get them down. They are still good persons who try and make the world a better place in whatever small way they can because it is the right thing to do. They don’t expect any reward save whatever karma may grant them.

Mary Jane is Peter’s good karma reward.

Yes, his aunt is always sick. Yes, he has a crummy job. Yes, he is pushed around by arrogant professors. Yes, he can’t quite get his thesis finished. And yes, until recently, he was a wanted outlaw who had about as much respect in the professional superhero community as Long John Silver’s parrot did from the crew of the Hispaniola. He’s not that good looking. He’s not all that charming. About the only thing he has going for him is his brains and his sweet nature.

And yet, despite all of this... in spite of every single bad hand that life has dealt him... he wins the heart of this woman. This smart, funny and drop dead GORGEOUS woman. Not because he is popular. Not because he is a superhero. But simply because she sees the good man underneath all the flaws and she loves him for that.

I don’t mean to objectify Mary Jane or any woman with this observation. I just want to make the point that in a way, Peter’s marriage gives hope to the rest of us ordinary guys. The guys who don’t want a supermodel but are hoping for a woman who will love them for who they are, minus any flashy clothes, fat wallet or fast cars.

Tune in next week. Same Matt time. Same Matt website.

Sign the "Remove Judd Winick From Green Arrow Right Now!" petition.

NYX #1 - A Review

Written by: Joe Quesada
Penciled by: Joshua Middleton
Inked by: Beaulieu
Colored by: Cadenhead
Lettered by: Elipoulous
Editor: Cebulski
Publisher: Marvel Comics


*cue sad saxophone music*

I wake up in a daze at my desk, the empty glass the first thing I see as my eyes shift into focus. I should take it as an omen of the day to come. That, and a grim reminder that optimist or pessimist, it doesn’t matter when your glass is all empty or not full. Despite my better judgment, I pull myself up. I’m a comic book critic and a damn good honest one. Sadly, only in a better world do good and honest equal rich and my work doesn’t pay the Bills.

The morning mail brings bad news, the one thing that travels faster than light and is more common than stupidity in our universe. The Bills demand attention, specifically Bill my landlord and Bill my accountant. And then there’s the letter about a job. Guy named Daron Dol wants me to look into a new case. Name of NYX. I’d heard a little buzz about the book on the streets, but hadn’t heard much. Then again, books with X in the title are a dime a dozen. At least, they are if you know the right comic shops to browse the bargain bins at. After throwing on my face and my trusty ol’ trenchcoat, I hit the streets aiming for the local comic store.

The store was typical for its ilk. Stained carpet covered the floor and the room was thick with the smell of dust and sweat. The cause of the later stood all about me, salivating over the latest bits of paper and ink that would feed their respective addictions. I bellied up to the counter and nodded to Chris, a comic slinger who I could usually count on for an honest tip.

“NYX, Chris. Heard anything?” Chris looked nervous. Of course he always looked vaguely nervous, like the deer as the headlights bear down on him. He paused, like he was carefully considering his words, before speaking.

“Is about mutant teenagers, Mister Morrison. In New York City.”

“Oh, you’ve gotta have more than that, Chris. There’s a ton of books about that. Didn’t they just start a New Mutants title for that kind of thing? What makes this one so special?”

Chris was beginning his trademarked pause when a gaming grunt from the far end of the counter called for help at the dice display. Seeing an out, Chris ran with it and I found myself alone again, no more the wiser than when I had come in. Knowing future conversation would prove unproductive, I moved to the comic wall.

It took me a few minutes to find a copy of NYX. A cursory glance at the wall showed nothing new in the N-section. Playing a hunch, I looked up to the top two shelves- home to the “adult” comics. Everything that didn’t meet “The Code” or got one of Marvel’s nice new PSR+ ratings. And there it was. Just to the left of the new Punisher book. It took me a minute to pull the book down.

I look at the cover and wince. Meaningless cheesecake of what appears to be an illegal minor and badly drawn in that anime style that is so popular. Still, there is one sign of hope- I see the name Quesada and rejoice. Joey Q- a wonderful artist, whose work on Daredevil helped to revolutionize a sagging company. Then I realize that Quesada is the first name- the space usually reserved for the writer. I open the book and flip through it, looking for a title page.

Joey Q is indeed the writer. And some patsy named Middleton is the artist. I should take it as a warning sign that nobody else got their first names put on the title page, like they were hoping to avoid attention… or the egos of the higher-ups demanded they go by just their surnames. I note that Middleton’s name comes first here- a clear sign of their priorities in promoting this book.

The story centers on a dame named Kiden, who ain’t much of a kid. The plot is nothing special… girl goes wrong after cop father dies, the subject of a hundred after-school specials. As I read on, I see why this book is on the top shelf. Junior-high girls doing drugs while sitting on the toilet. Petty theft of cigarettes. Sneaking into nightclubs and staying out all night. I double check the cover again to confirm that this is indeed a Marvel comic and not an offering from Avatar Press.

I’m not so far gone from my own high school days to see the truth in this book. Lord knows girls like Kiden are a lot more common than they should be. Still, I think to myself, who are they trying to reach with this book? The older comics-reading crowd will be lost or turned off by such a frank portrayal of modern teenage life. The rating will keep most of the kids who could use a cautionary tale against this kind of behavior away from it- most comic stores are all too responsible about selling books like this to minors. And as for the mutant angle promised by the X in the name, well… it’s limited to two pages at the end where it looked like Kiden’s mutant powers kicked in while fighting a bully, so the Marvel zombies and X-Fans are likely to be disappointed.

It’s a shame, I think as I put the book back on the shelf. Someone who could make a good, realistic book about a teenage girl with superpowers could clean up. Shame all the books being written in this genre are being written for PSR Plus crowds- books like Emma Frost which could be so good for getting a young lady interested in comics if it weren’t for a few panels here and there and a cover that has no purpose over than to serve as cheap titillation for overgrown adolescents.

I move back to the counter, thinking I can confront Chris again. The customers are gone for the moment, so there’s nothing to stop me from getting some answers from him.

“Alright, Chris. What’s the deal with NYX? It’s a book for teens that no teenager can read. It’s a mutant book with no mutant powers until the last page where she freezes time?”

“She does not freeze time, Mister Morrison.”

“She doesn’t?”

“No, Mister Morrison. That is her Ecstasy kicking in.”

“Wait… so her only power is super-strength or something?”

“As far as I know, Mister Morrison.”

“Well, that sucks! I mean, how many super-strong women are their already? I mean, stopping time is an original power at least. Heck, Marvel could use a few more superspeedsters if that’s her power…”

“I think you should be quiet, Mister Morrison.”

“No really! The visual storytelling on this book is awful! And another thing…”

I’m so busy ranting I don’t hear the Marvel Zombies behind me. On the bright side, I’m so high on adrenaline and fan boy rage, I barely feel the billyclub hit the back of my neck as I sink into dreamland.

When I come to, I have a headache again… but not the good kind you get after a night with a St. Paulie girl and her eleven sisters. I haven’t hurt like this since the Kurtz debacle at the Dallas ComicCon. As I dust myself off and pull myself from the comic shop dumpster, I reflect that what I really need right now is a hot shower, a warm woman and a cold drink. And I know where I can get at least two of the three…